Full Circle (Shattered Lives, Book Five)

by Rissa Blakeley

  She watched his face light up as he waved her over.

  Navigating through the jungle of patrons, waitresses, highchairs, and coats and purses hanging on the ends of the booths, she made her way to him.

  He pulled her into a quick embrace and kissed her cheek. Elaina’s face heated, feeling the gesture was a little forward, but his boyish smile and gentle touch made him seem good-natured and not expectant of anything in return.

  “Thank you for coming.” He motioned toward the other side of the booth. “I was getting worried.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be late, but my son threw a fit, which is difficult at times.” Elaina sat and let out a quiet sigh. “Thank you for waiting.”

  “I can’t say as I understand. I don’t have children.”

  “He misses his daddy. Every time he gets upset, he cries for him. He used to be the one to calm him when the shit hit the fan.” She slapped her hand over her mouth. “I’m sorry. I should try to control my mouth.”

  Will laughed. “No. It’s quite all right. Be yourself.” He sat back in the booth. “I hope this isn’t too personal to ask, but were you married or…?”

  Elaina swallowed hard, knowing this would eventually come up. Relief filled her, wanting to get it out of the way. “Henry and I weren’t legally married, but were in our hearts and minds. We had a beautiful ceremony when we were in North Carolina. Our friend, now neighbor, performed it. The unofficial vows felt close enough for us. When the whole shitstorm started, I was seconds away from walking down the aisle at Heritage Family Worship.”

  Shaking his head, he said, “Oh wow. That’s crazy.”

  “Tell me about it.” She snatched a straw from the caddy next to the window. “Anyway, we made it back here after traveling to get away from the…” She didn’t want to say zombie or even undead, “walking corpses.”

  “So you’re originally from here? Or is this central to your family from the wedding?”

  “Born and raised here. We actually sought refuge in my family home for a little while. Henry was injured, so we had to be careful.”

  “What happened?”

  “He got into a huge brawl trying to protect us.” She shook her head, remembering those moments before and after Kellan almost killed him. Her thoughts went to her mother, then Thomas. “I thought I was going to lose him, but another in our group managed to get a shot off and take the asshole out. I’ll always be thankful to Thomas. Without him, I’m sure things would be incredibly different for me.”

  “So you said you went south, then came back?” She nodded. “I assume just trying to get away.”

  “In a way. Scavenging around here became too dangerous, not to mention the bombings. We felt like we had to or we wouldn’t make it. When we came back, my family home still stood, so we’ve lived there since, well… Jesus Christ,” she whispered, a lump growing in her throat. She reached up and rubbed, trying to ease the tension, to no avail. Instead, she ended up fiddling with the straw.

  When he saw her emotions surfacing, he reached for her hand, causing her to take a deep breath. “Take your time. You don’t have to tell me everything right now.”

  She gazed up at him. “I do. You need to know most things upfront so you can make a choice, rather than me just trickling important information to you every so often.”

  “Okay. Well, then, keep going.”

  Elaina took several deep breaths. “This past fall, my husband committed suicide.” She did her best to reel in the emotions, but tears welled and spilled from her eyes, cascading down her cheeks. “I’m sorry. I have a lot of baggage. I’m sure you think this is too much to deal with.”

  Elaina pushed out of the booth. As she tried to stand, Will grabbed her arm.

  “Don’t leave. It’s okay. Get it all out. I’ve found that everyone has a story and we all need to talk about it. It’s healing. Please, continue.”

  She slid back into the booth, fidgeting with her rings. “Thank you. It’s been devastating. I can’t even begin to tell you.”

  “Tell me what you can. I’m here to listen.”

  She nodded. “My husband was sick. In his note to me, he said he couldn’t do life anymore. Afterward, I stayed in bed for about two months. My mother-in-law took care of my son while I withered away. Then I realized I was pregnant. It’s just been…” She shook her head, trailing off.

  He stared at her for a moment, watching her blot her tears with the cheap, scratchy napkin.

  “Let me just say I’m so sorry for everything you’ve been through.” His sincerity rang through in his tone and watery eyes, as if her words struck a chord. “Sometimes you just have to let it out instead of holding in all that sadness. I imagine you’ve been through a period of anger, as well?”

  Letting out a sad laugh, she nodded. “Oh, I let it out. He shot himself against the outside wall of our shed. I took a sledgehammer to the structure, along with his motorcycle.”

  His eyes widened. “I bet that was invigorating.”

  “I screamed in anger, cried through the rage.”

  “I bet you don’t show that side very often.”

  “Well…I used to. I was very immature. I’ve grown a lot.”

  They sat quietly, staring at each other. Her bright blue eyes, dark hair, and pale complexion mesmerized him.

  “I hope you don’t mind me saying this, but you’re beautiful.”

  “Thank you,” she whispered, looking away, feeling embarrassed. “I’m kind of a mess right now.” She laughed a little before wiping her eyes.

  “No worries.”

  Straightening in the booth, taking a few deep breaths, Elaina exuded fake confidence while she continued to struggle on the inside. “Tell me about yourself. Did you get the job?”

  “I did.” He tugged at the collar of his button-down. “You are looking at a brand new retail manager.”

  “Oh, very fancy,” she joked.

  Will laughed. “The money isn’t amazing and it won’t pay all my debts, but it’s a job.”

  “I’m happy for you.”

  “Thank you. Do you work?”

  “Technically, no. I’m a stay-at-home mom, but I assure you. It’s a lot of work.”

  “I bet,” he said, laughing.

  The waitress walked up, smiling. Once they ordered, they spent the rest of the evening talking, then exchanged phone numbers.

  Looking around, Elaina noticed the diner had emptied out. She checked the time. “Oh gosh… It’s after nine!”

  “Time just flew. Is that an issue?”

  “No. I mean, well… It’s past my son’s bedtime.”

  “I’ll walk you out then.”

  They stood and wove their way around the diner’s staff, who worked on getting ready to close, and headed out to Elaina’s truck.

  “I’d love to see you again sometime,” Will murmured, stepping closer.

  She gazed up at him. With a soft smile, she said, “That sounds good. I had a nice time, Will. Thank you.”

  Reaching out, he touched Elaina’s chin, their gazes meeting. In that brief moment, a whirlwind of emotions and thoughts sped through her mind, adding up to…

  Bliss.

  Relaxing, Elaina was able to breathe for the first time in months, hoping to explore something new and different.

  But could she go through with this simple sign of affection from a man she hardly knew and still honor the memory of her husband?

  He leaned close, his warm breath tickling her skin. She smiled as he pressed his lips to hers. He lowered his hands to her hips, deepening the kiss, drawing their bodies impossibly close.

  Something inside flourished, a gentle warmth spreading through her body. A white-hot spark of excitement brought an energy she hadn’t had in a long while. Her heart thundered as the slow trickle of happiness entered a void in her soul she thought would be there for eternity.

  As she allowed him access, their tongues touched, a quiet groan escaping him. Gently, he took her face in his hands, then sud
denly broke the kiss.

  Elaina gasped, staring up at him.

  Will stepped back and waved his hands between them. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get carried away. It’s just… I feel like there’s this… I can’t explain it. I’m sorry.”

  “No, it’s fine. I enjoyed kissing you. It was nice.”

  “Thank you,” he said, his cheeks flushing.

  She almost laughed. Henry had such swagger and confidence when they first started dating. This was something new for her. It seemed that Will was easily embarrassed when it came to receiving compliments.

  “Call me. Maybe we can do this again,” she said.

  “I’d love to.” He smiled.

  He took her hand, helping her climb into the driver’s seat. After shutting the door, he gave her a little wave and walked to his car. Elaina watched him in the mirror, admiring his backside. He got into a flashy red sports car and zipped out of the parking lot.

  She took a deep breath as she opened the visor mirror. At first, she couldn’t look at herself, fearing she had betrayed Henry in some way, but when she gazed into her eyes, she saw a sparkle she hadn’t seen in a while.

  At that moment, she decided she wouldn’t feel guilty. After all, Henry’s final wishes were that she find someone to make her happy.

  Chapter 33

  The following morning, Elaina was in the middle of making a pot of coffee when Anne walked into the kitchen. Arms crossed, she leaned against the counter, watching her daughter-in-law expectantly.

  “Well? Aren’t you going to fill me in on this date of yours?”

  Elaina smiled. “I had an amazing time. We talked about everything. He’s such a nice guy.”

  “And…?” Anne asked, lifting a brow.

  “And…we kissed.”

  “Oh?”

  “And…I loved it.” She poured the last scoop of grounds into the basket. “It was so nice to feel that excitement again. I needed it.”

  Anne reached out and embraced her. “Yes, you did. I’m glad you had a lovely time.”

  Elaina’s phone vibrated rhythmically on the countertop. She stared at it for a moment, then picked it up. “It’s Will.”

  “Well? What are you waiting for?”

  Sliding the button to answer, she spun away from Anne. “Hello?”

  “Hey, Elaina! It’s Will.”

  “Hi.”

  “Hope you’re well.”

  “Yeah. And you?”

  “I’m great. I was calling to see if I can pick you up for coffee.”

  “Umm, one sec.” She spun around to Anne, who was grinning, and whispered, “He wants to pick me up for coffee.”

  “Go on. Nicky won’t be up for another hour or so. Just call me if anything changes.”

  “Thank you,” she whispered, returning the phone to her ear. “Will?”

  “I’m here.”

  “Yes. I really could use a cup of coffee.”

  “Perfect. Text me your address and I’ll pick you up.”

  “I’ll see you soon.”

  After quickly texting him, she ran upstairs and washed up. She tore through her closet, tossing clothes everywhere, trying to find just the right top. Then she brushed and pinned her hair back, and applied a little makeup.

  Heart pounding, she jogged back down the stairs. “Is this outfit—”

  The doorbell rang. Elaina’s eyes widened as she froze like a deer in the headlights.

  Laughing at her, Anne walked to the door, opening it. “Good morning. Will, I presume?” she asked, waving him inside the house.

  “I am. Thank you.” Stepping through the doorway, he smiled when he saw Elaina. “Wow. You look great.”

  “Thanks.” Elaine gestured at Anne. “This is Anne, my mother-in-law.”

  “Pleasure to meet you, Ms….?” Will tilted his head.

  “Richards. Likewise.” They shook hands.

  Will turned to Elaina. “Ready?”

  She slipped her boots on and grabbed her coat and purse. “Text me when Nicky wakes up,” Elaina said to Anne.

  “Will do. Have fun.”

  Elaina headed out the door, Will following. As she walked to his car, she gazed down the driveway. The sight of Henry’s cross she had delivered a couple weeks ago made her gasp.

  She remembered the day so clearly. Gunther dug past the light dusting of snow and into the dirt, placing the cross near the one for Elaina’s mother. Anne and she had sprinkled a little of his ashes into the hole before placing the cross in the ground.

  Closing her eyes, Elaina sucked in a deep breath.

  “Are you okay? You don’t have to come with me if you don’t want to.” When she opened her eyes, he followed her tear-filled gaze.

  “I’m sorry. It’s still very difficult.”

  He took her hand and gave her a slight tug. “Come on.” She stared up at him, brows furrowed. He gave her a small smile. “Trust me.” She allowed him to lead, guiding her to the cross.

  “This isn’t a good idea.”

  “Talk to me.” He turned her to face the crosses, placing his hands on her shoulders. “Who are the crosses for?”

  “My mother and Henry.”

  “Tell me about your husband.”

  “Will… I can’t. This isn’t right to share with you.”

  “Elaina…” He ran his hands down to her hips and held strong. “Clear your mind. I’m here to listen.”

  She let out a loud sigh before swiping a hand across her cheeks. “Well, he was a wonderful man. So loving, so generous. He loved with every ounce of his being. His passion and loyalty could rival anyone’s.” She paused and looked over her shoulder at Will. “With that said… He was an alcoholic, had OCD, depression, anxiety, paranoia… Just to name a few. I won’t get into the abuse he endured up until the time we met.”

  He squeezed her hips. “Keep going.”

  She nodded. “My husband felt guilty for many things that were not within his control. One thing he did well was being a daddy. The excitement in his eyes when we found out I was pregnant with our son made me so happy. When Nicky was born, I saw a light in Henry’s eyes I hadn’t seen before. Nicky and I were his world. Sadly, he feared our son would end up like him, but that’s not the case. Not my son. I will make sure he…” She gazed down, turned to him, and laid her hands on her belly, “and this one will be amazing and make their daddy proud.”

  Will took her hands and brought them to his mouth, leaving a soft kiss on her knuckles. “He sounds like a good man.”

  She dropped her hands and turned to face the cross again. “We had our ups and downs. Some really bad downs, which I may never speak about to anyone. He lied about many things and had many dark secrets, but in his mind, he only did it to protect me.” Again, she turned back around to face Will. “He was subjected to some really horrendous things as a child.”

  “I gotcha. You don’t need to go into details.”

  “Thanks. I worked hard at being a good wife. I sought help for him. I tried to be patient, but he traveled down a very dark path much quicker than anyone could save him.

  “The night before he left us, I thought we were finally getting back on track when we made love for the first time in ages. It was as if everything had vanished and he transformed back into the man I fell in love with. It was so amazing to have him with me again, I soaked it all in. The attention, the feelings of lust, the love filling me as he touched me. Then, before I knew it, he was gone.

  “It was a game to him because he had already decided to take his life. Even his mother said he was a very good actor. The manipulation left me feeling angry, hurt, and sad.”

  “I assume you were the one who found him?” She nodded, more tears cascading down her cheeks. “Tell me about it.” Will pulled Elaina close and held her, stroking her back.

  Accepting the comfort he offered, she tucked her head into his neck. “He told me to take Anne and Nicky out for shopping and lunch. When we came home…” She let out a few soft cries. “When we cam
e home, he was slumped here, a gun in his hand, half his jaw missing and part of his head on the shed wall.”

  “Jesus, Elaina. I am so sorry. That must’ve been so hard to see.”

  “Worst day of my life. Worse than having to shoot my own father. Worse than my best friend dying in front of me. Worse than my newborn niece dying in my arms. Worse than seeing my husband shoot my brother after he became infected. I still don’t understand it and probably never will.” She gazed up at him. “I haven’t talked about this with anyone outside my inner circle before.”

  “Your tragic circumstances are beyond anything I could ever imagine. I appreciate you sharing your story with me.” She tucked her face into his neck again. “Do you feel better now that we’ve talked about it and it’s all out in the open?”

  “Yeah, I do.”

  He took her by the shoulders and made her look him in the eyes. “Look, Elaina. I know most of your heart is with another man. I understand that completely, but I ask you to allow me a chance. I won’t force you to make any decisions. If all you want is a friend, that’s cool with me. Okay?”

  “Thank you for understanding.”

  “I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable. I just want to say that you made me laugh last night, and I haven’t done that in such a long time. And the kiss was amazing.”

  “You don’t care that I’m pregnant?”

  “No, I really don’t.” He took a leap of faith and placed his hand on her belly. “If this becomes more than it is right now, we can figure it out.”

  Nodding, she ran her fingertips over the back of his hand. She gazed up at him for a few seconds, feeling good about his offer of a relationship at her pace. “How about that cup of coffee? Then you can tell me your story.”

  Will smiled. “Absolutely. Let’s go.” He clasped her hand as they walked to his car.

  Chapter 34

  -East End of London-

  I lay in bed, groaning…and not in a good way. I wished it were from a serious encounter with Elaina, but no. My stomach roiled, knotted, and twisted into a not-so-pretty vomit machine.

  “Fuck me,” I muttered, trying to get out of bed, but my legs decided they were too weak to make the five steps to the loo. It seemed like such a daunting task to have to drag the bloody IV pole with me.