The Unbelievable Mr Brownstone Omnibus

by Michael Anderle

  Another portal opened, and the Light Elves stepped through, grim-faced.

  Alison spun back toward James. “Dad, you okay?”

  The bounty hunter looked far less gray than he had a minute before, and he didn’t need Shay’s help to stand anymore. He nodded slowly.

  Fuck. That bitch got me good.

  “Not my finest hour, but I’ll live,” he rumbled.

  Lieutenant Hall and Sergeant Mack hurried over to him.

  The AET officer frowned. “So that’s the bitch who almost got my men killed twice.”

  “Are those other elves arresting her?” Sergeant Mack asked. “Is that what happened?”

  Shay shook her head. “No. They just sent her back to Oriceran, I think.”

  James shrugged. “She’s gone for now, and soon Alison will legally be my daughter.” He shook his head. “I don’t give two fu…flips about the Drow queen right now. Let’s get the hell out of here and celebrate.”

  Lieutenant Hall smiled. “I know just the place.”

  22

  An hour later, James found himself at about the last place he ever expected to celebrate his victory—the Black Sun. He sat at a table with Lieutenant Hall, Sergeant Mack, Alison, and Shay. The cop-to-criminal ratio was high that night, and even the criminals seemed in an unusually good mood, with many stopping by to pat him on the shoulder and congratulate him on his victory.

  It’s weird to have people act all nice to me instead of being afraid of me. Not sure if I like it.

  Lieutenant Hall chuckled and shook her head as Tyler set down a few new bottles of beer and a Coke for Alison. The only person who looked uncomfortable with the situation was the information broker. His gaze kept cutting to James as if he expected the bounty hunter to go berserk at any second and throw someone through the front door.

  James looked up at the other man and shrugged. “I won today. Just here to celebrate. I don’t blame you for them having the Hansen footage. I know it got seized by cops.”

  “Not AET,” Lieutenant Hall mumbled.

  Tyler chuckled and shook his head. “A waitress called in sick. I’ve got to hit the tables. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

  Alison took a sip of her drink. “What about the Drow queen? What if she comes back? She’s such an obsessive and bitchy nutjob, I can’t imagine she’ll just give up.”

  James grunted. “Don’t worry. I think the Light Elves are going to keep her under control for now. I’ve got a few ideas on how to handle it after that.” He glanced at Shay, who gave him a quick nod back.

  She was looking into some things for him, including a few artifacts that might be useful for delivering a message to Laena.

  Lieutenant Hall extended her hand to James. “I never did apologize for being a complete bitch to you, Brownstone, but I hope what I did in court can at least somewhat make up for that. Bygones, and all that.”

  He shook her hand. “It meant a lot. I wouldn’t call myself a jaguar, but…” He shrugged.

  She snorted. “Calling you a shit-throwing monkey just doesn’t sound as intimidating.”

  Shay laughed, and Alison spat some of her drink through her nose.

  Mack clapped James on the back. “You sure you’re okay to be out partying? Whatever she did to you, you weren’t looking so good there for a couple of minutes.”

  The bounty hunter shook his head. “I’m fine. Used a little magic to make me feel better. For now, I just want to spend time with my family and friends—especially my daughter.”

  A bright smile covered Alison’s face. “I like the sound of that, Dad.”

  Forty-five minutes later, Shay stepped out of the restroom to find Lieutenant Hall standing there, her arms crossed.

  The tomb raider arched an eyebrow. She’d thought they were on good terms, given what had happened during the Hansen incident and her court performance, but maybe the AET officer had discovered the truth about her and decided she couldn’t look away after all.

  “I don’t know your complete deal,” the cop began, “but I know you’re a lot more than you appear to be.”

  Shay chuckled. “Isn’t everyone in LA?” She kept her arms loose at her sides in case she needed to take the cop out.

  Lieutenant Hall reached into her pocket and retrieved a small piece of paper. She held it out. “A little information that just came my way. Obviously, that crazy Drow bitch was one piece of the Oriceran side of this shit, but you saw her in court. She couldn’t have done half that shit without help from our government, and I thought you might like to know who, and for that matter, which local Oricerans know our system better than Queen Haughty Bitch.”

  “What are you saying?”

  “I don’t have proof, but from what I hear, the consul and his buddy were partially behind blocking the adoption.’

  Shay frowned. “But they stopped the Drow. Why would they help her and then stop her?”

  The cop shrugged. “Not going to claim I get Oriceran politics.” She shook her hand with the paper. “Anyway, you can’t go after a consul, but there might be someone else you could go after.”

  The tomb raider grabbed the piece of paper and looked at it. There were two words scribbled on the paper: Senator Aaron.

  Huh. So they were able to pull off what Peyton is still working on. I’ll have to bust his balls about that later.

  Her gaze turned flinty. This was the man who had threatened their happiness, all to help some twisted Oriceran bitch.

  No. Some things weren’t easy to forgive.

  Shay looked up from the paper. “And what am I supposed to do with this information? You do realize I’m not gonna use it to write a sternly-worded letter?”

  Lieutenant Hall shrugged. “Do whatever you want, but if it were me, I’d have a little discussion, maybe at night, to make it clear that joining up with crazy Oriceran queens isn’t in the senator’s best interests. Just hypothetically.”

  “And you think I can pull something off like that?”

  “I think anyone who hangs out around James Brownstone is dangerous, let alone his girlfriend.” The cop looked over her shoulder and leaned in. “Just to be clear, I’m giving this to you as part of my apology to Brownstone. Don’t make me regret it. Don’t kill anyone, just make them afraid.”

  Shay chuckled darkly. “I think I can manage that.”

  Tyler leaned against the wall, his arms crossed as he surveyed the bar. There were so many happy people drinking. Even some complete pieces of shit were going over to congratulate Brownstone. It turns out that not understanding women wasn’t the only thing Brownstone and criminals had in common. A lot of the men were also fathers. Shitty fathers, but still fathers.

  “He’s a fucking dad now,” the information broker mumbled. “And I keep helping him out. Maybe it’s pointless to pretend that we aren’t friends.”

  Maria came up behind him and gave him a light hug. “What was that about dads?”

  “Just was thinking about how when I look at Brownstone as a dad, it’s hard to hate his ass, but then again, should it make a difference?”

  “Oh? Why do you say that?”

  “Just saying I’m not a dad.”

  Maria grinned. “Who says you might be?” She smirked and pulled away from him with a wink.

  Before Tyler’s brain could restart, the woman disappeared into the thick crowd, heading toward Brownstone’s table.

  He swallowed and slapped his cheeks. She had to be fucking with him. There was no way. They’d taken precautions.

  Shit. How do I get the info I really need now?

  23

  A week later, Shay crept along the roof across from her target building, her ski mask stopping the night’s chill from reaching her face. Heavy clouds covered the sky, but plenty of light from the street and buildings bounced around DC, pushing true darkness away.

  She snickered.

  I’m probably doing one of the least-criminal things in this town tonight.

  Security drones were dense in the skie
s of the capital, which complicated matters. If she killed the drones using a jammer or EMP, security and police would swarm the area, thinking a terrorist had arrived. Fortunately, she had a solution thanks to her friendly neighborhood hacker Peyton.

  “How long do I have?” Shay whispered, knowing her throat mic would pick up more than enough for him to hear.

  “Five more minutes to get inside,” he responded through the receiver in her ear. “That’s as long as I can spoof them without their systems recognizing what’s going on. They might not immediately do anything, but I wouldn’t bet on it, and if they get really squirrelly, they might send the cops. You sure about this?”

  “Damned sure. There’s no fucking way I’m not getting into that building tonight.”

  Shay sighed as she judged the distance. “Too damned far for parkour. Guess not every skill works in every situation.” She reached into her backpack and pulled out a grappling gun. “And you’re sure about the external alarms? I don’t want to be trying to avoid gunfire when I’m hanging off the side of a building.”

  “Yep. At least another ten minutes on those, but I’m not crazy about this whole reactivating-everything-afterward thing. You’ll end up trapped in there if something goes wrong.”

  The tomb raider moved to a darker corner of the roof and aimed the grappling gun, squinting. “It’s fine. I’ve got my way out.”

  Peyton sighed. “And from what you described, it’s not all that reliable.”

  Shay snickered. “You let me worry about that. I’ve been in tighter situations than this. Shit, I’m not even under water.

  “I know, but—”

  “Don’t have time to debate this. It’s go-time.”

  Shay eyed a nice ledge right outside her target window and fired. The grappling hook shot out with a hiss and clanged as it caught on the ledge. She tugged the line a few times and then leapt off the roof.

  The tomb raider sailed through the air several stories up until her boots hit the side of the other building. She grasped the gun and hit the retract button, the motor whirring as the line retracted. A moment later she arrived at her floor and a darkened window.

  Too easy, as long as you have a hacker blocking the security system of a major government building hardened against terrorism, the same hacker spoofing drone feeds in a huge area, an expensive custom grappling gun, you’ve spent several days scouting the location, and you’re willing to jump off a building in the middle of the night. Yeah, too easy.

  Shay took a few deep breaths when a stiff gust hit her. If she slipped, it’d be several stories down to hard asphalt. She slipped the gun back into her backpack and pulled out a short feather. Sometimes tomb raids yielded an artifact or two that made life much easier when you needed to break into a random building.

  Shay placed the feather against the window and took several deep breaths. The feather glowed, and her hand passed through glass that rippled out like the surface of water. She climbed through the magically liquified window into the darkened office.

  The feather caught fire and burned into ashes, and she hissed as smoke rose to the ceiling.

  Fuck. Didn’t plan on that. Peyton didn’t shut off the fire alarm.

  Several tense seconds passed, and the smoke alarm didn’t activate. Shay let out a sigh of relief.

  She moved into the corner of the room and pulled out her 9mm.

  Just hope the senator didn’t decide to not check his messages. Otherwise, this is gonna be a boring night for no good reason. Can’t wait to meet the asshole.

  She smirked. A gun-toting stranger in dark clothes and a ski mask in the corner would be a shock to anyone.

  The tomb raider stood there in the darkness for five minutes until the magnetic lock on the door clicked. She grinned and hovered her finger over the short-range jammer on her right wrist. The door opened, the senator stepped inside, and he flipped the lights on.

  Shay activated the jammer. The security systems would undoubtedly recognize something was going on, and security would be on their way in minutes, but it didn’t matter. She’d be done with her business long before they arrived.

  She lifted the gun, its outline visible in the shadows.

  The senator winced. “Shit.”

  “I’m glad to see you read your email, Senator Aaron. It makes this far less annoying for me.”

  The senator narrowed his eyes, trying to peer into the darkness and make her out. “It was a fake message? A lure? Shit. Brownstone?”

  The man backed up and collided with his desk, fear spreading over his face.

  Shay let out a low laugh. “Not Brownstone. He wouldn’t have been so fucking subtle.”

  “Who the hell are you, then? Why are you here?”

  She waved the gun. “Now, I’m not Brownstone, but I am here because of him, and because you decided to help those Oricerans fuck him over. Anyway, he’s busy and doesn’t need to deal with you, and this situation requires finesse, not raw power.”

  The senator swallowed. “You’re here to kill me?”

  Shay snorted. “I could have killed you anytime I wanted. I could have done it from miles away. You see, the way to think about it is that if Brownstone is thunder, then I’m lightning. You can’t find me. You can’t stop me, but I can strike you down wherever and whenever I want.”

  “Then why haven’t you?”

  “Because it’s not worth the trouble…yet.” She pointed the gun at the senator’s crotch, and he flinched. “But this is a warning. You’re not the only one with Oriceran friends. Fuck with Brownstone again, and you’ll pay. You can try to find me, but I doubt you have a lot of pull on Oriceran.”

  The senator shook his head. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

  “You’ve lost, but if you try again, the gloves will come off.”

  Shay pulled a small opal out of her pocket. She rubbed the gem and took a deep breath.

  A portal winked into existence behind her. She holstered her gun and jumped into it.

  The opal burned in her hand. She arrived in a simple wooden room with no furniture, the gem in her hand reduced to powder.

  A few seconds later, another portal opened. James exited, followed by Dannec.

  Shay would have preferred to use her own magic guy, the gnome Tubal-Cain, but both Lieutenant Hall and Tyler were willing to vouch for Dannec. As a bonus, the Light Elf hated Drow so much that he was willing to sell James and Shay the portal stones at a considerable discount.

  James wore a scabbard containing Shay’s enchanted Masamune tachi. She’d insisted he use the sword since she doubted their target would go down after a few bullets.

  Shay yanked off her ski mask and wrapped her arms around James’ neck. She gave him a deep kiss, then pulled away.

  “I’ll look after Alison. Just come back to us.”

  James gave her a lopsided grin. “I will. I promise.”

  Dannec cleared his throat and nodded. Another portal opened. “Let’s get going.”

  Shay stepped through the portal and arrived in an apartment in Elf Town in LA.

  She took a few deep breaths. They knew the threats on Earth and Oriceran. She’d neutralized the first one, and now it was up to James to neutralize the second.

  24

  James marched toward the bridge of dark metal that stretched across the massive cavern. He couldn’t even make out the ground below and wondered how far up they were, given that there were clouds below the bridge. The sprawling Drow palace occupied the barren plateau on the other side of the bridge.

  He looked at the sky. Unlike the sad washed-out sky of LA, thousands of stars filled this one.

  Two Drow in armor stood at the front of the bridge, both eyeing James with a combination of confusion and suspicion.

  The amulet whispered in his mind. Begin battle. Stronger.

  The bounty hunter had bonded with the amulet before taking the portal to Oriceran. He couldn’t risk any surprises since he knew how powerful the Drow could be. Without his amulet, he wou
ldn’t last ten seconds against them.

  Kill, the amulet whispered.

  No, asshole. I’m not gonna take on the entire fucking Drow race. This is just about that bitch. She’s got to pay for what she did.

  She sent people to kill me more than a few times. It’d be unfair to the Harriken if I didn’t go pay her a visit, now, wouldn’t it?

  Worthy enemy.

  James grunted. He agreed with his little bloodthirsty chest pal. At least the queen would really give him a work-out.

  He approached the guards and grinned. “What, don’t get a lot of tourists from LA showing up at the palace with swords? This shit’s on all the big tourist websites.”

  The two elves exchanged looks, and a faint glow appeared around their heads for a moment.

  “Who are you?” one demanded. “State your name and business here, human.”

  It sounded like English to James, but he wasn’t sure if they spoke the language or were using some sort of translation spell.

  He patted his scabbard. “James Brownstone. I’ve got an appointment with Queen Laena. Trust me, she’ll want to see me.”

  The Drow’s face scrunched in confusion. He lifted his hand, and a shadow ripped from the ground and formed into a vaguely birdlike shape. The bird shot away like a bullet toward the palace. About a minute later, another shadow bird arrived from that direction and landed in the elf’s hand.

  Surprise spread over his face. “We’re to escort you to the palace, Brownstone.”

  “Good. I was hoping she’d say that.”

  Laena, along with a dozen Drow, awaited James as he exited the bridge onto a smooth obsidian path lined with softly-glowing crystal obelisks leading directly to the palace.

  Nice place. I was expecting pikes with heads and skulls in cages.

  The Drow queen nodded to the two bridge guards, and they spun and started walking back to the other side of the bridge.

  “Brownstone,” Laena snarled, and spat on the ground. “Stubborn, brave, and stupid. You are responsible for all my problems. I’d convinced myself that I should leave you be, but then I was foolishly convinced to work within your pathetic human system. The Light Elf fools were worried about war. I should give them war for wasting my time.”