It's All in Your Mind

by Ann Herrick

  "Let's go over and sit on the jetty to dry off a little," Joel suggested. "It'll be easier to get our socks and shoes on."

  "Good idea."

  We found a flat rock and sat down. I wrung the water from my hair. Joel flipped his wet red hair back and ran his fingers through it. It glistened in the sunlight. We chatted easily about the work we did at Redfern's. After a few minutes my feet were dry enough to put on my shoes and socks. My shirt was fairly dry, but my dungarees were still soggy. They clung to my legs, heavy and cold, even though the air was warm. "Next time we'll have to bring swimsuits," I said, "so we can actually swim."

  "That's just what I was thinking," Joel said.

  The wet dungarees chafed my legs as we walked back to the truck. I found a rag to brush the sand off the bottoms of our shoes. It would be easier than trying to sweep it out of the truck later.

  Even with the swim, we got back to my house earlier than I had working alone for the past two weeks. Papa was puttering with his tomato plants when I pulled into the driveway, but he stopped and came over as soon as he saw us. "Did you fall in a creek?"

  "We went for a dip at the town beach," I said. "Even in our clothes, it felt so good to cool off!"

  "Young people!" Papa chuckled and shook his head. "Let me help you unload the truck. It's time to do a little maintenance on the mowers."

  Without making a big deal of it, Joel made sure he did most of the heavy work of unloading the truck. Though I told him he'd done enough for one day, he insisted on staying and helping us remove the accumulated grass from the underside of the movers with an old flat-head screwdriver, finishing by spray-cleaning with a hose. Then he and I changed the spark plugs and replaced the oil of one mower, while Papa sharpened the blades of the other by hand with a file.

  When we were all done, Papa said, "Nice work, you two. Thank you!"

  Just then Mama stuck her head out the screen door, and called, "Supper in ten minutes. Joel, can you stay?"

  "I'd love to Mrs. Skalbe. But my pants are still kind of wet. I don't want to ruin your chairs."

  "Ach, you can wear a pair my pants," Papa said.

  "Okay, then!" Joel said. "Thanks."

  I dashed upstairs and freshened up a little, then put on a pair of shorts and a clean top. When I got to the kitchen, I tried not to laugh when I saw Joel in a too-big pair of Papa's pants just barely held up by Papa's red suspenders.

  Joel arched an eyebrow and hitched his thumbs behind the suspenders.

  My held-back laugh spluttered through my lips.

  "You look pretty sharp there, young fella." Papa winked. "Maybe you can start a new fashion at the high school."

  "That would be a first for me," Joel said. "On the rare occasion I buy new clothes, they're guaranteed to go out of style within ten minutes."

  "Supper's ready," Mama said.

  When I saw we were having herring for supper, I was a little worried that Joel wouldn't like it. He inhaled not only the herring, but everything in front of him except the dishes and tableware. Mama enjoyed feeding him. "You're a good eater," she said. "Just like Karl."

  "When the food is this good," Joel said, "I can't help myself."

  Mama beamed.

  After supper, Joel changed back into his dungarees, which were still not completely dry. I walked him out to his car. "Thanks so much for helping me today."

  "I'll be here tomorrow," Joel said.

  "Oh, you don't have to—"

  "Hey, you can't get rid of me that easily." Joel leaned against his car. "As far as I'm concerned, this is permanent employment. Well, until your father gets back to work, anyway."

  "I really appreciate it, but—"

  "Then it's settled. See you tomorrow!" Joel hopped in his car and started the engine. He leaned his head out the window. "Bright and early. Bye!"

  I waved, watched until he disappeared around the corner, then went in the house. As I passed through the living room on the way to my room, Mama said, "That Joel is a nice young man."

  I couldn't argue with that. "He's a good worker too."

  "That's important," Papa said, looking up from an old alarm clock he was fixing.

  "Yes, Papa," I said, though I wished that sometimes he would take it easier and let himself have a little more fun.

  I showered and brushed my teeth, then changed into my shortie-pajamas. I decided I would read in bed for a little while, then go to sleep early. As I was looking through my books, the phone rang. Oh, no. It was probably some customer wanting me to do some extra work tomorrow. "Hello?"

  "Hey, Vija." It was Nolan.

  I almost dropped the phone.

  Chapter Twelve

  I couldn't believe I hadn't even been thinking about him. Yikes! That's how tired I was! "N-nolan ...."

  "You sound surprised," Nolan said tersely. "Were you expecting a call from someone else?"

  "No! Well, yes. Sort of. I ... I mean, I thought you were a customer wanting me to do some extra work."

  "It's just me." Now there was a smile in Nolan's voice. "I've been thinking about you all day. Meet me at the park in half an hour?"

  The park? I was so tired. I'd have to get dressed. "It's kind of late ...."

  "It's not late."

  I checked my clock. It was only eight-thirty. I tried to think. I'd have to get dressed. And I couldn't just rush out of the house right after a phone call, or my folks might wonder if I was going to see someone, and I wouldn't want to say I was. "Um..."

  "C'mon. Think of my lips brushing against your neck ...."

  I felt that warm tingle deep inside. "O-okay. I have to ... do a couple things for my folks. I can be there in about twenty minutes."

  "Great. See you there."

  I threw off the covers, grabbed the shorts and top I'd worn to supper, and quickly dressed. Then I combed my hair, spritzed some lilac cologne on my neck, and I was ready. I went downstairs, and Mama said, "Who was that on the phone?"

  "Just a wrong number," I said. "Somebody wanting to know what time the movie starts. He must have misdialed." We often got calls for the movie theater, so I figured Mama would not get suspicious.

  "Jâ, our number is almost the same as the theater," Mama said.

  "I can't believe I'm still hungry," I said quickly. "I'm getting a snack."

  "You work very hard," Papa said. "You need plenty of food."

  I made lots of noise opening the refrigerator and cabinet doors and rattling dishes as I got myself a small glass of milk and a couple cookies. As soon as I finished the last bite, I washed the glass and plate, running the water loud enough so that Mama and Papa could hear. Then I called to them, "I feel like getting a little fresh air. I'm going for a walk."

  "All right," Papa said.

  "Don't be out too late," said Mama.

  "Okay!" Until I was out of sight of our house I walked as if I were out for a stroll. Then I ran to the park. Though it was not quite dusk, the lights were on. I saw Nolan sitting on his motorcycle. I hurried over to him.

  He hopped off the motorcycle and pulled me toward him. He nuzzled my neck, planting small kisses. "Mmm. You smell good."

  The warm tingle flowed from the back of my neck to the tips of my toes.

  "C'mon. Let's go over there." Nolan nodded toward the secluded picnic table under the large maple tree. He slid his arm around my waist and held me close as we walked.

  As soon as we reached the picnic table, we sat down. Nolan kissed the hollow at the base of my neck. He pressed his mouth on mine. His lips were warm and sweet. I felt wrapped in warmth.

  Then Nolan slid his tongue between my lips. His hand outlined the circle of my breast. I tried not to care about the right or wrong of what was happening. But a chill crept up my spine. I pushed Nolan away. "I think we should stop ...."

  Nolan touched a finger to my lips. "We're not doing anything wrong." He kissed me. His kiss was slow, gentle. But then he slid his hand across my stomach, down to my thigh.

  I didn't know how I could feel war
m and cold at the same time, but I did. My heart hammered against my ribs. Part of me wanted to let this happen. But part of me didn't. I pushed Nolan away. "No ...."

  Nolan's eyes met mine. He studied my face. "Don't you love me?"

  "I ... I .... Of c-course I do."

  "Then what we're doing is okay."

  "But ...." I swallowed hard. "I-I'm not ready for this."

  Nolan brushed his fingers across my lips, as if to wipe away my words. "We've been together for weeks. It's time."

  "But—"

  "But what?" Nolan's voice had a dull edge to it.

  "I didn't think ... I didn't expect ... I'm just not ready."

  Nolan sat up straight. "The trouble with you is, you're too sensitive. Don't be afraid of life. You're a woman now."

  "Nolan, I'm sorry." I tried to ignore the painful knot in my stomach. "I ... just ...can't ... do ... it ... now. I just can't."

  At first there was no response. Nolan's face was flat. But then he put on a smile. "Okay. I can wait. You're worth it. We'll plan for it. Make it special."

  There was a sunny feeling deep in my heart. Nolan loved me enough to wait until I was ready. I let out a small sigh. "Oh, Nolan ...."

  "I've got a couple gigs coming up, one in Providence, Rhode Island tomorrow night, maybe one at a place down in The Village."

  "Oh, Nolan, in Greenich Village. How wonderful!"

  "Yeah. It means I might not have time to see you much for the next couple of weeks." He traced his fingers along the edge of my cheek. "But it'll be just that much more special when we do see each other."

  "Well, 'absence makes the heart grow fonder,'" I said, to convince myself as much him.

  "That's what I like to hear." Nolan gave me a quick kiss on my forehead. That small touch almost hypnotized me. "Now, you'd better get on home. You've got to get up early."

  "Yes." I was so pleased that Nolan wasn't angry with me, that he was willing to wait.

  We walked over to his motorcycle, where he gave me a lingering kiss before roaring off. Only then, as I started walking home in the purple twilight, did I think about what Nolan really said. He said he wanted to plan for it, make it special. What did that mean? Yes, he said he would wait. But for how long?

  I needed to think, so I decided to take a long way home. When I saw the glow of neon lights, I realized I was heading for Shopsave. I saw Caprice coming out the front door, walking away from me toward the bus stop. I started in her direction, but the bus came and she was gone. I decided I needed to talk to her, tomorrow if I could. She had dated lots of guys, and now she was going with Karl. She must know a lot about relationships.

  ***

  The next morning Joel arrived bright and early, just as he said he would. Our work was in Monroe that day, so on our way there I filled him in on all the customers' quirks and demands.

  "I know some of your customers from caddying," Joel said. "Don't worry. I'll be on my best behavior." He raised one hand. "Scout's honor."

  "I don't remember you ever being a scout."

  "Um, well, now that you mention it .... Okay, I think the bylaws of second grade still apply," he said solemnly. "Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye. How's that?"

  "Gruesome, but sincere." I tried to match Joel's serious tone of voice, but I couldn't quite hold back a giggle.

  Working with Joel made the day fly by. We gabbed about school, music, movies, even politics. As we drove from house to house, Joel sang along with the radio. He encouraged me to join in. I hesitated, because I don't have the greatest voice in the world. But he reminded me that he sounded more like Fabian than Frank Sinatra, and his voice hadn't broken any windows yet. So I sang along with him. I really liked it when I sang one part of "Memories Are Made of This" while Joel sang the other. He did a pretty good imitation of Dean Martin's warble.

  It was still hot when we finished the last yard, but, as planned, we'd brought our swimsuits and towels. I was looking forward to cooling off at the beach.

  As we neared Nicki's, I thought I saw Nolan's motorcycle in the parking lot. What would he be doing there at this time of day? Flirting with Bethany? Maybe I should pull over and find out. But what would I say if I found him there? He would tell me there was no reason to be suspicious, that it was all in my mind. And, of course, he was right. I had such an imagination! It probably wasn't even his bike. Why, it couldn't be. Nolan had a gig in Providence, Rhode Island tonight. He'd be on his way there, if he wasn't there already. Besides, what would I say to Joel? What excuse would I give him to stop at Nicki's?

  Just as I drove by, Joel said, "Hey, Nicki's! We should stop there some time and get a couple grinders to eat at the beach!"

  "Maybe ...," I said carefully.

  "Great!" Joel said. "Hey, how 'bout going to Hammonasett today instead of the town beach? Okay?"

  "Hammonasett?" Tiny rays of guilt hit me. I thought of Hammonasett as Nolan's and my beach. I shouldn't go there with another guy. But then, Joel wasn't really another guy. I mean, he was just a friend, a friend from all the way back to kindergarten. "Okay."

  When we got to Hammonasett I didn't drive down to the section of the beach where Nolan and I always met. I parked near the pavilion. It was more convenient anyway, because there were bathrooms there where we could change into our swimsuits. As we walked along the boardwalk Joel did a sniff test as we passed each food booth. "Mmm, hot dogs," he said. Or, "Ah, hamburgers. Fried clams, onion rings!" He patted his stomach. "Some time after work we'll have to stop here for a picnic supper on the beach."

  "Um, yeah ...," I said, leaving it vague.

  After we changed into our swimsuits Joel suggested stashing our stuff under the boardwalk. We dumped our things, then threaded our way through beach blankets and oiled bodies down to the water. "What do you want to do?" Joel asked. "Wade, float, or swim?"

  For a second, I couldn't think. Nolan didn't offer choices, he just announced what we were going to do. "Um ... we've worked hard all day. Let's float."

  We had to pick our way over a stretch of small rocks to deeper water. We were ouching and yike-ing and laughing our way across them, when I stepped on one covered with seaweed and lost my balance. Joel caught me before I fell, cupping his hand around my elbow to help me keep my balance until our feet hit smooth sand again.

  "Thanks," I said.

  "My pleasure." Joel gave me an elaborate bow, holding that pose as he tumbled into the water. He flipped onto his back, spreading his arms and legs out so that he looked like a stick figure. "Come on in, the water's fine."

  "I am in the water."

  Joel pointed one finger at his temple, and made chunka-chunka noises like an adding machine. "Float. On. Your. Back. The. Water's. Fine."

  I slid into the water and floated next to Joel. "I didn't know robots could float."

  "This. One. Can." He reached over and laced his fingers through mine. "This way we won't get separated," he said in his normal voice. "I wouldn't want you drifting all the way to Long Island."

  "Since all either of us can see is the sky, we could both float away."

  "Well ... at least this way we won't get separated. Imagine, one of us, alone, washing up on the shores of Long Island."

  "... being rescued by a family from the Hamptons, where one of us would live a lonely but luxurious life."

  "See ... if we stick together, we'd have each other for company and live a luxurious life. Let's start kicking," Joel said. "Maybe we can propel ourselves over there!"

  "We'd have to be back in time to mow lawns tomorrow morning."

  Joel let out an exaggerated sigh. "There's always something."

  After that, we just floated and watched the sky. Occasionally a seagull drifted overhead. One dove into the water and flew off with a fish. A wispy cloud rolled by. I said it looked like a giraffe. Joel thought it looked like a gnu.

  "A gnu?"

  "You're supposed to ask, 'What's a gnu?'"

  "Okay," I said. "What's a gnu?"


  "Nothing. Whatsa new with you?"

  I groaned.

  "Ouch!" Joel yelled.

  "Ouch?"

  "I just smacked into a rock!"

  I turned my head to look. "Yikes! We floated all the way to the jetty." The jetty where Nolan and I always went to sit and, uh, snuggle. "It must be getting late. We'd better get going." I swam for shore.

  "What's your hurry?" Joel asked he followed me out of the water, then trotted to catch up with me.

  "Um … my folks will be wondering where I am," I said.

  Joel pulled even with me. "There's a pay phone at the pavilion. We could call and let them know we're running late. Hey, we could even eat here tonight. I could really go for a basket of those fried clams—"

  "No!" I quickened my pace. "Um ... I .... Mama's already fixed dinner."

  "Oh. Okay," Joel said quietly.

  When we reached the pavilion, we couldn't remember exactly where we'd stashed our clothes. I immediately panicked, running from pillar to pillar, peering under the boardwalk. "Our thing are gone! We've been robbed!"

  "Take it easy," Joel said. "Let's think." He pointed to his left. "We came out of the bathrooms over there, walked down that ramp. Then we went to the right, not too far." He led me to the spot. "Ah, ha!" he exclaimed, looking down at the sand as he stuck one finger in the air. "Your wardrobe, milady."

  "Thank goodness!" I grabbed my things and headed straight for the bathroom.

  "Hey, Wild Bill, wait for me!" Joel ran after me. "It can't be all that late. Look where the sun is."

  I pulled my watch out of my dungarees pocket. "I'll have you know it's ... oh. Five thirty-seven. Well. Still. We need to get going."

  I guess we were worn out from work, because on the way home neither of us said much. Joel didn't sing, not even when Mack the Knife came on the radio, although he did snap his fingers in time to the music.

  When we got to my house, Joel helped me unload the truck. I was glad Papa was not in the back yard. I really didn't want him inviting Joel in for dinner. Nothing against Joel, I was just tired.