“Oh, we’ve been good. I see you found Miller’s.”
“Yeah, Dean at the market told me about it. We had some time to kill before music lessons.”
No, I didn’t want to go. Just bring June. Ice skating has always been considered more fun with no one else. Especially people with whom you’ve tasted their tastebuds. No, please go with yourselves. I’m surprised he even found it. GPS barely knows the turns to get there.
“Yep, it’s a place Rose and I come each year.”
June was helping Rose finish lacing her shoes. I watched as she took Rose’s hand and began to scoot around in front of where we stood. I brushed off my butt from the wooden bench and tried to get my skate legs as I stepped onto the pond. Alex began wobbling and held tight to me. I steadied myself by holding onto the makeshift rail someone had generously erected for first-timers.
“Are you a newbie?” I asked. “Because I’m not that good that I can drag you around. We’ll both go down.”
His feet twisted and he went down, pulling me down with him. He threw up his arms and laughed hysterically. I crawled to get up on my knees, using him for stability.
“Hey, no fair,” he said.
The girls skated up to us, laughing. Alex held out his hand and let June stand him up. “Dad, maybe you should sit this one out. I don’t drive yet, if anything happens to your legs.”
“Yeah, yeah. I hear you. I’ll be fine.”
I cautiously took his arm and began scooching up the lake. People whizzed by us. His legs made short strides and I hoped we wouldn’t go down again.
“Sarah, I’m sorry I haven’t been over or asked you over to dinner.”
“No worries. It’s Christmas. I’m busy—you’re probably busy. No big deal.” I played it off.
He stretched out his arm to offer better balance. “No, I need to explain myself.”
“Really, Alex. It’s no big deal.” I made short advances with my skates and second-guessed my hype about even coming here at this moment.
“I’ve been talking to Sasha.”
“That’s good.” Really, God? Don’t keep me in suspense. He’s getting back with her, just say it. Whisper it in my ear. Just get it over with. This would go down as the year everyone had someone but me. The convent was looking pretty good right now.
I saw June holding on to Rose and cutting across the lake.
Alex made it to the makeshift handrail on the side. He stood wobbly and continued his excuse for his kiss-and-run. I assumed it just didn’t meet his qualifications. I’d replayed it in my head a few times, wondering what it was that stopped everything after that night. He did kiss me three times, after all. Maybe they were to see whether I could improve.
“I think she’s coming here for Christmas. She’s been saying things like she misses June and wants to see her. She got sad when I texted her a picture of June in her homecoming dress.” He shrugged. “Who knows? Maybe it stirred her maternal hormones. Little else has.”
“That’s wonderful for June.”
“How are you still single?” He shook his head and stared at me.
“That’s the million-dollar question.”
“No, I’m serious. You’re great.”
I smiled. “That’s kind of you to say.”
“I’ll tell you a secret.”
“Okay.”
He leaned in. “I’ve had to stop myself a few times from coming over to your house.”
“Stopped yourself?”
He nodded. “I’m not sure I could trust myself to be alone with you.”
“Hmm… And here I thought I was a bad kisser.”
He drew back in disbelief. “Is that what you thought? That the kiss wasn’t good?”
“Yeah. I mean, after it happened, we ate dinner a few times and it was a cool, gentle breeze coming from your direction.”
“I just needed to keep my brain engaged. I knew I could take that kiss and push it quite easily.”
That sounded nice.
“But I knew if I did…and you were agreeable…what Sasha and I have, or had, could never be repaired. Not that I don’t think she’s done her share of whatever in California. It’s an industry that lends itself to infidelity, but I couldn’t move forward with her having done anything with you. And I wasn’t for certain we were really through. Does any of this make sense?”
“I understand.” I could tell he was trying his best to be honest with me, and honorable to his marriage.
“I hope so, because you’re an amazing woman, Sarah. And I’ll probably kick myself for not pursuing you.”
“I doubt it.”
A thin smile showed up on his face.
“Look, there’s June and Rose. They’re doing so well.”
“Yeah, they are.”
“Rose has been so lonely lately.”
“I’m happy to report that since visiting my mom and Sasha’s calls coming more regularly, June has really embraced her cello.”
“Alex, that’s great to hear. And I noticed she’s laid off the black makeup. I saw her in the hall with Dean a couple days ago. It sounds like things are looking up for her.”
Alex and I finally gave up the ghost of trying to skate and changed into our substantially safe shoes after an almost wipe-out again. I checked my watch and saw we had thirty minutes until the tree lot closed. I waited until Rose could see me and began waving for her to come in for a landing.
“I think she saw you that time,” he said.
“Yeah, I think so, too. It’s almost time for the tree lot to close. We’re getting ours tonight.”
“Sounds fun.”
“Say, would you like to come along? Have you gotten yours yet?”
“Um,” he stammered. “We’re actually waiting for Sasha to come home to pick one out.”
“Oh. Well, that sounds great.” Just twist that knife a little more. Not really. I needed to get a little happier for these fortunate couples. Maybe I was intended to just die single. Maybe it was a gene you inherited. The die-lonely gene.
“Pick a good one. And leave one for me.”
“You bet.” I took Rose’s hand and tried to beat the clock to get to the tree lot.
“Rose, come on. Just pick one. I’m sure they want to close up. It’s late and I’m freezing.”
Rose was going down each aisle of trees, touching their branches and questioning which was the best—which one would be the lucky one to live in our house for the next few weeks. I was freezing my tush off, waiting to find the smallest one so I could hoist it to my car without injuries. Depending on the year and make of my vehicle, my Christmas tree memories have been chartable.
“Remember, not too large. Mommy can’t saw branches and fight it at the door.”
“Yeah, I remember that year I almost took you to urgent care for a branch swatting your eye.”
I turned to find where the familiar voice was coming from. Maggie stepped out of the hundreds of wreaths on the side. She was carrying Charlie, who was laying on her shoulder, almost ready to pass out. His nose was running and his cheeks were flushed.
“Maggie! What a surprise to find you here. Oh, what’s wrong with the little man?” I moved his bangs a little to see his bright eyes, now almost shut.
She hoisted him higher on her hip. “I think he’s coming down with something. He’s been like this all day.”
“Well, I don’t think you can carry him and a tree.” I reached out to take him off her hands.
She heaved and straightened herself, fixing the belt on her coat. “Thanks, I needed that breather.”
“Rose,” I shouted. I could see her talking to someone at the end of the aisle, yet their face was hidden by the trees.
“Oh, she’s probably talking to Michael.”
“Michael?” I tried to control my hand-over-mouth gasp. “You and Michael are Christmas tree shopping? This is…is progress?”
She rolled her eyes. “Yeah.”
“Was that a ‘yeah’ as in can I believe it, or a ‘yea
h,’ what do I think?”
She flipped the hair that was streaming in her eyes. A decompression of air seemed to deflate her as her perfect posture melted into a shoulder shrug. “I’m not sure. I’m tired, Charlie’s tired, he came over, we talked a little bit, then here we are.”
“Talked, as in talked?” I lowered my voice, as if a three-year-old could know what my conversation implied. “As in talk of reconciliation?”
Just then, I saw Rose fly into the air. Michael tossed her up and she was giggling.
“Talked as in what are we going to do now kind of talk.”
“You still?” I pointed to her stomach.
“Still? It’s not the cold, Sarah. I didn’t take a decongestant and it’s gone for now.” She looked down. “I’m sorry. Don’t pay any mind to me. I’m hormonal.”
“It’s okay.” I snuggled Charlie and hoped my back would forgive all the tension I was placing on it.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ve lived without Michael for months now, and now this.”
“Is there any part of you that’s excited? Is he?”
They both were when they found out about Charlie. They couldn’t wait and had everyone over from the school and work to celebrate the weekend after the stick turned pink. Their house looked as though it’d just puked blue and pink streamers. I remember sucking on a sucker that was shaped like a binky while the guys smoked cigars around the dining room table. They’d bought a giant giraffe that was now in Charlie’s room, and we toasted our friends and waited eagerly for each and every doctor’s appointment to get word on the progress. This was not the same feeling.
“I want to be. I mean, I feel guilty for not. Do you know I cried for two days? How will I tell him or her I cried?”
“Oh please. You won’t. Why mess them up with useless information like that? Is Michael excited?” He seemed pretty stoked down there with Rose.
“He’s reserved.”
“Have you told Howard?”
Her face said it all. The oversized eyes, the head drop. “Uh, no. Do you honestly think I should knock out his knee caps, then pour salt in his eyes the same week?”
“I don’t know. I was just asking.”
She began to frown and wiped her nose with her finger. “I’ve picked up the phone several times. I just don’t have anything positive to say to him.”
“What do you want to say?”
Michael walked up. “Hey, Sarah.”
“Michael.” I nodded, seeming as neutral as I could. I wasn’t sure what camp to stand in. Maggie was noticeably confused about everything, so I couldn’t outright shun him at this point. But she wasn’t overflowing with joy, so I couldn’t appear excited.
“I think Rose found the winner.”
“And have you found our winner, Michael? I’ve been standing out here with a sick kid, waiting for you to make up your mind.”
“Maggie, I told you the one I wanted. You walked off.”
“Because it was too skinny, Michael. One strand of lights and the thing would be decorated. We always buy the eight-foot trees.”
“Fine. We’ll buy the eight-foot tree.” His jaw clenched after saying it.
I watched Rose cower between the two. “Rose, which one did you pick for us? Hopefully nothing I need a crane for to get in the front door.”
She clasped her hands and took two skips down the path. She turned to see that I was following. We got two rows over and she presented it as though it were the puzzle daily double on a game show.
“Wow.” I walked closer, studying the size, the diameter, the limbs at the bottom I’d have to cut. This was a couple hour job before it even made it inside the house, probably. Barring I didn’t lose one of my own limbs with Dad’s rusty hacksaw in the shed out back.
“Honey, this seems a bit—”
“We already got it.”
I turned to Michael. “What?”
He looked at Maggie, mouthing something I couldn’t read lips for.
“It’s a gift…to Rose. From me and Maggie.”
I turned to Maggie, my right shoulder now completely dead by Charlie’s weight. “Maggie, no.”
“His choice.”
He leaned in. “I wanted to do it because she was talking about Sam so much. Said he’d have it tied to the car in no time, whereas you’d probably take forever.”
My mouth flung open.
“No, no, Sarah. Don’t take it like that. She’s just saying how she wishes her dad was here to help. She knows what a struggle it is. And she was looking for a tiny tree…one she didn’t like, so you could get it in the house.”
“Yet you didn’t listen and paid for this mammoth.” I held out my hand.
“I told her I’d help. If you don’t mind.” He looked at me, then Maggie. “I can get whatever one you want in the house, then go and help Sarah and Rose.”
Maggie’s deadpan look was all it took. I answered for her. “Nonsense. You all just do yours, and I can manage this one.”
I handed Charlie over to Maggie and whispered in her ear. “I will kill Michael later for this.”
“No, let him help you, Sarah. You can’t get that thing in your house alone.”
“I’ll ask Alex.”
Rose jumped up and down. The pink balls on her coat swung. “Mommy, remember? Him and June aren’t home. She’s at her music school.”
I rolled my eyes. Since June was back to earth from wherever she’d been in her black garb, Alex was taking her to classes in the city. They normally didn’t make it home until late. Not that I sat on the sofa and didn’t announce their returns in my head, around nine every evening this past week.
“Well, we’ll wait till he comes home then.”
“Just let Michael go and help you,” Maggie said. “Tell you the truth, it helps me out. I’ve got some meditating to do once Charlie goes down. I can’t think straight when Michael’s there. He ruins my aura.”
I must’ve looked at her wonky because she shuddered back and said, “What? I like my new quiet time. I can actually have a thought and not have it interrupted by loud television or bickering.”
“Okay.” I half couldn’t believe this was the same woman who bawled daily in the phone to me how her world was crumbling because Michael didn’t live in the same zip code. Now she liked it?
“Well, I’ll probably have it in the house by the time you get yours done, so call first before you waste a trip, Michael.”
I was determined to get this thing untied and in that house without help, no matter whether fingers had to be sacrificed or shoulders and limbs would be injured. Since the summer, Michael had become someone different to me. He wasn’t Maggie’s anymore; oddly, he was someone very alone. And yes, I liked to nurse birds that had broken wings, but I didn’t think Michael’s wing was mine to mend.
“You had to pick this one, didn’t you, Rose? You couldn’t pick the one your mother could possibly shove inside the doorframe? No, you needed to see my hacksaw ability. Know I could still survive on a farm if the need ever arose.”
Rose stood on the front step of the front porch, staring at me. The tops of her mittens were too large to fit fully into her coat pocket. Smoke bellowed out of my mouth as I continued to rant. I hoped and prayed Alex would drive up at any second and push this little baby through the door. I eyed the street every moment, looking for his Mercedes. The sawing echoed in the quiet street.
Michael’s car pulled up and parked on the street. My fingers had stopped burning from the cold and were just stiff. He jumped out and ran toward me.
“You didn’t call. I’ve almost got it finished. Why did you waste a trip?”
“I did call, and yeah, right, you’ve almost got it finished.”
“Well, I would if you wouldn’t have bought the biggest monster in the tree lot.”
He took my saw from me and began manhandling the tree, as it should be.
Rose ran out of the house. “Mommy, your phone! It’s Carter.”
I gasped.
That’s where my phone was…in the house. No wonder…
I ran to the porch to take it from her. She was still gabbing. “No, Carter. Mommy and Michael are trying to bring it in now. It’s so big. It’s like a giant! You should see it. Are you coming over to see it?”
I shook my head and lunged for the phone. She was talking into it like a teenager, pacing back and forth, head jerking back, a few giggles. “Rose, give me the phone please!”
“Well, Mommy wants the phone. She’s not sawing the tree anymore.”
I put the phone to my ear. “Carter?”
“Yeah. Hey, I hear you’re busy. I’ll just talk to you later.”
“Well, why did you call?”
“I have something for you and Rose for Christmas. I’ll be leaving for Mom’s at break and wanted to drop it by.”
I looked as Michael turned the tree over, sizing it to determine whether any more limbs would have to go. “Um, could I…could we stop by, and… Now’s not actually a good time.” Michael infuriated Carter.
“I’ll just give it to you in school.”
“But Rose wants to see you. She got you something.”
“I’ll figure it out. Hey, it sounds like you’ve got a lot going on right now. Let me let you go.”
“Okay. Well, thanks for calling.”
“You bet. Talk to you later.”
He hung up and I tucked the phone back in my pants. Where I thought it was. Where I was going to tell Michael not to come over. Then I surely wouldn’t have this giant pine in my house by Christmas.
“Just a little to the right.” I tried to say it quietly so it didn’t wake Rose. She’d gone to bed thirty minutes ago, after I made her. She could see the tree tomorrow when she woke up. It did, after all, take up half our living room.
“I think it looks great.”
“Yeah, it’s just ginormous.”
He laughed. “Rose picked it. Don’t get on me about the size.”
I sighed. “Well, I’ll decorate it tomorrow. I’m too tired tonight.”
“I’ll help.”
I looked at him. I was sure he didn’t stay and help Maggie. “Rose usually loves putting up the ornaments. She claims to have places assigned to them.”
Falling For Sarah (Sarah Series Book 3) Page 16