I try to smile at him and nod. “I did. Mom used to say I should take it, but it didn’t feel right to me.” I clear my throat and blink. “We’re looking for Gran’s journals. We’ve completely searched the library closet and I figured if they were anywhere else they’d be in here, but so far we’ve had no luck.”
My uncle’s eyes widen a bit. “Journals? Ah lass, I wish you’d told me you’ve been searching for them.”
Flint speaks up from the depths of the box he’s digging through. “You know where they are, Sea?”
My uncle nods. “Yes, she asked me to take care of them for her.” He pauses and scratches his head. “She knew someone would be looking for them someday, and wanted to be sure they didn’t fall into the wrong hands.”
I get to my feet and dust off my hands on my shorts. “Where are they, Sea?”
He looks crestfallen for a moment, almost like he doesn’t want to tell me. “Ah, well — I followed her instructions, you see. And she wanted them brought to our first home here in the States.”
“Where we store supplies now?” I ask him, incredulous. With all the people who use that place as a safe house while they’re out of the city, someone had to have found them by now.
“Aye, that’s the place. But don’t worry, Fi — she had me hide them so only those who knew where to look could find them.” I exchange a glance with Flint and shake my head, confused.
“So they’ve been there for the last ten years, but you’re sure no one else could have possibly found them?”
Seamus nods and grins at me. “I promise you that no one would look where she had me put them.” He chuckles. “My mother was a very gifted woman. I’m not supposed to tell you exactly where they are buried, but she knew it would be you, Fi. Can you wait here? I have to grab something from next door.” I nod mutely and decide it might be best to sit down.
Flint starts shutting boxes and replacing them in the closet, then comes and sits next to me on the sofa; taking my hand in his without speaking. I look up at him. “I’m almost afraid to see what he brings back.” He opens his mouth to respond when we hear the sound of Seamus coming back in, and he closes it again; squeezing my hand and pressing a kiss to my cheek.
My uncle hands me a blue envelope that still carries the faint scent of roses and my full name scrawled in my grandmother’s flowery handwriting. “I’ll leave you to it, then. Everything you need should be in there — that’s what she said, anyhow…” he trails off, lays his hand on my cheek and smiles sadly. “You look so much like her, lass. It makes my heart happy.” He ruffles my hair gently and leaves the room.
I look at the envelope and feel a thousand memories bombard me all at once. The envelope is one she dyed herself when she taught me about using nature to help us replace things that aren’t made anymore. She made it blue because it was my favorite color; a pretty robin’s egg shade that I still favor. I’m not sure I will get through this without crying like a fool.
Flint clears his throat and I jump. I’d forgotten he was even here. “I can leave you alone to read that if you’d like,” he says quietly and goes to get up, but I grab his arm and pull him back down next to me.
“Stay, please? I—” I force myself to take a breath. “I’d like it if you could stay, please.”
“Of course,” he says and I smile my thanks at him. I try to ignore the shaking of my hands and flip the envelope over; sliding my finger under the flap to open it. Several sheets of notepaper are folded to fit inside and I pull them out and unfold them carefully.
I smooth the wrinkles out, realize I’m stalling and then take a deep breath and decide to read aloud.
“Hello my dove — I know things haven’t been easy for you since I departed this life. My time draws near even as I write this and you are the reason I fight for each breath, every day. There is so much I would like to say, warnings and consolations that I won’t be here to give in person. Alas, I cannot. So I will tell you what I am able to instead. First — there are two maps enclosed here; one to bring you to the house, and the other to help you locate the volumes you’re after once you are there. Follow the instructions and you will find the answers everyone is seeking. Take heed, though — you might not like what you find.” I pause to take a breath and then press on. “Second — you are not — under any circumstances — to try and rescue your father, no matter how dire you believe his condition to be. You will see him again, I promise, but you cannot release him from his prison. If you try, you, your brother and your companions will all perish.” I have to stop to clear my throat of the unshed tears clogging it before I can continue, and a thousand new questions race around in my mind. “Third — please hear these words, Fianna — you are not responsible for anything that has come to pass thus far. The horrors you’ve witnessed and borne, both real and imagined were not your fault. The burdens you’ve carried were never meant for you, yet you’ve shouldered them just as your father did and you’ve made me so proud. I have to go, dove, but one more thing first. Please remember when you’re reading about my past that no one is perfect, and I tried to act in the best interests of our family in the end. I will always be with you, my dear girl. All my love, Gran. P.S. — Be kind to your Gran and show your gentleman my memory book.”
I take a cursory glance at the two maps Gran mentioned, fold everything back up carefully and slide it back in the envelope, all the while trying hard to compose my face into a semblance of calm. Gran was a much more powerful Seer than she ever let on and I don’t know where to start with this letter. It’s all too much right now. I force myself to breathe deeply and blink tears out of my eyes. I clear my throat and finally raise my eyes to Flint’s. His are filled with pity and I look away, unable to deal with that on top of the emotional overload I’m experiencing right now.
Instead I stand, stuff the envelope into the back pocket of my jean shorts and rub my palms on my thighs. “If you’ll come with me, I’ll show you that memory book.” Flint looks like he’d like to say something, but instead he just nods and gets up. He takes my hand and follows me down the hall to my bedroom.
Through my bedroom window I can see the sun starting to set. I cross to my dresser, open the third drawer down and pull out a ratty pair of baby blue, plaid boxer shorts and then move to the top drawer where I retrieve a navy camisole. I take the envelope from my back pocket and leave it on top of the dresser. Flint settles himself on the edge of my bed and watches my every move. He’s waiting for me to break, I’m sure, but I have no intention of making a further spectacle of myself tonight. So I smile at him over my shoulder. “I’ll be right back. I just want to get changed.” Then I duck into my bathroom without waiting for a response.
I take my time washing up and let my lavender scented soap work its magic; washing away the tension and sadness that have taken hold of me since I read Gran’s letter. Then I release my hair from the elastic holding it in a messy bun and brush it until it shines; letting it hang in loose waves that reach my hips. Once I change my clothes I feel almost human again. I look in the mirror and find my eyes are still huge, but my face isn’t quite so pale as before. That will have to do, I think, and exit the bathroom to tackle the next emotional minefield.
I find Flint sitting back in the middle of my bed reclining against my pillows, and I can’t hold back a tired smile. I like seeing him there. He grins back at me and asks, “Are you sure you’re all right, love?” I nod, so he beckons me closer with his fingers and I grin but stay where I am, leaning against the bathroom door. “I think you should get the book your Gran wanted you to show me and then come here to me,” he says; waggling his eyebrows suggestively at me.
I can’t help but laugh at his expression. “That sounds lovely.” I kneel in front of the hope chest at the foot of the bed, open it up and dig around until I find the book in question. It has been in this chest since the night Gran died, and I can’t say I had any intention of ever looking at it again. It hurts too much to remember. I sigh and stand up, then close the lid a
nd hold the memory book up for Flint to see. He sits up and pats the space in front of him, silently inviting me to come sit with him.
I climb into bed and situate myself next to him, but he shifts so he’s sitting behind me instead. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me to him so my back is against his chest. He moves my hair out of his way and then I feel his chin on my shoulder before he kisses my cheek. “See, this is much nicer. Let’s take a look at this book now.”
I open the book and lay it on the bed in front of me so we can both see it, and start telling him about Gran’s family. We flip through the book to see her grow up with her brothers and sister and watch my resemblance to her grow exponentially. I tell him about her brothers, who my Dolan cousins are named for and her twin sister, Aoife who gave me my middle name. Flint keeps one arm wrapped around my middle, anchoring me to him, while the other plays idly with the ends of my hair. We get to Gran’s wedding picture and see Granddad sliding a ring on her finger, smiling down into her eyes like he’s the luckiest man on the planet. Flint’s hand moves to the chain around my neck and down to the ring hanging from it. “This was hers?” he asks.
“It was her mother’s, too. She gave it to me on my ninth birthday…said one day I would pass it on to a daughter of my own.” I sound wistful and begin to ramble, hoping he missed the tone. “I guess she told Dad he could have it for his wife, but then changed her mind when he asked for it. I think my mom was always jealous that I ended up with it.” I clear my throat. “Anyhow, yes, this was hers.” I turn the page and try to ignore the burning in my face.
Flint chuckles and kisses my shoulder. “You never know, love.” And I shiver at the contact and at the hope that spikes through me with the thought of being able to have a family of my own someday. I bite my lip to keep from turning to him and focus instead on the book in front of us; waiting for something to show me why Gran wanted him to see it.
We make it through the rest of the album without further incident and I’m about to close the book, feeling like this was a monumental, emotionally exhausting waste of time, when Flint reaches out and pulls a piece of paper from between the last page of the book and the back cover. “What’s this?” He asks. I gasp as I remember Gran’s last words to me.
“For you, dove. Keep it safe. You’ll need it one day,” I murmur and watch as Flint unfolds the paper to reveal my grandmother’s handwriting. “Oh, not another one,” I blurt; seeing her pet name for me scrawled across the top. I can’t handle another missive from my dead grandmother right now. I will be sobbing in no time. “This must have been what she was talking about that night.” I look, but I can’t make heads or tails of what she was trying to tell me as I read it. I look at Flint and he seems just as confused as I am.
It isn’t until I read it again that I see what is really going on. “Oh, for heaven’s sake, Gran!” I exclaim. I turn to Flint, feeling tired all the way down in my bones and tell him, “It’s a riddle.”
Chapter 26—Fi
August 2102
Early morning sunlight filters through the window in the kitchen as I finish off my third cup of coffee of the day and prepare to start the rest of my chores. I’ve already moved four loads of laundry through the washer and dryer. Now there are herbs to be organized and catalogued and some ointments and salves that need to be made. With a start, I realize I’ll have to start brewing thistle tea again as a precaution now that I have a man in my life. My mother called it a safety net; it’s basically a brew that will prevent pregnancy if taken before any ‘activity’. My mother used to brew it for me once a week from the time I was twelve when she deemed me ‘woman enough’. She would watch while I drank it down. The stuff is vile but necessary, as I can’t picture being a mother at this point. I don’t want my children growing up in a world full of fear and slavery.
I also have to prepare vegetables for freezing for the winter season, and so many other things that my head starts to spin a little just thinking about it all. I remind myself that now is the best time to do these things, since school will be starting in a few weeks and I’ll have a million things to do to prepare for that, too. I was the one who said I could handle teaching and running our community, after all. Not that I really had a choice. I blow out an exasperated breath and shake my head to clear the useless thoughts running through it.
I am starting a fresh pot of coffee (I’ll need the caffeine to get through the day) when I hear the back door open. Startled, I look over and see Eir and Uncle Seamus standing there in the doorway, both of them looking unusually solemn.
“Wow, what are you doing up, Eir? It’s barely eight.” I add water to the reservoir in the coffee machine and flip the switch on before I turn back to the two of them. “Do you guys want coffee?”
My brother’s voice is calm, but there is a sense of urgency in his words when he says, “Fi, where’s Flint?” I feel dread settle in my stomach.
“He’s still sleeping.”
My brother crosses the room and says into my ear. “Okay, you need to come with us and not ask any questions right now.” I look up at his face and nod, and then let him pull me across the kitchen and out the back door. We are a block away, heading towards the park when he finally speaks again. “Sorry for the drama, but I’m not sure how good his hearing is and I wanted to show you before he found out.”
“Found out what? What’s going on, you two?” I ask. They are both upwards of six feet tall to my five feet-two inches and normally I can keep pace with them fine, but right now I have to half-jog to keep up with them as they lead me to the path where I normally run each morning.
“Just ahead, lass,” Seamus says and I grit my teeth and keep moving forward. When we reach the tree where Eir and I first saw Flint in fox form, they break from the path and move towards the shrubs and grass surrounding the tree.
“Careful,” Eir says. He pulls some branches aside and points at the ground. “We found this.” I look down at the ground and see, just barely hidden amongst the greenery, a huge bear-sized trap made completely of iron. It is obviously handmade and not something we would use to catch food. This is an illegal weapon, as far as I’m concerned. The size of the trap leads me to believe the person who crafted it didn’t care if they caught a human or animal in it…and the only person who would be affected by the iron and can manifest in two forms is Flint. I don’t need to hear Eir’s next words to know who is responsible for this. “It was Sean, Fi. I just — I know — it was Sean. He’s trying to get rid of Flint.”
I feel rage start to boil in my veins as my brother’s words sink in. I’ve been lenient with my cousin for far too long. His prejudice has reached new heights and I simply can’t abide this. He’s done more than defy a direct order this time; he’s broken our law and he’s betrayed my trust. I look at the iron death trap on the ground and steel myself to do what I must. The time has definitely come for action to be taken. I look up to see my brother and uncle looking at me and realize I haven’t spoken yet.
“Don’t move that trap. I don’t want him to know we’ve found it before we have a chance to take care of this,” I say, and the lack of emotion in my voice chills even me. I glance up to see my uncle looking concerned, but I keep going. “We can’t just exile him, because he knows too much about us. We’re going to have to execute him — family or not.”
“You’ll get no argument from me. What can I do to help?” Seamus asks, which surprises me a little.
“Honestly I don’t want to discuss it here. It’s too open. Did Sean show up for his shift on the border this morning?” I ask my uncle. He nods and I continue. “Okay, so let’s go back to the house and we’ll plan…” I trail off as I remember Flint asleep in my bed. “Crap — okay, we can’t go to our house. You guys go back to your house, Uncle Seamus. I’ll convince Flint to stay in at our house today, and alert the guard out back to let us know if he sees Sean. I’ll meet you guys there.”
Without waiting for a response, I turn to leave; already going through ideas on how t
o convince Flint that he wants to stay indoors today. Under different circumstances I’d welcome his help in handling things, but this is his life in jeopardy and I cannot let anything happen to him. I’ve considered tying him up, drugging him and several other very bad ideas and discarded them all by the time I reach my backyard. I could try to seduce him, I suppose, but I really don’t trust my feminine wiles. Mostly because I’ve never tried to use them before. It’s just not an area I’m particularly adept in. At all.
Inspiration hits as I’m closing the back door behind me. I kick my sandals off and force myself to take a breath. If I go barreling in like this Flint will know something is up as soon as he looks at me. He will undoubtedly be upset with me later for not telling him what’s going on, but I can’t help feeling he’s safest in the dark for now. All of this will be over very soon, I tell myself. I make my steps light as I poke my head in his room, just to be sure he’s not already up. The bed is made but that’s no surprise, as Flint has been sleeping in my room lately. I backtrack and pause to catch my breath outside my door. I cannot fail. I turn the knob slowly and slip inside my room. It’s still and peaceful, and a slight breeze ruffles the light blue curtains.
Flint is lying on his back in the middle of the bed, almost exactly where I left him this morning when I woke up. His quiet breathing and the pounding of my heart are the only sounds in the room and I cross to the bed; climbing in carefully. I stay on my knees and crawl over to his side to look down on his sleeping face. It hits me suddenly just how much I love this man, and my heart constricts a little in my chest. I can’t lose him. The urge to run my fingers through his hair pulls at me and just when I am about to give in, he says, “Enjoying the view, love?” and I start in surprise.
I give his shoulder a shove. “How long have you been awake?”
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