The Unbelievable Mr Brownstone Omnibus

by Michael Anderle

  James wanted to help her, but he needed to finish off the asshole in front of him first.

  The bounty hunter smirked. “Thought you were gonna kill me, asshole.”

  Trevor wiped some blood off his face. “You’re nothing, Brownstone. Maybe I should tell Doug to back off so we can have a little fun with the bitch over there after I kill you.”

  James’ jaw tightened, and anger blew through him in a massive wave.

  Kill, kill, kill, the amulet yelled in his mind.

  With a yell so loud it might have been a roar, the bounty hunter sprinted toward Trevor. The other man tried to throw a punch, but James grabbed his arm, then smashed his elbow straight into the man’s throat. After a sickening crunch, the glow left Trevor’s eyes, and his body fell to the ground.

  Yes, the amulet hissed. James twitched at the pure joy being broadcast into his mind over the death. Killing some asshole always satisfied him on some level, but he didn’t get off on it like Whispy Doom.

  He shook his head and glared down at the body.

  “When will you assholes learn to never, ever threaten someone I love?”

  James turned to help finish off Doug. He blinked, and his mouth fell open.

  Now that I didn’t expect to see.

  The other man sported a large hole in the middle of his chest and a stunned expression on his face. He mouthed something, but no sound came out due to his lack of lungs.

  Doug fell backward, dead.

  James blinked several more times and looked at Shay. She held a silver candle holder. A few seconds later it turned to ashes, and a stiff breeze blew them into the wind.

  “What the fuck was that?” the bounty hunter asked.

  “A little backup. I didn’t have time to run back and grab the Masamune from the truck. Plus, you should have paid more attention when I grabbed shit at Warehouse Five instead of looking for old barbeque shit.” Shay shrugged. “I don’t sell everything I find. So sue me.”

  16

  Maria secured her helmet and harness as the helicopter’s blades sped up and the vehicle lifted off the ground.

  She surveyed the men on the chopper. Everyone wore their black armor and had their helmets on, the red of their goggles eerie in the darkened cabin. Anti-magic deflectors hung around their necks.

  The rush to get the team on the transport helicopters had meant some sacrifices. They’d not have immediate tactical drone support from off-scene personnel, and they’d had limited weapon choices, but she wasn’t that worried about apprehending a driver and a few people from a single van.

  Just because these guys used a sleep spell doesn’t mean shit. If they were really that tough, they would have just smashed into the museum and grabbed the artifacts. They are probably just a bunch of hired guns who’ll surrender the minute AET lands.

  Crap. Unless they’ve already weaponized some of those artifacts. Doubt AET tactical armor can take a direct hit from a damned tornado.

  Maria shook her head. She needed to be realistic. If the men were that powerful, they wouldn’t have run away when they realized they were being tracked.

  Yeah. We can do this.

  The pilot’s voice came through her helmet receiver. “ETA fifteen minutes, Lieutenant.”

  “Good,” she responded. She tapped her wrist control to change to the primary AET broadcast frequency. “Fifteen minutes until we catch up with the van. We’ll give them one chance to surrender, then we take their asses down. If we’re lucky, these guys will be spooked that we tracked them down and just give up. We know these people have access to magic even independent of the artifacts they stole. Keep in mind at all times these are enhanced threats and do not take them lightly.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” the men transmitted through their helmet radios in near unison.

  Even as she offered the warning, she smiled. The longer they flew, the less worried she became about the scumbags in the van being any sort of serious threat.

  Maria grinned. It was time to for AET to prove a point to Spencer Preston.

  Kathy leaned against the door of Tyler’s office with her arms crossed and her face filled with curiosity.

  Tyler ignored her as he typed away on his computer, only occasionally stopping to click the mouse or tap something on the tablet that was on the opposite side of his keyboard. He hated working with time constraints.

  Man, this is obnoxious. No wonder Brownstone’s so pissy half the time.

  The brunette chuckled. “What are you doing?”

  “There is the web, the dark web, the darker web, and the people I deal with. We know who is doing what above us, and I’m checking into that shit.” Tyler shrugged.

  “To do what, exactly?” She snorted. “You planning on running into another warehouse with Brownstone with a gun? You’re a smart guy normally, but that wasn’t a smart play.”

  Tyler shook his head. “No. I’m an information broker, so I’m finding fucking information. Cops and Brownstone all think about this shit the wrong way, because they’re cops and he’s a bounty hunter.”

  Kathy uncrossed her arms, a smile growing on her face. “Oh? What’s the right way? I might give you crap now and again, but I’ll never claim you’re not a master information broker.”

  “Real sustainable crime’s always about one thing in the end. You know what that is?”

  She shook her head.

  Tyler rubbed his thumb and finger together. “Money. They stole all this shit because they want to sell it. There was some obvious crap they threw out already. Too quick, not careful enough. It smells like a distraction. I’m sure the cops ate that up.” He clicked his mouse. “But I found buyers for some of the other artifacts, way more hidden. I even know where they’re going to be.”

  The information broker leaned over and tapped a button on the tablet.

  Kathy narrowed her eyes. “What did you just do?”

  “Sent an address to a number that I know will get passed on to Maria ASAP. Makes more sense to show up at the transfer location and ambush the guys that way.” Tyler shrugged. “At least I think it does. Maybe the cops disagree. They can decide what they want to do with the information themselves.”

  “Why are you even getting involved at this point?” Kathy pinched the bridge of her nose and shook her head. “You’re not getting paid, so you’re violating your own principles, and whoever did this is obviously pretty well-connected, so if they find out that you were helping the cops, they’re going to be pissed. Doesn’t that violate neutrality?”

  Tyler snorted. “The neutrality of the Black Sun extends to my parking lot, not all of fucking LA. Plus, they violated my neutrality when they took my girlfriend.”

  Kathy smirked.

  “What?”

  She shook her head. “Nothing. Your time to spend, but I better get back to the bar.”

  Maria grinned as her men jumped out of the helicopters on both sides of the parked delivery van and two blue SUVs. Three men in uniforms looked back and forth, while four bulky men in suits frowned.

  She might not work gangs or organized crime as her primary beat, but she knew Russian Mafia when she saw them.

  Thanks, Tyler. With your help, we caught not just our thieves but a few bonus scumbags.

  The AET advanced as the helicopters lifted back into the sky.

  Maria kept her rifle trained on one of the men in uniform. Instinct told her they would be the greater threat if the situation went south. The other AET officers all aimed their weapons.

  She activated her helmet mic. “This is the LAPD AET. We have you surrounded. You are to immediately drop any weapons and surrender. You’re under arrest for grand larceny, conspiracy, kidnapping, attempted murder, and conspiracy to commit murder. Any sudden movements will be considered hostile actions, and you will be fired upon.”

  The lieutenant switched back to radio transmit mode.

  Don’t make this a pointless fight. We caught you with your pants down. The only thing left is to go to jail, assholes.

/>   The lieutenant’s stomach knotted. Every instinct in her screamed at once. She glanced around and spotted a ladder leading up the side of a warehouse.

  “McCallister,” she transmitted over her AET frequency. “Pull back and set up on that roof.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” The AET officer jogged toward the roof, his sniper rifle slung over his back.

  One of the gangsters raised his hands.

  The other men frowned at him.

  “What the hell are you doing?” one of the men in uniform asked.

  The gangster shook his head. “They’ve got us. No point in dying here. Can’t spend money when you’re dead.”

  The other man snorted and cut through the air with his hand. A high-pitched whine accompanied the movement.

  Maria thought the gangster was nodding, but a second later, her eyes widened at the horror she saw through her tactical goggles. The mobster’s head fell to the ground, and his headless body toppled.

  His killer sneered. “You’re Russian. You should understand the principle of forced fighting well enough. Fight the enemy or die for your cowardice.”

  The rest of the Russians nodded and pulled out guns.

  “Open fire!” Maria shouted.

  Blue stun bolts and bullets flew from both sides to converge on the six remaining criminals. The bullets bounced off an invisible shield and the stun bolts dissipated, their energy arcing over the dome-shaped shield.

  “Cease fire, cease fire.”

  One of the uniformed men grinned her way and held up his hand to reveal a brightly glowing rune. The third uniformed man reached into his pocket and pulled out a pen. He shook it, and it expanded into a silver wand.

  “Fall back,” Maria commanded. She pulled a sonic grenade off her tactical belt. “Activate your sonic dampeners.”

  This worked on a level five. It’s going to work on you assholes.

  She threw the grenade. It went off right before hitting the shield, but the men inside didn’t fall down. The uniformed men actually had the balls to laugh, but the gangsters swallowed, sweat pouring down their faces.

  The wizard and Mr. Air Blade spread out.

  “Stun rifles,” Maria barked. “Take turns shooting at them. We need to know exactly when that shield’s down.”

  An officer blasted the shield, the dissipating energy clearly outlining it. Another fired a few seconds later.

  “Anyone with grenades, feel free to nail those assholes the minute that shield is down.”

  Energy spread over the shield.

  Maria raised her rifle and aimed at the man with the rune on his hand. They needed to make sure the bad guys couldn’t pop off shots and then retreat behind their barrier.

  Yet another officer fired, but this time his bolt zoomed right past the men.

  “Open fire!” Maria shouted.

  She squeezed the trigger, and the rune bearer jerked back with a grunt. Another bullet pushed him back, but not down.

  Crap. Just die already, asshole.

  Mr. Air Blade whipped his arm back and forth, and harsh whines sounded. Two officers flew back, grunts audible over the radio, their deflectors darkening. The bullets and bolts flying toward the enhanced threat jerked to the side or up at the last moment, and the attacks disappeared with a flash before reaching the body of the wizard with the silver wand.

  More defensive magic?

  Whatever magic the thieves were using hadn’t been extended to the gangsters. They managed to get off a few shots before being struck by a storm of bullets and stun bolts. The attacks sent their bodies jerking and spinning as if they were performing some sickening dance before dropping to the ground, dead.

  Maria flipped her rifle to burst fire and aimed at the head of the rune bearer. He’d been responsible for the main shield, and he might be responsible for the secondary magic. A quick burst put bullets into his head, and he stumbled back grimacing, blood leaking from his wounds.

  “Sonic out,” warned an AET officer. His grenade didn’t accomplish any more than Maria’s.

  “Flashbang out,” yelled another.

  Maria kept firing. Her tactical goggles filtered out most of the flash.

  Another two officers fell to the ground, victims of Mr. Air Blade. At least the man couldn’t pull off the attack continuously.

  The wizard raised his silver wand and muttered something. One of the SUVs floated into the sky.

  Maria groaned. “Oh, for fuck’s sake.”

  17

  Shay glanced over her shoulder as James finished dragging the bodies next to the car. They wanted to get them out of sight in case some random family minivan pulled by and there were kids inside. She held her phone to her ear, still waiting for the Professor to respond to her last inquiry.

  Wonder when the cops will show up? I know they knew we were on the guy and everything, but figured they’d want to come and collect this shit as soon as possible given that this museum heist was the highest-profile crime in the last few weeks in the city.

  Shay glanced down at the artifacts she’d pulled out and described them to the Professor. There were a good number of them in several different bags and suitcases, including various wooden carvings of different races and animals, both Oriceran and terrestrial.

  Crystal, wooden, and metal figurines formed a distinct grouping, along with figurines made of materials she couldn’t even begin to hope to identify. Some were obviously meant to resemble people, places, or things, but others were odd geometric shapes that didn’t look like anything natural. At least nothing on Earth.

  An urn filled with a glowing blood-red liquid had been packed in one box by itself. Despite the car chase and the crash, there was no evidence it’d leaked or spilled.

  Shay picked up the urn and slowly turned it until it was on its side. The liquid sloshed but didn’t spill out.

  Huh. That’s neat. I should get one for my mantle.

  A small number of paintings, drawings, and etchings formed yet another group. Some of the paintings looked normal. Others presented a true three-dimensional projection if they were facing upwards. One kept changing appearance. One of the drawings of a Kilomea, a huge ogre-like Oriceran species, not only had eyes that followed Shay when she moved, but the head even turned.

  I hope that’s not real. Yeah, maybe that poor bastard is trapped in there.

  Shay shook her head. One problem that came with working so much around magic was that it helped her appreciate that there truly were fates worse than death.

  I don’t want to be killed in my kitchen by someone who claims to be my friend like I would have been if I’d stayed a killer, but I also don’t want to end up stuck in a painting.

  The Professor cleared his throat, signaling he was back on the call. “I apologize for the delay, Miz Carson, but I was just double-checking on the last few objects you described to me.”

  “Any of this shit important?” Shay asked.

  He chuckled. “Importance is a relative thing. I can’t say with absolute certainty, but all the objects you have described to me thus far are mostly what you’d call collectibles.”

  “Collectibles?” The tomb raider frowned. “What, like the Oriceran equivalent of Franklin Mint Civil War chess sets or fiftieth-anniversary plates?”

  The Professor chuckled. “Some are like that, and others are more like the Mona Lisa.”

  “I don’t get it. These guys weren’t common thugs. If it weren’t for James and me taking them on, they might have gotten away. They used serious magic for collectibles? I was expecting doom wands or something.”

  “It’s not that hard to understand. Think of it this way, Miz Carson. If a group of thieves broke into the Louvre and stole the Mona Lisa, it’s not like whoever they sold the painting to would be doing public showings of it, but it’d still be worth a lot of money.” A distinct gulping and swallowing sound followed. “I suspect these items were similar. Most of their importance lies in who created them and their age, not in any unusual or dangerous powers associated
with them. They were to be sold and shown to close associates in secret galleries, I suspect.”

  Shay snorted. “These guys fought to the death to protect fancy art?”

  “People have killed others for far less. They do that every day in LA.”

  “True enough.”

  She sighed. “What’s the plan? Do you want us to try to bring them to you, or should we just wait for the cops to pick them up?”

  “The authorities collecting them is fine. Just don’t leave them unattended until they arrive. The whole point of this little escapade is to make sure these objects aren’t lost to the black market.”

  Shay snickered. “Yeah, don’t want our world’s supply of weird Oriceran art getting taken.”

  The Professor offered a chuckle of his own. “I’m more concerned about you and James finding some of the more dangerous artifacts like the Bowl of the Wind. I’m even more concerned with the fact that the museum’s official records weren’t accurate in regards to even minor artifacts such as these collectibles.” He clucked his tongue. “Arrogance, duplicity, or ignorance. Perhaps all three.”

  Shay frowned. “What are you getting at, Professor?”

  “I’m saying we can’t even be sure what they had because I don’t believe they knew what they had. This whole situation is rapidly closing on somewhere between a clusterfuck and a fiasco.”

  “Everyone needs a good clusterfuck now and again.” Shay grinned and glanced at James, who kept rearranging the bodies. She had no idea what he was going for. Perfect symmetry, maybe? “Just go grab one of the blankets from your suitcases and put it over them already,” she yelled.

  James grunted and shrugged.

  “Problem?” the Professor asked.

  “Nope, just James being James.”

  “Pull fucking Johnson into cover,” Maria yelled. She tapped her wrist control. “This is Lieutenant Hall, AET. Requesting immediate armed tactical drone backup at our current location.”