The Unbelievable Mr Brownstone Omnibus

by Michael Anderle

  Maria flipped open the book and tapped a picture of a dark-skinned, white-haired woman with pointed ears. “Look, this is what I’m reduced to, going through a Dungeon and Dragons Monster Manual for information on Drow. If normal human legends are bullshit, the last thing I’m going to trust is what some game has to say about them.”

  She pushed the tablet toward the elf. It was displaying a page filled with artistic renditions similar to the one in the Monster Manual. “But I need to know if this is who is in my town.”

  The elf took a deep breath and slowly let it out. “I can assure you that I’m not personally aware of any Drow in this town, and if the consul were aware, I would be as well.”

  “Okay, let’s assume that’s true. I still need to know about the Drow.”

  A look of discomfort passed over his face. “As I said, I am not aware that any are in town, but I will admit that Drow are very powerful, very selfish, very touchy, and very much a pain in the ass. I—and the consul, I can assure you—wouldn’t want them around any more than you do.”

  “The consulate recently helped facilitate a payment to the department and AET following a pretty nasty incident.”

  “Yes, and?”

  “We appreciated the gesture, but some new information has come to light about the incident that I think you’d find of interest.”

  The elf folded his hands in front of him. “Oh?”

  Maria marveled at how the man could keep a smile plastered on his face ninety-nine percent of the time.

  “The woman who attacked my team used a lot of shadow magic—shadow blades, shadow wings, that sort of thing. It’s possible that what we thought was a rogue human witch might have been a Drow in disguise.”

  The elf’s smile didn’t waver. “That’s a possibility, I suppose. What you describe is certainly consistent with the kind of magic they use, but it’s by no means a certainty.” He pushed the book and the tablet back to the AET officer.

  Maria sighed and rose. She collected her items. “If you become aware of anything concerning the Drow, please contact the LAPD. I’m no expert in politics, but after the farmer’s market incident people are on edge. Even though that was a human, a bad incident involving an Oriceran could make things uncomfortable for everyone.”

  Yeah, sweat a little, dickhead.

  The staffer smiled. “I’ll pass that message along to the consul, Lieutenant.”

  “Thanks.” Maria headed out of the room.

  After the door closed, the air shimmered, and the consul appeared. He sighed and shook his head.

  “I’d thought we’d contained this, but now the human authorities all but know the truth about the Drow assassin. This is a disaster.”

  His staffer looked at him. “I’m sorry I couldn’t do a better job of redirecting her.”

  “It’s not your fault. It’s Laena and her damned Drow, but if the police are poking around now, that means the Drow are likely up to something far more pernicious than mere mischief. We need to handle this issue ourselves before Lieutenant Hall and her people discover the truth.”

  The consul rubbed his chin. It was time to send a few people out there to sniff around.

  James nodded to Trey across his desk. “Your message said you wanted to talk about the Vegas shit.”

  “Yeah, after talking with Aunt Charlyce and following up with the Vegas cops, this isn’t just a request for some short-term temporary help. To make this work, we’re gonna have to open an office in Las Vegas.”

  James grimaced. “Going from LA to Vegas is four to five hours on a good day. Not like we can have guys driving that shit daily. They’ll have to stay at least a day to get any useful crap done.”

  Trey nodded. “Yeah, I agree. Aunt Charlyce got all the details of the payments and shit worked out, but you and me have got to agree on how to work it with the boys. The thing is, the boys are all from Los Angeles. This is our home. Not one of them wants to spend all their time in a new city.

  “Fair enough. Got any ideas?”

  “I was kind of stumped, but Royce had some sweet ideas.”

  “He did?”

  James hadn’t even considering asking the DI for advice.

  “Yeah,” Trey replied. “I figure it’s not like the military always works their people nine-to-five. So I asked him for suggestions. He talked about using a rotating schedule with a small number of guys.” Trey shrugged. “I figure we arrange the boys into teams. It’s how we’ve been training them anyway. We can use teams of six that are set up, so we have three of them in Vegas for three days a week to help start clearing it out. The other half of the team in LA. They get a day off, and then the next week we swap to a new team, so it’ll be a few weeks before someone has to work a weird-ass schedule and only have a day off. It’ll also keep most of the boys concentrated in LA, so they don’t feel like we pulled some bait-and-switch shit on them.”

  “Sounds good,” James offered.

  Trey frowned. “Only one last thing to worry about.”

  “What?”

  “What about Lachlan? Not sure if we should have him working this kind of schedule, even if his week won’t come up that often.”

  James grunted. “If he’s gonna be part of the team, then he needs to do the same shit as everyone else. Otherwise, it won’t work, and he’ll become more of a pain in the ass.”

  Trey chuckled. “Yeah, you’re right. I‘m being a dumbass. I’m planning to be on the first team, and I’ll take him with me unless Royce needs him for training those three days. He can keep an eye on his sorry ass then.” He grinned. “Don’t worry. I’ve got this, boss.”

  “I trust you, Trey. You know that by now, right?”

  “Shit, James, you’re one of the few people who ever has. I better get talking to the boys about the plan.” He hopped out of his seat and headed toward the door, his suit immaculate as always.

  I look like a bum, but Trey looks like a professional. Funny how that shit works.

  Trey opened the door and stepped out of the room.

  James followed up his meeting by clicking around on a few barbeque news sites. High-level bounties had been scarce the last few days. Apparently, a lot of criminals liked to take a vacation at the beginning of the summer, too.

  Fifteen minutes later and right in the middle of reading an article entitled “Carolinas Divided: A Sauce Controversy,” James’ phone buzzed with a text from Sergeant Mack.

  Brownstone, you need to come down to the precinct. Lieutenant Hall wants to talk with you.

  “What the fuck now?” the bounty hunter grumbled. Why wouldn’t that AET cop leave his ass alone?

  His phone buzzed again.

  No, you aren’t being brought in or arrested. Come ASAP.

  17

  James sat on a chair in the featureless white-walled interrogation room wondering what the hell was going on. He wasn’t going to fight the cops if they planned to arrest him. That might make the next couple of days unpleasant.

  I don’t have time for this shit. I wasn’t even in town for the last big showdown, so it’s not like they can bitch at me for blowing shit up.

  The door opened, and Sergeant Mack stepped through, a cup of coffee and a donut in hand. He walked over to the table and set them in front of James.

  “Just waiting on Lieutenant Hall,” the sergeant explained.

  “And you’re sure I’m not under arrest?”

  Mack shrugged. “To be honest, I don’t know what the hell is going on. Just that she specifically wanted you to come in. AET asked me to reach out to you since I’ve worked with you for years and I used to be your landlord. They wanted this to be, in Hall’s words, ‘non-confrontational.’”

  Did they use Mack to trap me? If they did, he wasn’t in on it. No fucking way.

  James grabbed the chocolate sprinkled donut and took a bite. Might as well handle another errand while he was at the station.

  “Hey, I meant to call you about this shit, Mack, but I need your help with something else. N
othing to do with cops or bounty hunting.”

  The sergeant took a seat in one of the hard plastic chairs across from James. “What did you need?”

  “I was wondering if you’d co-captain a barbeque team.”

  Mack’s interest was piqued. “A barbeque team? Whose?”

  “The Brownstone Agency’s. We’re gonna be doing competitions. Team-building shit, and why pass up a chance to barbeque? We’ll have a bunch of smaller groups under the main team, but I’m still looking for someone to help guide the whole crew. Someone who knows their way around a grill.”

  “A bunch of reformed gangbangers and a bounty hunter? I guess with one cop thrown in the sauces would be pretty fucking wonderful.” Mack chuckled. “Maybe that’s what our team name could be. PFW. Have to clean it up in case anyone asks. Pretty, fantastic and wonderful.”

  James shrugged. “I’m always into truth in marketing. ‘Fucking’ would have to stay in. If people can’t handle that, then fuck them.”

  Mack laughed. “You’re the captain, and they’re your guys.”

  The door creaked, and Lieutenant Hall stepped in, for once lacking the scowl that always seemed attached to her face whenever she was forced to be near James.

  She nodded at the open door. “Sergeant, I’d like to talk to Brownstone alone. This is an AET matter, nothing to do with general police business or bounty hunting.”

  Mack looked at James, and the bounty hunter nodded back. He doubted Hall would assassinate him in the middle of a police station in a room with a security camera.

  The sergeant made his way to the door. “Talk later about PFW?”

  “Yeah.”

  The cop stepped out of the room and closed the door behind him.

  Lieutenant Hall didn’t sit. She stared at James with her lips pursed, like he was a naughty child who had annoyed her.

  James shrugged. “You wanted me, so I’m here.”

  “Yeah, that you are.”

  “Before we get into whatever this shit is about, I wanted to congratulate you. Nice job on taking down that witch, by the way. I saw some of the action on the news. She would have fucked me up if I had to take her on.”

  Maria’s brow furrowed as if she were confused by the compliment. She dropped into a chair and folded her hands in front of her. “I guess I’ll take that as a compliment on behalf of the guys of the force.”

  “You’re the main tactical team leader. It’s a compliment for you, too. I’m a shitty leader, so I give respect to those who aren’t.”

  The lieutenant sighed. “Let’s be real, Brownstone. I’ve made no secret of the fact I don’t like you. Hell, I think I downright hate you.”

  James grinned. “Yeah. I kind of noticed.”

  “But I’ve also been told by the higher-ups that I need to stop blaming you for everything, and…” The lieutenant looked away. “Look, one of the reasons I have problems with you is because of how fucking destructive you are. I joined AET because I didn’t like the idea of overpowered people doing whatever the fuck they want. I don’t give a shit if magic is back. The strong should protect the weak.”

  James grunted. “I do my best to keep that shit away from innocent people. Why do you think I came to the cops when all those hitmen were after me? But I’m not gonna fucking cry if some asshole thugs’ buildings get busted up. Fuck the Harriken. They got everything they had coming.”

  “Not saying they didn’t.” The lieutenant took a deep breath. “When we took down that demon witch, we tore up a lot of cars in the area. We’d gone out of our way to make sure civilians weren’t around, were geared up, and ready, and the collateral damage was still high.”

  “Shit happens.” James shrugged.

  “Yeah, I know. All this crap recently, including the witch and AET’s last big battle, has given me a new perspective on what it means to deal with high-level targets.”

  “A new perspective?”

  The cop shrugged. She reached across the table and snatched James’ coffee cup. He didn’t bother to complain.

  She took a sip, eyeing him as if daring him to complain. “Not saying mass destruction is acceptable, but I accept now that we can’t always make the other side take it easy on innocent bystanders. That crazy bitch murdered a bunch of people at that farmer’s market for shits and giggles, and she would have killed dozens more if we hadn’t stopped her.”

  James nodded. “Sometimes a hard take-down is just that. I like it when the assholes are hiding in the middle of nowhere, so no one has to get hurt. Dealt with a necromancer in Mexico like that. I could really let loose without any worries.”

  Lieutenant Hall gulped down more coffee. “Yeah. My first real takedown was a level four hiding at a new construction site. It was fucking annoying as hell because the guy could move shit without touching it, so there was a bunch of dodging wood and steel beams, but it was also easy to keep people away from the scene, and there wasn’t much to blow up.” She let out a soft chuckle. “It’s crazy. When I joined the force, if someone had walked in and talked about magic, we would have sent them to the psych hospital, and now I have a job where I have to worry about fucking magical killers.”

  “You religious at all, Lieutenant?”

  “Huh? Why do you ask?”

  James shrugged. “I’m Catholic. I’m a shitty Catholic, but I still try to go to church. Was just thinking about something my priest told me a while back. He was saying how with all this magic coming back that it should remind people that miracles are a real thing. Good magic, not just the bad magic.”

  “You believe that, Brownstone? It’s hard sometimes not to believe the Man Downstairs isn’t the guy winning the long game.”

  The bounty hunter grunted and shook his head. “Every time you take down an asshole like that witch, you save people. Shit is fucked-up all over right now, but it’s only been twenty years since magic came back in full. We’ll probably figure out this sooner rather than later, and our grandkids won’t get why magic was even a big deal.”

  Lieutenant Hall set down the coffee cup and snickered. “I’m surprised. You didn’t strike me as the optimistic sort, Brownstone.”

  “I don’t know what I am, but I’ve got people I give a shit about. All I can do is beat down the assholes who might hurt them.”

  She looked uncomfortable for a moment. “Okay, anyway, I didn’t call you here to trade takedown stories.”

  “Why did you call me here, Lieutenant?”

  She locked eyes with him. “We had another big takedown right before the witch. She didn’t have an official bounty, but she would have easily been a level five.”

  James kept his face impassive. In truth, he felt bad about setting up the AET. He’d not expected the fake Shay to be so tough, and the last thing he’d ever wanted was for a cop to get hurt; even cops who hated him. They were all on the same side in the end.

  “The woman you asked me about,” he offered.

  “Yeah. New evidence has come up. We’re not so sure she was even human.”

  “Huh, really? Guess that would explain why she gave you so much trouble.”

  “We think she was a disguised Oriceran, a type of elf called a Drow. We also believe she was linked to a string of murders around the same period. Some information suggests she’s got three buddies in town. Not a hundred percent certain, but there are three weirdos with powerful magic who have been asking around about you. Considering what happened before, I’m betting these three weirdos are Drow in disguise.”

  The lieutenant watched him for a moment, scrutinizing his face for any sign of recognition.

  That’s who the fake Shay was, a Drow? And three more are here. Damn it. Are they looking for Alison? I don’t know shit about these Drow, but her mom ran away from them, and if they’d try to kill a bunch of cops and murder people, I don’t want her anywhere near those fuckers.

  If they are anywhere near as tough as Alison’s mom, this might be a fucking problem. I’ve got to take care of these assholes before she comes b
ack home and gets caught in the crossfire.

  I promised Nicole I’d protect Alison, and she’s my daughter now. Fuck anyone who comes after her. I’ll kick their asses all the way into the World in Between.

  James shrugged, blank-faced. “What’s this got to do with me? I really had no idea who that woman was. You used your artifact, remember? It proved I was telling the truth.”

  “Yeah, I know.”

  “Anyway, I’m a bounty hunter, not a cop. If they don’t attack me, there won’t be an issue. From what it sounds like, they don’t have a bounty, so it’s not worth my time to go fucking with them.”

  Lieutenant Hall chuckled. “I had a conversation the other day with a couple of homicide detectives in Las Vegas, West and Lafayette.”

  James frowned. “What’s that have to do with anything?”

  “I knew you’d worked with them during your little Vegas escapade, so I wanted to get the truth from the horse’s mouth. You’re not the King of Vegas like you are Los Angeles, so I figured if you were a piece of shit they’d let me know.”

  James grunted but didn’t say anything.

  Lieutenant Hall leaned forward, a smirk on her face. “They told me all sorts of shit, a lot of it off the record, mostly how you were obsessed with a promise to a little girl, how you didn’t really give a shit about the money as long as you took down the killer, crap like that.” She sighed. “This is a problem, Brownstone. Don’t you see?”

  “Not following you.”

  “I thought I had you figured out. Thought you were just a thug who got off on beating people down and got away with it because you were smart enough to beat down mostly other thugs, but now I see it’s bullshit.”

  “You don’t know shit about me, Lieutenant.”

  She sat back up. “Sure, but I do know you’re in the process of adopting a girl whose parents died, and she’s off at some boarding school. Maybe you were a thug before, and your priest’s sermon finally got to you. Maybe you had a birthday and started thinking there is something more to life than being a piece of shit. All I know is I’m fucking annoyed because I have to think of you as an actual human being.”