The Secret Between Them

by Clark, Lucy

  ‘I’m not saying you can’t look after yourself, Sunainah. It’s quite clear that you can.’ Elliot took a step towards her but stopped. ‘I just meant, speaking as the father of a little girl, that it’s a father’s duty to protect his daughter, to teach her how to protect herself, how to be strong, how to become an independent woman. I’m all for girl power and I intend to empower Daphne as best as I can, but I also want her to know that I am there for her, whenever she needs me—no matter what.’

  ‘You are criticising my father now? Saying he did not take good care of me?’

  ‘Sunainah, you ended up in an arranged marriage—at the age of fourteen!’

  ‘But he rescued me in the end and, besides, he needed to be there for my mother, to be by her side. He had thought I was safe, just as you thought Daphne was safe with your wife’s parents, and when you realised what was happening, how they were taking over and controlling the major decisions in Daphne’s life, you stepped in and rescued her.’

  Elliot opened his mouth to speak but closed it again.

  ‘It is the same thing. Different degrees of circumstance and emotion but the point is you are there for your daughter now.’ She nodded. ‘You are stronger than my own father. He admitted his weakness to me and not long before he died. In a rare moment of clarity he apologised for not protecting me. He could not think of the incident without feeling immense shame and he asked for my forgiveness.’

  ‘So why didn’t he get the annulment? Why didn’t he take care of it?’

  ‘He thought he had. He had filed papers but Amir had refused to sign them. Then my mother passed away, finally succumbing to the illness she had been fighting for many years. We grieved together and when my father suggested moving to Australia, for the two of us to begin a brand-new life together, wipe the slate clean, we did just that. I think he thought he had continued with the pursuit of the annulment but as time went on and our wounds started to heal, it seemed to fade into the background of our lives...as though it had all happened to someone else.’

  ‘A new beginning.’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘I understand that.’

  ‘I thought you would.’

  She wanted so much for him to come to her, to cross the room, to haul her close into her arms as he had done when he had first entered her office. To hold her. To kiss her. To tell her everything would be all right. But she knew it could not be the way things would progress. She was not a free woman and Elliot deserved better. He did need a new start, not only for himself but for his children, and she would not stand in the way of his chance to find happiness.

  ‘But why, when you discovered you were still married to Amir, why didn’t you file the papers again?’

  Sunainah shook her head. ‘To get Amir to sign the papers, I would need to see him. I had tried to do it through lawyers but every time Amir refused, saying he would only sign if I brought the papers myself.’ She hung her head as a wave of shame washed over her.

  ‘I...I have done so much. I have come so far. I have taken control over my life, I have looked after my father, and after many years of being sick he passed away only a few short months ago. Every day I have to remind myself that I have no other family, that I am all alone. I am simply not strong enough to go to India, to face Amir.’ She choked off her words, biting her lip to control the powerful wave of tears she was desperately trying to hold at bay. ‘I cannot,’ she whispered.

  ‘Well, then.’ Elliot’s words were firm and held a hint of finality. Sunainah closed her eyes, unable to look at him, unable to see the way he would be looking at her with disgust. She was not worthy of a man like him and as she could not bring herself to seek an annulment, it meant there was no possible way the two of them would ever be together. ‘I guess that’s all there is to it.’

  At his words, Sunainah gasped in pain, unable to hold back the flood any longer, and with her heart breaking in utter despair she fled from her office.

  Away from her past. Away from her present. Away from the possibility of a future with Elliot.

  CHAPTER TEN

  SUNAINAH SAT IN the corner of her darkened house, behind the furniture, hugging her knees close to her chest. Around her neck was the colourful button necklace Daphne had lovingly made her, and she could not help but rub her fingers over the smooth surfaces, wishing with all her heart that things could have turned out differently. She could not believe she had not only spoken openly to Elliot about her past but that he had rejected her, just as she had been sure he would.

  The little voice inside her head kept spinning around and around, telling her she would always be alone, she would never find anyone to love her unconditionally, that she was indeed damaged.

  Her cowardice, her inability to face Amir had caused her unhappiness yet again. The pain and anguish pulsing through Sunainah’s body caused a fresh batch of tears to trickle down her cheeks. How she wished Elliot had been able to accept her for who she was, warts and all, to know she was not as strong as she might appear. There was nothing she could do to go back and change her past, but she had to figure out a way to live with her present.

  It was very cruel that the instant she had realised she was one hundred percent in love with Elliot had been the moment he had looked into her eyes and said the words that had caused her heart to break.

  I guess that’s all there is to it.

  He had given up. He had finally realised she was not worth fighting for. He might even believe the worst of her, as Raj had. A fresh batch of tears welled up and spilled over her lashes as the pain in her heart continued to paralyse her. Never before had she felt such a deep and abiding emotion, one filled with regret, with fear and yet overshadowed by a perfect love...a love that could never be.

  After racing from her office, she had left the ward, heading into the stairwell and going down, down as far as she could, her feet carrying her away from that piercing look in his wonderful blue eyes, eyes that would never again look at her in the same way. Elliot could never love someone like her, have her be a mother to his wonderful children.

  At the bottom of the stairwell she had stopped, unable to go any lower.

  There, in the basement stairwell, she had crouched down and allowed the tears to flow. She had felt small, useless and insignificant. Regret at what might have been pulsed through her as the tears had run silently down her cheeks. She had pulled a handkerchief from her pocket and held it to her eyes, desperate not to make a sound, even though her heart had been breaking.

  She loved Elliot. Truly loved him with every fibre of her being. This was not the same emotion she had experienced with Raj. This was different, more powerful, more consuming, and it made it all the more painful to know they could never be together.

  How could she have not realised that sooner? But even if she had, there was still no way she could have prevented him from finding out the truth. She had tried to put up road blocks, had tried to keep him at a distance because he deserved to find his new beginning, his new happiness with his children, especially after what he had shared with her. Losing his wife. Enduring a legal battle for his children. Yes, he deserved a world of happiness, which was why it was imperative for her to leave him alone.

  Yet even the thought of working alongside him every day, loving him the way she did but needing to let him go, had brought a fresh round of sorrow.

  ‘Sunainah?’

  At the sound of her name, she froze.

  ‘Sunainah?’

  It had been Reggie’s voice. Sunainah had breathed again, listening as her friend’s footsteps kept descending in the stairwell. ‘Reggie?’

  ‘There you are.’ Reggie sighed with relief as she quickened her pace and within the next instant had pulled Sunainah into her arms. ‘Elliot was worried about you.’

  ‘I doubt that.’ Sunainah’s words were filled with dejection. ‘I t
old him, Reggie. About my past.’

  ‘Ah. Well, now, that makes more sense.’

  ‘What does?’ Sunainah stood and brushed her clothes down before blowing her nose.

  ‘Nothing.’ Reggie shook her head then looked at her friend with a hint of concern. ‘Listen, why don’t you head home? Try and get some sleep.’

  ‘That is not going to happen. I have too much to do here, and besides, with the way I am feeling right now, I doubt there is the remotest possibility that I will sleep.’

  ‘Then rest, sit in a corner, rock back and forth, wallow in self-pity. It doesn’t matter, Sunainah. Just leave the hospital. Nicole told me you’ve been in since very early this morning and to make a long day worse, there’s been this weird German epidemic thing sweeping the State.’ Reggie brushed Sunainah’s hair back behind her ears. ‘Everyone’s emotions have been running on high voltage.’ She smiled tenderly at her friend. ‘Some more than others.’

  Sunainah looked closely at her friend. ‘What does that mean?’

  ‘It means you not only had your usual work to contend with but were also trying to figure out the treatment for your patients.’

  ‘E-Elliot was the one who remembered the symptoms.’

  ‘It doesn’t matter now.’

  Sunainah saw that Reggie had not missed the way she had tripped over saying Elliot’s name out loud. How was she supposed to cope, working alongside him every day, when just saying his name was already painful? Would it ever get any easier?

  ‘You’ve helped everyone,’ Reggie continued. ‘Your patients are stable and people you trust are working in the ward this evening so it’s time for you to head home. You always put everyone else ahead of yourself, Sunainah.’ Reggie looked closely at her friend. ‘It’s your superpower, honey. You give and you give and you just keep on giving, no matter how much you might be hurting inside.’

  ‘My superpower?’

  Reggie shrugged, a bright, beaming smile touching her lips. ‘It’s a thing. Everyone wants to figure out their superpower.’

  ‘I am guessing yours is cheering people up? Being forever the optimist?’

  ‘Ta-dah!’ Reggie spread her arms wide, her eyes twinkling with delight. ‘You know me too well, which means you’ll also know I mean it when I say it’s time for you to go home and rest.’

  The smile slid from Sunainah’s face, and she shook her head. ‘I do not have my car here because I came to the hospital with E—with my neighbour and his sick little son.’

  ‘So I gathered.’

  ‘I should at least check on Joshua but—’

  ‘Let it go, Sunainah.’ Reggie angled her head towards the stairs, and when Sunainah nodded the two of them started walking up. ‘Elli—uh, the staff told me young Joshua is doing extremely well, that he’s definitely going to make a full recovery, so that’s super good news. Now, as far as your transportation issues are concerned...’ Reggie fished in her pocket for a moment and pulled out a set of car keys. ‘Take my car. I’ll be here all night long and you can bring it back in the morning when I’ve finished my shift.’

  Sunainah stopped on a stair and leaned over to hug Reggie. ‘Thank you. You are a good friend.’

  ‘No.’ Reggie held a finger up towards her. ‘I am a brilliant friend.

  ‘Who is not given to hyperbole at all,’ she added, a smile touching her lips once more. Cheering people up really was Reggie’s ‘superpower’. Sunainah sighed. ‘Thanks, Reggie.’

  ‘I’ll ensure your office is locked up and there’s no drama about getting into your house because Mackenzie has a spare set of keys. Just go, Sunainah. You need time to think things through.’

  And Reggie had been right. Sitting in the corner of her lounge room, allowing herself to wallow in self-pity, Sunainah somehow felt she was finally getting some sort of control over her confused thoughts. Her past was the problem but there was no changing it. How she had wished many times over the years that she could stand up to Amir, to claim the freedom that was rightfully hers?

  Even thinking about what might happen, about what Amir might say or do, caused fear to lodge in her throat and her body to tremble. The darkness that had consumed her at the time, of living in the house with a man older than her father, of being so unsure of exactly what was happening, of wondering if her parents had forgotten all about her, the feelings of rejection and dejection instantly returned.

  The darkness started to choke her. Now that she had opened that door, the emotions seemed to come flooding out, but then she thought about Elliot, about Daphne and Joshua. Of the times they had spent together, of the way the children had climbed onto her lap and snuggled into her arms.

  The thoughts of them, of the three people she truly loved, brought a stream of pure light into the darkness that had engulfed her life for far too long. She held Daphne’s button necklace close to her heart, hoping to stave off the repressive thoughts.

  Sunainah lifted her head and opened her eyes. Perhaps, if she found the strength now, she could go to India, face Amir once and for all and get him to sign the annulment papers. If she did that, she would be able to be with Elliot—if he still wanted her. Hope began to flare. Elliot was worth it. She would be strong for him, for Daphne and for Joshua.

  ‘I can do this.’ As she spoke the words out loud Sunainah felt as though a weight was being lifted from her shoulders. All she had to do was to focus on the wonderful memories she had created with Elliot and his children. She promised herself to think about only the good times because those were the memories that would propel her forward and maybe, just maybe, if she was able to take care of her past once and for all, there might be the smallest spark of hope that Elliot might one day come to care for her again.

  Was it possible? Dared she dream of such a future?

  She blew her nose one last time, a flood of optimism starting to clear her foggy mind. She would do this. She would be strong. She would not let anyone stop her from achieving her goal of freedom, of never again having to think about her past with shame.

  She could do this. She could face her past. She had to do this if there was any chance she might one day be with Elliot. That was what she wanted more than anything in the world, to become a part of his life, a part of his family, a part of his new beginning.

  Sunainah had just stood when she heard footsteps outside her door, followed a moment later by loud knocking. Her eyes widened at the sound and she gasped when she heard Elliot calling her name.

  ‘Sunainah! Open up.’

  He was here? Elliot was here? Her heart hammered wildly in terrified happiness. She was delighted to see him, that he was here, that he had sought her out, but she was deeply concerned with what he might want to say to her. Although, if he mentioned her past, she could now proudly tell him she was going to do everything she could to ensure she would be completely free in the future. She wanted him to know just how important he and his children were to her and if he...if he did not want her after that, then at least she could be satisfied she had done everything possible. Then she could move on with her life, free from any shackles of the past.

  ‘Sunainah! Open the door. Please? It’s important.’

  There was a mild hint of panic in his tone and for one fleeting second her mind cleared of all her selfish reasons for wanting him there and switched into concerned doctor mode.

  ‘Is it Joshua?’ She rushed to the door, opening it with a worried look on her face. ‘Is Joshua all right? Has his temperature spiked again?’

  * * *

  All the urgency seemed to melt from Elliot as he stood at her door, staring at her in wonderment. There she was. His Sunainah. Dressed in a comfortable pair of jeans, a large T-shirt, her glorious hair still loose and Daphne’s button necklace around her neck. Elliot was overcome by her natural beauty, and it was ridiculous to even try and stop the way his heart pounde
d at the sight of her. ‘Joshua is doing very well, as are all the other patients.’

  ‘Well, I am pleased to hear that.’ She was finding it increasingly difficult not to stare at him. He was so incredibly handsome with his dark hair and straight nose and blue eyes and perfect lips that fitted perfectly with her own.

  ‘You are?’

  ‘Yes. Joshua’s health is important to me...Daphne’s, too.’ Her words were soft, spoken as though in a daze as she continued to drink in the sight of him.

  Elliot stared back at her. ‘What about my health? Are you concerned about that, Sunainah?’

  It was only then that she lowered her eyes, just for a moment, before she looked at him, fair and square. ‘Yes, Elliot.’

  At her answer he stepped forward, closing the distance between them, and pressed a hard kiss to her mouth, startling her. ‘Then please don’t ever run out on me like that again.’

  ‘Uh...’ Sunainah blinked rapidly, trying to figure out what had just happened. Elliot sidestepped her, coming into her home, and when she continued to just stand there, completely stunned by the hot and heavy kiss, he closed the front door for her and took her hand in his.

  ‘Where did you go? I looked for you but I... You seemed to disappear into thin air. I ran into Reggie and—’

  ‘You were really worried?’

  ‘Of course I was. You were upset and crying and it must have been so difficult for you to tell me about your past and then you were just—gone.’ He spread his hands wide. ‘Why would you think I wouldn’t be worried about you?’

  ‘Because...you said that was all there was to it, that you wanted nothing more to do with me, and—’

  ‘Whoa. Whoa, there.’ Elliot stared at her for a moment then shook his head. ‘You thought, after everything you had just told me, that I wanted nothing more to do with you? That’s why you ran out?’