by Sue MacKay
Her eyes met his. No smile for him as she shrugged. ‘I only need one table.’
‘We’d like to share this one with you.’ He held his breath.
Adam wasn’t into finesse. He pulled out a chair and sat down. ‘What can I have to eat, Dad?’
Flynn didn’t take his gaze off Ally, saw her mouth soften as she glanced at his son. He said, ‘I apologise for earlier. I was completely out of line.’
She didn’t come close to smiling. ‘Really?’ Her gaze returned to him.
He took a chance and pulled out another chair. ‘Really. I should’ve had something in place for today—for whatever day Marie had her baby. Adam is my responsibility, no one else’s. It’s been on my list to arrange another sitter but I never got around to it.’ Much to his chagrin. He twisted the salt shaker back and forth between his fingers. ‘I was angry for stuffing up, and I took it out on you. I apologise for everything I said.’
Ally pushed the menu across the table, a glimmer of a smile on her lips. ‘I only ordered five minutes ago.’
That meant she accepted his apology, right? ‘Adam, do you want fried rice with chicken?’
‘Yes. Ally, are you coming for another sleepover tonight?’
Flynn’s stomach tightened. Too soon, my boy. Too soon. We need to have dinner and talk a bit before asking that.
Ally shook her head. ‘Not tonight. I need to do some washing and stuff.’ She was looking at Adam, but Flynn knew she was talking to him.
Two steps forward, one back.
She hadn’t finished. ‘Besides, I’m always extra-tired after a delivery and need to spend time thinking about it all.’ Her voice became melancholy, like she was unhappy about a bigger issue and not just about what he’d dumped on her earlier.
He gave the order to the woman hovering at his elbow and turned to lock eyes with Ally. ‘What’s up?’ How could he have been so stupid as to rant at her? Now she wasn’t staying the night, and who knew when she’d be back at his house, in his bed? Actually, he’d love nothing more than to sit down with a coffee or wine and try some plain old talking, getting to know each other better stuff. When she didn’t answer he continued, ‘What does a birth make you think about?’
‘Everything and nothing. That whole wonderful process and a beautiful baby at the end of it. Like I told you the other day, I find it breathtakingly magical.’ Her finger was picking at a spot on the tabletop. ‘Yet I’m the observer, always wondering what’s ahead for this new little person.’
‘Do you want to have children someday?’ Didn’t most people?
The finger stopped. Ally lifted her head and looked around the diner, finally bringing her gaze back to him.
‘No.’
‘You’d be a great mother.’
Silence fell between them, broken only when Ally’s meal arrived. But she didn’t get stuck in, instead played with the rice, stirring and pushing it around the plate with her fork.
Adam asked, ‘Where’s my dinner?’
Flynn dragged his eyes away from Ally and answered. ‘We ordered after Ally so it will be a few more minutes.’
Ally slid her plate across to Adam. ‘Here, you have this one. It’s the same as what you ordered.’
‘You sound very certain—about no children of your own,’ Flynn ventured.
‘I am.’
‘That’s sad.’
‘Believe me, it’s not. If I’d had a child, that would be sad. Bad. Horrible.’ The words fell off her trembling lips.
He couldn’t help himself. He took her hand in his and was astonished to feel her skin so cold. ‘Tell me.’
‘I already did.’ She’d found a point beyond his shoulder to focus on.
While he wished they were at home in the comfort and privacy of his lounge, he kept rubbing her hand with his thumb, urging her silently to enlighten him, let out what seemed to be chewing her up from the inside. ‘Only that you were abandoned. Doesn’t that make you determined to show yourself how good you’d be?’
Their meals arrived and they both ignored them.
‘My mother didn’t want me. I grew up in the welfare system. Moved from house to house, family to family, until I was old enough to go it alone.’ Her flat monotone told him more than the words, though they were horrifying enough.
‘Your father?’
‘Probably never learned of my existence—if my mother even knew who he was.’
‘You know,’ Flynn said gently, ‘your mother may have done what she did because she did love you. If she wasn’t in a safe situation, or wasn’t able to cope, it might have been that giving you up was her way of protecting you. Haven’t you ever worked with women in that position?’
‘Yes,’ Ally admitted slowly. ‘But if it was love, it didn’t feel much like it to me.’
Flynn hated to think of Ally as a kid, adrift in the foster-care system without a steady and loving upbringing. It wasn’t like that in all cases, he reminded himself. Anna’s brother and sister-in-law had two foster-children that they loved as much as their own three. But look at Ally. Adorable, gorgeous, kind and caring. What’s not to love about her? Was that his problem? Had he fallen for her? Nah, couldn’t have. They’d only known each other a little more than two weeks. Hardly time to fall in love, especially when they knew nothing about each other. Except now he did know more about Ally than he would ever have guessed. And he wanted more. He could help her, bring her true potential to the fore.
Ally tugged her hand free, picked up her fork. ‘See? You’re speechless. It’s shocking, but that’s who I am, where I come from, what I’ll always be. Now you know. You were right. I shouldn’t have been in charge of Adam, even if by proxy. I know nothing about parenting.’
No. No way. Flynn grabbed both her hands, fork and all. ‘Don’t say that. I’d leave Adam with you any day or night. Today was me being precious. Since Marie and I are friends, I felt a little left out. Plain stupid, really.’
Ally tried to pull free, but he tightened his grip.
Finally she locked the saddest eyes he’d ever seen on him. ‘Are we a messed-up pair, or what?’ she whispered.
I’m not messed up. I get stuff wrong, but I think I’ve done well in moving on from Anna’s death and raising our son.
‘I am determined to do my absolute best for Adam, in everything.’
‘You’re doing that in spades.’
‘So why do I feel guilty all the time?’
Her brow furrowed. ‘About what?’
About Adam not having his mother in his life. ‘I try to raise him as his mother wanted.’ This was getting too deep. He aimed for a lighter tone. ‘Eating raw vegetables every day and never having a sweet treat is too hard even for me, and I’m supposed to make Adam stick to that.’ But it isn’t always what I want, or how I’d bring my boy up.
Her fingers curled around his hands. ‘That’s not realistic. Even if you succeed at home, the world is full of people eating lollies and ice cream, roast vegetables and cheese sauces.’ At last her eyes lightened and her mouth finally curved into a delicious smile that melted the cold inside him.
The smile he looked for every day at work, at night in his house. ‘Like Danish pastries, you mean.’
‘You’ve got it.’ Her shoulders lifted as she straightened her back. Digging her fork into her rice, she hesitated. ‘I haven’t known you very long, but it’s obvious how committed you are to your son, and how much you love him. Believe me, those are the most important things you can give him.’
Said someone who knew what it was like to grow up without either of those important things. He answered around a blockage in his throat, ‘Thank you. Being a solo dad isn’t always a level road. Scary at times.’
‘It’s probably like that when there are two parents. Come on, let’s eat. I’m suddenly very hungry.’
‘Something you and Adam have in common. You’re always hungry.’ The last hour being the exception.
She grinned around a mouthful of chicken and rice.
His stomach knotted. He loved that grin. It was warm and funny. But now he understood she used it to hide a lot of hurt. Hard to imagine her childhood when he’d grown up in what he’d always thought of as a normal family. Mum, Dad and his brothers. No one deliberately hurt anyone or was ungrateful for anything. Everyone backed each other in any endeavours. When Anna had died he’d been swamped with his family and their loving support to the point he’d finally had to ask them to get back to their own lives and let him try to work out his new one.
‘Dad, can I have ice cream for pudding?’
Ally smirked around her mouthful.
‘Gloating doesn’t suit you.’ He laughed. ‘Yes, Adam, you can. Ask that lady behind the counter for some while Ally and I finish our dinner.’
As Adam sped across the diner, probably afraid he’d be called back and told to forget that idea, Flynn watched him with a hitch in his chest and a sense that maybe he was getting this parenting stuff right after all.
‘Good answer,’ said Ally.
‘Would you change your mind about a sleepover?’ Might as well go for broke. After being so angry with Ally, then getting the guilts, all he wanted now was some cuddle time. Yeah, okay, and maybe something hotter later. But seriously? He wanted to be with Ally, sex or no sex.
Her smile stayed in place. ‘I meant it when I said I get exhausted after a delivery. And I do like to think it all through, go over everything again.’
Huge disappointment clenched his gut but he wouldn’t pressure her. ‘Fair enough. But if you decide you need a shoulder to put your head on during the night, you know where to find me.’ Huh? What happened to no pressure? ‘If you want company without the perks, I mean.’ He smiled to show he meant exactly what he’d said, and got a big one in return.
‘You have no idea how much that means to me. But this is how I deal with my work. I’m not used to dumping my thoughts on anyone else.’
‘You should try it. You might find it cathartic.’ Next he’d be begging. ‘Tell me to shut up if you like.’
She took his hands in hers, and this time her skin was warm. Comfort warm, friendly warm. ‘I’m not used to being with a man every night of the week. I’m used to my own company and like my own space. Don’t take it personally, it’s just the way I am.’
Sounded awfully lonely to him. ‘I’ll cook you dinner tomorrow night.’ When would he learn to zip his mouth shut? ‘If you’d like that.’
‘It’s a date. I’ll bring dessert. Something Adam will love.’
‘You’re corrupting my kid now?’
‘You’d better believe it.’
CHAPTER ELEVEN
‘YOU LOOK WORSE than the chewed-up mess my cat dragged in this morning,’ Megan greeted Ally the next morning when she walked into the surgery. ‘Not a lot of sleep going on in your bed?’
‘No. I tossed and turned for hours.’
‘Haven’t heard it called tossing and turning before, though I see the resemblance.’ Megan laughed.
‘Trust me, I was very much alone. Is everyone here yet?’ Was Flynn here? He mightn’t have kept her awake in the flesh, but she’d spent hours thinking about him. Hours and hours. Nothing like her usual night after a birth.
‘I think they’re all in the tearoom.’
Ally looked at the list of her appointments for the morning. ‘At least there’s no chance of falling asleep at my desk with all these women to visit.’
In the tearoom a large coffee from her favourite coffee shop was set at what had become her place. ‘Thanks,’ she muttered, as Flynn nodded to her. He was the only one in there.
‘I was out early visiting Marie and Jacob so Adam and I had breakfast at the café.’
Ally chuckled. ‘Now who’s spoiling him?’ Then wished the words back as his smile dipped. ‘Spoiling’s good. Who’s looking after Adam today?’
‘A friend on the other side of the island. She’s had him before when Marie needed to go somewhere little boys weren’t welcome.’ Flynn pulled her chair out.
Sinking onto it, she lifted the lid on her coffee and tentatively sipped the steaming liquid. ‘That’s so good. Caffeine’s just what I need. If I hadn’t been running late I’d have stopped for one myself.’ So Flynn had lots of friends he could call on. Lucky man. But friends also meant staying in touch, being there when needed, opening up about things best left shut off. Has he changed how he feels about me now that he knows the truth? ‘Is Adam happy to go to this lady?’
‘Absolutely. He gets to take Sheba so they can go for walks in the park with Gina’s two spaniels.’
Cosy. Did the woman have a husband? Down, green monster, down. You have no right poking your head up. So far her night-time lectures to herself about falling in love with a man who was out of reach didn’t seem to have sunk in. Slow learner. Flynn is totally committed to Adam and his job. There is no room for you in his life. She repeated what she’d said over and over throughout the night. And again it didn’t make a blind bit of difference. Try, There’s no room for Flynn and Adam in your life. They live in the same place every day of the year. You move somewhere new so often you’re like a spinning top.
‘Morning, Ally.’ Faye strolled into the room. ‘I hear Marie’s baby arrived in a bit of a hurry.’
‘He sure did. And he’s absolutely gorgeous.’ She couldn’t wait to visit this morning.
‘Humph. Babies are all the same to me. Cry and poo in their nappies a lot. Very uninteresting at that age.’
Ally blinked. Had she heard right? ‘You haven’t had your own children?’ All babies were beautiful, even if some were more so than others.
‘Got three of the blighters. Love each and every one, but that doesn’t mean I thought they were cute when they arrived.’
What a strange lady. But at least she was there for her kids and probably did a lot with them. ‘How was Marie this morning?’ She looked at Flynn.
‘Arguing with her mother about who was bathing Jacob.’ He grinned like he’d been naughty. Which he had. If not for him Marie’s mother wouldn’t be there. ‘But at least they’re talking, which is a vast improvement.’
Jerome joined them and the meeting got under way. Thankfully it was short as Ally was itching to get on the road and go visiting patients, to get away from that distracting smile of Flynn’s. As she headed to the door and her car, he called, ‘You still on for tonight?’
‘I’m buying the dessert after my house calls.’ She shouldn’t join him for the whole night, but she couldn’t resist. This had been a fling like no other she’d ever had. This time she dreaded finishing it and heading away. Not that she wanted to stay put on Phillip Island for however long the fling took to run its course either. But there was this feeling of so much more to be done, to share with Flynn, to enjoy with his son.
For the first time in her adult life she didn’t want to move on. For the first time ever a person had got under her skin, warmed her heart in a way it had never been warmed. It made her long for the impossible—a family she could truly call her own.
She should’ve said no, that she’d be staying home to wash her hair.
But there was no denying the liquid heat pouring through her body just at the thought of a night with Flynn. So—how could she leave next week without shattering her heart?
It’s too late. Might as well grab every moment going. It’d be silly to go through the rest of my time here staying in the flat, being miserable. Miserable would come—later, back on the mainland.
‘Chocolate Bavarian pie.’ Ally placed the box she’d bought in the supermarket on Flynn’s bench. ‘It’s defrosted and ready to go.’ She bent down to scratch Sheba’s ears. ‘Hey, girl, how’re you doing? Recovered from that run yet?’
Lick, lick. Yes or no? Sheba had struggled a bit as they’d loped along the beach early yesterday morning.
Flynn slid a glass of red wine in her direction. ‘Merlot tonight. Goes with the sausages I’m cooking.’ He grinned that cheeky grin that got to her every time. ‘They�
�re beef.’
‘Beef and red wine. A perfect combination,’ she said with her tongue firmly in her cheek. That navy striped shirt he wore with the top button open to show a delectable V of chest was also perfect. Just enough visible chest to tantalise and heat her up in places that only Flynn seemed able to scorch. She winked. ‘What time does Adam go to bed on Fridays?’
‘Half past nine,’ Flynn told her, straight-faced.
She spluttered into her glass. ‘Half past nine? You’ve got to be kidding me.’ Three hours before she could get her hands on the skin under that shirt? She’d combust with heat.
‘Yep, I am.’ Then he grinned again. ‘You’re so easy to wind up.’
‘Phew. For a moment there I thought I’d have to lock him in the lounge with Sheba and race you down the hall for a quickie.’
Desire matching hers flicked into his eyes. ‘Now, there’s a thought.’
This banter she could do. It was easy and fun and how flings were run. ‘Guess I’d better stick to wine for now.’
‘We’re invited to Jerome’s tomorrow night for an indoor barbecue, along with the rest of the staff. But he specifically asked us as a couple.’
The air leaked out of her lungs. This might be something she couldn’t do. It hinted at something more than a casual relationship, like a date involving his colleagues and friends. Colleagues and friends who’d read more into the situation than was there. Was Jerome playing matchmaker? ‘That’s nice.’ Well, it would be under other circumstances.
‘You’re not happy?’
She shrugged. ‘I’m sure it will be fun, but maybe I’ll give it a miss.’
A furrow appeared between his eyes. ‘I accepted for both of us.’
‘Then you’ll have to unaccept.’ What had happened to consulting her first?
‘Why? You’ve been working with everyone for three weeks so what’s the big deal?’ Then that furrow softened. ‘I get it. The couple word. That’s what’s got your knickers in a twist, isn’t it?’
‘So what if it has? We’re not a couple. Not in the true sense. We’re having an affair. Next weekend it will be over. How do you face your colleagues then, if they’re thinking we’ve got something more serious going on?’