by K. I. Lynn
Nathan, Andrew, and Caroline filled me in on the staff meeting that occurred the day after my incident with Adam. Jack had to let everyone know why I was out. He left out the details, but they knew I’d been attacked and would be out. Jack knew and respected my privacy about my past, and left off that it was someone I knew and in my own home. They warned me about the looks I would receive, looks that would be different than the ones from my accident.
I returned to work after the weekend, bruises on full display, but a scarf around my neck to hide the perfect print of Adam’s hand around it. The marks had faded, but only some. My lip was healing, but the split was still obvious. There was still a large purple bruise on my cheekbone that makeup couldn’t hide.
Andrew was waiting for me when I got off the elevator to escort me to my office. I gave him a hug in thanks, trying to convey how grateful I was for his friendship and support.
The looks of pity came after the gasps and stunned looks as their eyes took me in, all thinking about how sad it was after all I’d already been through. It was unnerving when random coworkers came up and hugged me. I could handle my friends and family hugging me, but random people still made me uneasy and I froze, wide-eyed. I was grateful that every time it happened, Caroline or Andrew was around. Even Owen could see how uncomfortable it made me and had people back off.
I hated the attention, and it was wearing me down. Coffee was needed, though as I walked into the break room, I knew it wouldn’t end well. My strange elation of the breaking of the chains that bound me to Adam combined with all the touching had me in a whole new mental state.
I should’ve known Jack’s announcement wouldn’t break through the self-centered skulls of Nathan’s fan club. I had no idea what their problem was with me, but I was getting sick of it. Maybe Andrew was right to worry – maybe Jennifer did suspect something was going on with Nathan and me.
“Out again, Lila?” Jennifer snapped as soon as I had one foot in the room.
“Have a nice vacation while we were all working?” Kelly sneered.
Did none of them pay attention to Jack? Or was it because it was about me, so they ignored it?
“Vacation? Well, if you call getting attacked, nearly raped, and almost killed in my own home a vacation, then it was fucking peachy!” I spat at them, glaring. Were they so blinded by their self-centeredness that they didn’t see my injuries? Everyone else tried not to stare, but failed. Yet they didn’t even notice.
Jennifer rolled her eyes. “Are you that desperate for attention?”
“I bet she’s hoping to get a sympathy screw,” Tiffany said with a laugh. “That’d be like you. Did you fall down the stairs or something?”
I pulled the scarf from my neck, exposing the handprint bruise that covered my skin before pulling my hair back to expose the stitches. I heard them gasp. “The only thing I’m desperate for is for you to leave me the fuck alone. I’ve never done anything to you; I’m no threat to you. Stop fucking bullying me, because I have lived with it enough in my life and last week it almost killed me. So, shut the fuck up and stop pissing on people to make yourselves feel better!” I raged, slapping the file out of Kelly’s arms as I pushed past them to the coffee maker.
Andrew was coming in from the other entrance and a smile spread on his face. He threw a questioning look in my direction.
“Nothing to worry about. The stupid bitches aren’t worth my time.”
He chuckled at me as he poured the coffee, handing me a cup.
It became obvious that Nathan was rubbing off on me.
And I was learning to fight back.
CHAPTER 20
Things seemed to move on fast forward, our days even more crammed than before. We were becoming lax, careless. The masks we once kept in tight check began to slip once again.
Evidence came spilling in after Adam’s attack, making our case stronger with each person Noah talked to. He called a few days after and told us a woman close to Adam said he had become agitated after he saw me in the alley, chanting he was going to “kill the fucking bitch.” She even said she thought Adam might’ve recorded me with his phone when he saw me. I shuddered to think that might possibly be true.
I learned how he found out where I was: it was due to the shop I admired so much. I’d put my address down for mailings because I wanted to be informed when they had sales.
I should have known better, being that close.
Noah found evidence that indicated Adam had been following me for a few days. Somehow, he never made the connection of Nathan and me though, or that Nathan was the one from the alley.
Mike, the door guard, apologized over and over for letting him get the better of him. Adam had caused a distraction, allowing him to slip past Mike’s careful watch. The security cameras caught everything, and I tried to let Mike know I didn’t blame him. He still took it pretty hard though. The man took pride in his job.
The property manager wanted to discipline him, and I begged him not to. There was no reason to; he already felt bad enough. It didn’t matter who was on watch that day, Adam was going to get through. Even if he had to beat the guard down.
It was moving day, and I was happy to never have to return to my condo after the weekend. It’d been ten days since Adam attacked me, but many of the marks still remained. My condo no longer held its marks, with the exception of a few scratches in the hardwood from the glass of the vase he’d thrown. Sarah and Teresa had gone in and cleaned everything, but I found some things couldn’t be scrubbed clean. Like the memories.
While there, they brought up most of my clothes and helped to rearrange Nathan’s closet in order to fit everything. His suits took up a lot of room and a few items were moved into one of the extra bedrooms. Nathan retrieved anything else I needed before moving day, and we drew up a game plan to merge my belongings in with his.
The lack of furniture and decorations made the decision much easier. When they were fixing the walls and repainting Nathan’s condo, Sarah and Erin had begged to decorate, but Nathan was against it. Even then he knew we would move in together one day, or at least hoped, so he didn’t see the need. My armoire would be moved into the master bedroom, while the rest of the bedroom furniture and my guest room items were moved into the two empty bedrooms. My office was to be moved and merged in with his. So on and so forth.
Entering my condo, crossing the threshold, was the easy part. Shutting the door and being surrounded by the stifling air was the hard part. I made it through, but the toll it took on me was staggering.
I was fine as long as I wasn’t in that area. He only tainted the space around the entry and the fond memories I had with Nathan there. Calm filled me in my bedroom, but there was also a little bit of sadness. Much of my relationship with Nathan happened within the expanse of those walls, some of my happiest times. I’d never felt attached to my home until he came into my life.
A few times I needed to go to the entry, to answer the door, take a box up, and each time, my pace picked up. The longer I was in the space, the more I was haunted by the memories.
I thought I was okay, that I beat down my demons, but Adam marked more than my skin. Even Nathan’s touch wasn’t the same, and I hurt him, pushed him away. He understood, and was taking things slower.
By noon I was running through the entry, feeling as if a phantom was waiting to grab me if I lingered too long. Nathan caught me, halting me on my fourth pass, and I was afraid to meet his gaze.
“Honeybear, please look at me.” My head rose, and the worried look of pain on his face caused my heart to clench. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
I looked over my shoulder and shook my head. His arms wrapped around me, drawing me close. I relaxed then, his presence so soothing.
“I keep remembering every time I’m in that area. I know I said I was all right, and it did feel good to tell you everything, but still… I can’t shake the feelings it evokes. I can almost feel his fingers wrap around my neck, squeezing so hard I can’t breathe. The back
of his hand as it came down across my face. The sheer terror that he was going to rape me, and those would be my last memories.”
Nathan’s grip tightened, and he was shaking. “He’ll never touch you again.” His voice was strained. “I’m going to work with the prosecutor’s office to make sure of that. If I can get a Marconi imprisoned, I can get him put away for life.”
I pulled back and looked up at him. Determination and anger flickered in his eyes. This was exactly what I was afraid of.
“That’s more than just helping out. Do you… Are you ready for that? To return to the courtroom? Would they even let you help in that capacity? It would put you in danger, wouldn’t it?”
“Free consultant in the form of a former Federal Prosecutor? I hope they wouldn’t pass that up. It’ll be fine.” His hands rubbed up and down my arms.
I let out a shuddering breath. “I just… It worries me.”
He bent down, his lips kissing at my worry lines. “What is this about?”
“I don’t want you to get hurt because of me.”
His brow scrunched. “That’s my line. Are you the one thinking about the Marconi family this time?” I nodded and he sighed, pulling me back to his chest and kissing the top of my head. “I won’t tell you it hasn’t crossed my mind, but your safety is more important than my own. I need to do this. I wasn’t there to protect you from him, so I’ll protect you by making sure he doesn’t even have the opportunity to do it again.”
“You couldn’t have known—there was no way.” I shuffled around a bit, uneasy at the thought of him being a target. My jaw tightened, and a pang in my chest made me feel slightly hollow. I wanted to keep him safe with me.
“He tried to take you from me. I want to kill him with my bare hands for that, but that would take me from you, so this is what I do.” His voice was imploring me to understand.
“I get that.”
“But?” he pressed.
“There are things I’m afraid of.”
“Things?”
I pursed my lips. “First, I know how upset you get when I tell you about the past. In order to do this, you’ll need to pull information from back then to show his history of violence. Second, what if…what if I see my father and Cheryl?”
“I’m sorry,” he whispered against my forehead with a sigh.
“For what?”
“I hadn’t even thought about what this will do to you. You’re right; we’ll have to show a history of violence to help put him away for good.”
“All of the charges along with the evidence are enough to keep him there for a while. Thank God he didn’t have the money to make bail and will be in jail for the months before the trial, but that will be needed to drive home the attempted…” my voice trailed off, the word stuck in my throat. Nathan squeezed me tighter. “… murder. That this wasn’t a crime of passion, it was premeditated. The evidence Noah found proves that.”
“I’m going to push for a jury trial. Not that a judge trial would really hurt due to the evidence we have, but the sympathy from the jurors might help seal the deal. We’ll both have to make sure not to miss any sessions with Darren until this is all over. It’s going to dig up some major skeletons for you,” he said, brushing my hair back from my face.
“Yes, and you know how much I don’t like to talk about it. But I think this will be good in the end. Cleansing. Vindicating. I’m going to need a lot of lovey hugs, and I may not be able to ask for them.”
He smiled against my neck and chuckled. “I’ll make certain you are well supplied.”
There was a clearing of throats as we were interrupted; Andrew and Trent wanting to know where the couch was headed. Moving day continued into the night, and by dinnertime it was empty, no trace of me to be found.
As the days passed, I found it harder to convince myself I was okay, that the attack was no different, but things only seemed to get worse.
I awoke unable to breathe, my nightmare following me. Ghostly fingers were wrapped around my neck, and I was gasping, clawing at invisible hands.
The light flipped on and Nathan loomed over me. The images in my mind began to fade, and the tightness lessened. A scream clawed its way out of me, loud and raw.
“Shh, it’s okay. I’m here. He can’t hurt you,” Nathan said as he wrapped his arms around me.
Tears were streaming down my face, and I turned into his chest as a sob ripped from me.
“I’ve got you, baby. You’re safe.”
He ran soothing caresses down my back, his touch grounding me to him as it always did. It was the third time in a week I’d woken in that dream.
It took a few minutes, but I was able to calm down, secure in his arms. He felt so good wrapped around me, and I gave in to the sensation of his skin on mine, the familiar heat from being so close to him was turning me on.
My need to feel more was great. I wanted the mind cleansing that only Nathan could provide.
I tilted my head up and pulled his lips down to mine. It was soft, his mouth traveling around my skin, placing open-mouthed kisses on my neck where the bruises from Adam’s hands had been. He was covering the bad touch with a loving and pleasurable one.
It’d been over two weeks since I was attacked, and it was the first time Nathan and I had attempted to be intimate since then. A moan slipped out as he licked up my neck, nipping just behind my ear.
“Fuck, baby, I need you,” he whispered into my ear, his hips rocking his cloth-covered cock against my thigh.
His hand slid around the front, mouth on mine as he kissed me harder. It was what I wanted, what I needed; Nathan to consume me.
My hips began to rock in time with his as he pinched my nipple through the cloth of my t-shirt, the fire growing. His chest rumbled, and his grip became harder, his own desires releasing from the chains he’d kept them restrained in.
His hand moved down my side, squeezing my thigh hard before moving back up.
That action sparked an awareness and my mind cleared. My heart began sprinting as a panic set in with each inch his hand crawled up my thigh, pushing up the material of the t-shirt I was wearing.
When his hand reached the top of my thigh, fingers on my panties, I lost it. I screamed out as I pushed on his chest. “No!”
All his movements stopped, and he backed away to look at me. My fear echoed in his eyes.
“Lila?”
A shaky hand rose to my mouth when I realized what I’d done.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” I said as dread and a new wave of sobs washed over me.
His eyes softened, and he leaned forward in a motion to wrap his arms around me. I jumped when he touched me, but melted into his embrace.
I apologized over and over as he held me, still in shock from my reaction. It was Nathan, the man I loved. How could I ever confuse his touch with Adam’s?
He wouldn’t touch me in an intimate way after that, and after my reaction, I couldn’t blame him.
Days later he was staring at me, his hands on either side of me braced on the counter, hovering. His body was shaking with need. We were both frustrated. I frowned up at him, my eyes pleading; he whimpered.
I sighed. “Please?” My fingers knotted in his shirt, trying to pull him to me.
His gaze moved to the floor, his head shaking. “I can’t, as much as I want you. I love you too much to hurt you like that again.”
My hands slapped flat against his chest. “You didn’t hurt me! I didn’t panic because of you.”
“It was my hand on your skin, Honeybear. You know how I am—I want to touch you in ways that I’m afraid will remind you. I can’t stand to see you like that, to have you push me away again.”
We were stuck in a standstill. Unable to move forward, and it was hurting us both.
Darren suggested a few exercises that would reintegrate Nathan’s touch, to become reacquainted with his naturally aggressive need.
“Touch me,” I said.
He had a worried look on his face as his h
ands trailed up my arms, across my shoulders, and up my neck to cup my face. A small gasp escaped when he passed over my neck as he moved down. His movements faltered, and he stared into my eyes to make sure I was okay. The touch was a light caress as he moved around. With the second pass, he put more pressure behind it.
For two weeks Nathan did that three times a day, each day starting off with a firmer grip.
It worked, because I was standing in the living room panting for him. His hands erased the vile memories on my skin. They were covered with the loving, possessive, passionate, spine-tingling ones of Nathan’s.
I jumped on him, sending us crashing to the couch behind him, unable to take any more.
“Oh, fuck, baby, are you sure?” he asked as my mouth ran down his neck, licking and sucking. My fingers searched out the hem of his shirt and pulled it up.
I sat up and looked him straight in the eye. “Nate, if you don’t fuck me right now, I’m going to have to take matters into my own hand.”
His eyes narrowed, and he bared his teeth at me. “Not going to fucking happen. I make you come. Me.” His hips flexed up, while his hands pushed my hips down as he slid his cock against my clit.
My head tilted back, and my nipples tightened.
“Then make me.” I smiled at him, waiting for him to take the bait and let go on me.
It was euphoric to be rid of the barrier that kept our sexual need locked down.
He grabbed my waist and flipped our positions before pulling both of our shirts off. He wasted no time unbuckling my jeans and pulling them off along with my panties.
The need was too great, so he didn’t even bother taking his own off, just pushed them to his knees and settled between my thighs.