Circle of Secrets

by Lauren Tisdale

  “Where is my father?” she asked as she hugged her mother. Feeling Helen tense and slowly pull back before looking down made the lump in Marissa’s throat rise.

  “He’s passed on, I’m afraid,” she said gently, leaving that conversation for later. Running her thumb along the side of Marissa’s cheek and smiling proudly she said, “I cannot believe I found you. Well, you found me. With the help of Evelyn. I can’t believe she found you.”

  “Is Evelyn your mom? Did she know?”

  “I’m afraid my mother died about five years back. Evelyn was my nurse the night I delivered you and I just found that out a few weeks ago. She’s helped me as much as she could in finding you. I owe her everything now.”

  All of this news was just so astounding to hear. So much to process so fast. “Oh! Where are my manners? I’m sorry, this is Carlos, my boyfriend,” Marissa said as she looked at Carlos with a teary smile. He wiped away her tears and looked at Helen.

  “Pleasure to meet you, ma’am.” He extended his hand for her to shake and smiled. Helen chuckled and shook his hand.

  “Nice to meet you as well, Carlos. This is all just so crazy, isn’t it?” She laughed and released his hand to wipe her own tears, blowing out a breath and looking back at Marissa in awe. “Would you like to meet my father? I must warn you he sometimes has episodes of confusion because of the dementia.”

  “Oh, if it’s not a good idea I understand, I wouldn’t want to stress him out or anything.”

  Helen shook her head, “Nonsense. It comes and goes and so far today was pretty good. I’m sure he’d love to meet you, it may help him.”

  With Carlos beside her, Marissa stood and nodded. Helen led her back into the room where the residents were playing bingo. Evelyn had a wide smile on her face. Helen stooped down to her father and he smiled.

  “I won, twice,” he said proudly, showing off his prizes.

  “That’s great, you always were lucky at winning.” She turned to look at Marissa to wave her closer. “Dad, I have someone for you to meet. This is Marissa, she’s…she’s a friend of mine.” Marissa moved over so she was in his line of view and smiled.

  “Hello Mr. Joseph. It’s nice to meet you.” She offered a smile and her hand to shake. He looked up and smiled brightly letting out a chuckle.

  “Oh Cupcake, she looks just like you! You’re just as I remembered. Only…your eyes...” He looked between both women a bit confused.

  “No Daddy, I’m right here. I’m Helen.”

  Marissa really did resemble her mother in so many ways, except for the eye color. Hazel, the perfect blend of her green and Tommy’s blue. She was part of both of them and it showed in her looks as well. He nodded his head like he understood and took her hand, shaking it then dropping it to place a marker on the latest number the caller announced.

  “Nice to meet you,” he said looking back up at Marissa and Carlos. “Is he your husband?”

  “No sir, we’re dating. Not married.” Carlos smiled and placed a hand on her back as she answered Joseph who was already focused on his game of bingo again. Helen smiled and stood, looking back at Marissa.

  “How long are you in town for?”

  “Well, we were actually going to leave tomorrow. I have to get back to North Carolina for some things.” Helen frowned but understood. A moment of silence passed before she perked up.

  “Would you like to come to dinner tonight? Meet my husband and sons, no pressure. I just want to talk to you more, spend more time with you.”

  “Oh…I—Well, I’m not sure. I mean I’d hate to impose and what if...”

  “You’d never impose, trust me. I need to tell my sons one day anyway. If it’s all too soon, I understand.”

  “I’d love to, really. Are you sure?” Helen nodded and turned to Evelyn who sat with Joseph.

  “Evelyn are you free tonight?”

  Evelyn looked up and thought for a moment. “I believe I am, why?”

  “Would you like to come to dinner, too? I’d love to bring my dad but you know how they can be about him leaving without a nursing aide. Plus, you’d be our honored guest for what you’ve done for me. It’s the least I can do for you bringing my daughter back into my life.”

  Evelyn gave a warm smile and looked like she was truly touched by the appreciation. She looked at her watch and nodded. “I’d love to join you and your family for dinner and I’ll even volunteer to be in charge of your father. I’ll go get the paperwork ready for him to leave.” With that she stood and headed for the nurses’ station.

  “Dad, would you like to come have dinner with Tyson, the kids and me?”

  He looked up and smiled. “Oh, sure. What are you cooking?” he inquired as he cleared his card.

  “Well, whatever you’d like, what are you hungry for?”

  “I can go for that chili you make so well. Your mother’s recipe I believe, do you still have it?”

  Helen nodded with a smile. “I sure do Dad.”

  Marissa looked up at Carlos and smiled. “Are you okay with all of this?”

  He chuckled and answered, “Of course. I’m always okay with food. Chili sounds delicious, thank you for inviting us.”

  “I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Helen was beaming with pride that she’d get more time to talk to her daughter and try to catch up on thirty-four years of absence, knowing deep down it wouldn’t be enough time. Not by a long shot, but she’d try and make the best of the time she did have with her. She asked them to follow her to her house after placing a call to Tyson and her boys to invite them all for dinner. Her husband was a lifesaver, he would have everything ready to go and start dinner or her.

  Marissa turned to Carlos on the drive over and laughed, “Can you believe this is happening? After I’d exhausted all possible ways to locate my birth mother and gave up on the hope that I’d ever find her and then I do. How luck would have it, right? That woman Evelyn, she really changed my life,” She rambled on and on about odds and luck, fate and angels.

  Carlos smiled while Marissa chattered away happily. She told him that today, he’d witnessed a true miracle. Marissa thought that even he had seemed to have lost hope in finding answers before Evelyn seemed to appear out of nowhere. He brought Marissa’s hand up to his lips with their fingers intertwined and kissed her knuckles. Her heart was racing and she was emotional but trying to remain calm.

  Evelyn was driving Mr. Burrows over after getting him signed out of the home for dinner. Marissa, having only just met her mother and grandfather was now on her way to meet her brothers. Half-brothers she was told, but still family. Her grandfather didn’t realize who she was and she was uncertain whether she should tell him. As crazy as it was, she wasn’t angry with him for what he’d done. He was a father who had been trying to protect his daughter even though it was a huge mistake and he went about it in a totally tragic way. Why dwell on choices of the past instead of possibilities of the future? Carlos pulled into the drive after Helen and parked his truck next to her car. Looking over at Marissa he smiled, “Are you ready?”

  “Ready as I’ll ever be, I suppose.” With that, she pulled on the handle and stepped out of the truck. A man stood on the porch, who looked about the same age as Helen. He must be her husband. She’d mentioned she had remarried, although Marissa still didn’t know the circumstances of her natural father’s death or when, or even what he was like. Had he been happy about the pregnancy or not? Had he run when he found out? So many questions and she would be leaving town tomorrow. Her pain was beginning to worsen and she knew she needed another dialysis treatment but tonight was important and she couldn’t miss it, a chance to meet her extended family. Helen seemed wonderful and caring, nothing at all like she’d feared. She’d wanted Marissa, she loved her…what happened had been out of her hands and Marissa could not blame Helen for her father’s misjudgment. Walking up the steps to meet Helen and the man she stood next to, she smiled.

  “Hi, I’m Marissa,” she said with an extended hand. He took
her hand and shook it in greeting with a smile of his own.

  “Wow, she really does look like you,” he said, turning to Helen, who stood there smiling proudly.

  “Marissa, this is my husband Tyson. I call him Ty. Our two sons Tyson II and Brent will be joining us soon with their wives and children. They don’t…know yet. About you.”

  Evelyn arrived with Joseph and Carlos helped him into the house as Helen said, “Come, let’s go in. The mosquitoes here can be dreadful.” They all laughed and went inside, smelling the aroma of food cooking.

  “Oh, Ty, thank you for starting it.” Helen reached up to kiss his lips softly and smiled. Marissa looked back and up at Carlos with a sweet smile, feeling like she was around her own parents back at home. His hand on her back kept her nerves calm as they began to mingle with the others. Taking seats around the table, they took turns asking questions and Marissa felt so welcomed. A knock at the door had Tyson rising to answer it.

  “It smells just like your mother’s used to,” Joseph said with a smile, looking at Marissa. “Cupcake, don’t you remember when your mother would make chili on those cold winter nights?” Marissa smiled nervously and nodded, not knowing how to answer. Helen entered the dining room from the kitchen.

  “It’s almost done. Daddy, are you hungry?”

  He looked up at Helen, confused and then back at Marissa. “I…you…who are you?” he asked Marissa.

  “Daddy I told you who this was…she’s a friend of mine.”

  “Oh, oh okay. I just…I’m confused. Can you just bring me the food in the den? I’d like to lie down on Tyson’s recliner and watch the game. I’m just not feeling very well, cupcake.”

  She nodded sympathetically and helped him up. Tyson entered with Tyson II and Brent on his tail, catching the end of the conversation.

  “I’ll help him get comfortable, love, you should introduce everyone.”

  Evelyn asked if Tyson needed help and he thanked her as she stood to help him with Joseph.

  Helen smiled at her sons and opened her arms to greet them in a hug. They each hugged her and smiled.

  “Dad called a family dinner, pretty last minute don’t you think?” Brent said as he looked at the guests, recognizing Marissa and Carlos. “Hey, I know you. She’s the girl who came by about that case for Grandpa.”

  Helen nodded and insisted they all have a seat. The children went straight to the playroom and Abby held Olivia in her arms, taking a seat next to Brent across from Marissa and Carlos. Tyson II and Grace took their seats and looked around, holding hands and waiting to hear what was going on.

  “Mom, something wrong with Grandpa?” Tyson II asked, concerned.

  Everyone’s eyes were on Helen and Marissa fiddled with her hands. Was this really happening now? Yes…yes it was. Was it too fast? Maybe, but what could she do? She couldn’t wait forever, she might not have forever. Holding Carlos’ hand under the table, she looked up at Helen as Evelyn and Tyson came back into the room.

  “He’s content with the game. Seems tired from his day,” Tyson announced before sitting next to Helen while Evelyn sat next to Carlos.

  “Okay, I had your father call you here for a family dinner, last minute I know. You’ll have to forgive me, but something’s happened and I want to announce it to all of you. It’s going to sound crazy, but Marissa is my…she’s my…daughter.”

  There was a look of shock on Helen’s sons’ faces as their wives exchanged wide-eyed looks. Brent and Tyson gaped at Helen first then Marissa. She felt her cheeks warm up and looked down as Helen continued.

  “Before I met your father I was in love with a man named Thomas. I became pregnant at sixteen and had Marissa when I was seventeen. At that time, it was a very big scandal to be a young unwed mother. Your grandpa and grandma insisted I give her up for adoption but I was hard-headed. Grandpa did the only thing he knew how, he went behind my back and gave her up and told me she died. Your father knew all of this, but I didn’t tell you all because it was just too painful to remember. A few weeks ago, when your grandpa was having his episodes, he told me he had to tell me a secret and told me he’d lied about Audrey dying, that the child had in fact lived. I’ve been searching for answers ever since.”

  One could hear a pin drop in the room as everyone sat in silence listening to her story. Tyson held her hand and it seemed to give her the courage to continue, her voice shaky with emotion. “As luck would have it, Miss Evelyn from the nursing home was a nurse at the hospital that night and heard Grandpa and my doctor talking. She knew something wasn’t right…and then when she ran into Marissa here, she put two and two together. I guess Marissa was looking for me, too, and we didn’t realize it.” She wiped her eyes and sat down, looking toward Marissa, “I’m not sure how you knew, but I’m glad you came looking.”

  “Are you serious? Is this a joke?” Brent said, a little anger in his voice.

  “Baby…” Abby said softly and his look hushed her.

  “You mean to tell me you had a kid a long time ago and you couldn’t tell us? I mean why keep that from us?”

  “Show your mother some respect, son.” Tyson said sternly and Tyson II just looked down at the table in thought. Helen bowed her head and nodded.

  “You have a right to be angry, I’m sorry. I just thought it was better left in the past. It was painful for me, Brent. You have to understand.”

  “I-I’m sorry, maybe we should go,” Marissa said softly.

  Brent sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “No. No, I’m sorry…I just…it’s a lot to take in, you know. I mean…I have a sister, or a half-sister, I guess. It’s just not something you hear every day. I just met you a few days ago and you were a stranger now you’re…family?” He rubbed his face and Abby placed her hand on his shoulder.

  “Miss Helen, this is…just amazing. I mean what are the odds you’d find each other? I’m very happy for you.” Grace said in her sweet tone. Carlos continued to hold Marissa’s hand and rub her back. A sharp pain came in her side and she buried her face in his chest.

  “Are you okay, Marissa?” Helen asked frantically, seeing her sudden change in position. She nodded against his chest and sucked in a breath, turning back to Helen.

  “Yeah, I’m—I’m okay. Sorry…It’s just so much, maybe this was too fast.”

  Carlos looked down at her and knew she was hurting, but sensed she wasn’t ready to tell her new family about her condition. “Extreme stress makes her…sick,” he said as he continued to rub her back.

  “Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you, I’m just shocked is all,” Brent said in a nicer tone, concerned about Marissa.

  “All I can say is, welcome to the family. It’s a shock yes, but what can we do but accept it and move on. That is one hell of a story though, Mom. That kind of thing only happens in the movies.” Helen laughed and nodded in agreement with Tyson II.

  A few brief moments of silence passed and Helen sighed. Tyson stood to check on the food and everyone just exchanged looks. Evelyn’s high-pitched but soft voice spoke sweetly. “Well, how about that chili?” Everyone started laughing as she cut the tension in the room.

  “Evelyn, I can’t thank you enough for what you’ve done for me.”

  Evelyn smiled and bowed her head in acceptance of her thanks. Marissa looked between everyone and stood slowly.

  “May I be excused? I need some air.” Carlos helped her up and started to go with her but she waved her hand to make him stay. Walking outside, she took a slow deep breath and leaned against the rail of the porch. All kinds of emotions swirled around her and she didn’t know what she felt because there was so much to sift through. To go from a slow progressing search to finding the woman and then meeting her family, it was like someone had pressed fast-forward. Her anxiety was high and she tried to calm herself but a part of her wondered if she’d done the right thing in coming. Helen might want to be in her life but that didn’t mean everyone else would. The door opened and she looked over her shoulder to see He
len step out and close the door behind her.

  * * * *

  “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” she asked, coming up to stand beside Marissa, looking hesitant to touch or comfort her daughter, not knowing the reaction she’d get.

  “It’s just…so much. I mean I’m glad I found you, it helped to know you actually did want me and didn’t just give me away. I don’t blame you or hate you. I just don’t know if I belong here. Maybe I came too fast, maybe you should have told them alone. I don’t want to come in between your family.”

  Helen pulled Marissa into a hug and patted her back and ran her hand over her hair in a motherly way. “Oh, Marissa, don’t you think that for one moment. It came as a shock to everyone, but they’ll come around. I can’t believe I almost lost you once, had Evelyn not seen you in the diner and gone with her gut instinct. We may never have found one another and received closure.” She pulled back and held Marissa’s shoulders.

  “You are my family now, and there is no changing that. You’re the little girl I gave birth to thirty-four years ago who I instantly fell in love with.” She cupped Marissa’s cheek and smiled proudly. “I can’t believe I get the chance to know you.”

  Marissa smiled at Helen’s warm words and felt the tears wet her lashes. “I’m sick. I have to get back home to continue my treatments or it’ll only get worse. I shouldn’t have come until I was better, until I knew I’d have a future for you to be in.”

  Helen covered her mouth at the last words in horror. “What are you saying, what’s wrong? What can I do?”