The New Rakes

by Nikki Magennis

  ‘Why do you want me?’ Kara asked.

  Mike frowned at her like he didn’t understand. ‘The usual reasons. It’s not that complicated, Kara.’ He thrust a hand into his pocket and cocked an eyebrow at her like she was mad for even asking the question.

  A week ago, Kara would have let him get away with that answer. She would have felt unsettled and aroused by his casual rebuttal, and then she would have done as he’d asked and stripped for him. The force of his certainty and the focus of his desire had been blinding.

  But today, she needed more than clever replies. She waited.

  ‘I always wanted you,’ Mike said bluntly.

  Kara shook her head. ‘No. No, you enjoyed that I lusted after you. I think you liked the power it gave you. But there was no way you would have made a move back then.’

  ‘You were my student.’

  ‘That had nothing to do with it.’

  Mike turned and paced, taking a couple of gulps of his drink. Kara watched the way he moved, agitated but still self-possessed. He was fraying at the edges, Kara thought, but he still had that mesmerising quality.

  ‘You only want me now because of this,’ she said, waving her hand at the dressing room. ‘Because of where I’m going.’

  Mike sighed impatiently. ‘For God’s sake. Yes, your ambition, talent, it’s sexy. Does it really matter?’ He threw himself into an armchair and watched Kara over the rim of his glass. ‘I don’t see what the problem is.’

  Silently, Kara pulled open the buttons of her jeans. Mike lay his head back and watched. She slid out of her trouser legs and peeled off her knickers, dropping the clothes in a pile on the floor.

  ‘Good,’ Mike said, quietly. ‘That’s a good girl. Now come over here and kneel down.’

  Kara ignored him. She pulled her ripped top over her head and reached behind her back to undo her bra. A shadow passed over Mike’s face. He opened his mouth to speak, but Kara lifted a finger to her lips.

  ‘Shh,’ she said, tugging her bra off and dropping it on the pile. Naked, she stood in front of Mike and let him look at her.

  ‘What is this?’ he asked. ‘You want me to give you marks out of ten?’

  ‘This is me,’ Kara said. ‘No lights, no audience, no background music.’

  Mike shifted in his seat and turned his head away. It was cold in the windowless room, and Kara shivered a little.

  ‘Not a star, Mike. I’m just a singer in a band. That’s what I choose to be.’ She walked over to the chair and stood close enough for him to reach out and touch her. ‘Is this what you want?’ she asked. ‘Is it enough for you?’

  He held his glass in his lap and turned it, shaking the liquid so that it sloshed against the sides. ‘You really do pick your moments, Kara,’ he said. There was a note of sadness in his voice.

  ‘I need to know,’ she said.

  ‘If I want you.’

  ‘If you want me.’ Kara nodded. ‘Or if you’re just trying to fix something that went wrong a long time ago.’

  22

  MIKE DIDN’T ANSWER. He stayed silent for so long that Kara began to sweat. She shifted warily, somehow feeling more naked as time went on. Thoughts screamed silently in her head – what was she doing? Risking everything, ruining all her chances? Someone could burst through the door at any minute, and Kara knew she would be more ashamed at being caught like this, laying herself bare, than she would if they walked in on her and Mike screwing.

  At last, he dipped his forefinger into his glass and wet the tip. He lifted his finger and reached out to touch her chin, using it like a paintbrush to draw a line down her body. The cold trail burned from her throat to her lower belly, shining against her pale skin and the sweet pungent smell of the spirit prickled in her nose. He caught her wrist and held her steady, dotted a finger on the veins as if anointing her with perfume. Kara curled her fingers; this was different from the games they’d played before.

  Mike’s eyes didn’t have the glowing intent that she was used to. If she didn’t know him better she would have said he looked a little sad. He was stroking lines up her inner arm and down the side of her breast very deliberately. As though he was carrying out some ritual with a hidden, secret meaning. The alcohol left a sweet burn as it evaporated. He drew a line from her stomach to her pussy. When he dabbed at her clit with his finger, she flinched.

  ‘Don’t worry,’ he murmured. ‘It won’t hurt.’ He pinched her little bud between his fingers and looked up at her.

  Kara felt the cold wet vodka on her skin and the intense heat that centred in her pussy. Mike didn’t caress her or play with her, just trapped her tender hood lightly in his hand.

  ‘Is it burning yet?’ he asked, a dull curiosity in his eyes.

  As he spoke, a tingle blossomed on her clit, the nerve endings suddenly alive and urgent with heat. Kara inhaled sharply. The warmth was spreading through her pussy and, for a moment, she panicked.

  Mike caught the worry in her eyes and laughed. His fingers pressed, still, against her. ‘It will pass,’ he said. ‘Once the spirit has evaporated. Highly volatile, alcohol.’

  Kara felt the beat in her womb again, the hunger for sex that Mike knew so well how to evoke. All she had to do was rock forwards and rub herself against his fingers. If she bore down just an inch, she’d feel the relief that she’d been denied and the light burn on her clit would transform into scorching pleasure.

  ‘You haven’t answered me,’ she said, her voice strangling in her throat.

  ‘Remind me.’ Mike said, ‘What did you want to know?’

  Kara was balanced so precariously. Her body was connected to Mike through one slight touch and her thoughts see-sawed back and forth between what she wanted and what she was scared of. It would only take one small movement to tip her into chaos.

  ‘Do you want me?’ she said, the question sounding ridiculous even as it escaped her mouth. She shook her head. ‘No. This is crazy.’ She clutched her hair in handfuls and swore.

  Mike waited, holding her pinched between his fingers as lightly as if he were touching something breakable.

  Kara took a deep breath and blew it out through her mouth, exhaling until her whole body softened. She opened her eyes and looked straight at Mike. ‘You won’t ever tell me, will you?’ she said. ‘You’ll keep me hanging for ever.’

  Mike licked his lips very slowly, making Kara imagine how it would feel if he were to lean forwards and do the same to her.

  The burning that had played across her pussy had retreated inside her now, the heat fading into a low steady want. It was the same need that had been tormenting her for the past night and day.

  Sex wouldn’t fix it. Kara realised with a burst of sadness that Mike wouldn’t fix it either. He might play with her for a month or a year, so long as she was a bright shiny new star, but eventually the glitter would wear off and he’d want some new kick.

  ‘Not enough,’ she said quietly, shaking her head. She took a step backward and left him with his hand held out. ‘I’m sorry Mike.’

  At that moment, the speaker above the sink crackled and burst into life. The sounds from the stage intruded noisily into the room: Eric tuning up, feedback warping in a high-pitched whine. Mike withdrew his hand like he’d been scalded, looking at her with cold disgust. She’d expected to be upset, but instead Kara’s whole body sagged with regret and relief.

  At last, everything that had tied her to Mike had come undone. There was nothing but a dull gleam in his eyes, full of bitterness and anger. Kara realised that even though it was a day too late, she’d eventually done what Lina asked. Three hours before she was due on stage with Mike, she’d broken the spell.

  The sound check was over in a swift forty minutes. The session musicians ran through the songs with swift, businesslike ease and Mike seemed utterly focused on the keyboard. He didn’t look up at Kara once and barely spoke a word as he played each melody, smoothly and impeccably.

  Kara sang without thinking. She fixed her gaze on a point
somewhere in the dazzling white blindness of the stage lights and repeated the lyrics as if she’d forgotten what they ever meant. She was perfectly in tune and didn’t miss a beat.

  When the sound engineer gave them a thumbs-up and flicked the speakers off, she stood on stage for a moment, looking into the fathomless black space of the auditorium. Even when empty, the place seemed to hold the ghost of an audience, the expectations and the hunger of a thousand invisible people.

  Lina pulled her out of her reverie, clapping her hands loudly. ‘Less than two hours, Kara, move it.’ She waved Kara backstage and led her along the corridor.

  Kara had stitched her top together with a couple of safety pins. She stood picking at a loose thread where the fabric was fraying and looked at Mike’s empty glass, discarded on a table. Someone walked along the corridor, whistling loudly, and she turned with a sudden rush of irrational hope. The engineer winked at her through the open door and carried on past.

  ‘Break a leg,’ he said, and Kara tried to smile at him.

  Around her, everyone was moving faster as the concert approached, but she seemed to be in the eye of the storm. She walked to the mirror and looked at herself critically. Everything rested on her now. On the body reflected in the blue-tinted glass.

  Lina swept in without knocking, carrying the plastic-wrapped rubber dress over her arm. She hung it on a dress rail and smoothed the plastic down. Kara looked at it blankly.

  ‘Time to change,’ Lina said, pulling a packet of cigarettes out of her back pocket. ‘You all set?’

  Kara nodded.

  ‘What’s the matter, got cold feet?’ Lina asked. There wasn’t an ounce of sympathy in her voice. ‘I don’t blame you.’ She turned the cigarette lighter over in her hands. ‘Don’t let Tam worry you,’ she said. ‘He’s my concern now. My next project.’

  ‘He’s a good man,’ Kara said quietly. ‘What difference will it make to you? To break him?’

  Lina shrugged. ‘I have to take consolation where I can get it,’ she said. ‘And right now it looks like revenge is all I’ve got left.’ She gave Kara a brittle smile. ‘You’ll learn,’ Lina said. ‘It’s a treacherous business. You can’t trust anyone.’

  As Lina swung round to leave, Kara called to her. ‘Lina.’

  The other woman halted in the doorway but didn’t turn round.

  ‘Why are you here, if you hate me so much? You’re the one turning this into a big event. The newspapers, the big fancy venue, all the publicity. Why even bother?’

  Lina stood with one hand on the door frame. ‘It’s my job. I don’t back out of things,’ she said abruptly. Then her eyes narrowed with a sly look, and her next words were as sweet as syrup. ‘Besides, launching you into the music business is just what you deserve.’ Lina tapped the door frame lightly. She turned to smile at Kara. ‘You’re going to be a star’ she said. ‘Do you have any idea what that really means?’

  ‘It means I get to sing in front of a thousand people.’ Kara shrugged. ‘I get to do what I love.’

  Lina shook her head. ‘No. It means you dance to whatever tune you’re told to.’ Her eyes glowed the colour of malachite. ‘Congratulations, Kara. You just sold your soul. Remember to shake your money maker now.’

  Lina’s footsteps echoed softly along the corridor as she walked away.

  Kara ran through the corridors to the fire exit and jammed the handle down to spring the wide red doors. Outside, the streets were busy with people and the rain had washed the pavements to a slick sheen. Music blasted out of open cars as she turned to see the queue of people waiting outside Polar – a long line of strangers moving one by one towards the ticket desk.

  Kara scanned the line frantically, looking for familiar faces. A few people called to her, but she didn’t recognise them and moved on. In the cold of the night her scrappy top with the gaping holes and the safety pins provided no warmth at all and she shivered as she walked past the chattering crowd. Whispers broke out as she walked down the street, but Kara didn’t hear them. At last, she saw who she was looking for and rushed towards him.

  ‘Tam!’ He was looking at the ground while Judy held on to his arm and chatted to him. His eyes swam up in response to her call and narrowed when he saw her.

  ‘What are you doing out here?’ he said, rocking back on his heels. ‘Shouldn’t you be inside getting styled or something?’

  Kara gripped his arm. ‘There’s no time,’ she said. Hesitating, she nodded at Judy and tried a small smile. ‘I just have to talk to Tam,’ she said. ‘For a moment.’

  ‘Be my guest,’ Judy said and released Tam with a little shrug.

  Kara pulled him to the edge of the pavement, where they were buffeted by passing couples and close to the stream of traffic. ‘Lina invited you,’ she said.

  ‘I’d have been here anyway.’ Tam said. ‘But yeah, VIP tickets and free drinks don’t hurt.’

  Kara wanted to shake him. Instead she squeezed his arm hard. ‘Tam, do you trust me?’

  A taxi rushed past and Tam pulled Kara away from the gutter. His jaw flexed as he looked steadily at her. ‘I used to,’ he said. ‘Even when you were a raving bitch you were still safe, you know.’

  ‘Do you trust me right now? Right here?’

  Tam pressed his lips together as though he had a sour taste in his mouth. ‘It’s doubtful, Kara.’

  Kara blinked hard. She was about to lose him for good. Behind them, the queue was surging forwards as the doors opened, and Judy called out. Tam shook Kara’s hand from his sleeve and started to pull away.

  ‘I don’t want anything from you, Tam,’ Kara said as he moved away. ‘I just want to know that you’ll be in there, somewhere. Looking out for me.’

  Tam glanced over his shoulder as he joined the queue. ‘Always,’ he said, bluntly, taking Judy’s arm and moving forwards.

  Kara watched as he disappeared into the tide of people pouring slowly into the doorway.

  Suddenly, she felt very cold and naked out there in the street among the traffic and the shouting crowds. She turned to slip through the open fire exit and back to her dressing room.

  Mike was waiting for her when she got there. He wore a white shirt and his dirty-blond hair was combed back so that his cheekbones and the sculpted lines of his face stood out. Standing in the centre of the room, he held himself tall and straight. Kara recognised the dark magnetism – the fascinating presence that had first made her fall for him.

  ‘You’re not dressed yet,’ he said as she came in. He glanced at his watch and swore. ‘The support’s on already. You have half an hour.’

  ‘Where’s Lina?’ Kara asked, brushing Mike’s instructions aside with a wave of her hand.

  ‘She’ll be out front taking care of the VIPs,’ Mike said. He frowned. ‘Leave it to her. None of that is your concern – all you need to do is pour yourself into that dress and be ready to perform.’

  Kara nodded. ‘Yeah. Only I need Lina to give me a hand.’

  ‘For God’s sake, I can do up your zip for you.’ Mike shoved a hand in his pocket and cocked his head on one side. ‘I’m sure I can manage to keep my hands off you. If you’re feeling coy.’

  ‘It’s not that. It’s just that it takes a special technique, you know, with the thing being so delicate.’

  ‘I can be delicate,’ Mike said, his voice loaded with meaning.

  It almost made Kara hesitate, remembering just how well he could temper his touch. How he knew just when to give pleasure and when to withhold it, how to work her up into mindless delirium. He was skilled. And she was tempted.

  She thought of him drawing ice-cold lines over her skin and the dark bitter look in his eyes, and shook herself. She set her mouth in a stubborn line and repeated her demand. ‘I need Lina.’

  ‘You can’t get away with pulling the diva act just yet, Kara.’

  She didn’t answer, just crossed her arms and stared him down. On the corner speakers, the sound of applause came through as the support act finished up.


  Mike swore, but he went to his jacket and pulled out a walkie-talkie. Holding down the button, he spoke clearly into it. ‘Lina.’

  Static roared as he let go of the talk button, and then Lina’s voice came through, strained and keyed up.

  ‘Busy as hell, Mike. What do you want?’

  ‘We need you back here.’

  ‘What, now?’

  ‘Now.’

  Mike released the button and turned down the volume. He gave Kara a look that could have melted granite. ‘Happy?’

  ‘Yes.’ She smiled. ‘Thank you.’

  It took Lina all of three minutes to burst in the door, bringing the faint roar of the crowd in behind her. She was in full flight – lipsticked and booted and wearing a slight frown that only made her look more formidable.

  ‘I just left a hack from a national newspaper alone with a double whisky,’ she said. ‘Make this quick.’

  Mike gestured at Kara, who stood by the dress rail in her jeans and dishevelled top.

  Lina’s frown deepened and her eyes flashed with alarm. ‘What’s going on? You’re not ready?’

  Kara nodded to the rail and walked over to close the door behind Lina. She stood with her back against it, the door handle digging into her back, watching the two leading lights of Blue Star Records try to avoid looking at each other.

  ‘This is a farce,’ Lina growled, stalking across the room. ‘So fucking unprofessional.’ Her voice was growing louder with every word. Kara heard the fear in it and the anger that her plans were going awry.

  ‘And it’s only going to get worse,’ Kara said quietly.

  As one, Mike and Lina swung round to look at her.

  ‘What?’ It was Mike who spoke.

  Kara gave him a smile. ‘You’re so good at all this,’ she said. One last time, she looked around the dressing room – the bouquets of good-luck flowers, the light bulbs studded round the mirrors. ‘Both of you. A couple of star-makers.’

  Lina drew her hand onto her hip and looked at Kara critically. The walkie-talkie in her hand bleated and hissed, but she ignored it. ‘Well, it’s nice that you noticed,’ she hissed, ‘but you can save your Oscar speech for after the show.’