The Unbelievable Mr Brownstone Omnibus

by Michael Anderle

  “Shay’s coming to pick you up for knife training and grenade practice.”

  The teen laughed. “I wonder if I should tell people I practiced with grenades in the summer.”

  James grunted. “Big deal. You go to a magic school. Grenades are nothing compared to the kind of thing you’ll be able to do. Shay’s also got a different sort of obstacle course set up at Warehouse One. Just remember what we said about its location.”

  Alison snorted. “If there’s one thing I can do, it’s keep a secret.”

  An hour later, James was on his way across the parking lot to his F-350 when his phone rang. He looked down. Unknown number.

  Heather, huh? She knows better than I do about the best way to keep safe.

  “Yeah, what’s up?” James answered. “Oh, I talked to Mack for you.”

  “Mack?” replied a soft female voice over the line.

  James didn’t recognize the voice. It didn’t sound anything like Heather.

  “Who is this?” the bounty hunter rumbled.

  The woman laughed. “Oh, no, no. That’s not how this is going to go, James.”

  He grunted. “Only my friends get to call me James, and I have no fucking idea who you are.”

  “I’m the woman who has power over you.”

  James snorted. “Only two women like that on this planet, and you aren’t either of them.”

  “You’re going to be doing some things for me, along with giving me money though, soon enough.” She chuckled.

  “And why would I do that?”

  The woman blew out a breath. “Because I have a video of you doing some very, very kinky stuff, and I think the internet would be very interested in it.”

  James burst out laughing. “Seriously? That’s the shit you’re gonna try?”

  “Did you hear what I said?”

  “I don’t think you have that shit, but even if you did, what the fuck ever.” James shook his head. “Here’s the thing… I wouldn’t release the video, for your sake.”

  The woman snickered. “You think you can threaten me, James?”

  “Nah. You’re not understanding. I’m not threatening you. I’m just saying if you did something like that, some people I know would track you down. You wouldn’t be alive at the end of it, and trust me, I’m not gonna be the one touching you. So, for your own sake, just give up on whatever bullshit blackmail scheme you think you have going.”

  The woman harrumphed. “This isn’t over, James.” The woman ended the call.

  James heaved a huge sigh. It’d been only a matter of time before something like this happened. Time for some damage control.

  He dialed Heather at her last contact number.

  “Hey, James,” the hacker answered. “I got a call from the cop. Thanks for putting in a good word for me.”

  “No problem. I’ve got a job for you.”

  “Oh?”

  James could almost hear the grin over the line.

  “Yeah.” He frowned. “Some bitch just called me up and tried to blackmail me. Claims she has kinky video of me. Called my phone from an unknown number.”

  Heather laughed. “And does she have kinky video?”

  “I’m not a kinky sort of guy. Kinky is complicated, and I’ve got enough complicated shit in my life, let alone in the bedroom.” James shook his head. “Just track her down before Shay finds out, Peyton finds her, and Shay ends her.”

  “Aye-aye, James. I’ll find your mystery bitch ASAP.”

  James chuckled. “Thanks.” He ended the call.

  All the mirth drained from him. The timing was too damn convenient. Someone was threatening to release a kinky video of him right before a court hearing to determine if he could adopt Alison. Coincidence?

  Maybe, or maybe someone was trying to sabotage his case.

  Find this bitch, Heather. If she’s trying to fuck with the adoption, I’ll make her pay.

  10

  The next day, Trey, Royce, and James sat at a table in a conference room. They’d been discussing training over the last several days, and how pleased Royce was with the men’s overall progress since the start of the program.

  “All that said, it’s time for another Mud King match,” Royce announced. “It’s a good exercise, and teamwork in different contexts only helps.”

  Trey nodded. “Yeah, it really stuck with the boys, and I think they’d work hard to get their shot at victory.”

  James furrowed his brow. “I agree, but I think we should change it.

  Royce nodded. “Sure. What did you have in mind?”

  “Maybe we can do the finals differently.”

  The DI frowned. “Yeah, to be honest, I don’t know how much chance they have with you. They could use some better tactics, but your physical abilities are just way above them. You should be a target, but not an impossible one.”

  “I wasn’t even thinking about that. I was just thinking that maybe Shay and Alison could be involved. You know, Team Brownstone?” James shrugged.

  Trey laughed. “So the other team can get their ass handed to them even easier? I saw Shay on our obstacle course once. The woman moves like gravity’s optional for her.”

  Royce shook his head. “I’ve got an idea. We can use technology similar to what we use in the tactical training suits. There are vests I can get my hands on. They deliver shocks if three places are touched in the space of one second. I’ve seen them used in similar types of training before, where they were trying to get people to focus on particular areas of the body.”

  “With all this shocking going on, we’re all gonna end up fucking sterile,” Trey muttered.

  “It gives more options on how to take out a competitor. It encourages not just brute strength, but also stealth and surprise attacks. It means someone like Alison has a shot at taking out someone, but also a normal man has a shot at taking James out.” Royce glanced at the bounty hunter. “The shock will be strong enough to stun someone so they can be more easily pushed.”

  “Someone, but not necessarily me.” James grunted.

  “It’s not that weak.”

  “Maybe. I can take a shock or two.” He shrugged. “If I can be shot a few times and not go down, I’m not gonna drop from a shock.”

  Royce chuckled. “Fair enough. It’ll at least slow you down. If they’re smart, they’ll go after you in pairs. The second guy can keep up the shocks after you go down from the first guy’s attack.

  “Yeah, guess you’re right.” James grinned, excitement already starting to build. “Talk to Charlyce about getting the order in. This sounds like a good idea.”

  Shay frowned as Alison ran through the empty shelves she’d set up in Warehouse One. The girl stumbled over a box and scrambled up. She made it a few more feet before the tomb raider nailed her with a small rubber ball. It was enough to sting, but not enough to injure her.

  The teen yelped and ducked as Shay picked up a few more from a nearby box and threw them at Alison.

  “Keep low,” the tomb raider shouted. “You’re already small, which means you’re a harder target to hit. The less you present, the harder it is.”

  Alison felt her way around another shelf then darted around the corner just in time to dodge another rubber ball.

  The girl reached the end of the shelves and leaned over, panting and rubbing her side.

  “That hurt, Aunt Shay,” Alison whined.

  “That’s the point. I don’t have those fancy suits like James. Need something to motivate you.” Shay nodded, satisfied with what she was seeing. “Plus, you need to look at me more. You might be blind, but you can see enough of a person’s energy to at least anticipate their actions. Avoiding attacks is similar to avoiding a tail. You need to be unpredictable, and you need to anticipate what the other person will do.”

  Alison sighed and stood up. “All this training, though… I appreciate it, but I don’t know if it’ll help. I thought it would, but now I’m not so sure. At the end of the day, I still can’t see like you can, so even
if I can avoid the other person shooting at me, I’m going to trip over a box.”

  Shay frowned. She’d wanted the girl to appreciate the possible situations and the dangers she might face. James’ magical-powder-covered training courses didn’t present real-world environments, but the tomb raider might have pushed too far.

  She let out a long sigh and walked over to Alison. “This is partially our fault.”

  “What do you mean?”

  Shay shrugged. “James and I don’t see like you do, so the only thing we can do is train you the ways we know. But you have advantages we don’t. He told me how handy your sight was in the tactical room. The same principles apply with a real gun.”

  Alison snorted. “Doesn’t mean anything if I trip and get shot because I’m falling.”

  “I know. I know.” Shay took a deep breath. “I’m looking into magic that can help you see better, so you don’t have to worry about using your wish for it. It’s going to be a while, though. I can’t honestly say when it’ll be ready.”

  The teen nodded. “I don’t even know what to say. I’ve never thought much about using an artifact to help with my sight.”

  Shay shrugged. “My day job is finding artifacts. I wish I could find one to really help you. Maybe give you complete normal vision.”

  Alison shook her head. “But I don’t want that.”

  “You don’t want to see normally?”

  “No.” The girl smiled. “I like being able to see the truth of people’s souls. Without it, I wouldn’t have known how beautiful your soul is, or Dad’s.”

  Shay snorted. “You need to get those eyes checked if you think my soul is beautiful.”

  “Doing bad things doesn’t mean you have a bad soul.” Alison pulled Shay into an embrace. “I can see the pain in both you and Dad. I wish I could help you let it go, but I know you’re both good people because you both have helped me and care about me.”

  Shay blinked away a few rogue tears and patted Alison on the head before pulling out of the embrace.

  Damn it. This girl is getting to me. I love her and James. I know that makes me soft, but I don’t give a shit.

  She cleared her throat. “Just because you said all that doesn’t mean I’m going to throw softer during the next round of training.” The tomb raider marched over to the shelves. “The great thing about these things is that they are easy to move around. Get ready for round two.”

  Alison groaned.

  Yev sat in the comfortable seat in front of the senator’s desk and folded his hands. “We appreciate your efforts in this matter so far, Senator. I’ve been informed that other Oriceran groups appreciate your efforts as well.”

  The human gave him a quick nod. “From what I’ve been told, there’s plenty of stuff in the public record that Brownstone has done. It’ll be pretty easy to convince a family court judge to deny the adoption. The real problem comes after that.”

  “Oh?”

  The senator nodded. “We might not get so lucky next time. What if someone else wants to adopt her? We can’t make a good case for why no one can adopt her, only him. Not everyone has a background like James Brownstone’s. From what you told me, this girl needs to go back to Oriceran.”

  Yev sighed. “Please forgive me for the indelicacy of this suggestion, but if it comes down to that, we’re prepared to leak some of the seedier details of her family life, including the death of her father and how her mother is still missing. It’s my understanding that human families aren’t as interested in adopting older children anyway.”

  “That sounds about right.” The senator rubbed his chin. “You’re pretty savvy for an elf. Come to think of it, we can use some of that strategy now.”

  “You want us to go after the girl?”

  The senator shook his head. “No. We can make this easier if we provoke Brownstone. He’s already got a suspicious connection to this thing. He killed the father.”

  Yev shrugged. “The police say it was in self-defense, and that the father was a criminal.”

  “Who cares? If we push that in the press, he’ll look like a trigger-happy madman who is trying to snatch the daughter of the man he murdered. Get a few tabloid sites to run with that angle, and it’ll piss Brownstone off. If he makes a spectacle in public, this case will be over before he even steps into the courtroom. I’ve been pushing my contacts to get negative statements about him from the local police, but no one seems to want to play ball.”

  Yev sighed. “He’s earned many allies. I don’t wish to destroy him, but what we’re doing here is for the good of both planets. No one man’s honor is worth war. The people of both Earth and Oriceran understand that. We’ve learned that lesson through blood, pain, and suffering.”

  The senator nodded. “Not saying I disagree, but the more we talk about this, the more I worry about how Brownstone will react when the judge rules against him.”

  “It’s my understanding that James Brownstone is very respectful of human authority. Your difficulty in getting the local police to turn against him is proof of that. It means he’s been forthright and honorable in his dealings with them.”

  “He’s respectful of authority when it’s paying him money to catch criminals.” The senator frowned. “How much is he going to like his government when it gets in the way of his adoption? And what if he gets wind the Oricerans were involved in this? What if he comes after us?”

  Yev laughed. “Comes after us? What, the entire state of California? As for Oriceran, that’s even more absurd. What is Brownstone going to do, attack an entire planet?”

  The senator shrugged. “He might blame the Light Elves.”

  “Oh, that’s still an entire race. James Brownstone is an impressive man, I’ll grant you that, but he’s neither stupid enough nor powerful enough to take on an entire Oriceran race. He’s hardly the first powerful individual Light Elves have faced.”

  “You sound so sure.” The senator leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. “He took on those Drow. They were pretty damned tough.”

  Yev waved a hand dismissively. “He didn’t take on the Drow race. He took on a handful of Drow.” He sighed. “I’m not saying we shouldn’t be surreptitious in our dealings in this matter, but you can’t honestly believe that James Brownstone is a legitimate threat to your government or the Light Elves.”

  The senator chuckled. “You’re right. I’m just letting the hype get to me.” He nodded. “If he comes after me it won’t just be AET taking him down; it’ll be the National Guard.” His smiled disappeared. “And if he comes after you, he’s going to have to deal with the power of magic. I’ve seen the kind of things that can be pulled off when you go all out.”

  “Exactly.” Yev smiled. “He’ll slink away, defeated, and the half-Drow girl will welcome a respite from her pain. A trip to Oriceran might be just the thing.”

  “You sound pretty confident.”

  “That comes with the centuries. Soon, this whole problem will go away, and we’ll laugh about having ever worried about James Brownstone.”

  11

  James chomped on his rib, which was smothered in one of his more North Carolina-flavored experimental sauces. The balance of the pepper and vinegar was excellent.

  He frowned. The sauce was good, but it wasn’t great. They weren’t going to win competitions with merely good sauce.

  Needs a touch of something. Not sure yet. Shit, need to start practicing more. The guys are gonna expect me to be the leader in this. Don’t want to look like a fucking chump when it comes to barbeque.

  Alison smirked, then bit into one of her ribs with a mocking glint in her eye.

  What? Does she not like my sauce either? She never cared that much before.

  Enough ribs and brisket to feed a small army lay on two large trays in the center of James’ dining room table. The girl sat on one side, James and Shay the other. Everything about it was relaxed, and they resembled a normal family eating a delicious meal.

  Sure, one participant was a
half-Drow girl attending a government magic school, another a tomb raider and former killer, and the last an alien bounty hunter, but their mutual love was as normal and warm as any three people’s.

  Is this what it means to be normal? I like this. I didn’t even know I needed this for so long but damned if I don’t love it. But what’s up with that shit-eating grin? Is this more teenage shit? Or do I have something on my face?

  James furrowed his brow. “Something funny, Alison? Or were you just thinking about that mall training thing and how you got one over on Shay.”

  Shay snorted and eyed Alison. “Don’t get too cocky, kid. Two out of ten is a good start, but it’s not exactly a passing score.”

  The girl shook her head. “Nothing like that. I had always wondered how long it’d take before we had our first home-cooked barbeque meal together. It took a lot longer than I would have bet.”

  “Nothing wrong with a little barbeque.” James shrugged.

  “Not saying that. If anything, it makes me feel more relaxed. It’s just so…James Brownstone. I truly know I’m home now.” Alison laughed, the sound light, airy, and free.

  James grunted. If anything, barbeque might be a more fundamental part of him than the amulet. Maybe he came from the Planet of Pit Masters.

  The weight of Alison’s use of “home” filled him with even more warmth. He’d visited her several times, but she’d been away for a long time. He hadn’t been sure whether she’d started thinking of the school as her real home.

  “Guess we’ll be having a lot of barbeque over the summer,” James rumbled.

  Shay snickered. “Yeah, use any excuse for that. Convenient. I’m sure we would have had less barbeque if she’d said she hated it.”

  “I don’t know. Maybe.”

  Shay rolled her eyes and turned to Alison. “Forget barbeque. You’ve completed your first year at magic school, so how does that feel? It’s not exactly something the average teen girl gets to experience, even these days. I don’t know if that’s ever gonna be the case.”