Full Circle (Shattered Lives, Book Five)

by Rissa Blakeley

  “I don’t know.” I shrugged. “Do you want to know what we did?”

  “We? Are you fucking serious?!”

  “Well, yeah. How do you think I got out of here?”

  “Fucking hell.”

  “I asked her to allow me to go through the building. She was with me the entire time.”

  “What did you do?”

  “I visited my past.”

  “He was in a wheelchair because he was so frail. I wouldn’t allow him to walk. He wore a facemask, too.” Erik scrubbed his face with his hand. “He was afraid he was going to die and not be able to close the doors of his past.”

  “So that makes it better?”

  I shook my head. “The point is, I never took advantage of her and never even thought about trying to leave.”

  “Don’t try to convince me it was because of the kindness of your own heart. You were too incapacitated to do so at the time.”

  “Erik, what do I have to do to convince you I don’t want to run? I want to get well, and you said I’m close to being cured. Why not let me venture out? I’m not asking to go to the shops, just around the building. Supervised, if it makes you feel better.”

  Erik mumbled to himself, then huffed out a breath. “Fine. At this point, I don’t think your health would be in jeopardy by being outside this room. But there will be precautions taken. You must return here for rest and overnight. No camping out in the dorm rooms. And I swear, if you screw this up, I will make you disappear.”

  I held my hands up in front of my chest. “I don’t plan on it. If you wish, you can keep Xander on speed dial.”

  “I might just do that. Michelle, I want to see you outside for a moment.” He put his thumb on the reader and walked into the decontamination stall.

  Michelle turned and looked at me. We high-fived, laughing. “The dynamic duo.”

  I laughed again. “Yeah, we are amazing together. Thank you for your help, ’Chelle.”

  “Anytime. I’ll be back.”

  Chapter 43

  As we walked down the hall to the gym, I had the biggest grin plastered on my face. My whole body trembled. The thrill of finally being able to have somewhat of a life was almost more than I could handle. Even though there was one outing before this, this one was something to cherish. The last time, I thought I was dying. This time, I was alive, and would continue to improve and be able to go home.

  Michelle opened the door and waved me through.

  “This… Yes,” I said, throwing my arms in the air. “Yes! If I get any more excited, I may get a boner.”

  She barked out a laugh. “You are on your own for that one.”

  I laughed as I headed to the stacks of free weights. I touched them, caressed them. It felt so good.

  Picking up the third largest almost killed me, but the next one down was good. I felt the strain on my muscles, but not too much that it would give me bad form.

  “That looks mighty heavy,” she said, approaching.

  “Sure as fuck is. Here…” I held it out to her.

  She considered it, then pushed it back toward me. “While I’d like to think I could curl that, I’m not even daft enough to try.”

  An idea struck, making me set the weight back on the rack. “How about I train you?”

  “Huh?”

  “I could train you. I know you like to run, but weights are where it’s at, baby girl.”

  She crossed her arms and shifted her weight to one hip. “Did you just call me a baby?”

  “Yup.” I went down the rack and picked up the smallest dumbbell, pinching it between my thumb and forefinger, holding it out to her. “For you.”

  She gasped and rested her hands on her hips. “I can do better than that.”

  “Prove it.”

  “Challenge accepted.” She went right for the middle set, her eyes bugging as she lifted it. “That’s a no.” I laughed. “Hey! Watch it.”

  “I didn’t say anything.” I racked the free weights. “If you don’t want to attack the weights right now, I can teach you how to kickbox.”

  “Oh yeah?”

  “Yup.” I blew on my knuckles and rubbed them on my shirt. “I’ve only ever lost to one person.”

  “Cocky?”

  “You haven’t seen nothing yet, baby.”

  “Keep it up.” She pointed at me. “I’ll drug your applesauce.”

  “With your track record, I wouldn’t put it past you!”

  We both buckled over in laughter. It felt so goddamn good. Freedom was such a boost to my spirits.

  I grabbed her arms and positioned her facing me. “Punch me.”

  “What? I don’t want to hurt you.”

  I chuckled. “Punch me, ’Chelle. You know you want to. Everyone does at some point—”

  She swung at my face, but I blocked her.

  I raised a brow. “Nice try, baby girl.”

  She gasped and swung again.

  Blocked.

  “You ready to learn now?” She nodded. “Face the mirror. We’ll start off slowly.”

  After spending the next hour going over different stances and maneuvers, we decided to stop for food.

  “You did well,” I said as we walked to the cafeteria.

  Her cheeks flushed, a smile lifting her lips. “Thanks.”

  Sitting at one of the tables, I watched Michelle flit around the cooktop, preparing a nice meal. As she chatted away, I was in absolute awe over this moment.

  Freedom kept ringing through my head. Nothing could take this happiness away. It was mine for the taking and, fucking hell, I wouldn’t let it fade away.

  With her back to me while she chopped vegetables, I couldn’t help but stare at her ass, my cock responding to the view. I shut my eyes for a moment, slouching in the chair, trying to will it to calm.

  “Luke?”

  I sat up straight. “Yeah?”

  She spun around, a knife in her hand. “I asked if you’d like broccoli. I have a fresh bunch of baby broccoli I can roast with the rest of the vegetables.”

  “Oh, right. Yeah. I’ll eat pretty much anything, especially dessert. I’m a junkie for sweets.”

  “This I know.” She turned back around and finished prepping.

  After she served up two plates of chicken with bulgur salad and roasted vegetables, we ate, laughed, and talked about nothing in particular. It was nice to eat at a table like a normal person instead of on that wheeled tray by my bed.

  “Hey, ’Chelle?”

  “Hmm?” She stabbed another piece of chicken with her fork.

  “Have you ever gone into his office?”

  She took a sip of water. “Whose?”

  “Roger’s.”

  She shook her head. “No. Why?”

  “I want to go snooping.”

  “What do you think Erik would say?”

  “The way I see it, it’s my property. I’m his son. He’s dead, so it’s all mine.”

  “You’ve only been out of the chamber for two hours and you want to start trouble already?”

  “It’s not trouble, just curiosity.”

  She pointed her fork at me. “Haven’t you ever heard the phrase ‘curiosity killed the cat’?”

  “I’m sooooo not a pussy, ’Chelle. Don’t get me wrong. I love a good pussy, but I’m definitely not one.”

  “Oh god…” She laughed. “Why do I always do this to myself?”

  “I don’t know, but you should be a little more careful about how you choose your words around me.”

  “Noted. Help me clean up, then I’ll go with you.”

  “Deal,” I said, picking up my plate.

  Standing outside Roger’s office, my hand trembled as I gripped the handle. Letting out a loud exhale, I opened the door.

  “Oh god…,” Michelle said from behind me.

  The sunlight perfectly illuminated the hunting knife, blade covered in dried blood, stabbed into the desktop. Memories flooded my mind—sounds, sights, smells.

  I staggered
back a step, running right into Michelle. “I need a sec,” I whispered.

  She grabbed my shoulders. “Take your time. I’m here to support you.”

  I nodded and stared ahead.

  They used that knife in so many ways…so viciously, so horrifically. I didn’t want to remember, but I couldn’t control the images flashing through my mind. Slashing throats, plunging guard-deep into skulls, carving body parts before the kill. All things they forced me to witness.

  All things done by my father.

  “You can do this,” Michelle said, breaking me out of my trance.

  With her assistance, I walked inside. She closed the door behind us.

  “Lock it,” I said, looking around the room. “I want complete privacy.”

  “Do you want me to leave?” she asked, touching my back.

  “No. I need the support.”

  “You got it.”

  I walked up to the desk, flitting my fingers over the dark wood surface. As I rounded the corner, I gazed at the leather chair. “It was a throne to some.”

  “What was?” She moved up beside me.

  “This chair. I was only ever a pauper or like swine to him. Unworthy of anything more than what I had, which was essentially nothing.” My lips twitched as they curled into a snarl. “Then I showed him he was nothing.” I raised my hand, shaped it into a gun, and aimed it at the chair. “One pop, down he went.”

  “Do you believe it’s your throne to take?”

  I turned and looked at her. “Do you think it would mentally affect me?”

  “Sitting in his chair?”

  “Yeah.”

  She smiled. “No. It’s just a chair. Nothing more. It carries no special powers.”

  I nodded and spun it around, taking a seat. I gazed up at Michelle.

  “See? Just a chair.”

  “Just a chair.” It creaked as I turned and faced the desk, my gaze landing on the knife.

  As I stared at it, I understood the power of wielding the blade. I used it many times myself, feeling the confidence, embracing the swagger it brought me. I reached out and touched the handle. Just like the chair, the inanimate object was just that.

  It amazed me how I used to think that something so still, so quiet, no matter how menacing it looked, brought true power to the hand of the person who held it. Thinking about how I was when the outbreak started, if I stripped all the swagger and weapons away, I amounted to nothing.

  As I continued to stare at the blade, I realized true power was something one had within themselves. A weapon should be nothing more than an extension of that belief.

  I had control. My emotions, my mind, my body… I was now in control of it all, no longer needing to hide behind a gun or knife.

  Michelle came up behind me, putting her hands on my shoulders. “You doing okay?”

  “Actually, I am. I’m surprised at how okay I feel.”

  “Good.” She squeezed, then walked to the side of the desk and sat on the top, avoiding the knife.

  I opened drawers and pulled out things, inspecting them. I came across many trinkets and other items I didn’t even want to think about. I knew some of them probably belonged to my mother. I suspected he had stolen others from recruits.

  I glanced over my shoulder. “He used to keep her in the closet.” I pointed to it.

  “Who?”

  “My mum.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah. She said they occasionally brought me down here for punishment and he would make her listen to them brutalize me.” I looked up at Michelle, who swiped at her cheeks. “Are you crying?”

  “I’m just…” She shook her hands in front of her, as if she could shake out the emotions. “I just don’t understand it. How could someone be so cruel to his own child?”

  “Because he could. There’s no other reason behind it.” I reached out and touched her hand. “But don’t cry over it. I’ve shed plenty of tears of us all.”

  She nodded and wiped her cheeks with her sleeve.

  Refocusing, I opened the bottom drawer. “Well, fucking hell…”

  “What?”

  I picked up the stack of notebooks, slamming them on the desk. “He used to journal? I wonder what horrid things I will find in here.”

  “Are you sure you want to read them?”

  “No, but I feel like it would give me a better understanding of who he was.”

  “A sick fuck,” she muttered.

  I smiled. “So true, but I want to go through these to see what I can find out about him.” I stood and glanced at the file cabinets. “What do you suppose is in those?”

  “I’ll look.” She hopped off the desk and opened the first drawer. “It’s all folders with names…” She pulled one out. “Here’s yours.”

  I took the file from her and opened it. “So there are records of who was here. Interesting.” I kept mine and looked through the drawer, pulling out Roger’s file. “I’ll look through these later. I’m more interested in these.” I knocked on the stack of journals. “I’m ready to go back and rest a bit.”

  Her smile was soft as she nodded. She slammed the drawer shut and we walked out of the office, heading back to the elevator.

  Chapter 44

  -Gamebridge, New York-

  It was approximately two AM when Elaina’s water broke. She crawled out of bed and staggered across the hall to Anne’s room. She had been having contractions for the past week, but the doctor said she wasn’t ready.

  Pounding on the door, another contraction hit her hard. “Ugh… Shit.”

  In a sleepy haze, Anne opened the door to see Elaina buckled over, holding herself up against the wall. “Is it time?”

  “Yes… Oh god… My water broke.”

  “Okay. Let me call Cora and run Nicky over.”

  “I feel so bad waking them.”

  “Elaina… Just yesterday, she said she would do anything to help, even if it were…” Anne glanced down at her watch, “two AM.”

  She helped Elaina down the stairs, then ran back up, phone in hand, to get Nicky out of his crib. She dashed out of the house, coming back minutes later to see Elaina curled up in a ball on the sofa, breathing through another contraction.

  “Come on, sweetie. Cora said don’t worry about Nicky. Even if it’s a few days, he’ll be fine.”

  “Okay,” Elaina breathed out as Anne helped her stand. “Why don’t I remember this much pain from Nicky? Good god, this is awful.”

  “You’re doing great. Now, let’s get you to the truck before you have the baby here.”

  “Oh, such a good idea.”

  Thirty minutes later, Anne helped Elaina walk into the ER, an angry mob of people filling the waiting room, wondering when they would be seen. There were several standing in front of the registration window, cursing out the nurse. Anne and Elaina waited for a moment, listening to them piss and moan.

  Elaina glared at Anne, then back at the mob of people. With teeth clenched, she said, “How about you all shut the fuck up and get out of my way. If I have my baby here in this waiting room, I swear I will deck every last one of you.”

  They all turned and looked at her, then moved, letting her get to the window. A short time later, a nurse wheeled her up to Labor and Delivery.

  Once the nurses began to prep her, Anne called Will. He arrived about an hour later, sleep deprived and anxious for news.

  The staff was silent as they cleaned up the room.

  Sobbing, Elaina held her newborn baby girl against her chest. Anne stood strong next to her, wiping away her stream of tears.

  “I can’t do this without him,” Elaina cried.

  “You can, sweetie. I’m going to be there for you every step of the way.”

  “He’s going to miss everything. He will never know… She will never know him,” she said, choking.

  “In my heart, I know he’s watching. Look at her beautiful face. This is him. This is how he looked as a baby. He gave her to you to help continue the healing proce
ss.”

  Elaina glanced down at her daughter. Her lips and nose were Henry’s. Her hair? Even with the dampness, it was a mess, spilling out from the edges of the striped cap. That was Henry, as well.

  With a swipe of her fingers, Elaina wiped her tears. “What were you going to name Henry if he were a girl?”

  “Charlotte.”

  “Can I name her that?”

  “You can name her whatever you want,” Anne said, smiling.

  “Do you like that, baby girl?” Elaina whispered as she fussed with her daughter’s out-of-control waves, tucking the rogue strands back under the little hat.

  Anne leaned down and kissed them both on the forehead. “I’m going to go home and check on Nicky. I also need to get some sleep. Will is out in the waiting room.”

  Elaina gazed up at her. “Do you think he is good father material?”

  “I do. He’s lovely around Nicky, and has been doting on you since your first date. I can see the love for you in his eyes.”

  “Do you think Henry would approve?”

  “Well, I know he wouldn’t expect you to never accept another man in your life again. I know Will has been a special circumstance, but he has proven his worth to all of us.”

  “Thank you for being here, helping me through her delivery.”

  “I would do anything for my family.” Anne stroked Charlotte’s cheek, then headed out of the room.

  She paused just outside the door, feeling the grip of emotions in her chest. Fighting vigorously, she kept them tucked away. There would be time later for her to release the sadness for her new granddaughter. Pulling herself together, she walked down to the waiting room.

  Will paced, and had been since the moment he had arrived. The waiting room was packed, considering it was the only hospital open within one hundred miles.

  Seeing others watching his nervous behavior, he chuckled, realizing he looked like an expectant father. He felt that way, too.

  He was a little sad that Elaina only wanted Anne with her during the birth. In a way, he understood, as it would probably be a very emotional moment for the two of them. He hoped he would be able to show Elaina he could be a good father to her baby, even though he knew nothing about caring for a newborn.