Crossroads

by Lori L. Otto

  I kiss her reverently, but her lips don’t linger on mine. I can tell she wants to get away. “Should we put the screen back?”

  “No, let’s just go.” I nod, pulling her toward the alleyway and leading her back to my car. “Where are we going?” she asks.

  “You’ll see.” I open the passenger door for her, telling her she looks pretty as she gets in. I take a few deep breaths on the way to my side of the car. The interior lights come on when I open the door. Her nose is red, and her eyes are puffy. “Have you been crying?”

  She shrugs. “I’m so happy you’re here.”

  “I couldn’t let those kisses be our last,” I tell her. “That’s not how it’s supposed to end.”

  “I know,” she says.

  I start the car, heading south down the street and then turning onto the main thoroughfare that will take me to the secluded hill. Jon had taken me to this hill last summer to look at the stars. It was a great memory, and I’d always wanted to go back to see the night sky again. This time, I’d show the view to Laila, but we’d make a new memory of our own. This would be the last time I’d see the stars from this vantage point, the last time I’d see this hill, and the last time I’d hold my Laila in my arms.

  Not any girl would be okay with this, but she’s not any girl. Nature was a part of her soul, and I was hoping she would feel even more a part of it tonight.

  I drive toward the lights of the mansion on the hill. Last summer, the house was dark; construction hadn’t been completed back then, but over the past year, I’d seen the house many times from the adjacent road. Every time I saw it, I thought of my brother, knowing it was someone’s home that he had helped build.

  “Are we going there?” Laila asks, pointing to the mansion.

  “Not exactly. We’ll drive by there. We’re going a little past it.” I drive slowly up the gravelly road, past the large rock where Jon had parked the car last summer. I want to get far enough away from the house that the people inside don’t bother us, so I park beyond a tree line, just down the hill, off the road and in between two firs. I grab the blankets from the trunk and take her hand in mine.

  The full moon and cloudless night provide just enough light to illuminate a path to a spot on the hill where we can see straight up into the heavens. The view is just as I remember it.

  “It’s lovely here,” she says. “Look, you can see the mountains in the distance.”

  “I know.”

  “Have you been here before?” she asks, watching me as I spread the largest of the two blankets over the neatly trimmed grass.

  “I have. Jon brought me here last summer.” I sit down on one side of the blanket, patting the place next to me, inviting her to have a seat. She joins me, lying on her back and looking up at the stars. Her dress is disheveled, the hemline settling inches above her knee on her upper thigh. She doesn’t bother to adjust it.

  She sets her phone down near her head. I do the same with mine, then lie down next to her on my back. The fingers of my left hand touch the skin exposed by her dress.

  “When Jon and I were up here, we were talking about love. About how girls would break my heart,” I tell her, then laugh.

  “I haven’t, have I?” she asks.

  “No. Not you, Laila.” I lean up to kiss her, but resume my position, looking back up at the moon. “Then he said something else that stuck with me. He said that people risk heartbreak like that because of the chance that someone may evoke feelings of love that could last for a lifetime.”

  “Have I done that?”

  “I think maybe you’ve done that,” I admit to her softly, smiling. “You know, it was in this very spot that my brother convinced me to call you last year. I told him how cool you were. Right on this hill. And he thought I should call you.”

  “I’m glad he did.”

  “Yeah. And I’m glad you agreed to go out with me.”

  “Me, too.”

  I glance over at her, then prop myself up on my elbow until she looks back at me. She moistens her lips, and I take that as my sign to kiss them. She puts her arms around me, but tucks both of her knees up, making it difficult for me to make any other moves. I take my shoes off to get more comfortable.

  My hands can still explore, and I place my right one on her upper thigh, sliding it up toward her torso slowly until I can feel the edge of her soft panties under my fingertips. I tuck my fingers under them and move my hand to her rear, my palm flat against her skin. It helps me to maneuver her body toward mine. Once she's on her side facing me, I can move one of my legs in between hers.

  I slow down at that point as I can feel the tension grow in her muscles. This is new to her; hell, it’s new to us both. I just feel like my body is on autopilot and could zero in on the exact targets and pretty much succeed without much thought from me, but I know that’s not how her body works.

  I reach for the other blanket and cover our bodies with it, providing us with privacy even though it feels like we’re completely alone.

  “I’m gonna take off my jeans. Is that okay?” I ask her. “I’ve still got my boxers on.”

  “Yeah,” she nods. “Go ahead.”

  Even though I just got my leg where I wanted it, I pull it back out and unbutton my pants, squirming out of them quickly and kicking them away from my feet. I run my bare leg up hers, feeling how smooth her skin is. This time, she parts her legs for mine, and lets me return to my previous position.

  “Laila, you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever known,” I tell her, brushing her hair away from her eyes. “In every way.”

  “And you’re going to make it really hard for all the other guys that follow you,” she says to me. I know she means it as a compliment, but it makes me sad to think other guys will be doing this with her. “Hey, you’re the first for a reason,” she whispers, obviously sensing my melancholy. “You’ll always be special, Will. You’ll always be a standout. Don’t forget that.”

  “I have loved every moment with you, Laila. And tonight… this is an honor, Laila. Thank you for this.”

  “Thank you,” she says to me, pulling me back to her for another kiss. After a few minutes, I test the waters by moving my leg against her; back and forth, and back again. She rolls onto her back, opening herself up to me more. I continue the motion, and she starts to move with me as her breathing quickens. I make the quick decision to replace my leg with my hand, tucking it beneath her panties. She gasps once, her eyes opening wide in surprise. I stop for a second, until she puts her hand on mine, moving it with me, allowing me to continue.

  My lips covers hers as she begins to moan and her movements become erratic. Suddenly, she’s nearly screaming into my mouth and pulling my hair as my hand tries to keep up with her rapid motions. My fingers are slick, and curious, discovering new areas of her body. I just want to tear the rest of my clothes off and feel myself inside of her. I want to come with her.

  Foreplay, Will. This is important for her. It’s my turn next.

  “Oh, god, Will,” she breathes heavily on my cheek. “Oh, my god, that was incredible.”

  “Good,” I tell her, kissing her.

  “I’m burning up,” she says.

  “Can I take off your dress?”

  She sits up and does it for me, lifting it over her head and revealing a strapless bra. Her breasts move as her chest heaves with heavy breaths. Her eyes shift wildly between mine and my clothes. She takes my shirt off, too, then pulls me on top of her, her lips hungry for mine. She maneuvers so both of my legs are between hers. She’s making this very easy for me.

  She moves against me, obviously wanting more of what I just gave her. I push my torso off of hers, allowing the cool breeze to blow between our bodies, beneath the blanket. I watch her tongue move across her lips, her eyelids squeeze more tightly shut every few seconds, her brows furrow in obvious frustration as I continue to move over her. With all my weight on one hand, I unfasten her bra and immediately move my mouth toward her breast, remembering how she
liked it yesterday.

  Laila whimpers and starts tugging my hair again. I give equal attention to both sides, but then move my lips further down her body. I take both sides of her underwear in my hands, and before I ask permission, she’s lifting her hips off the ground, allowing me to remove them. I slide them down her thighs, over her knees, and off her ankles.

  I decide to take mine off, too, and when I look up, she’s pulling the condoms out of my wallet.

  “I’m ready,” she says.

  “Okay, then,” I say back to her, surprised, taking the packet from her. “I am, too.”

  “Sitting on Top of the World”

  Staring at the ceiling, I wait to hear my aunt leave for church until I get up to shower. I can’t believe I got away with it. I had the most incredible night of my life last night, and there are no consequences for what we did.

  Things like this don’t happen to me. I can’t wipe the grin off my face. It’s been here permanently since I got home at three in the morning. I’d made sure Laila was safe at home, secured in her bedroom, smiling just as much as I was. Even though we’d officially said goodbye, neither of us could stop smiling. We were both right: it was the perfect ending to our relationship.

  I step into the shower and think back to last night. Everything was easier and better than I’d ever dreamed it would be. I thought there’d be tears, or blood, or encouraging, but there was nothing like that. Laila really was ready and just as aroused as I was. The first time was pretty quick; the build up to that moment was too much for me to contain. I was embarrassed, but she was understanding. We held one another for about an hour and talked about the imminent breakup.

  “It’s been nice going out with you, Will,” she’d said, very business-like. “If you ever need references for future girlfriends, let me know.”

  I started laughing. “Likewise. Your on-the-job training has taken you far–“

  “All the way,” she said, cutting me off.

  We were both giggling by then; it was bittersweet, and when the silence finally settled, I could tell that she felt it, too.

  “Will you tell people about me?” she asked.

  I looked at her. “Do you want me to?”

  “I think so.”

  “How much should I tell?”

  “That I was your first love.”

  “I’d be happy to tell people that. Eventually, someone’s going to ask who my first time was with… what should I say then?”

  “It was with someone that they’ll never live up to.”

  “I can’t say that,” I’d told her, laughing again.

  “You can say it was with your first love.”

  “I’d be happy to tell people that, too. It’s the way it should be, Laila.”

  “You’re right.”

  “What about me? What will you tell people about me?”

  “I’ll tell them you were the kindest, smartest, cutest, most caring fifteen-year-old boy I’d ever met… who turned into the most loyal and loving sixteen-year-old boy I’d ever known.”

  “A part of me wishes I never had to move… but another part of me is grateful that this will always be pure and good, because I’ll always remember it as that. We never fought. We parted on good terms. We’re lucky, in a way. When you think about it, most relationships are doomed from the start.”

  “Technically, this one was, too,” she had said.

  “I’d never call us doomed. I’m so glad we had this time together. I’m so glad I’ve known you. I’m so happy I got to share experiences with you. Like tonight.”

  “Especially tonight,” she’d agreed.

  We’d started kissing, and then things got passionate between us again until we were making love once more. The second time was much better for both of us, I think. Even though I was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to fall asleep under the stars, she leaned over me and continued to kiss me softly for about thirty minutes until she said she needed to get home.

  After the shower–still smiling–I head to the kitchen to find something to eat to quell the insatiable hunger I’ve had since last night. Sex makes a person hungry! I didn’t want to eat in the middle of the night for fear of waking Aunt Patty, so I listened to my stomach growl as I stared, restless, at the ceiling, thinking about Laila. After wanting to sleep so badly on the hillside, I couldn’t sleep once I got home. I think the sneaking around got my adrenaline pumping again.

  I start by eating crackers, which are the first thing I find. Then I remember the key lime pie from Friday night and have two slices of that. I see the pot roast in the refrigerator and look for the note with instructions from my aunt, which I find on the table. She’s peeled four carrots that I’m supposed to add to the main dish before putting it in the oven, but I decide to eat two of them raw instead. To wash everything down, I drink two glasses of milk.

  I finally don’t feel famished, although I still don’t feel sated. I’ll wait until lunch to eat any more. Sitting down at the table, I remember the rest of my conversation with Laila. The smile from earlier dissipates.

  On the ride home, we talked about how it would be going forward.

  “So… can I call you?” I’d asked her. “I’m not sure how this works.”

  “I don’t think so,” she had said.

  I nodded, but didn’t really understand. “Why not?”

  “It’s too confusing. I don’t want to be your friend, Will.”

  “All or nothing,” I finished her sentence for her, because I knew it was coming. We’d said it before. I remembered the conversation. It just hurt in the moment. I had remembered Jon saying sex would bind us together and make it difficult for us to walk away. I’d understood at that moment, and was surprised that Laila had no difficulty with it.

  “I don’t know how to end a phone call without telling you I love you,” she’d explained.

  “I’ve thought the same thing. But I could try.”

  “No. You said it earlier, Will. We never fought. We parted on good terms. This will always be pure and good. We would ruin that if we tried to be friends. One of us would hurt the other. You know it. The second one of us started dating–”

  “I get it.” I had cut her off. “Even though it’ll be a long time before we start dating anyone else, don’t you think?”

  “You never know, Will. You know?”

  “I’m not ready to move on from you yet. I guess that’s what I’m trying to say. I mean, I just want the memory of you to linger for a while longer. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.”

  “Isn’t there?”

  “Is there?” I’d countered. “I guess to each his own, Laila. And you’re right. If we can’t talk, we never have to know where the other stands, or what the other’s doing. I can think your thoughts still linger with me, too. Whether they do or not, it doesn’t really matter.”

  “Right,” she had said softly, but I could sense tension.

  “I’m sorry, Laila. I do get it. I understand, and you’re absolutely right.”

  “Okay.”

  She was quiet until I pulled up down the street from her house. I held her hand as we walked to her window together.

  “Always remember how much I’ve loved you, Laila. And never settle for anything less.” She’d stopped walking and kissed me, tears forming in her eyes one last time.

  “I’ve loved you, too, Will. Take care of yourself. Find someone who makes you happy.”

  “I will,” I’d vowed.

  We kissed once more outside her window. After I reseated the screen, we both said goodbye. She wiped tears away and waved before the curtains hid her from me forever.

  In the living room, I find my science of music book and start to read where I’d left off. I think about getting my iPod, but suddenly my limbs ache from exhaustion. Before I know it, my eyelids are having a hard time staying open.

  When I wake up, someone’s knocking at the door and my book is sprawled out on the floor, the pages bent a million different ways.
I straighten it as best as I can before I peek out the front window to see Landry standing on the porch.

  “Hey, Landry. Just couldn’t stay away, huh?” I tease him, meeting him on the porch.

  “Hi, Will. I just wanted to stop by and see how you’re doing this morning.”

  “I’m great. Tired, but great. Yesterday was fun… but that heat wears you out, doesn’t it?”

  “Yeah… but… no hard feelings about Laila, though?”

  “What do you mean? Because we didn’t get to be alone yesterday? Nah, man, it happens. It was a lot of fun being with both of you–”

  “No, Will. About the fact that we’ve been going out this summer.” I stare at him, waiting for the punchline. My face hardens as I wait, and see the insecurity in his eyes. He steps off the porch and walks backwards a few paces into the lawn.

  “What?” I ask, disbelieving.

  “She says she officially broke it off last night. She told you, right?”

  I feel like I’m going to throw up all the food I shouldn’t have eaten in the first place. “No, she didn’t tell me that,” I mumble soberly.

  “Oh, well. I think it’s best that you know.”

  “Oh, you do?”

  He swallows hard before he answers. “Yeah, I do.”

  “Have you had sex with her yet?” I say loudly. Landry looks around to see if any neighbors are around.

  “I mean… well… almost. She was just waiting for you guys to officially end things,” he explains.

  “Oh, she was?” I laugh maniacally. “Is that what she told you?”

  “Yeah. She thought it was the right thing to do.”

  I can feel my blood begin to boil. “FFFUCK!” I yell at him, unable contain my anger. “That slut!”

  “Don’t call her that!” he says.

  “Well, what do you call a girl who’s dating two guys at once?”

  “She hasn’t been dating you all summer,” he counters.

  “She told me she loved me. Every. Single. Time. We Talked. On the phone.”