They were so good together, so damned good. They were meant for each other. It had to work out for them. It just had to.
Reaching up, she combed her fingers through his hair. “I liked that,” she murmured. “Making love in the moonlight.”
“Me, too.” Understatement of the century. Like didn’t begin to cover it.
“Let’s leave the light off a little longer, okay?”
“Works for me.” Telling her about his plans in the dark sounded nice, intimate. He eased away from her. “I’ll be back.”
“I’m counting on it.”
After disposing of the condom, he got into bed and stretched out on his side.
She rolled to face him. “Did we ever figure out how we’d work things tomorrow?”
“How do you want to work it?” He stroked her hip. “Your call.”
“Not really.” She snuggled closer. “You’re staying at the ranch. After seeing how they operate, I’ll bet they’ll have a big gathering tomorrow.”
“They will. Kendra said everybody gets together in the morning after they feed the animals and they exchange gifts. Then they scatter to do their own thing until dinner that night.”
“You probably want to be there both times.”
“I want to be wherever you are.”
“Well, we open presents first thing, eat a quick breakfast, and go to church. The big meal for us is in the middle of the day, so that might be the best time for you to come over.”
“I’ll do that but I also want to go to church with you in the mornin’.”
“Well, okay, if you think you can make it. Mom and Dad would be thrilled.”
“I’ll make it.” He slipped his arm around her waist. “In fact, I’ll probably be goin’ on a regular basis.”
“What do you mean?”
“That’s what I planned on tellin’ you. I’ve decided I’m goin’ to fly with Ryker. I’m movin’ to Eagles Nest.”
“You are?” She scooted back a little. “I thought you were worried you couldn’t take the weather?”
“I can take the weather, especially when I have so much goin’ for me here. Flyin’ with Ryker is the main thing, but I want to get back to ridin’ again. I might volunteer at Zane’s raptor rescue, too. He named his raptor nursery after me. I don’t think I told you that.”
“You didn’t, but why would he—wait, I can guess. You made a big donation.”
“Not huge, but—”
“Must have been substantial if he named something after you.”
“I guess he thought it was a lot. Oh, and since I’m movin’ here, I can plan on bein’ in next year’s talent show at the Guzzling Grizzly. I also think your dad’s church is great, so I—”
“This all sounds wonderful, and I’m happy for you because you seem happy.”
“I am happy.” He gave her a squeeze. “Especially right this minute.”
“But…the thing is, you moving here creates a slight complication.”
He took a deep breath. “I know.” This was the part he hadn’t worked through, yet. Except there was an obvious solution.
“I mean, it might be okay if we can pull off that friendly breakup you were talking about.”
“I suppose.” This would be the time Ryker would advise him to shut up. But it might be the perfect time to say something. “What if we…well, what if we didn’t break up?”
She went very still. “What are you saying?”
Her tone wasn’t very encouraging, but he pushed on. “We get along well, so why should we break up? Why does anyone have to find out about—”
“Oh, Badger.” She eased out of his arms and sat up. “Think about it. Everyone except Ryker believes we’re engaged to be married. And we’re not.”
“What’s so bad about them believin’ that?” He sat up, too, and faced her, although her back was to the moonlight so her face was in shadow.
“For a short time I could live with it because it meant I wouldn’t have a bunch of awkward dates this Christmas. But to keep lying about our situation…I can’t.”
“What if we’re not exactly lyin’?”
Her breath quickened. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“I’m crazy about you, Hayley. And I think you like me a little bit, too. I don’t see why we can’t just go on like we’ve been doin’.”
She didn’t speak right away. When she did, she sounded as if she might be choosing her words carefully. “Like I said, we’re not being straight with people and that would bother me. The engagement isn’t real.”
“What if we make it real?”
The silence stretched between them. “What are you suggesting?”
“That we get engaged.”
More silence. “Engaged to be married?”
“It would solve everything.” When she didn’t answer, he got a little worried. “Wouldn’t it?”
“No.” She sounded almost sad.
“Why not?”
“Because people, specifically my mother, would expect us to get married. And I can’t marry you.”
“Because you live in Denver?”
“No, because I don’t know who you are.”
“Sure you do! We’ve spent all kinds of time together the last few days.”
“And you’ve told me almost nothing about yourself.”
“That can’t be right. You know where I’m from, that I’ve been in the Air Force…” He searched for something to add.
“Those are broad strokes and not many of them. I kept hoping you’d tell me that your dad is a prominent lawyer and that you went to Georgetown.”
“How’d you know that?”
“My folks looked you up online.”
“Oh.”
She left the bed and walked over to the wall switch by the door.
“What are you doing?”
“Shedding some light on the situation.” She flipped the switch and the bedside lamps came on. She started gathering her clothes.
He blinked in the sudden glare. “I guess I should have told you more.”
“Before we started coming to this B and B, it didn’t really matter.” She pulled on her clothes. “But after that, yes, I wished you’d open up. When you didn’t, I assumed you still thought of this as a temporary arrangement.”
“That’s changed.”
“Maybe in your mind, but you’re still a mystery to me. Other than those tidbits online, I know nothing about your childhood or your parents.”
“Yes, you do! I told you they wouldn’t let me watch TV and I had a tutor before I started school.”
“And how did you feel about that?”
“It’s not important, now. It’s in the past.”
“It’s extremely important! But the fact that you just said it’s not tells me so much.” Her voice gentled. “I’m sorry, Badger. I’m not sure how you envisioned this working out, but it’s plain to me that it won’t. The sooner we pull the plug, the easier it will be on both of us.”
He couldn’t believe it. This couldn’t be happening. Not after all they’d—
“Please get dressed. I want you to take me home.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
The silent ride home was awful. By the time Badger pulled up in front of the parsonage, Hayley felt sick to her stomach. But she remembered to pull off the ring. “Here.”
“I’m not takin’ that. It’s yours. Stay there. I want to help you out.”
She almost climbed out anyway, but in the end, she let him hand her down because that was so important to him. She considered dropping the ring in the cup holder, but he might not see it there and this was Kendra’s truck.
She couldn’t just leave it in the truck and hope he’d find it. He bought it because it matched your eyes. Nope. Couldn’t think about that now. She tucked it in her pocket.
After he helped her get down, he continued to hold her hand. “Hayley, I’ve made a mess of this. I can see that. But if you’ll just—”
“Badger, you’re a
sweet guy. I wish you well.” Her throat tightened. “But this charade is over.” She avoided looking at him as she drew her hand away and hurried down the walkway. Thankfully he didn’t follow her.
But memories did. Badger hurrying to her defense at the airport. His grin of delight when her dad made a joke. The sparkle in his eyes when he called her darlin’. His tender expression during the candle lighting ceremony…
She’d hurt him. She’d never forget the way his broad shoulders had slumped when she’d asked him to take her home. Their affair had to end, but dear God, why couldn’t it have been…what was his word? Amicable. Instead the pain sliced and twisted through her and likely was torturing him, too.
She slept very little and woke up with a hangover. Had to be an emotional hangover because she hadn’t had a drop to drink. But Christmas morning was important in this house so she dragged herself out of bed.
Her ring lay on the bedside table. If she appeared in the living room without it, her mom would notice. Painful though it was to put it back on her finger, she did. It seemed to weigh a hundred pounds.
She managed to keep up the pretense through the opening of presents, but she ached as if she had the flu. She pictured Badger at the ranch surrounded by McGavins in celebration mode. No doubt he was soldiering through it like she was.
She almost expected to see him at church that morning because he’d said he’d be there. If he showed up, she’d conclude that he’d decided to keep up appearances even though she’d shot him down. But he didn’t come.
She adjusted her thinking accordingly. If she explained that Badger felt obligated to spend Christmas Day with the McGavins, that might buy her some time before she had to drop her bomb. Because drop it she must. With luck she could hold off until the twenty-sixth.
The midday Christmas dinner table was loaded with all the food she loved, yet she could barely choke it down. Then came the inevitable question.
Her mom turned to her. “When’s Badger coming over, sweetheart? You haven’t said.”
“Oh, you know, he really felt he should spend the day with Ryker and the McGavin family.”
“You mean not see you at all on Christmas?” Her mother looked dismayed. “After getting better acquainted with Kendra at the talent show, I can’t believe she’d expect Badger to—”
“She doesn’t. It’s Badger who thinks that he should be there.”
Luke frowned. “But he’s engaged to you. Christmas is a big deal, especially when you’re newly engaged. Did he ask you to join him over there?”
“No, but it’s not important. We’ll have plenty of Christmases together and the McGavins were the ones who invited him to—”
“Look, sis, if you’re not a priority now, when will you be? I’m not liking this decision of Badger’s. I’m not liking it at all. He could run over here for an hour or two, at least. Or come get you and take you out to the ranch.”
“Luke does have a point,” her dad said. “I’m a little disappointed in Badger, myself.”
“Please don’t be.” Hearing him maligned cut deeper than she’d expected. “This is not his fault. It’s mine.”
“Yours?” Her mother stared at her. “How can it be your fault?”
“I…the thing is…I broke up with him last night.”
Silence reigned at the table for several seconds.
Her mom had gone very pale. “But you’re still wearing his ring.”
“I’ll get it back to him. Last night it would have been awkward.” Her stomach flipped as the emotions from that horrible ride home flooded through her.
“Oh, well, then!” Her mom waved a hand as if dismissing the problem. “It’s just a lovers’ spat. Give it time. You’ll realize how much you love each other and everything will be fine.”
Hayley started to agree with her. Maybe she could still salvage Christmas Day. Before she could say anything, her mother barreled on.
“Hayley, you should call him. I’ll bet he’s as upset as you are. Go for a drive. Take a walk. Your father and I have sorted out so many issues with a good long walk. Isn’t that right, Warren?”
“Yes, but this might not be the same situ—”
“It’s not that simple.” Hayley took a deep breath. Should she do this? Should she admit the truth and wreck what remained of Christmas Day? Then she looked at Luke, who was so trusting and so willing to be her champion no matter what.
She didn’t like fooling her parents, but she really didn’t like fooling Luke. Ever since she’d lied to him about Freddie Krueger, she’d told him the truth. Until now.
Taking another deep breath, she plunged in. “Look, I’m so sorry. So very sorry. But the thing is, Badger and I were never a couple in the first place.”
Her dad sat up straighter. “What? What are you saying, Hayley?”
“I lied, Dad.” The admission was difficult enough. Her father’s crestfallen expression nearly did her in. “I’m so sorry.”
“Hayley?” Her mom stared at her in shock. “What do you mean, sweetheart?”
“Badger and I…” She almost couldn’t say it. “We met for the first time in the Denver airport.”
“Months ago, right?” Her mother looked so hopeful.
“No. Last week.”
Luke groaned. Clearly he’d made the leap.
But her mom wouldn’t want to. “I don’t understand. If you only met last week, then how—”
“We made it all up, Mom.”
Her mother pressed a hand to her chest. “Why?”
“Because…” She swallowed. “Because I didn’t want to go through another Christmas of fixups.”
As the realization dawned, her mother’s face crumpled and she began to cry. Her dad crouched by her chair and comforted her while Luke went for tissues and Bailey’s. Everyone took some Bailey’s in their coffee except her dad, who had another sermon to give. Only Hayley and her mom grabbed tissues.
Eventually they moved into the living room, but her mother continued to sob. “I drove you to this? How can I ever forgive myself?”
Hayley’s dad sat beside her on the couch with his arm around her shoulders. Hayley and Luke commandeered a position on the floor at her feet and told her how much they loved her, even if she was a pain in the butt sometimes.
“I promise to do better,” her mom said between bouts of blowing her nose. “This is a wakeup call.”
Luke patted her knee. “I hate seeing you cry, but…I’m sort of relieved we’re talking about this. I’ve considered moving to Eagles Nest.”
“Oh, Luke, I would love that! So would your father!”
“And you wouldn’t try to marry me off? I’ve seen what Hayley’s gone through and she’s not even living here.”
That brought more tears. “I’ve driven my children away! Warren, this is terrible!”
“But correctible, now that everything’s out in the open.” Her dad smiled. “Right, kids?”
“Right, Dad,” Luke said.
Hayley turned to him. “You really might move here?”
“If I’m not afraid of being hounded into marriage, you bet. It’s a great town. You should move, too. Then the Bennetts can all be together again.”
It was a wild idea, but an appealing one. It had nothing to do with Badger Calhoun, of course… “But I love my job.”
Luke grinned at her. “But you love us more, right?”
“Yeah, I do. And April mentioned that I could become a traveling consultant and get Badger Air to fly me around.” Ryker would fly her, though. Not Badger. Except…she would likely run into him if she moved here. And, oh, dear God, she wanted to run into him. When she got right down to it, never seeing Badger Calhoun again was a bleak prospect indeed. But there were issues. Big issues.
“Let’s check out the possibilities.” Her dad got up, retrieved his laptop and sat beside his wife again. “Searching online doesn’t seem quite right on Christmas, but this is a family emergency.”
Luke winked at Hayley. “I think God would
approve.”
“So do I, son. And what do I have here?” He gazed at the screen and flipped the laptop around so Hayley could see it. “We have elder care going on all over the state. You could be your own boss instead of working for someone else.”
“I could.”
“Broaden your reach. Maybe travel to underserved areas.”
“You’re right. Older people live in rural areas, and they may not have access to—”
“Exactly! It’s a brilliant idea, sis.” Luke smiled at her. “I’m inspired just hearing about it.”
Her mom blew her nose again. “If you two kids are willing to trust me enough to move here, I won’t let you down. I had no idea my behavior was keeping you away.”
Hayley glanced up at her mother. “You meant well, Mom. I know you love us.”
Her mother looked at her and swallowed. “More than you can imagine.” She held her gaze. “I need to say something, and it’s not because I’m matchmaking.”
“That’s good to hear.”
“Because of your sweet father, I know what love looks like. You and Badger weren’t totally faking it.”
People said war was hell, and Badger wouldn’t argue that. But when a guy had been kicked to the curb on Christmas Eve by the first woman he’d ever proposed to, the first one he’d truly pictured spending his life with, that was damned hellish, too. Being surrounded by cheerful people on Christmas morning added another heaping of awfulsauce. He kept his smile pasted on as best he could.
Last night he’d questioned whether he should scrap his plan to move to Eagles Nest. This morning he’d figured out that would be a bonehead move. Cutting off his nose to spite his face made no sense whatsoever.
But part of his excitement for taking the job with Ryker and moving here had involved Hayley. She might not have chosen to live here, but then again, once she didn’t have to worry about her momma’s matchmaking, she might have considered it.
Maybe not right away, and he’d been willing to carry on long distance if necessary, but a life with her in this little town had seemed possible. Remorse for the sorry state of things welled up in him, a toxic soup of self-blame. Cowboy had told him not to say anything stupid in the heat of the moment. He’d gone and done exactly that.
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