The Light Before Us

by Stephanie Vercier

  I swallow hard. “What do you want me to think about?”

  His concrete-like expression finally crumbles as an annoyed sound expels through his lips. “About us! I know I said I’d give you time, but I don’t know.” He walks around the side of the bed, the smell of too much cologne coming along with him.

  I slide my knees up and push as far against the headboard as I can. “I have to pee.” It’s no lie. I’ve been holding it for hours.

  “What?” He takes a step back from the bed. “I’m trying to have a real conversation with you, and you tell me you have to fucking pee?”

  “Well, I do.” There is a shake to my voice as I say it, a fear of what he might do to me.

  He frowns, his eyes narrowing. “Fine.” He reaches down and grabs at my wrist. It hurts, but he’s starting to undo the knots. “But I’m going to go in with you. I’m going to watch you. And you better hope I can control myself. I thought a lot about you when I was in town buying groceries for your stay here. You know, I’m not sure I can last an entire night with you here looking so good.” He continues his work on the knots, untying them without any of the effort I’d expended in getting absolutely nowhere.

  I remain silent, not wanting him to hear how afraid I am, unsure of what I could say to change his mind.

  “There.” He grips hard onto my arm after the last knot is untied. He yanks, pulling me across the bed, my legs swinging off the side. When he pulls me to my feet, I’m wobbly and start to fall. He catches me, and then pulls my body up to his. “You’re coming around,” he says.

  No, I’m not.

  My skin crawls. Every part of him disgusts me.

  “This used to be my dad’s place,” he says as he drags me through the cabin, taxidermy deer, elk and fish all over the walls outside the bedroom. “He taught me to fish and hunt, all the stuff a dad is supposed to teach his son. But the fucker went and killed himself with a shotgun when my slut of a mother left him.” Will shakes his head as he pulls me into a bathroom just off the kitchen. “I wasn’t going to end up like that. No fucking way! Kill myself over a woman? Even lose one night of sleep? That’s what I told myself until I started coming across girls like you, girls I couldn’t get out of my head.”

  He brings the toilet seat up and yanks my panties down. I sit, having had to go so badly just a minute ago but now so clenched up with fear that nothing comes out. But he doesn’t seem to notice.

  “There were two before you.” He steps away from me and leans against the closed door, his eyes going toward the ceiling like he’s looking into the past. “First one… that was an accident. We’d hooked up a few times, but she wanted to keep us a secret. When I was picking her up to take her here for the weekend, she made me wait down the fucking block, like she didn’t want me to see where she actually lived or had a roommate she didn’t want me to meet.” He lets out a disgusted sound. “I should have known then, shouldn’t have told her I loved her once we got up here. I meant it, you know? I meant it, and she fucking laughed in my face!” Anger swells all around him, his eyes landing back on me.

  “I’m sorry,” I tell him. I can only hope he doesn’t see through that small lie.

  “She was fucking sorry. She thought she was too good for me, said she had a boyfriend up at OSU. I was just a good time is what she said. Told me she thought it was weird for me to tell her I loved her. And then she laughed, said this place gave her the creeps.” He shakes his head and grits his teeth. “She wasn’t laughing when I strangled her. I showed that bitch, and keeping us a secret worked out just fine.”

  I should be transfixed with fear at his admission, but I’m at the acceptance stage of being in the presence of a killer, and I instead think about earning his trust by engaging him, listening to him. “And what about the second one?” I ask, with the hope of doing just that.

  He pulls at the back of his neck and squeezes his eyes. “I pegged her from the beginning. I knew she was just like the first one. She didn’t come here willingly, and I gave her the same chance I’m giving you. She pretended to like it when we had sex, but she was fucking lying—yeah, I could tell. So, I wasn’t surprised when she tried to run. I was ready for it. I fucking shot her. I shot her like an animal.”

  So much for acceptance as a cold chill slices through my spine, and my bladder loosens, not stopping until I’m completely empty. Having to pee in front of this monster is no less degrading than anything else he’s put me through. And yet he doesn’t seem to even notice… or care.

  “You didn’t tell me their names.” One thing I know about killers is that they like to dehumanize their victims. It makes it easier to kill them.

  “Doesn’t fucking matter.” He steps closer to me and bends down, grabbing my knee. “Third time’s a charm, Natalie. You’re going to give in. I’m going to know when I’m inside you that you see how wrong you were to be with that other guy. I’m going to be able to trust you.”

  For a moment, I almost feel sorry for Will. Something deep and twisted inside of him has turned him into a deranged killer, and somehow he thinks it’s all okay, that this is how you find true love, that he’s the one who has been wronged. But that moment passes quickly as I see my chance, perhaps the only one I’ll get.

  “I’m sorry, Will,” I say just before I raise my knee with all the strength I can gather and drive it up into his chin.

  He cries out and is thrown off balance. I push my body into his until he’s on the ground, then scramble up to my feet and lunge for the door, twisting the doorknob and opening it. I slam it shut behind me, pull my panties up to keep from tumbling over, and am halfway to the front door when I can hear Will finally pulling the bathroom door back open with a loud groan.

  Every nerve inside my body is on. Every breath I take is labored and short. Every move I make is a step to fight with everything I have for my life.

  I reach the front door, and by some miracle it’s unlocked. I’m just outside when I hear his voice.

  “Bitch!” he screams. “I’m going to fucking kill you!”

  And I run.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  JACK

  Camille lied.

  She and Michael had come back to Meadow Brook with no leads. And while Michael looked genuinely worried about Natalie, informing me Lincoln and Sharla were flying down and would spare no expense in trying to find their daughter, Camille crossed her arms over her chest with a look of contempt in her eyes.

  Melissa had actually been the first to seize on her daughter’s demeanor, pressing her to tell us everything she knew about Will. We’d already been to his house, which was empty. By then, it was nearly nine o’clock at night, and I didn’t guess he was still out fishing.

  “You better tell us if you know something,” I told Camille, having been willing to give her the benefit of the doubt before, but not now. I was getting desperate.

  “There’s a cabin,” she began, not even an ounce of emotion in her voice. “It was his dad’s. Will goes there sometimes.”

  “And you think he’d have reason to take Natalie?” Chief Barnes asked.

  “Where is it?” I didn’t need reasons. I just needed to find Natalie.

  “Now, Mr. Pierce, we can’t have you running around Southern Oregon acting like a vigilante.”

  “I told him about Michael,” Camille went on like she hadn’t heard either of us.

  “Will?” Melissa asked.

  “He stopped by the diner after I made that call to Natalie and Michael left. He asked me what had me so jazzed up, so I told him. I said I’d just sent Natalie’s ex out to the cabin and Natalie there to save her cat. He seemed surprised there was another man sniffing around her, and he didn’t like it. He called me a bitch, and then he left.”

  “And you didn’t think that was important to tell us sooner?” There was so much rage in my body right then that I’d have taken her down if she was a man.

  She just shrugged like it was nothing.

  As soon as she’d described wher
e to find the place, I was on the road, the chief yelling after me, telling me to wait for the cops to handle it, but I couldn’t do that.

  She had to be with Will.

  Melissa agreed to keep in touch with me, and has called me with more specific directions as I race over the road between here and the coast. I don’t want to waste a second, not if it’s a second between life and death for Natalie.

  Adrenaline courses through my veins and keeps me focused. I block out my emotion and my fears. The only option is to find Natalie alive. I won’t let her down. I won’t have had her start a new life with me only to have it snuffed out. It can’t happen. It won’t happen. I’ll make sure of it.

  I pass cars along the dark highway and go faster around curves than I should, but I’m just careful enough to keep from running off the road or hitting someone head on. I won’t do Natalie any good if I’m dead. My GPS is spotty out here, but it’s come on just in time to tell me I’m close. It directs me to turn left down an even darker road, paved but only for half a mile or so before it turns to gravel.

  A couple of miles in and the GPS craps out, but I don’t need it because I see the place just as Camille had described it. It’s a one-and-a-half story cabin that is only visible because of the light pouring through the open front door and the generous light of the moon. I turn off my lights and bring my SUV to a standstill at the bottom of a steep driveway.

  I’m just out my door when I hear the screams.

  “Natalie?” I call out, watching as she runs, half naked, down the rutted driveway. “Natalie!” I run toward her, already putting my arms out to catch her.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  NATALIE

  “Jack! Jack!” It’s him. It’s really him. It’s not a dream or a hallucination but Jack at the bottom of the driveway and running toward me.

  I’m going so fast that I slam into his body, but he doesn’t waiver. He pulls me up into his strong arms and holds me and kisses me and starts to cry.

  “We have to run,” I tell him, even though I don’t want to move from him. “I think he tripped… but he’s coming… he’s coming after me.”

  “I won’t let him hurt you,” he says, holding my cheeks in his hands and looking deeply and lovingly into my eyes.

  There’s no time for a long reunion, and Jack is already gripping my hand and leading me to an SUV I don’t recognize when I hear Will.

  “Fucking biiiiitch!”

  His SUV is close enough that we’re there before I can panic any more than I already am. He grabs the handle, throws open the door and picks me up by my waist, hoisting me into the seat.

  “I’m fine, Jack. I’m fine!” I tell him, already reaching for the interior handle so that he doesn’t waste another second in squaring me away.

  He looks into my eyes for the briefest of moments, but in those brief seconds we share something that I don’t think I could ever properly describe in words, some sense that he and I are connected forever, that no matter what happens, we will always have that.

  It’s an overwhelming feeling, and as I finish closing the door, I never take my eyes away from Jack who runs in front of the SUV, almost getting to his door before Will comes into focus.

  He stops dead a good twenty feet away from us.

  “Jack! Behind you!” I scream, my heart ready to burst from my throat as Will starts a methodically slow march in our direction.

  “You fucking whore!” He bellows out. “I’m not going to let you go. I’m going to find you wherever you go, bitch. I’m going to fucking bury you!”

  Jack faces Will down, not moving.

  Get in, Jack. Get in!

  “You can stop right there,” Jack orders Will. “Or so help me god I’ll run you down.”

  “Just get in!” I yell at Jack as I hear the faintest sound of sirens in the distance.

  “Is that the pigs I hear coming?” Will continues his momentum forward, step by step, and Jack finally climbs in and turns the ignition.

  “I’m getting you out of here,” he says, stretching his arm out behind me and throwing the SUV into reverse.

  “I love you, Jack,” I tell him among the tears that spring from my eyes.

  “I love you too, babe. I love you—”

  It’s the shock in Jack’s eyes I notice first before his hand goes slack and falls off the wheel.

  “Jack!” I’m calling his name and grabbing for the wheel before I can even notice the perfect hole in the windshield and the dark, crimson color that is soaking Jack’s shirt as it spreads across his chest.

  Oh my god.

  No. No. No.

  He grabs for the wheel again. “I can’t… let him… hurt you,” he says in pressured, labored breaths.

  “Jack… you’re going to be okay.”

  When did Will get a gun?

  “Help me,” he says, taking my hand and putting it on the wheel. “We have to run him down. I won’t… leave you… alone.”

  I know what he’s saying, but wanting desperately not to believe it. I hold the wheel, put the SUV back into drive, and then Jack presses his foot on the accelerator. We don’t stop until Will flies across the hood with ungodly cracks and thuds, until his body is left crumpled behind us, those distant sirens growing louder.

  “Help is coming,” I tell Jack as the SUV slows to an almost immediate crawl. I put my hand on his shoulder, not wanting to waste even a second thinking about the fact we’d just run another human being over. I can’t lose a moment with Jack.

  “I want to live for you… and the… the baby,” he says, leaning back in his seat while I turn the ignition off and set the brake, climbing over to him and pressing my hand over his chest.

  “You will live for us, Jack! I don’t think it’s as bad as it looks. We’re going to get through this. We’re going to live the life we’ve always wanted!” I want so desperately to be strong for him, but it’s now that I break down in tears and cling to him.

  “If it’s a girl…” he says, his voice beginning to drain away, “can you name her Leona?”

  “Leona?” I actually let a small laugh out through all of my tears, almost making myself believe he and I are back in Meadow Brook, in bed at the cabin and coming up with names for our future child.

  “It was… my mother’s name,” he gets out, a soft smile spreading on his lips.

  “It’s a beautiful name,” I tell him, “but you’ll have the chance to give it to her yourself.”

  He shakes his head. “I love you… so damn much.”

  The sirens roar—they’re so close. Help is near.

  “I’ll name him Jack if it’s a boy,” I say, squeezing his hand and kissing his cheek.

  The smallest chuckle comes out of his mouth as his last breath leaves his body, and I tell him that I love him one last time.

  Epilogue - Part One

  NATALIE

  THREE YEARS LATER

  I sit across from Michael in the hospital café, stirring my raspberry tea. I’ve found that it, unlike anything else, does wonders for my morning sickness.

  “You excited for this one?” he asks, leaning forward, elbows on the table, probably his third or fourth cup of coffee of the day in his hands.

  “Of course I am,” I say, placing my hand on my belly that barely betrays I’m pregnant in these early stages. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

  “Because… well, because of where you are in your life. I’m not sure how you do it all, how you can juggle your career and being a mom the way you do.”

  “Well, I do have help,” I say, taking a sip of my tea.

  He takes a long drink of his coffee before leaning back in his chair and folding his arms across his chest. “Do you miss him?”

  “Michael…” I sigh, not wanting to think about it, just wanting to get through another day without thinking about sadness. I’m surrounded by enough of it working in this hospital, mostly counting my blessings because I get to see more good than bad, more happy endings than sad ones.

  “Sorry.�
�� He shakes his head and waves the question away. “I’ve never been good at any of this stuff. Maybe that’s why it was always easier to just be a dick.”

  “I like you better when you aren’t one.” I give him a smile, then scoot away from the table. “I’ve got to get back, Michael. Are you coming by tonight?”

  “Sure thing,” he says, jumping up from his chair, taking one last, long drink of his coffee before crumpling up his cup and tossing it into the garbage. “Wouldn’t miss it.”

  Meadow Brook’s hospital is small, but that’s just how I like it. Making my way through the lobby and elevator, I offer smiles to the people I pass, many of them coworkers I’ve gotten to know well over the past few years. After everything that had happened with Jack, I’d been inspired to become a nurse. I hadn’t fallen out of love with the idea of occupational therapy, but nursing allowed more flexibility and opportunities, to be able to get out of school and into work. Being pre-med, I’d already completed a great deal of the pre-requisites at Stanford and was able to fast track my way through nursing school in Medford.

  I’d done a fair share of my clinical in obstetrics and worked in cardiology and pediatrics, but I’d settled into the place I knew I eventually would, the place I belong.

  I exit the elevator on the second floor and make my way to the newly constructed east wing.

  “What’s so interesting?” I ask my friend and fellow nurse, Parker, tugging gently on the bottom of her scrubs top. She’s got her arms crossed and is looking up at the sign that welcomes patients and visitors to the new wing.

  It’s quiet at the moment, as afternoons can sometimes be, just a few people, mostly staff, in the hallways, the sounds of monitors and television sets and even a harp coming out of the patient rooms.