Not Giving Up on Forever

by Yana Stevelork

  NOT GIVING UP ON FOREVER

  When love is put to a real test.

  By

  YANA STEVELORK

  NOT GIVING UP ON FOREVER

  Copyright © 2019 by Yana Stevelork.

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, organizations, places, events, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  Any form of piracy towards the novel is illegal. No part of this book can be reproduced or modified in any form, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system.

  Book and Cover design by Yana Stevelork

  First Edition: December 2019

  The final chapter which is the first one as well.

  What fine weather...

  The wind hinted at the coming cold but September sun still brightly lit up the small British town with its beams. There was a pleasant wood smell in the air, the noise of the passing by people literally merged with full harmony of the events around. Birds chirped restlessly, calling for the arrangement of dwellings before the forthcoming cold weather. And the road was so ...

  "Anna!"

  The male voice literally pulled the girl from oblivion. For a moment she lost all trains of thoughts and turned toward the voice, startled.

  "The phone, Anna." the tall, handsome man specified, pointing to the device on the table.

  "Huh? What do you mean?" Anna asked, still puzzled.

  The young man grinned and observed his wife worriedly.

  "Listen carefully, darling. Can you hear? It is a vibration. And what does vibrate usually? Right, a phone."

  "The phone!" Anna rushed to pick up. "Hello! Yeah, Timmy! Ah, my son, forgive me. I got a little distracted and did not hear you calling."

  She looked towards her husband. He made the grimace hinting that his wife was more cuckoo than a clock, for what he quickly received a light kick. He chuckled and began to make tea.

  "Of course. Yes... " Anna was infinitely glad to hear the son's voice. It's been two weeks since he was not at home because of the sports center's camp and she was awfully nervous about everything. "Do you eat well? ... yes… yes, I understand." she nodded and frowned. "And you have money, right? Enough for all needs?"

  Anna's partner burst out laughing. He fully imagined all answers that a bright Timmy reported robotically and recognized himself at that age, when his mother worried about his everyday issues and struggles. He approached and embraced the wife. She continued scolding and he shouted to the handset "And no girlfriends over there, you hear me!"

  Anna wore a mean face but agreed.

  "And no girlfriends!" she sniggered, hearing son's protests. "Well, darling, off you go. Thank you for paying me mind. I love you. Call at the slightest opportunity."

  She finished a call and turned back to her beloved.

  "Listen."

  The husband looked inquiring.

  "I am so, so happy." she pulled him into her arms and again looked in a window.

  What fine weather …

  Chapter 2

  "Anna! Anna! Anna! Come fuckin here, right now! Anna! How long shall I shout!?"

  Anna opened eyes that filled up with tears straight away. Please, not again. Again he calls me. What does this drunkard want from me now!

  "Anna!!"

  She hastily jumped up from a bed and ran to a house smoking-room for the umpteenth time in the night. Her mother has been asleep already, she was unhealthy and to wake her up for some help would not seem possible.

  "What happened?" Anna asked timidly.

  The old three sheets to the wind stepfather glanced at her hatefully. He instructed her to sit down near him.

  "Should I shout for you all night?!"

  "Sorry, I was asleep already. I did not hear you calling."

  "Ah, you did not hear. When it is not necessary you hear every fuckin thang, and here ya jus’ did-not-hear. Now rush outside and get me some cigarettes, come on, you!"

  He gazed somewhere afar with a drunk look and moved the embers in the furnace with an iron stick.

  "Where will I go so late at night!?"

  "What night, are you blind? Everywhere it is light!"

  "Night in the streets!" she was afraid that the remark would piss him off completely and shook with terror. "Look out the window, please. Late already, all shops are closed."

  "Was I not clear enough?!" stepfather squeaked. "Now dress up and run to buy me my cigarettes or you will regret it deeply. Go to the kitchen and take money on the shelf! In a trice!"

  Anna was panic-stricken. She had no idea where she would get him a cigarette in –30 degrees of cold outside and time passed after midnight long ago. This winter was just ruthless, but even more brutal were the winter nights. The horror of the situation did not allow her to think things through, she ran up and took cash from the shelf and hastily returned to a smoking-room.

  "Here, here is fifty." mumbled Anna and saw stepmonster sitting in front of the furnace with his eyes closed.

  She stiffened. As incredible as it might seem, this magical falling asleep of the drunkard in a matter of seconds was just a gift from heaven. She tiptoed back to the kitchen and put the money back to the shelf.

  Quietly she returned to bed trying to squeak the floorboards as little as possible. All her body shook with fear, she was afraid to close eyes but knew that every hour of sleep won before school would be a real victory. She squinted and looked at her little alarm clock on the handmade bedside table. It showed 3-45.

  Another two hours and you must get up, grab your rucksack and run to school, away from this tyrant. At least for a few lessons. Yes, and school is very far, and this still two-three hours a quiet life, until you get there.

  Anna closed her eyes.

  Why are ten-year-old girls so helpless?

  Chapter 3

  "What are you drawing over there?" Nina ran up and looked at the picture which Anna was diligently painting on a large album sheet under carbon paper, trying to hold the original at a window together with a sketch. She was painstakingly depicting the shadows of the map that the sunlight prompted.

  "London." she answered without taking her eyes off the sketch.

  "London!" echoed Nina, considering better. "Why would you anyways! Did you redraw the London map? My, my!"

  "I am in love with London!" Anna giggled. "As if you did not know that! I will go to London when the time comes, and speak only Queen’s English! I will see Big Ben and Trafalgar Square, I will feed birds there. Then I will come to look at Westminster Abbey and will walk London Bridge to and fro."

  "Bah!" Nina grunted cheerfully. "Who has that on the mind! You and your English though!"

  Nina inspected Anna's room. Stacks of books devoted to the English language were everywhere - textbooks, anthologies, fiction. Notes and clippings everywhere. Posters of some western celebrities of which Nina also had never heard but Anna was such a fan of. It was pure fun to look at her, trying to explain unsuccessfully the meaning of his sighs for all these actors and performers.

  She cherished the ideas about travel to far-away countries, communication in different languages with different people, adventures and finding her Prince Charming. All this was a trifle to Nina who saw happiness on more of a decent level- in a somewhat stagnant monotonous routine of life where she was surrounded by a circle of relatives and friends. She was absolutely indifferent to all these languages, mo
vies and books which Anna was so passionate about.

  "Well! Who has the most beautiful London map?" Anna brought the girl back to the real world.

  "Mmmm. You, deffo!" Nina burst out laughing and embraced the stepsister.

  A pleasant female voice came from the kitchen.

  "Mealtime, girls!"

  It was Anna's mom whom she loved so dearly. She looked up to mother and trusted her all the secrets and dreams. Elena listened to her daughter's stories about how in several years she'd go on a long journey, how she would make sure that her stepfather did not hurt them anymore, how she would become rich and all their debts would disappear, how she would fix mom's health problems and how everything would be perfect.

  Chapter 4

  This was the routine of days, months, and years of Anna’s school life. Humiliations and insults of the stepfather she perceived in a strange way but endured them deeply and painfully. She considered it God’s penalty for deeds she did not realize to be sinful and took punishments of Heaven as something that would change and educate, cleanse and transform her.

  When everything was heinous, Anna even felt some odd joy in the rare moments of peace in the house and sobriety of her stepdad knocked her off the wagon. It felt right only when everything went ghastly.

  She did not fancy school but teaching as the process interested her. Realizing that eleven years of penal servitude of school life was not something that could be skipped, she perceived school as a haven from the heavy atmosphere at home.

  She whiled away the hated minutes drawing, composing poems, dreaming or idly loitering alone because by virtue of, or rather say, by the weakness of character, she was very timid to make friends and acquaintances. It actually felt much better alone. Still from time to time companions or the ones who pretended to be, appeared on the horizon.

  School days ended, so Anna gathered remaining strength and in search of healing moved to another city to study.

  But what was ahead frightened her even more than the youthful sufferings left behind.

  Chapter 5

  She didn’t love again right away. During school years, she paid little attention to him since he joined her class. The only things she could recall of him of those times was his constant confrontation with everybody and slacking off.

  It captivated her just because deep inside she felt the same fatigue and hatred towards an education system, considered herself a bird in a cage, but she lacked the courage for counter-actions or at least opportunities to respond to offensive remarks of teachers or schoolmates.

  She saw Mark again already in Garth city, when her university era of crazy twenties was in full swing. They suddenly got in touch with each other and set up a meeting. Later Mark told her that he admired her knowledge of languages and it was very flattering to the young girl.

  Anna grew up a beautiful lady. She was slender, with burnished black hair and elegant face features. She went through life without arrogance and anger at life. There was always a smile on her face, and her blue eyes were full of purity and thoughtfulness.

  Mark’s lifestyle struck Anna. A philosophy senior, he seemed so charming, so free, so clever. Appearance-wise she did not fancy him at all but it was that rare case when the inner world of a person was so shining that it illuminated everything around and involuntarily the beauty extended to the appearance.

  Mark was not a yappy type, but often enthusiasm or interesting topics loosened his tongue and he could narrate something for ages, even more striking Anna with the knowledge.

  Mark was bright, though he himself did not realize it. He absorbed tons of information and would conquer the world if given an opportunity.

  Their relationship developed gradually as they learned about each other and none of the young people would rush things. It seemed, in such development of events - quiet, measured, without wild passion and absurd - was a sense of their relationship increasing.

  They went on long walks, in any weather, discussing everything that two people of the opposite sex ever discuss. Anna told Mark about all the misadventures in school days and he told of his teenage revolt.

  All these trifles, all these meetings absorbed Anna till she was infatuated by this young man completely and irreversibly.

  Where is this cross line? How can the feeling initially not designated between two persons arise just like that? Why does it contradict the theory of love at first sight when based on an easy judgment about appearance we can conclude that we are in love and that he is “The One”?

  Anna believed that at first there comes love at first sight, and not the one she experienced, the mature one, because of rational conclusions that the person was good, his heart was kind and worthy of great love.

  But no matter what Anna believed, this love has happened and it was worthy of romantic opuses. It seemed impossible to love someone so deeply. It elated her, and she was sure that she found him - her beloved for life.

  Time passed both slowly and quickly, their bond over the years only got stronger making them look like elderly people living half a century in marriage - so strange and strong seemed their union. Life troubles couldn’t strangle their feelings with its prickly branches.

  Like all ladies, Anna was young and dramatic, often pointless and to extremes with no logic, but Mark tolerated all her craziness with tolerable tranquility.

  Anna became the ally of all this monotonous lifestyle and found it necessary to check for the durability of their relationship at each opportunity. Pursued by some literary ideals, she wanted to mold their relation accordingly. Mark himself was young and didn’t really understand the rationality of what was happening but still, he never let Anna drive them apart.

  Notwithstanding, their relationship failed. Mark graduated from university a year before his girlfriend and was on the verge of new beginnings. Ambitions and a craving to discover the world did not allow it to remain in Garth as he planned to move to the capital.

  Mining Great City was the main spot for young talents and dreamers of big money and freedom that went with it. He could not admit to Anna that life in their town shaped for all as “born - studied- worked - died“ caused him nausea. He madly wanted to share all his plans with her but foreknew that in their vision of the future they cardinally dispersed.

  Anna saw happiness in small things. She wanted to be here in Garth, near Mark, to get married and raise children, have a normal job and a quiet existence where they could enjoy each other’s company.

  That was what ended their relationship. Mark was endlessly angry that all ambitions of Anna vanished, leaving only banal female prospects to have children and a cozy nest. Love changed her beyond recognition and broke the gap between them. Mark loved her, but his youth and his own desires did not allow him to accept the girlfriend’s views. He had to make a decision.

  Chapter 6

  It was a dull, unfriendly day. The overcast sky threateningly looked through the windows on Garth citizens, as if reminding them of the intention to change the mood at its discretion. Anna shivered and closed the window.

  It was madly interesting to observe how the rain as if forcing the trees to take a shower, drenched them with water tirelessly. Branches caved in underwater weight wearily staring back at you, complained of today’s share of an unexpected thunderstorm.

  Anna sighed, thinking about the pile of things that had to be done today and the slush that would stand for several days, spoiling the walks.

  “I am going to the capital.” a calm voice came from behind.

  Anna mechanically turned back and lit up. It was Mark. Gorgeous as he was, he stood in the door aisle. His expression was strange and suddenly frightened the girl away but she said with a note of bewilderment in her voice:

  “It is excellent, Mark! When?”

  “In a week.”

  “For how long?”

  “Forever.”

  It dumbfounded Anna. The reality of what her lover just said stunned her even less than the look on his face when he mumbled
the news. He remained quiet. She even read that he was glad. Totally confused, she wondered:

  “Am I coming?”

  Mark took her by hand and led her into the hall.

  “No, you are staying, Anna.” he said. “You only do not worry, all right? If we are meant to be together, we will be. You said that yourself before, didn’t you?”

  “Didn’t I …“ Anna echoed. She began to cry.

  Mark hugged and kissed her. He talked incessantly about the destiny, that they can again be together, that he would make a living, that he was suffocating here. He tried to explain everything, looked into her eyes but read only emptiness in them. It was as if she wasn’t with him- the shock swallowed her up.

  He was hurt and somber but something inside him moved to all these words, actions and reactions. All evening he embraced and kissed her but Her Majesty Destiny decreed that this time was the last which Mark and Anna spent together as a loving couple. It was not meant to be.

  “I love you, Mark, and I wish you all the best.“ Anna said on the platform, seeing him off.

  “And I love you too, dear Anna, and I hope for a future meeting. Let’s be in touch, shall we?“ Mark was anxious.

  “Sure.” she smiled.

  Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

  Anna waved to Mark, who was smiling back.

  “Sure.” She repeated to herself under her breath and headed to the exit.

  Chapter 7

  "Annaaaaa! You comin' or whaaaaa'! How long can you stay in the toilet!" Lara groaned reproachfully.