The Unbelievable Mr Brownstone Omnibus

by Michael Anderle

  Two large men who’d been lounging near the bar shoved their way through the crowd and stomped over toward Tyler.

  “What did you just say about Lars?” one of the men growled.

  “Just explaining the situation.”

  The man shoved Tyler. “No, you said he was a cowardly piece of shit.”

  Tyler shrugged. “Hey, he’s obviously afraid, which is why he needed to bring help to take down Brownstone. I’m just disappointed, is all. I thought the great Lars Hansen wouldn’t need help, but instead, he had to go and cry and say he needed backup. How is that not cowardly? It’d be like Brownstone calling for surprise help.”

  The thug slammed a fist into Tyler’s stomach. The information broker doubled over and fell to his knees, coughing and groaning.

  A roar went up from the crowd. Several people complained about their bets not being taken.

  “Fuck, that hurt,” Tyler wheezed. “You sonofabitch.”

  Kathy gasped and scrambled out of her seat. “You can’t do that. It’s against the rules.”

  Tyler’s assailant sneered. “Fuck you, bitch, and fuck your boss. My boss told me to make sure that Tyler didn’t try any shit, and I think being disrespectful is trying shit.”

  Maria shook her head. She reached into her back pocket instead of her jacket. A gunfight in a crowded bar would result in too much collateral damage, but she still had surprise on her side. She grabbed a small silver telescoping baton from her pocket and pulled it out. With a quick thrust, it snapped to full length.

  The Demon General grinned at her. “Can I join in, too, cop? Come on. That was a bitch move, sucker-punching Tyler.”

  She shook her head. “Stay out of it. It’s cop business now.”

  “You’re no fun.”

  “Nope.”

  Maria raised the baton and advanced on the two thugs standing over Tyler.

  He looked up from the ground and flipped off the thug. One of the thugs slugged him, and Tyler slammed to the ground.

  He wiped some blood from his mouth and grinned. “You just lost your neutrality, asshole.”

  21

  Maria continued advancing on the thug, her weapon in hand. Another man joined him to kick Tyler.

  It’s been a while since I had to remind people why this place is neutral. Disrespecting the neutrality here means disrespecting the AET, and it’s important that these assholes remember who is in charge.

  The thug glanced her way, his gaze dropping to her baton. “You got a problem, bitch?”

  Maria pointed her baton at Tyler. “You’re assaulting the owner of this place. You can’t honestly expect me to stand by and let that happen.”

  The man snorted. “You want some of this too? Maybe we can offer you a little rod after we’re done with Tyler.”

  His friend grinned, feral hunger in his eyes.

  Cocky assholes. Good. If they had powers, they would have already used them. They shouldn’t be a problem.

  “Leave right now.” Maria raised the baton. “I don’t want trouble here. That’s the whole damned point of the neutrality. Why don’t you and your friend just walk away? You can tell everyone how you kicked Tyler’s ass and laugh about it.”

  The first thug squared his shoulders. “You think I’m afraid of some bitch?”

  “I’m not just some bitch. I’m a cop with AET.”

  “So what? I run with Lars Hansen. He’s killed plenty of cops and AET.”

  Maria nodded and looked him up and down. “You’re just his errand boy, I’m guessing. I don’t recognize you, which means you’re not a level four or higher. I don’t need armor and a rifle to take your ass down.”

  He frowned. “Fuck you, bitch. You think I’m afraid to beat a cop down?”

  “Three-to-one Maria kicks their asses,” Tyler croaked.

  The man silenced him with a kick. “Shut your mouth, fucker, if you want to be alive at the end of this.” He looked at his partner. “Three to one? More like ten to one.” He laughed.

  Several men rushed toward the table to slap down bets, and the thug stopped laughing. The men placing bets hurried back into the crowd, allowing a circle of space in the center.

  The thug narrowed his eyes at the cop. “You should have been the one to walk away, bitch. Now you’re gonna pay.”

  Still too many people to use my gun. Need to rattle his cage a little so I have the advantage.

  Maria sneered. “You’re an idiot, which is why you’re here instead of helping take down Brownstone.”

  “You’re dead, bitch.”

  With a grunt, the man lunged. The cop spun, dodging his grasp. Two quick strikes to his knees with the baton had him on the ground groaning. A nice kick to the head with her boot sent him to the Land of Nod.

  “My name isn’t ‘bitch,’ it’s Maria.” She kicked him again.

  His partner yanked out a knife. “I’m gonna carve you up good.”

  Maria snorted. “You’re seriously trying to intimidate me with a knife? Give me a fucking break. I’ve stared down demons and portals to other worlds, you dumb piece of shit.”

  The man swiped at her, and she blocked his strike with her baton. She backed off, glancing to either side to make sure no one was planning to join in, but everyone was just watching and cheering as if they were at a boxing match.

  Need to end this quickly.

  The cop sprinted forward when the thug bumped into a table and smashed his wrist with the baton. He yelled, and his knife clattered to the ground.

  Maria followed up with a knee in his groin. The man howled in pain and bent over. A quick blow to the head sent him to the ground, moaning.

  “Damn!” shouted the gang member from earlier. “She laid those bitches out like they were nothing.”

  The cop sighed and knelt by the second man.

  “You…bitch,” he moaned.

  “I already told you. Not bitch, asshole.” Maria collapsed her baton and stuck it back in her pocket. “Lieutenant Maria Hall, AET.”

  A murmur rippled through the crowd as two uniformed officers pushed their way through. They stopped when they hit the clear circle where the thugs had met their fate.

  One of the cops looked down at the men on the ground. “We got a call about an assault in progress. Weren’t sure if we should come because of the whole neutrality thing, Lieutenant.” He frowned.

  Don’t give a shit if you approve. Only give a shit if you have my back as a fellow cop.

  Maria nudged her second victim with her foot. “These guys were beating on the owner of the place. They refused to leave, so it was necessary for me to take them down.”

  “We’ll take it from here, Lieutenant.” The cop fished out handcuffs and shook his head. “Stupid idiots.”

  Maria marched over to Tyler, who had relocated to a chair at this point and was holding his stomach. His face was swollen and he’d have an obvious black eye soon, but he seemed otherwise okay.

  She eyed him in silence, wondering if he’d been purposely trying to get the men to hit him so she could take care of them, or even as a warning that Brownstone was in danger.

  He can’t honestly care, can he?

  It didn’t matter. She needed him to clarify a few things so she knew how angry she should be with him.

  Maria pointed toward the hallway. “I need to talk to you, Tyler. Now.”

  He shook his head. “I’ve got bets to take, and I’ve got to pay out for the bets on you. Money goes before comfort.”

  Maria rolled her eyes. “This isn’t about comfort, and it wasn’t a request.”

  Kathy stepped away from the edge of the crowd. “I can handle the bets, Tyler.”

  The cop grabbed Tyler’s arm and yanked him out of the chair. “Come on, before I get really pissed and finish what they started.”

  The info broker muttered under his breath as the AET lieutenant dragged him into the hallway and away from the crowd.

  The cop took a deep breath. “Before I had to save your ass from those two thugs
, I had an interesting conversation with a chatty gang member. I’m hoping he was confused, because if he’s not, you and Brownstone conspired to set up some sort of fight event in the Salton Sea with a level-five bounty, and you didn’t mention any of this to me or anyone else in the department. I’m also really having trouble believing this because it involves you working closely with Brownstone.”

  Tyler shrugged, then winced a little and leaned against the wall. “I made such a persuasive case that even that thug Brownstone realized it was a good idea. Except…things have gotten complicated.”

  “Because Lars is now going to ambush Brownstone with two other guys.”

  Tyler nodded and offered her a pained smile. “Yeah, that’s kind of how it worked out. It wasn’t exactly the plan, but it’s how things ended.”

  “And Tweedledee and Tweedledum in the bar? What was their deal?”

  “Some of Lars’ guys. They didn’t want me warning Brownstone. I figured that even if they kicked the shit out of me, you’d be able to get a warning to him. They had my phone.” He frowned. “I need to remember to go grab it. Maybe Kathy did.”

  Maria stared at him. “You wanted to warn Brownstone?”

  Tyler waved a hand. “Don’t get me wrong. This isn’t about saving his ass. I’ve just got a lot of money riding on him.”

  Maria groaned and scrubbed a hand over her face. “You stupid fucking moron. No, I should say, you stupid fucking morons. What? Did you honestly think some piece of shit cop-killer would play nice? That you could control him?”

  “Um, yes?”

  She jabbed a finger in his chest. “You know what? This is the problem with men. You can’t think past your dicks. I would have thought Brownstone would have been too stubborn for this sort of shit, and you too smart.” She spun on her heel. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to get AET there in time to save him.”

  “Brownstone knew what he was agreeing to. Uh, mostly. It’s not your problem.”

  Maria stormed off. “Call Brownstone. Warn him. At least he’ll have a fucking chance then.”

  Tyler followed along. “Look, mistakes happen.”

  She continued pushing her way through the crowd toward the entrance.

  “The time’s almost up,” Tyler shouted to the crowd. “Place your final bets, and all you assholes who bet on those three dicks when I was getting my ass kicked? Those count!”

  Shay stomped back and forth, kicking at the dust and rocks, her heart thundering. She glared at the surrounding pine trees, clutching her phone.

  She wanted to punch someone. A tree would have to do.

  James, you stupid fucking idiot. You purposely kept this from me, too.

  The tomb raider took several deep breaths and slowly let them out. There was nothing she could do about James. She wasn’t in a city, so even if Peyton could find a wizard or she could stumble on some hidden magical passage, it didn’t matter. James would have to win the battle on his own. Just like with the Drow, by the time she got there it’d be too late.

  She dialed Alison. The girl deserved to know what was going on, and what might happen.

  You better not die, James. You’ll break that poor girl’s heart.

  “Hey, Mo…Aunt Shay,” Alison answered.

  “Stupid fucking idiot men with shit moronic actions,” Shay shouted into the phone. “I fucking hate them all!”

  “Um, excuse me?”

  Shay kicked a nearby dried stump. “Your dad is a fucking moron, and the next time I see him, I’m gonna strangle him. Then I’m gonna shoot him. Then I’m gonna bring him back to life so I can throw him off a building.”

  “O-okay. Are you all right, Aunt Shay? Did you have some sort of fight? I mean, I know Dad’s still working on the whole emotional intelligence thing, but this is a little mean, I think.”

  The tomb raider resisted throwing her phone to the ground and stomping on it. It wasn’t Alison’s fault. Or the phone’s.

  “Your idiot dad decided he was gonna set up some sort of scheduled bounty capture and make money off it. Kind of like a pay-per-view fight. But because he’s a bounty hunter and not a girl who can see souls or a super-smart tomb raider who can see through bullshit, he didn’t anticipate that he might get tricked. So now he’s walking straight into an ambush of a level-five guy and two level-fours when he thinks it’s just gonna be one guy. Stupid pig-fucking-headed moron.”

  Alison sighed. “This is Dad we’re talking about. Even if there are extra tough guys, I’m sure he can handle it. He’s always been able to before.”

  Shay threw up a hand. “There’s nothing I can do about it either. I’m seriously in the middle of nowhere, and I have absolutely no way of getting there in time. I’m extra fucking pissed, too, because I asked him the other day if he was up to anything, and he conveniently forgot to mention all this. That proves it. That fucking proves that he knew this was bullshit.”

  “Aunt Shay, you need to take a few deep breaths and calm down. Getting really worked up about it won’t help, and if worse comes to worst, he has the wish. He has his amulet with him, too.”

  The tomb raider rubbed her forehead. Alison was right, but James couldn’t use the wish if he was dead and there were no guarantees how long his enemies would risk letting him live.

  Damn you, James.

  “How do you even know any of this?” Alison asked.

  “That AET lieutenant, Maria Hall—the one who helped saved his ass last time—she gave me a call. I don’t even know how the hell she has my number, but she explained the situation about how your dad is participating in basically the world’s stupidest pay-per-view fight, and I called you to let you know.”

  “But not Dad? Shouldn’t he be warned?”

  “She’s got someone else calling to warn him.” Shay marched over to one of the pine trees and kicked the trunk several times. “I figured you deserved to know, and if I called him, nothing would happen but me screaming at him for ten minutes straight. That would feel good for me, but wouldn’t be helpful.”

  Alison laughed. “Probably. After we’re done here, I think I should be the one to call him, so at least somebody close is talking to him about this.”

  “Fine,” Shay replied through gritted teeth. “I have a lot of aggression to work out before I speak with James Brownstone again.”

  “You do need to remember that he took care of himself before the two of us ever entered his life. He can be stubborn and make mistakes, but it’s also not like he’s a guy who doesn’t know how to deal with danger.”

  Shay finished kicking the poor defenseless pine tree. “Fine. I’ll just try to believe in him and his stupid amulet.”

  “That’s all we can do. I know it’ll be hard, but I’ll be home soon, and then I can help keep him in check.”

  “You mean help me kill him?”

  Alison laughed. “I don’t think we should kill Dad. Promise me you won’t.”

  “I won’t,” Shay grumbled.

  22

  James frowned as he put his truck into park and turned it off. The Salton Sea was just as he remembered it—nothing but sand, rocks, and dirt for miles. The water that had once been there had left its mark but was long gone.

  Where’s Lars? If that fucker made me drive all the way out here just to flake out, I hope Tyler tells everyone how much of a chickenshit he is. Fuck, I’ll have Heather spread that shit around.

  For all James knew Lars had teleported there. The bounty hunter still had a few hundred yards to hike to the actual coordinates. The battlefield was nestled between several small and large dunes, but James didn’t want to drive his truck over there and risk even more injury to his old friend.

  He glared at the crack in the windshield before opening his door and stepping outside. The harsh sun beat down on him.

  “Yeah, I was a dumbass to pick this place again,” James muttered. “But I might as well get ready. I’ve got some ass to kick.”

  He reached under his shirt and yanked the metal separator off the ba
ck of his amulet. The alien artifact burned as it touched his chest. The whispers erupted immediately in his mind.

  Initiation.

  There’d been a brief second of understanding followed by a feeling of anticipation, but the word had been clear this time. Alien, but understandable.

  Initiation? What the fuck does that mean?

  Pain blossomed from the point of contract, knocking the question of James’ head. The agony spread to the rest of his chest, then to his head and limbs.

  James hissed at the fire burning through every cell in his body. The whispers returned, quiet and insistent. The amulet was ready for battle.

  He took several deep breaths and threw open the back of the truck to grab his equipment, including his potions, grenades, and knives. Lars was a level five, so James wasn’t about to make the mistake of underestimating him.

  James’ phone rang on the console, and he pulled it out. Tyler.

  Better not fucking chew me out again about being out of town, asshole.

  “What?” James rumbled into the phone. “I’m trying to get ready here.”

  Guess it’s a good thing I finally bothered to get a phone with backup satellite service.

  He thought about asking Heather to provide backup, but Tyler was already watching the area, and this was supposed to be a one-on-one confrontation. If it went well, even if Lars was taken down, it might be a trick they could use on a few other high-level bounties.

  “I’ve got active camera feeds,” Tyler began. “Also got some drones flying around with good vision.” He sighed. “But there’s a problem. A big fucking problem, and you need to know about it before you hit the site.”

  James cradled the phone with his neck as he slipped on his tactical harness. “What? I don’t see any other cars or trucks here. Did that fucker run?”

  “No, kind of the opposite, and that’s the problem.”

  “What do you mean?” James finished putting on the harness and loading magazines into it.