Our Secret: A College Bully Romance (Golden Crew Book 1)

by Belladona Cunning

  After our talk under the football bleachers, a little shift in our dynamic came about. Finally. Long overdue if you know what I'm saying. But that still doesn't mean that Hunter will do what he needs to, nor will he not revert back to his hateful ways and think Maverick is his.

  Telling him my version of the truth won't be enough for Hunter. He will want to know it all. Until he beats that dead horse into the ground, and we're all sick to death of hearing about it. That is just the way he is.

  Hunter dives down deep, under the very marrow of your bone and analyzing how you tick. He never leaves a stone unturned, nor a question unanswered.

  I sigh, defeated over the whole thing. Either way I go, I'm fucked. But I was only trying to do what I thought was best for my son. Can I be faulted for that?

  "He won't believe me. And after everything I've been through, Dunc, I don't know if I can handle seeing that betrayal again. His anger, I can deal with."

  A cool wisp of air slices through my thin shirt as I think about it. Wrapping my arms around myself, I sit down in the chair I vacated earlier, slouching down until my ass is barely in the seat. Duncan takes his spot once more when he sees I'm not about to go off the deep end, and we stare at each other in silence.

  Tension is so thick, you could cut it with a knife, words still left unsaid between both of us. But here in my dad's kitchen, surrounded by haunting memories of our mother humming while she danced and baked her famous apple pie, we can't bring ourselves to mar our mom's memory like that.

  She wouldn't want us fighting, even though Duncan is a dick for lying. She'd want us to stick together, forge a way through the tough times to make way for the good times.

  “Lo, I'm not saying this to sound inconsiderate," he murmurs, wrapping his hands back around his nearly empty mug. He can't even bring himself to meet my eyes. Whatever he's about to say, it must be terrible.

  "Spit it out."

  "I’m sorry, Lo, but those are nothing but excuses."

  My eyes snap back to his, knowing—pleading to my innermost being—that I didn't hear him right. Because that means that this whole time, he's never truly been on my side. He's been faking it just like everyone else. With his pensive expression aimed at me, I irrevocably have my answer. He thinks I'm making excuses.

  I slap my hand down on the table, my anger blowing through the roof. “I've never once made excuses in my life. Didn't when I found out I was pregnant and won't until the day I die.”

  Yes, what I did, by keeping Hunter and Maverick in the dark about each other, is wrong. I'm woman enough to accept that and move on. But I refuse to sit here and be belittled by my brother. By one of the only people I thought had my back. I love him, but right now, I dislike him with a fiery passion.

  Leaning forward, he rests his elbows on the rickety, old kitchen table. He points a finger and his glare in my direction, and his words cut me plum to the bone. "I am Mav’s uncle, and I love that little boy more than anything in this world, but him being away from you is hurting that poor boy. I refuse to put him to bed another night where he cries himself to sleep. Lo, I don't give a fuck about you, Dad, or our dead mother lying in the cemetery—all I care about is that boy in there, and he needs his mother. He doesn’t need Dad or me; he needs you. Grow up and take responsibility for your mistake.”

  Everything stops on a dime. I swear, even the clock hanging on the wall above the back door chimes its last tick when my brother finishes. A mistake? My little boy? Anger bubbles in my gut. My hands fists so tightly half-crescent moons show up on my palms.

  “My mistake?” I snap forward, the edge of the table cutting into my stomach. “Maverick is no mistake!"

  I see the moment realization dawns in his eyes because that filthy mongrel tries to backtrack. “That’s not what I meant, and you know it."

  “You sure as fuck said it.”

  I stand to my feet, nearly ripping my purse off the kitchen chair. About that time, a weary-looking Maverick shuffles his feet softly into the kitchen. He's still half asleep, and my heart clenches at the sight of him standing there, looking so much like a rumpled version of his father, it's ridiculous.

  When he realizes Duncan isn't the only one there and that I am, his wide, tear-swollen eyes shimmer with wetness. "Momma!"

  He nearly trips in his quest to get to me, and I step forward and swoop him up into my arms. His diaper is full and needs to be changed, and that's probably the reason he's up right now. However, I can't bring myself to let go of him for even a moment. It feels like so long since I've last held him.

  He smells of lavender baby soap, popcorn, and chocolate milk. Tears drip from the corner of my eyes as I inhale his familiar baby scent. From behind me, I sense Duncan coming closer, but with one look at me, he stops in his tracks. I know he didn't mean what he said, but I can't be near him right now. It's still too raw.

  “Come on, baby boy. Let’s grab the bags packed for you, okay?"

  He jerks back, a sense of wonder and excitement glimmering in his wet eyes. “Goin' to Momma’s early? Chocolate milk? GiGi?" When I nod in agreement, he enthusiastically screeches, tossing up his chubby fists into the air.

  “Yeah.” I side-eye my brother, who has the gall to appear as if I wounded him and not the other way around. “You can stay with me permanently. No more staying anywhere else."

  “Lo.” Duncan reaches out as if his touch will make it all better. It doesn’t.

  “I don’t want to talk to you right now,” I huff, quickly going to gather all of my son's things, and to stop and change his diaper along the way. Hopefully, on the way back to GOU, he will go back to sleep.

  His face drops. “Stop turning it around on me. Don’t be like this.”

  “All I asked for was four months. Four months, Dunc. Just until campus daycare kicked in. I knew it was going to be hard. Hell, I’ve never been away from Maverick this long. Plus, I’ve never asked for help when it comes to my baby. The moment I had him, I stepped up. I’m a goddamn good mother, and you want to sit here and make me feel like shit for trying to make a better future for both of us."

  I make my way through the house with Maverick on my hip. It'll be hard putting him in the car and finding the spare booster, but I'll have to. Refusal to allow Duncan to help me with a single thing burns brighter than anything ever has before.

  “I know he wanted me. I know he cried for me … "

  Barreling through the back door, it smacks the side of the house in my haste to get out to the car. I place Maverick in my seat while I go about installing his, ignoring my brother completely. He hasn't said anything since following me outside, but that doesn't mean I can't feel all the words he wants to say.

  He's sorry.

  It didn't come out like he wanted it to.

  He blames me for having excuses?

  Well, I can say the same thing about him. It's better I leave before either one of us can say something terrible to the other. Especially since his words hit their target and have already cut me to the quick.

  Buckling Maverick in, I child lock his door and shut him inside. He's content with his little stuffed giraffe, GiGi, and the sippy of chocolate milk I picked up in haste. Turning on my brother, I look at him. I mean, really look at him. He looks tired and rundown, but heartbroken just the same.

  I don't even bother hiding the hurt his words caused, because he needs to see—to know—that leaving Maverick was harder than anything I’ve ever done before, even losing Hunter.

  He doesn't want me to make up excuses? Even though I’ve never made an excuse, merely withdrew from everything because of my fears, then he won't mind if I start right now.

  I point at my chest, nearly poking a hole through flesh and bone by how hard I'm emphasizing my words. "You don't think I cried myself to sleep every single night because I couldn't hold him, love on him, and be there for him? You think this has been easy for me? I have to figure out how to get him used to campus life. I have to figure out how to juggle classes, a child, and not
be bullied and nearly fucking killed again because of who I am!"

  Duncan's eyes round, mouth hanging ajar. He sputters, "Y-You never told us—"

  "Because I didn't want you all to worry!" I nearly rip my hair out from my harsh grip. I may look like a crazy person right now, but I don't give a fuck. "I have Hunter, Cassandra Radcliff, and now Maverick to worry about. Thanks, Dunc, for making this experience a whole lot harder than it had to be. It was already difficult, and now it will be even worse because I have to hide Maverick in plain sight without a solid plan.

  “Trust me, okay—I'm going to tell him. But not until I'm ready. Not until Maverick is comfortable being at GOU. I have so many things I need to get done, and now I have to add a job on top of that. This is a disaster.”

  “Lo, if only you’d tell him, after the initial shock, Hunter would help you.”

  “You don’t know that.” I shake my head angrily. “You don’t know Hunter like I do … or did. He’s changed, Dunc. And I needed those extra two months to prepare myself for the fallout.”

  “Lo …”

  “I missed my baby more than you could ever begin to comprehend, but I was doing all this for him. Because my son ...” My emotions decide to get the best of me, thickening my throat past the point of being able to speak coherently. But I push through because Duncan—the guy I thought knew this already—needs to hear it again. “I would die before anything ever happens to him."

  That includes throwing myself in the line of fire when it comes to his father’s blistering temper.

  CHAPTER 24

  It's late when Maverick and I get back to campus. He's tired, restless, and whining from not being in bed by now. It's moments like this that create such a weariness in me that I can barely function. How I'd love to be able to hand Maverick off to his dad just so I could get a tiny break. The fact of the matter is, though, I can't. It's just me, and I'll keep taking the good along with the bad because my little boy is worth it.

  Kissing the side of his head, I decide to only bring up his necessities tonight. After grabbing his overnight bag, I head into the apartment building, a growing nervousness budding in my stomach.

  Out of the frying pan and into the fire. Jenna will definitely have something to say about the arrival of my dark-haired, multicolored eyes, piece of perfection. No doubt about it.

  Carefully maneuvering my way up the stairs, Maverick wiggles in my arms when he starts getting uncomfortable. His little grunts are the miniature version of his dad's, and I hate that I still notice the small things like that. But it's hard not to when he's the replica of his dad, right down to his toes.

  "It's okay, baby boy," I coo, running my cheek against the side of his head to calm him. "We're almost there. Promise."

  "Mommy, sleepy," he grunts again, the sound making my heart squeeze in my chest.

  Usually, my little boy is literate and speaks full sentences, even at two. But, again, just like his dad, he turns into a grunting male whenever he's tired, angry, or just over whatever it is.

  I smile. I can't help myself.

  While I hate these tiny reminders of who makes up the other half of his DNA, I sort of love them, too. It's hard to explain. But knowing that Hunter's and my relationship wasn't all for nothing and having the reminder in a tiny three-foot-tall person ... it means something to me.

  Making my way through the dimly lit hallway, I manage to conquer the stairs and then get to my door without much of a fuss. Thank God.

  However, something doesn't look right. The door, it's not sitting how it should be—the crack is far too big. Upon closer inspection, I notice the door is actually open, having not been closed all the way.

  Fear licks up my spine. Immediately, I want to call someone to come to check it out, not wanting to take chances with Maverick's safety. But I can't do that, either. The last time the campus security was here, it was at the behest of Hunter. That means that Hunter has connections in the security office, and so, he'd find out about Maverick by morning.

  I know he'll find out about Maverick eventually. But I want to be prepared, and to be able to state my case when he does come around seeking answers.

  Because it's going to happen. There are no ifs, ands, or buts about it. Hunter will find out he has a son, and when that happens, I need my ducks in a row.

  I swallow hard, breathing elevating by what I know I have to do. Dammit, I wish I had backup for this or something.

  "Hey, little man." I stir Maverick in my arms.

  Grumpily, he huffs and then raises his eyes to mine, narrowing them. "What, Mommy?"

  It takes everything in me to staunch my laughter, but I do. He's so adorable when he's grumpy like this. "I'm going to put you down, okay? Grab my hand and walk behind me?"

  He huffs, completely put out. "Fine. But I want bed. Now."

  This time, I can't hold back the chuckle that resonates inside my chest. His look turns deadlier, but I can't take it too seriously because a giant yawn breaks his concentration.

  Setting him down on the floor, I take his hand in mine and hesitantly approach the door. Anything could be on the other side, and I want to be ready for it. I'm not alone anymore, and protecting my son is the most important thing.

  However, neither my stealth nor my protectiveness has anything on my determined, headstrong boy. Without waiting for my signal, he steps around me and uses his tiny foot to kick open the door. My entire soul feels like it's being sucked out of me, all the while he's standing at my side with a bored expression.

  When nothing comes running out at us, I peer down at him, seeing him giving me his See, enough with this shit. Let's go to bed look. I give him my really look, but he merely shrugs and pulls me into the apartment without another thought. A small light over the stove is on, letting me know that Jenna is nowhere to be seen. That is our signal that the other will be out late—a signal she only uses, but a signal all the same.

  "Okay, let's go to bed." My hackles lower until the bone-aching tiredness shines through. Driving two hours to my dad's house and then two hours back in the middle of the night is tiresome. Lord knows how exhausted Maverick must be, he's usually asleep by nine-thirty.

  "Finally," he grumbles. "Which one?"

  I'm taken aback by his level of understanding and answer on autopilot. "The right."

  He follows the direction I point, without a care in the world, and pushes open my door. Disappearing inside, my little boy doesn't even turn on the light. He's changed so much since I came to GOU in the middle of August. He's more independent than ever before and has this no-nonsense attitude about him.

  Actually, he reminds me more of his dad now than he ever did. After shutting the apartment door, I make sure it's locked and then head into my bedroom. Setting down Maverick's bag just on the inside of my room, I peer up at the ball huddled in the middle of the bed.

  Shutting the door behind me, I get ready to go to bed myself and slip between the covers. My eyes are heavy with exhaustion. My heart is full, having Maverick next to me once more. But my mind is running a mile a minute, knowing what tomorrow will bring.

  His tiny body shifts over as if seeking my warmth and protection. A tear slides down my cheek as I wrap my arms around him and turn on my side, breathing in his baby smell. A familiar scent that instantly puts me at ease.

  There is no more hiding, especially when it comes to Jenna. Just as soon as we all wake up in the morning, and she walks out of her room, hopefully clothed, she's going to see what I've been keeping from her. The secret I've been keeping from everyone. I just hope she doesn't freak out like anyone else would in her position. I know it may be a long shot, but I sincerely pray she accepts him as an extension of me.

  This apartment was hers first, and if she decides she doesn't want to live with a toddler, having him cramp her style, then all she has to do is go to the housing office and file to have me replaced in another apartment.

  Only, there are no other apartments available, so I'd be in major trouble.

/>   My mind whirls with thoughts, plans, and actions on what I need to do, even when the first rays of morning shine in the Eastern sky. The purples, pinks, and soft yellows shine in through the thin blinds. Only when exhaustion takes me over, do I fall asleep with my precious son snuggled under the covers like a cat, completely covered, in my arms.

  I’m jolted awake by the sound of my door nearly being ripped off its hinges. Turning over, half frantic but half asleep, I watch as a pissed off little she-devil stands in my doorway, blistering mad as she huffs and puffs. She looks like a bull, blowing through her mouth with her multicolored hair lying askew.

  "Where the fuck did you go?!" My eyes trail over her person, inwardly thanking God she’s actually dressed this time.

  When Maverick shifts in front of me under the covers, and a familiar guilty look branches across my face, Jenna's eyes drop to the movement. Slowly, I watch as her head tilts from one side to the other, trying to figure out why the ball in front of me is moving.

  Finally, she says with a sigh, "You know we can't have dogs. I thought you grew out of this phase of your life."

  "Shhh!" I say, forgetting myself as I giggle. I replay everything she said, and it makes me start chuckling even more.

  I’m not going to lie here and say I never had a problem with hoarding animals, especially the abandoned ones on the side of the road. At one point in time, I was hoarding animals at Jenna's house—two cats, a bird, and three puppies. But this time, it's no dog, and the knowledge of what I now have to face wipes the laughter right off my face.

  "You gotta get that thing out of here, Lo." She crosses her arms over her chest. "If housing finds out about that, they'll kick us both out." Oh, I wouldn't say that.

  "I can't just get rid of him."

  "Why not?" Jenna asks, aggravation in her tone. "It's just a—"

  At that moment, I pull the covers back, deciding to rip the band-aid off and get the pain over and done with. The moment the top of Maverick's face is uncovered, I don't miss the way Jenna nearly has a heart attack—her eyes rounding in shock as her mouth fishes open and closed. Her arms fall down to her sides, slack of all emotion.