A Presidential Closet: Going Boldly Where No Gay Has Gone Before

by Amy Stranhouse

  “A younger guy?” Wayne asked.

  “Pardon?”

  “The guy that phoned you. A younger guy?”

  “Why? Do you think you know him? I thought you said you’d never be involved in blackmail bullshit.”

  “I wouldn’t. But there is a guy kind of obsessed with me. So I thought-”

  “That he wants you all to himself perhaps?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “I see. Well he was young sounding, around twenty, and he had a British accent. More Scottish sounding than Irish sounding, I think.”

  “Yeah, that’s Ted.”

  “Well your friend Ted sounds a little nutty.”

  “He’s harmless. Just a little obsessed and infatuated is all. I’ll straighten him out.”

  “You do that. I can’t afford to have my wife or colleagues thinking I’m gay. Some clients are homophobic. In the meantime, you owe me four hundred dollars worth of serious loving.”

  “That I do, Irving, that I do.”

  XXX

  “Hello?”

  “Don’t hello me, you fucking asshole. You called Irving a couple of hours back.”

  “I don’t know any Irving, and I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “The fuck you don’t. You call him again and I’m through coming by to see you.”

  There was a gasp, followed by a pause. “No, don’t do that. I won’t call him again. It’s just…it’s just that, well, you know.”

  “No, I don’t know. My livelihood depends on my not compromising my client’s identities. They don’t want anyone knowing they’re gay which is why most of them use me.”

  “I don’t care if people know I’m gay,” Ted said, sounding excited. “And what’s more. I want the world to know that you are my boyfriend, and future fiancé.”

  “I’m not your boyfriend, you asshole. And I’m definitely not your fiancé. Maybe I ought to just stop seeing you. You’re obviously too obsessed and fucked up over me. You can’t be trusted.”

  “I’m sorry. But the thought of you being in another man’s arms, it just drives me nuts. I can’t take it. I want you to myself.”

  “You can’t have me to yourself, you shit head. You can only afford one hour of my valuable time, once a week. But maybe that’s your problem, you put all your desires and passions and lusts into that one stupid hour. You need to get out more, you know, go to gay bars and condo parties and go on a few gay dating sites. You need to get out more and meet other men.”

  “I don’t want other men.”

  “That’s what you say now, but once you get to meeting them in all shapes and sizes, well-”

  “I’ll commit suicide.”

  “You’ll what?”

  “If you try to take that weekly hour away from me, I’ll commit suicide. I have to have you. Don’t you understand? You’re far more than a mere addiction or obsession to me. You’re just as valuable as the air I breathe, or the water I drink.”

  “And if you should do something as stupid as take your own life, you wouldn’t think of hurting me too, would you?”

  “A murder suicide? I honestly don’t know.”

  “You’re getting a little too dangerous for my liking.”

  “I’m harmless, unless, of course, you try to take that hour away from me. You’re not planning on doing that, are you?”

  “You’re fucked up.”

  “Fucked up over you, yeah.”

  “You’re fucked up period.”

  “Just make sure you’re here next week and I promise never again to call Irving or the others.”

  “The others?”

  “Your other clients. I caught a glimpse of your appointment book a few weeks back while you were using the bathroom. You list their numbers in the book, so I copied them all down. If you try getting rid of me I’ll phone them all and fuck up your business. With a rep like that you would never be able to work in the male escort community again.”

  It was now Wayne’s turn to gasp, then pause. “You call any of my clients ever again and we’re definitely through. That’s a promise. And the cops will hear about your blackmail.”

  “And my murder suicide.”

  “Your what?”

  “Don’t keep pretending you don’t hear me. For a guy twice my age you sure have a short attention span and an even shorter memory. Set up Irving for another day. An hour’s not enough. From now on I want Tuesdays for myself.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “There you go again, acting deaf. I want you to give up all clients for Tuesdays which, according to my snooping was only me and Irving anyways. You can come over late Monday night then sleep in my bed, and stay with me the whole day Tuesday.”

  “You can’t afford me for that long.”

  “I won’t take no for an answer. I need you, remember? My head and heart are so fucked up over you that I’m climbing the fucking walls 24/7 without you. So forget the three hundred, and forget Irving, from now on you spend a full twenty-four hours with me for free. We’re engaged, remember?”

  “No, I don’t remember. And what is that about me having to give you all day, a threat?”

  “From a guy with nothing to lose who is totally dependent on you, yeah, a threat. But as for the other six days, I understand that you have to earn money. Besides, it will help you save for our wedding.”

  “There isn’t going to be any wedding, you idiot.”

  “You’ll fall for me, and you’ll even like it, you’ll see. Besides, you accepted my ring. You’re not going to go back on your promised vows now, are you?”

  “We made no vows and I certainly didn’t make you any damn promises. I can’t believe this is happening. You need help. You’re sick.”

  “Sick in love and sick of love, yes. Your face is before me night and day. I have to hold you in my arms. I just have to. I’ll see you next Monday night, and bring an overnight bag with you.”

  “I’ll do no such thing.”

  “You will, otherwise I’ll be forced to come looking for you.”

  “This is nuts.”

  “What can I say, I’m a nutty guy. Not to mention trigger happy. Just remember. Be here, next Monday night before midnight.”

  “I won’t be there.”

  “Yes you will. Remember, I’ve got nothing to lose. You own my heart and you own my damn mind. It’s your own fault. My gun has six bullets. I only need one for myself. That leaves five. ‘Nuff said!”

  “I’m telling you I won’t be there.”

  “Yes you will. Let’s just say you’ll come because it’s in your best interests to come. We’ll make our Tuesdays together extra special, and we’ll give our time together a special name. How about Ted’s time?”

  “Ted’s time?”

  “Yeah, Ted’s time.”

  “That’s ludicrous! The only fucking time a man has with me is the time he pays for, and you just finished saying you ain’t got no more money, so-”

  “Don’t act all innocent with me. You prey on younger and older men alike. With us younger guys you act in the beginning like a brother and a father, and then you start to act as though you’re a husband as well. And you make us love you and fall for you, and then you keep us at your mercy, upping the weekly price until you end up moving on to someone better and richer, only you ain’t moving on to someone else where I’m concerned. You made your bed where making me fall so helplessly in love with you is concerned. So you dare try moving on and we’ll both be using up bullets.”

  “Death threats aren’t taken lightly by the cops.”

  “Really? As in your word against mine? And will they be at your door to watch over you twenty-four seven? I said I wouldn’t fuck with any more of your clients. For the most part it can be business as usual. All you have to do is move Irving to another day and give me that full day, which from now on will become my time.”

  “You mean Ted’s time?”

  “Don’t say it sarcastically.”

  “Why shouldn‘t I? T
wo can play at your stupid games. I can buy a gun too. The cops will know you have threatened me, so-”

  Ted laughed for a full minute. “You? Buying a gun? To do what with it? It takes real balls to pull a trigger, my love. Crazy balls, in fact. You’re too sane for that shit. But tell you what, if you do back me into a fucking corner, you won’t see it coming. It will be execution style, like when your back is turned, right into the back of that gorgeous handsome head of yours. And just to make it interesting, we’ll spend Monday nights with my gun under my pillow. You can use it if you want to, but the cops will hardly believe you used it in self defense, not when you clearly came to see me.”

  “You’ve got it all figured out, haven’t you?”

  “Just try not being at my place by midnight next Monday night and you’ll find out how figured out I have it.”

  XXX

  Monday had arrived sooner than Wayne figured it would. Time certainly knew how to fly by when things were apprehensive.

  The clock read eleven fifty eight. Just two minutes to find out whether or not Ted meant business in the killing department. Wayne sighed worriedly. The kid was just fucked up enough to do something stupid like that.

  Wayne thought about his options. Ted knew his clients, but not where he lived. Wayne figured that if he didn’t show up then Ted wouldn’t be able to find him, unless of course Ted had followed him home in the past. He wondered. Still, Ted had gotten all his clients addresses and appointment times from his phone book, which meant Ted could always simply visit him there, gun in hand.

  Wayne took out his own recently purchased gun from the drawer then snapped the clip inside of it. He wasn’t about to visit Ted, and he wasn’t about to continue walking around unarmed. He didn’t mind killing Ted first, as long as it was in self-defence. Cops wouldn’t fault him with blowing him away, as long as he had no other options.

  Wayne’s phone rang. Not his cell, but his home phone.

  Wayne glanced at the number. Ted. Definitely Ted. Ted had his cell phone, but wasn’t supposed to have his home number. He gave that out to nobody, absolutely nobody, and it hadn’t been in his appointment address book. He was certain of that. So just how in the hell had he gotten it then?

  “Fuck,” Wayne whispered, truly flabbergasted. Ted was proving to be a man full of surprises.

  Still, did it matter how the crazy young man had found it?

  Wayne supposed Ted was now calling to see if Wayne was still at home. It was now one minute after midnight and he was certainly not at Ted’s apartment like he was supposed to be.

  Wayne picked up after the fourth ring.

  “Still at home, are we?”

  Ted’s voice sounded ominous and threatening. Wayne was suddenly afraid. He was also suddenly in a compromising mood, seeing as how perhaps a compromise might alleviate the danger and get him off the hook? Wayne sucked in his breath and gave it a try.

  “Listen Ted. I’ve decided not to stop by tonight, but tomorrow at our regular time I will come by. I’ve also decided to make it free for you from now on as well, that way you can-”

  “You don’t fucking hear so good, do you? I said be here at midnight or you would be a dead man. Well guess what, you’re down to your last stupid breath. I already told you that if I couldn’t have you for a full twenty-four hours each week that nobody could ever fuck you again, and I meant that.”

  The phone suddenly went dead. Ted obviously wasn’t in a very compromising mood.

  The tone in his voice had Wayne scared. He dialed Ted’s home number and waited. It went into voice mail.

  He then tried his cell phone and it went into voice mail as well. He wasn’t picking up. Obviously he was too angry. He had meant business and Wayne had fucked with him. Still, now that they each had a gun, and now that Wayne was determined to defend himself, he wasn’t as apprehensive as he had been. He had also reported the threat to the police earlier in the week. If anything did happen, and he had to use his gun, at least he would be able to explain his actions.

  Wayne poured himself a strong drink. Then he listened to the splash the ice cubes made as they tinkled together in his glass.

  He downed it immediately then poured another.

  The darkness outside was only illuminated by a half moon and a hundred distant lights from a far away neon downtown.

  And then he heard it, a lone footstep creaking on the hardwood. Someone was inside his house, walking slowly along the hallway.

  Wayne rounded the corner and tried to make a run for his bedroom and his gun, but the sight of a grinning Ted, toting his weapon, made him freeze.

  “You really should get a stronger lock,” he said, adding “yours is so damn easy to pick.”

  “How did you find me? And how did you get here so quick?” Wayne asked.

  “I followed you home after Irving’s a few times. And I paid some shady types to teach me how to pick a lock. Plus, I wasn’t home when you called. I was waiting outside your door for you to leave. I didn’t think you would do as I said. So I called you from my cell phone.”

  “Well you can just turn the fuck around and leave. I already told you I would come see you for free for your hour from now on. What more do you want?”

  “What do I want? Well, up until a few minutes ago, I would have settled for twenty-four hours a week. But now I want the whole week.”

  “Not possible.”

  “We’ll see about that. Put this around your neck.”

  “What is it?”

  “Never mind what it is, just do it.”

  “It’s a collar of some sort?”

  “A very special collar. Now for the very last time. You put it on right now or I’ll put a bullet into your brain then chew on the gun myself. I already told you I have nothing to lose. I am madly in love with you. So if I can’t have you then I have nothing to live for.”

  Wayne didn’t like the way Ted was pointing the gun at his head. His threat of murder suicide was obviously real. Wayne decided to play along to buy time. Later he could figure out what to do.

  He slipped the collar on over his head.

  “Turn around,” Ted demanded.

  He did as he asked.

  Ted then tightened the clasp and slid the collar more snugly until it snapped into place and fit like a noose.

  “There, now it’s on permanently,” Ted said, smiling playfully and tossing his gun onto the couch. “I won’t be needing the gun anymore.”

  A sudden fear took hold of Wayne. The collar certainly was on snugly, almost too snugly. He reached for it but it wouldn’t come off or become unhooked from the clasp.

  “I wouldn’t bother trying to take it off,” Ted crowed. “It’s made of titanium. Not even dynamite will loosen it off your neck. It is on to stay.”

  “You’re crazy.”

  “Not crazy, just obsessed and fucked up over you, is all. But as for the collar, it has three settings and it dispenses electrical charges. The control is in my watch on my wrist. The first setting is a simple but excruciatingly painful stun. It lasts for about two minutes and will have you writhing on the ground with unbearable pain. The second setting is a discharge of searing heat and flames that will burn into your flesh and make you scream for mercy. That will last about five full minutes and will leave huge welts that will hurt forever as they rub into your tight fitting collar. The third charge is a blast of electricity the equivalent of being in an electric chair. You will be dead in sixty seconds after that.”

  “You’re out of your mind,” Wayne said, clawing at the collar.

  “You still don’t believe me, so I guess a demonstration of its power is in order. It cost me almost twice as much as your damn ring. And I had to sell all my remaining comics to have it made.”

  Ted pulled the pin out from his watch and spun it to setting number one, then pushed it inward.

  A surge of unbearable pain shot mightily into Wayne’s throat, sending him to his knees as he clawed in vain at the collar.

  After a few mor
e seconds he was rolling on the ground, his whole body shaking violently from the unbearable hurt now permeating through every fiber of his being.

  “Shut it off,” he screamed. “Shut it off.”

  Ted allowed him to savor the damnation for ten seconds more before finally twisting the pin backwards.

  The electrical charges stopped, but the hurtful aftershocks continued for a while longer as he wallowed in abject misery. Then it stopped.

  “That was just the first setting,” Ted warned. “The second will blow you mind with flames shooting into your neck, sizzling your flesh, and will bring a pain so bad your mind will snap. And the third, of course, will electrocute you slowly then kill you dead. So make up your mind from now on whether or not you are going to behave.”

  XXX

  Ted’s Time.

  Just two words that used to facilitate one measly hour a week, but that now conspired to include every hour of every day of every week of every month of every year…

  Wayne listened to the clock ticking slowly. Almost dinner time. Ted liked it on the table by five sharp. Anything else and setting number one around his neck would rear its ugly head.

  He glanced at the wine bucket, careful to make sure the ice in it had not melted. Ted liked his wine perfectly chilled then poured just before dinner to let it breathe.

  Wayne only serviced Ted now. His old clients were blackmailed for weekly cash.

  Ted sat at the table as Wayne poured the wine and then dished out his sumptuous dinner. Later on Wayne would suck sweetly on his cock then alternate between being top and bottom. Ted was very precise on how he liked it, and would let Wayne know by the push of a button if it wasn’t to his satisfaction.

  Wayne’s mind was almost gone, but he still had the good sense to try his best not to agitate a trigger happy Ted. Not as long as he had the collar on.

  Ted was celebrating their second year of marriage and had brought home champagne. That too was sitting to chill in an ice bucket.