“I know. I know. And now we’re paying for it.”
I checked the digital clock on the dashboard. A flurry of anxiety rushed through me. “I’m sorry, Michael. I know you’re hurting and confused, but I really need to get back. Are you coming?”
“I don’t know. Probably not.”
I reached over and gave him a hug. “You’ll be fine. Call me if you need to talk some more. You know I’m here for you.”
He tried to smile. “Okay, thanks.” He pulled the door open and got out. I watched as he walked to his car, head hung, and barely moving fast enough to get anywhere.
I rushed back to the house and momentarily forgot my own drama. Until I opened the back door and saw Sam.
“I put the cake on the stove like you asked.”
I put my keys down and went to the sink to wash my hands. “Thanks.”
He went to the table and picked up the hummus. “Hummus?”
“Yeah, I can’t believe I forgot it.”
“What exactly does hummus taste like?”
I shrugged. “You know, it has a taste all of its own.”
I grabbed the group of carrots with their skin still on and began scraping them down. He walked closer to me.
“Sarah, can we talk now?”
My lip throbbed from my bottom teeth boring into it. “Uh, sure. If you want.”
I’d settled in my mind to ask him for time. There was no way I could give him an answer right away. I had so much to think of. Would he want me to move back to Charleston? Would Rose miss Aunt Heidi and the life we knew here? Wouldn’t I? What about my friends? Maggie? Michael? Liz, and now Rick? Carter?
“I’m going to ask Jo-Ann to marry me.”
The carrot I was shaving slipped and the peeler nicked my finger. I grabbed it and sucked it.
He took my hand and held it tight. “Oh, Sarah. You cut yourself.”
I took my hand back. “I’m fine.” A little mangled on the inside, fighting to collect oxygen in my lungs, as they feel as though they’re collapsing and my blood is clotting. But I’m fine. Really. Jo-Ann? Was she still in the picture? I thought she’d moved on. Didn’t she hate little children? Kicked kittens? He wanted to marry her?! I did suck. I might’ve second-guessed that at one time, but now…it was truly a fact.
“I wanted to tell you first.”
I walked away. Not knowing where I was headed, I went for the fridge. My vision was zeroing down to a black hole. I began to hear things echo in the room. This was my last chance. Sam Turner. Why didn’t he see this? We were linked. Neither of us had something better. Consolation prizes with bows on our head. And now this? He wasn’t mine anymore? I wasn’t his?
“Sarah, are you okay? I thought you could help me tell Sophie. Jo-Ann is actually flying into Denver later today, and I was hoping you could watch Soph while I spent the rest of the week with Jo-Ann. Maybe take her skiing. I could be back by Sunday. Sophie loves staying here with you and Rose. Nothing would change once I’m married. She could still come in the summer, and Rose could join us for winter break. Jo-Ann is going to love her. I’ve shown her pictures. She thinks she’s adorable.”
Adorable? Rose would have a stepmother? Are you kidding me? We just found her a dad and now a stepmother comes with him? Oh, how my life truly sucked. The room spun. His voice sounded as though it pounded through a loud speaker. Why weren’t the girls coming, alarmed by all the noise? My beans would never get cooked. The stuffing would suffer now. Thanks to this curveball. Thanksgiving was ruined. I turned around slowly. “Okay.”
“Okay what?”
“Okay. I’ll watch Sophie.”
“What about me asking Jo-Ann? Do you think she’ll be okay with it? We’ve been on our own for so long, but she likes her all right. They don’t do much together.” He shrugged. “But they could. You know, Jo-Ann doesn’t have children, so she’s a little in the dark with what to do with one. But I’m sure she’ll warm up to Sophie.”
“I think you should wait till after dinner to tell her.”
“So you think she’ll take it badly?”
“I think she’s not going to take it the way you’d like her to.”
His head hung. “I know. You’re right. It’s going to be difficult. Sophie finds five million things to have to do when Jo-Ann comes over.”
“It’s like you said. Just start doing more things together. Include Sophie and have Jo-Ann know what she likes to do. It’ll work its course.” I could hear my voice and know what I was saying, but inside I was on autopilot. And to think I was worried with what I’d say when he asked me back. Ha!
He gathered the carrot skins from the sink and threw them in the trash. I wrapped my finger in a paper towel and began to chop the carrots, putting them in a pot to boil. I felt his eyes on me. I think we both wanted to say more but we moved about, ignoring everything going on in our heads.
Worst Thanksgiving ever. Maggie finally showed. She was dressed at least, but only ate two bites of my overcooked turkey and scratched around at her vegetables. I felt her pain. Liz ate thirds of everything. Rick hummed throughout the whole thing. Sam ate, completely unaffected. Rose and Sophie giggled at the hummus. And Michael was a no-show. Cut off my left pinky now. It was horrid.
“That was amazing, Sarah. Thanks for having us.” Sam finished wiping his mouth and smiled at me. I imagined throwing sweet potato pudding in his eyes before smiling back at him. Hey, I needed inspiration for that delusional smile.
“You’re welcome.”
“Yeah, thanks, Sarah. I’m not sure about the hummus, but I’ll take whatever you’re going to throw out. I get hungry come nine o’clock at night.”
“Trust her. The other night I had to go and get her a Big Mac from the city.”
She hit his arm. “You said it was your pleasure to do it.”
“It was, it was.”
She leaned over and kissed him. At least someone was getting some love. I never would have imagined it would have been Liz. Lust, yes. But love while a baby was on the way? Figures.
“I’m hitting the road, sweets.” Maggie pushed her chair out and belched in her hand. I had a feeling she enjoyed the wine most of all.
“Leaving already?”
“Yeah. Mom wants me to come over and taste a new recipe she tried. She said Charlie has enjoyed playing with her new puppy today. I hope I can get him to come home with me.” I figured Maggie didn’t want him around to see her like this and conveniently let her mother watch him.
“Good for her.”
“We’ll see about that.”
“Well, drive safely. Are you sure you’re good to drive?”
“Right as rain.” She gave me a wink.
“Call me later,” I said as she gathered her coat to leave.
After Maggie left, Liz lay on the sofa and let Rick massage her feet. I tried my best not to chip the dinnerware by rushing it to the sink to wash away the evidence of the crappiest meal yet. Sam asked to see Sophie alone in my room and Rose stayed with me and threw away napkins and poured out drinks. When Sam came out, he had his suitcase in hand and Sophie was glassy-eyed. I rushed to her and squeezed her hard. We shared the same pain. Or did we? As much as I wanted this obvious family to be glued by ceremonial bliss, I knew in my heart it was a long shot at best. I guess I was scared before because it wasn’t a clear-cut answer for me to give Sam. Had he asked. Now he was off to Jo-Ann. He knelt beside me as I embraced Sophie.
“Sophie, I’ll be back in a few days.” He rubbed her hair.
She looked over at him. “Leave me here, Daddy. I want to live with Sarah…I mean Mom. She’s my mother, not Jo-Ann.”
“Jo-Ann isn’t trying to be your mother. She makes me happy, pumpkin. I want us all to be happy. I know we can. We’ll do all sorts of things…travel, go on that camping trip you’re always asking to go on.”
“She hates camping, Daddy. She said so.”
He pulled her in front of him—away from my grasp. Looking her square in the eye, he told her, “Sophia Jane Tu
rner, you are always first in my life. Don’t forget that. Nothing is going to change that. Jo-Ann is only going to add to our lives.”
She pushed him away and buried her head in my neck. Worst Thanksgiving ever echoed in my mind.
Two days. It took two days for Sophie to stop obsessing over the fact Sam was going to ask Jo-Ann to marry him. We decided to go shopping Saturday and get some gifts. Sophie focused on some of her friends at home. I had her make a list. She included her favorite teachers and one librarian. Rose wanted to buy something for Sam and Carter, and of course Aunt Heidi and Uncle Pete. Friends didn’t carry much weight in kindergarten.
The stores were still brimming with Black Friday shoppers who hadn’t got enough the previous day. A little less suspense was going on with the doorbuster sales. The associates kept the signs up for all to share. And I think they were just too exhausted to take them down. Sophie found a treasure at Bath and Body Works. She and Rose smelled each fragrance they had and picked their top five for teachers and friends’ mothers. We had to move on to Brookstone for the guys in their lives. Sophie was still too hurt by her father to find him something. Given time, I’m sure she would get through her grief of losing him to another person. I can’t imagine what I would’ve done at that age. Although I wanted my dad to be happy, when it came down to it, I might feel the same pangs of jealousy Sophie was showing.
“Okay, I think everyone is going to be so happy with their gifts,” I said, holding most of the bags while the girls skipped beside me.
“Can we get something to eat, Mom?” Sophie said.
It still caught me off guard to hear her call me that.
“Sure. What would you like?”
She stopped prancing and put her fingers on her lips. “Hmm…let’s see. How about a good steak and potato?”
Yep, she was Sam’s kid. That was his favorite meal. Rose and I were more chicken and rice girls.
“Okay.” I looked around. We were standing in one of Denver’s biggest malls, yet nothing made me think of a restaurant that had a sit-down place.
“Why don’t we head home and I’ll take you to Caleb’s Bistro?”
“Mommy!” declared Rose. “That’s expensive. Aunt Heidi told me only rich people eat there. You have to have more money than the president to eat there.”
“Oh please. Rose, it’s just a restaurant.”
“Why don’t we ever go, then?”
“Well, because we don’t always have something to celebrate. We do tonight.”
“What are we celebrating?”
I looked at Sophie. “We’re celebrating spending Sophie’s last night with us. And in three weeks, you’ll be going to stay with her.”
Sophie clapped her hands. “And I’ll make Daddy take us somewhere special then.” She scrunched her cute little nose. “I just wish you were coming, too, Mom.”
“Well, I’ll be there in spirit. Now let’s go so we can get a table. It’s Saturday and they might be busy.”
Boy, were they ever. There was a loud crowd in the back that made it difficult for me to give the hostess how many was in my party. She leaned in and asked me to repeat myself.
“I can seat you now. It’s in the back next to the kitchen, but it beats waiting thirty minutes to sit up close to the window.”
Sophie was bouncing up and down with praying hands. “Let’s eat in the back. I’m starving.”
“Yeah, I can’t wait. I want that steak, Mommy.”
“Okay, the back it is.”
She grabbed three menus and guided us back. She leaned in to say something. “They won’t be much longer. They’ve been here over two hours.”
“Oh, okay. It’s not like I’m here with a date. I don’t mind the noise.”
“They’ve calmed down a bit. You should’ve heard them earlier. I heard from one of the waitresses that it’s an engagement dinner.”
“How great.” I tried not to sound snarky.
She handed me my menu as the girls and I settled into our leather chairs. The linen cloth on the table cascaded to my knees. There was a perfect red rose in a bud vase, sitting next to a votive candle. I suppose if I was going to get engaged, I’d have the party here, too.
“Mommy, there’s Carter!” Rose pointed and then grabbed her mouth. “He’s with people I don’t know. Who are they, Mommy?”
I ducked before he could see me. With my chin resting on the starched cloth, I told Rose to quiet down. “I don’t want to interrupt them, sweetie. Let’s try to not let him see us, okay?”
“But why, Mommy? He didn’t come to Thanksgiving. Where was he?”
I knelt on the ground and shimmied around the table to the other empty chair, facing the opposite side of the restaurant. Who could honestly tell who I was from the back of my head? It was brown, for Pete’s sake.
“He was busy, I told you. Now let’s not attract attention and pretend we’re ladybugs at a tea party. Little tiny ladybugs.”
The waitress appeared and asked us for our drink order.
“I think they’ll have two Shirley Temples and I’ll have a sweet tea.” I smiled and winked at my little ladies. My neck was killing me as I sat hunchbacked. I tried to get Rose to stare at the paper I handed her to draw on. If I could just keep her quiet, looking down, and posing no threat to be seen, Carter would never know we were there.
Wait, did the hostess say engagement party? I turned my head the slightest to see what was going on. There he sat, his arm around Mitzy. She was lit like a Glo-worm. How I wouldn’t love to squeeze her till a song came out. Or something else.
I spied again, looking past my open menu. He looked so happy. So content. All those strange people surrounded him and he looked at ease. And so there was that. A second book closed. Was he really asking her to marry him? Did they know each other that long? Okay, so probably three years at least. She’s been in her position that long, and Carter’s been working for the county that long. Are you serious? Really? He just got over Paige. Okay, focus. It’s no big deal. So what? The family seems nice. There must’ve been fifteen people, all of them sensibly dressed. No one was picking their teeth with straws and belching out “For He’s A Jolly Good Fellow.” And it’s not like he’ll forget about Rose.
Yes, Rose. The girl who never listens to ladybug instructions. Instead of being a tiny little one, not barely seen, her patience got the best of her and she flailed her arms. “Carter!”
I pushed them down. “Are you crazy, Rose? What do you think you’re doing?”
“He’s leaving, Mommy. I want to say hello.”
I scrunched into my skin as low as I could possibly go. It didn’t take long for him to make it to our table.
“Hey, guys!”
I twisted my mouth, trying to force a genuine smile. Maybe it looked less awkward than it felt. “Hey.”
He gave Rose a high five and waved at Sophie.
“This is my sister, Carter.”
Sophie grinned. “Hello.”
“Rose’s sister?”
He looked at me.
“Yep. We’re out on the town tonight. Sophie is looking for a steak.”
He glanced at the party he’d just left. They seemed to be breaking apart. A few had moseyed past our table and patted him on the back. I’d like to pat him, but not on the back. How dare he not tell me first about Mitzy? Then again, why should he? Why did Sam? Yes, please…everyone who is going to marry someone else, please tell me first. I’m keeping a headcount over here.
“Is Sam here?”
“Not here, here. He’s in Colorado. He’s leaving tomorrow with Sophie to go back home.”
“But we’re coming back,” she started to say.
“I see.”
I wouldn’t look at him. How dare he do whatever he’d been doing.
“Well, I best get going. It was good to see you all.”
Rose jumped up and gave him a hug. He left to go join the others in his group. I was distracted with giving our order to the waitress and missed him leavi
ng with Mitzy.
I barely enjoyed my steak. Sophie devoured hers. Rose ate with good manners; however, I could see it wasn’t her favorite. She did love the chocolate cake I got for them to split. I ate one by myself. No halvsies for me. I deserved the whole thing, truth be told. This year couldn’t come to a screeching end fast enough. One more month to go. I’d already begun working on my resolutions—join a convent one that took children. Rose and I would benefit greatly from solitude and absence of men. Well, I would. Rose still had a lifetime to deal with the opposite sex.
Sophie returned home to Charleston and Rose was noticeably down. She’d been moping the whole week. “Say, would you like to go and get the tree tonight?”
“The Christmas tree?”
“The one and only,” I answered, rinsing the last dish in the sink.
“Yes, yes, yes.” She hopped around the kitchen.
Finally I had some excitement from this little girl. Sam had called when Sophie got back and asked whether Rose could come the week before Christmas. And so the evidence of sharing my daughter had begun. Visitations. Evil visitations. Good for her, ugly for me. Especially when she was my life. I figured we needed to get everything done now before she left. She’d return home Christmas Eve.
“Okay,” I said, pulling into Miller’s Park. “Let’s do some ice skating first, what do you say?”
Miller’s Park was tradition. Hot chocolate, music, and a frozen lake. We’ve been going since Rose was three years old. Last year was the first year she put on skates. She was actually pretty good. I was hit or miss, clinging to the sides and praying I didn’t leave in a cast.
“Hey Mom, isn’t that June and her daddy?”
I looked and sure enough it was. He was lacing up his skates and June was waiting. I took Rose’s hand and led her to the shack to get our skates. Before I could hold tighter, she slipped from me and went running for our neighbors. I grabbed our skates from the attendant and went to where they were.
“Hey, guys.”
Alex looked up. “Hi. How’ve you been?”
Like you want to know. He hadn’t been over to the house since before Thanksgiving. I know the brush-off when I feel the bristles.
Falling For Sarah (Sarah Series Book 3) Page 15