Our Secret: A College Bully Romance (Golden Crew Book 1)

by Belladona Cunning

  Fuck! Harloe is the best thing that's ever happened to me. My eyes close hard, nearly to the point of pain, as I come to that conclusion.

  The only time I've ever felt like myself was when she's been near me, regardless of the hate flying back and forth between us. She's always been my north star, and I’ve been her anchor. And I can't believe I've allowed all these years to go by without seeking the truth, not just Owen's version.

  "I'm going to ask you one question." She looks up at me with hopeful eyes. "How do you know about Owen and Harloe?"

  Ignoring my question altogether, she freezes me with one of her own, her eyes dead and emotionless. “If you walk away from me, you will regret it.”

  Without even blinking, I do just that. Toxicity like Cassandra and all her lies need to be stomped out before they can catch fire and burn out of control.

  CHAPTER 31

  My stomach is tight with nerves. So much so, I've barely been able to touch a sip of the coffee Hunter brought me when he came to collect Maverick and me this morning.

  The anxious energy is so bad, I can't even properly bring myself to smile at all the gawking faces, and the way Hunter seems to show Maverick off to anyone who will stop and listen to him.

  Why he insists on fighting the paternity, I'll never know. He seems like a proud papa to me, and from what I can see, he thoroughly enjoys it.

  "Daddy," Maverick starts with a sigh. I smile despite myself.

  "Yeah, little man?" If he sincerely believed Maverick wasn't his, he'd correct him, right? He wouldn't be that cruel, surely.

  "Girls make funny sounds."

  I snort, catching Hunter's amused smirk. Even with how he left things between us a few days ago, I can't stop the butterflies from simpering through my stomach.

  "What's so funny?" he inquires with a knowing tone. But instead of waiting for me to answer him, he jostles Maverick warmheartedly against his chest, saying, "That they do, little man. That they do."

  "Mommy does. In the bathroom," he goes on to explain, and complete horror washes over my face.

  I wish the ground would swallow me whole.

  "Maverick," I scold, watching as his little innocent eyes slide over to mine.

  "What?" He shrugs like it's no big deal—but it's a very big deal. Knowing my son has heard me during one of my private sessions is not a great moment for me. But having him tell Hunter about it? Pure freaking horror. "After Daddy left. At bedtime. 'Member?"

  My cheeks burn a blazing bright red. I can practically feel Hunter's intense, heated look beaming against the side of my head. But I can't look. I can't even bring myself to raise my eyes from the ground.

  "That's nasty talk, baby boy. Stop it."

  "Mommy grunts like a bear, Daddy," he shoots back, causing Hunter to howl with laughter. And when Maverick sees him laughing, he starts in, too.

  Everyone within our vicinity stops to stare. I know, the sight of Hunter laughing instead of brooding and on the warpath is a sight to see. But not if it's at my expense. However, that’s not what has my belly in a knot. It’s the heated look Hunter shoots my way while he’s laughing like he’s trying to cover up his real reaction with humor.

  "Maverick Landon Prince," I scold in my deepest mom-tone, so he knows I mean business.

  Immediately, his laughter stops, and he reaches for me. Hunter, albeit reluctantly, hands him over. I hope he doesn't think I missed that. Maverick must be growing on him.

  The moment Maverick settles in my arms, he plops a kiss on my scalding cheek. "Sorry, Mommy."

  Instantly, I melt. There's just something about having your child in your arms that immediately relaxes you, no matter the situation. Cuddling him to my chest, I pat his little butt and blow raspberries on his little neck, listening to him squeal with laughter.

  Everything is perfect.

  That is until he opens his mouth again, and what comes out has to be the result of spending too much time with my brother. "Daddy made Mommy grunt, too."

  Hastening my steps, I decide it's better to get him out of the congested area of the courtyard and into the clinic where the test results were faxed this morning. Hunter bellows with laughter from behind, and I hear him calling after me to wait up, but I ignore him.

  "I swear, I swear, I swear," I murmur under my breath.

  Disappearing inside, a flash of chilling AC sweeps over my body, making me shudder as I walk toward the desk. The woman behind remembers us immediately and holds her finger up with a smile. She walks back toward our files, shuffles through them, and then produces an envelope.

  "We didn't know when you'd be in, so we put your results in the envelope," she says by way of explaining as she hands it to me.

  I give her a small smile, and then make my way toward the door just as Hunter shadows the entrance. He sees me with the envelope, and between one heartbeat and the next, the laughter from before washes off his face. He goes sullen, unreachable, hiding behind his stoic expression and brooding aura.

  "That it?" He already knows it is, but just like me, I guess he needs confirmation.

  Slipping outside, we make our way toward my apartment. However, I get no more than a few steps before a soft touch startles me into stopping and jerking around toward him. He flicks his eyes from Maverick to me, to the envelope, and then back to me, unable to come up with the precise words to say.

  I already know what the results are going to be, but my nerves are still shot. What if Hunter really doesn't want to be a dad? I mean, he's taken such good care of Maverick since my brother let his existence out of the bag. But full time? Will Hunter really want to be a part of Maverick's life?

  Just the thought of him not wanting to causes a level of despair to settle in my stomach. While I'm ;fine doing things on my own, I find that ... I don't want to. Co-parenting with Hunter is becoming more and more normal with every day he shows up on our doorstep after classes. Or before breakfast on the weekend.

  But who knows what six months or a year will bring? These results? They may make everything worse instead of better. Because if he denies Maverick, that'll absolutely break my heart.

  "Please, don't cry," Hunter soothes, stepping closer. He wipes a tear from under my eye and cradles my cheek in his palm.

  I hate the way I can't quite differentiate this version of Hunter and the high school version. They're still two different sides of the same coin.

  At the thought, the tears start coming more frequently. Maverick, sensing my distress, hugs me tighter and sticks his face in my neck as if he can magically hug everything better. In a way, he can. He's my treasure and the light in my dark tunnel. But this isn't a pain that's mental or physical. It's an emotional pain that slices me in half, making it nearly impossible to breathe.

  A lie tore us apart, but will the truth set us free?

  Hunter scans the area, then suggests, "Let's go to Mom and Pop’s just up the way. I hear they have good Tall Blacks and blueberry muffins."

  I gasp, searching his eyes. He gives me a small wink that lights a fire inside me, then wraps an arm around me and guides me that way. As soon as we step inside, I nearly lose my touch with reality.

  Pastries. Fudge. Coffee. Tea. Caramel Creme Bars. All homemade. None prepackaged from bulk wholesalers.

  A real soft, homey place to sit down and enjoy yourself in peace and quiet.

  The smell emanating from Mom and Pop’s can only be described as carbohydrates and refined sugar, and it wraps around me like a comforting, weighted blanket in the middle of a cool, dreary day.

  "Smell good!" Maverick jerks up, saying loudly.

  "Don't it, though?" I inhale until I can't anymore, and then make my way to the older woman, Mom, standing behind the counter, smiling broadly. "Hey, Mom!"

  "Well, bless my soul," she coos, eyes twinkling brightly. "Is this your little one?"

  I nod. "Sure is! Ain't he somethin'?"

  Nodding her head in return, she gets a little wistful. I always love coming in here to Mom and Pop’s. The
y have the best service, hands down, in this town. They are very reserved, just like your average southern grandma and grandpa, but they still get turned up if they feel very personal about something.

  She gives Hunter a chin jerk. "You must be a pretty proud papa, huh?"

  I smile brightly, but just as quickly as the smile overtakes my face, it fizzles out. Hunter notices, too, but doesn't comment on it. I also don't miss the way he doesn't answer her, as he smiles and tells her that we'll seat ourselves.

  Already, I know this little meeting isn't going to go swell, for either me or Maverick. Lord knows the way Hunter will react.

  Sitting Maverick beside me, I gather the little coloring page and a crayon, allowing him to get lost in his artwork. Hunter stares down at him, with obvious affection shining in his eyes, and then swallows hard as he breaks the connection to look at me.

  "I don't want to know."

  My heart falls to the pit of my stomach at his words, eyes closing of their own accord. Every part of me screams that I knew this was going to happen, but I didn't want to fully believe it.

  "Then why put me through what you did?" I inquire, opening my eyes to stare across the table at him. "If you weren't even interested in the results, why?"

  He fidgets, nervous. He has trouble swallowing but finally manages it. Scooting closer to the table, he places his hands on the table and presses his face into them, breathing heavily. Without thought, I grab his wrist, pulling one hand from his face so I can see him.

  "Hunter, what's wrong?' He's never been the type to get emotional like this. Hurried spouts of anger, lust, or happiness—yes. But actually, deep in the feels kind of stuff? No. Never.

  He huffs, his arms falling down to the table with a soft thud. "What if he's not mine?" I go to snap at him, but he beats me to it. "You say he is, yes. But, my mind has been fu …" he pauses, peering down at his son, then back to me, as he amends, "messed up since sophomore year. You could be telling the truth. Not gonna deny that. But I've conditioned myself to not expect anything from anyone, even honesty."

  My heart falters in my chest. "That's just sad."

  He shrugs. "Been my life for the past three years, I've grown used to it."

  After some time of Hunter searching his thoughts, I know I can't allow this to go on any longer. If so, we’ll be here by the time the dinner rush starts walking through the door. A decision needs to be made, and it looks like I’ll be the one making it.

  Mom comes over with a giant smile and an order pad. We place our order, and she leaves without another word, more than likely homing in on the unease we’re exuding. I take the envelope and place it right between us on the table. His eyes burn into the top of the envelope like it's personally threatening his very way of life. And I guess, in hindsight, it is.

  These results will change everything.

  And I need him to understand why, without letting Maverick hear. So, leaning forward, I motion for him to do the same. His delicious smell tingles my nostrils, the effect causing my nipples to pebble under my shirt. Shifting slightly, I try to ease the ache subtly, without him noticing.

  Thankfully, he doesn't. "I know the results. I know the truth. Whatever is on this sheet of paper, I don't need to see. So, if it'll make you feel better, take this envelope and look at it when you're ready."

  He peers up at me, with a look that screams his uncertainty. And while he may be uncertain about my words, he should be uncertain about this.

  "I'll not allow my baby boy to be anyone's second choice. If you want in, you're in. For life. So, you better be ready for it when you come calling."

  His eyes flick down to my lips and back up. "What about you? Us?"

  "What about it?" I retort, angling my head.

  He sighs, his warm breath teasingly caressing my skin and leaving goosebumps in its wake. "You know what I'm talking about, Lo."

  Unfortunately, I do. And while things have been pretty simple and stress-free, except for that one mishap at the apartment, that doesn't mean it always will be.

  I think about it, long and hard. Turmoil churns in my stomach. When my decision blares inside my head like a stop sign, I nearly cringe from the aftereffects. It's brash, loud, and so damning at the same time. A choice that makes me feel hollow from the inside out.

  Emotion builds in my throat as I push the envelope into his hands, nearly whimpering as his familiarity wraps around me in the form of feeling his hand close around mine. We stay like that for several minutes, him expecting a response and me being unable to give the answer to the question he seeks. It's not that easy, and honestly, giving in would probably be too toxic for our own good.

  Squeezing his hand once, I holler to Mom to make our drinks and pastries to go. Then, I glance back at Hunter. My chest feels like it’s shredding open. My heart is screaming, mine, mine, mine, even while my mind is screaming, leave and save yourself.

  And this time ... I'm going to listen to my head and get out while I can.

  "We were over a long time ago."

  CHAPTER 32

  "Maverick, please, honey, put your pants on," I groan, trying to get him to lie still and get dressed.

  He's been restless since we left Hunter in Mom and Pop’s and came back to the apartment. That was four days ago. Ever since we've not seen hide nor hair of him, and I can only assume why.

  He's finally read the test results and wants nothing to do with Maverick. It's only an assumption, of course. But the silence speaks louder than his actions as of late.

  Surely, he would have put his big boy pants on and decide to take care of his son. Hunter was never the person to shuck his responsibilities, and Maverick is certainly his.

  "Daddy!" Maverick cries out, trying once more to scramble across the bed and get away.

  For the last few days, I've been pushed to my limits. I'm exhausted, weary, and in need of a long, hot bath with relaxing lavender-scented bath salts. My muscles ache from trying to restrain my little boy and make him happy again. But he's not happy, and I don't think he will be again unless Hunter shows back up.

  Fuck, this is what I tried to prevent in the first place. Maverick doesn't need to get attached to someone who's not going to be there for him. And the sad thing is, Jenna has stepped up more than Hunter ever has. She's been there, watching Maverick as much as she can. She never once turned her back or took multiple days to decide.

  She's been here the entire time, and I'm at the end of my rope. I feel like I'm suffocating, and I have no way to catch my breath. The walls feel like they’re pressing in on my lungs and forcing the air out of them.

  The urge to cry is strong, nearly overwhelming, but I reign it in. Crying in front of Maverick will only distress him even more.

  "Maverick," I reprimand, huffing in frustration. "Stop moving, and let me put your shittin' pants on."

  He stops abruptly, eyes wide and shimmering with tears. "Mommy cuss."

  Before I can assure him it's not, the loud screech of his cries bounces off the walls of my bedroom. His hands and legs slap down on the bed as he throws the most awful tantrum I think I've ever seen him have since he was born. His cries grow louder and louder, tears trekking down his pink cheeks.

  "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!" he yells over and over.

  And finally, I can't take it anymore. At the end of my bed, with my arms hanging limp at my sides, the emotional stress overwhelms me, and I start bawling my eyes out right along with him. I’ve never felt so raw and untethered before.

  Covering my face, so Maverick doesn't see the worst of it, I try my best to cry as silently as possible, but it doesn't work. Seconds later, my door is opening, and familiar arms wrap around me from behind.

  "It's okay, Lo," Jenna coos, making me cry even harder.

  I shake my head. "It's not, Jen. He has the proof, and he still hasn't so much as showed his face."

  "We don't need him."

  Speak for yourself. My heart clenches at the notion that races through my mind. I hate myself for still fe
eling what I shouldn't for him. He's done me dirty, and this makes the second time he's tucked tail and ran.

  I can understand his leeriness over being a father because anyone would be scared for a job as magnanimous as that. But that doesn't mean he gets a free pass for making Maverick sad that he's not here. That doesn't give him a free pass for making my life pure hell. Because, whether my mind likes it or not ... I miss that surly bastard.

  "I'm afraid he needs him." Without saying Maverick's name, Jenna knows exactly who I'm talking about. I don't want to say his name because that will upset my son even more. And I can't have Maverick even more torn up over the absence of Hunter than he already is.

  "Hey," she says, pulling back and turning me in her arms. "Why don't we go to the park? It's right near campus, and I'm sure Mav would have an absolute blast!"

  At the mention of “park,” Maverick's crying ceases to sniffles. He lies there on my bed, staring up at the ceiling in thought, looking so much like a miniature adult.

  "You say park, JJ?" he asks.

  Our eyes meet, Jenna's lips spreading into a Cheshire smile. She's such a lifesaver! Her years of babysitting are helping out in this co-parenting thing. Because let's be honest, she's the one I'm doing this with, not Maverick's dad.

  "Sure did, Biggie M," she retorts.

  We both watch as Maverick deliberates in silence. One second, and then two, before he's saying, "I could go for a slide."

  Lord, Maverick and I make a sight. We're both swollen from crying and sniffling hardcore because our noses are running nonstop. I force a tired snicker when he giggle-snorts at his decision, probably already thinking of all the fun the park would provide him, putting the pants on that I'd originally asked him to wear without a problem.

  "Have I told you how much I love you?" I ask, craning my head in Jenna's direction.

  She shrugs a shoulder nonchalantly but then shoots me a side-eye while winking. "Only every day. Now, let's go parking!"