by Sarah Tork
I just needed to read his letter, and everything was going to be okay. Last night’s array of crazy dreams kept me in a deep sedation till just past noon. I’d never experienced anything like it. My guess, I’d been so emotionally traumatized by everything that’s happened to me, my brain was trying to tell me something.
I opened my email, scouring the list for the last email from Ben, only I couldn’t find it. The last two emails I got were from Darcy.
My head shook fiercely. “No!” I frantically searched again, clicking my mouse as if it were capable of Morse code. “Where is it!”
Ben’s email was missing. I checked my junk mail and my trashcan. There was nothing there.
I jumped out of the chair with my fingers running through my hair angrily.
What was going on?
Where was Ben’s letter?
I’d just read it a day ago!
I checked again, even checking my sent pile to see if I could find the ‘thank you’ email I replied him with.
My jaw dropped, it wasn’t there either.
Hyperventilating, I frantically paced my room. “No, no, he sent me a letter, I read it!”
My heart was beating so fast, I thought I was about to have a heart attack. I felt my face heat, everything was becoming dizzy.
“Where’s my letter!”
“Where’s my letter!”
“He sent me a letter!” I cried loudly, banging against the walls.
Why?
I slammed my back against the wall, sliding down flat on my ass, sobbing hysterically into my palms. Why did this shit have to happen to me? Finally something good, something I thought I deserved came my way and it was a fucking dream.
He never sent me a letter.
I imagined it. It was the only logical explanation. I’ve been so emotionally fucked these past six months, I’ve started to see things.
A loud knock on my door startled me.
“Keep it down!” Someone yelled.
My eyes opened, angry.
I’ve had enough!
Wiping the snot away from my nose and the tears from my face, I jumped up and yanked open the door, slamming it into the wall, making a big sound.
“What the fuck!” I snapped through my teeth. I caught the back of none other than the whore of my building. My neighbour extraordinaire, Miss ‘I fuck guys for a hamburger dinner’ Sheila!
The bitch was just about to enter her own room.
Running away, how dare she, especially after all the noise that she’d make late at night. Loud disgusting noise, that I didn’t make a peep about it.
Oh she’s going to get it!
“Bitch, turn around when I talk to you!” I ordered her, marching to her back. “Turn bitch, you pound your nasty ass hands on my door, disrupting me!”
Sheila’s the same height as me, but her face, ugh, don’t get me started, she was nasty. I guess when the best you can get for opening your legs is McDonald’s, you kind of are expected to be ugly as shit.
“It’s early!” Sheila swung her bleached blond hair to the side, hitting me in my face as she faced me. “You were making a lot of noise!”
“And you don’t!” I yelled, flabbergasted. “I’m up half the night because of you sometimes, fucking your brains out. You stupid whore!”
Sheila’s green eyes widened. “What did you call me?”
I jerked my chin up. “You heard me, slut!”
“Fuck you.” Sheila hissed, stepping closer into my space. “Fuck…you.”
“I don’t have money right now….so I guess you’ll have to bark up another tree for your McDonald’s breakfast…bitch!” I snapped, practically spitting.
Sheila sneered, crossing her arms. “At least I get some, nobody wants to fuck you, loser!”
Everything went white as I grabbed her shoulders, pushing her into her half open door. She collided hard into the door and fell down onto the ground with a loud thud.
“No fighting in here! I’m going to call the police!” our landlord Mrs. Lee called from the stairway.
Sheila had other plans. She jumped up and slammed herself against me. I lost my balance, falling backwards with her on top of me, pulling at my hair. “I’ll kill you!”
“I’d like to see you try!” I laughed as I punched her side.
“I’m calling the police!” Mrs. Lee yelled.
We didn’t stop fighting. I’d been keeping this shit inside me for almost six months, and this bitch needed to be taught a lesson. Unfortunately our fight didn’t stop and the police showed up, having to break us up. Sheila decided to take one last hit at me, curling her nasty ass hands into my hair and pulling it. I tried to grab her hair, but I mistakenly scratched the cop who was trying to hold me back. I should have cut my nails sooner, because he lets go of me, yelping in pain, holding his eye as blood gushed from every angle.
Shit.
Now I was really in trouble.
CHAPTER 27
Saturday May 11th 2013
Two weeks and an assaulting an officer charge later….
“YOU BITCH!”
You didn’t get your own room here which was odd and stupid considering this was where they sent very bad misbehaving women. How wise was it to put a few of them into one room and not expect a fight?
I needed to share a little fact about myself. That for the most of my life, I’ve shied away from confrontation.
Wink, wink.
Two weeks ago when I had my ‘moment’, it awoke something deep inside of me I thought I’d put to bed a long time ago, an insane and angry bitch. Naturally bravery followed those two traits, skills, assets and I swore from that point I could knock a bitch out for even trying to disrespect me.
But not all opponents are made equal though. Bravery, confidence and pride, crazy, psychotic, it all comes at a price when common sense gets pushed to the side and the need to show whoever’s making you angry that ‘NO!’ it’s not really going to be like that. If let’s say the girl whose disrespecting you was also six inches taller and weighed a good 100lbs more than you did, well my brain told me as she’s kicking the living shit out of me, that it was not really a good idea to mouth off to Godzilla’s illegitimate human child.
“You wanna say that again BITCH!” Mona yelled into my ear as she held me in a headlock.
My two other polite female roommates, Gigi and Tilla sat comfortably on their top bunks parallel to one another. Judging from the huge grins on their faces, they thought they had the best seats in the house.
When we arrived at the reformatory or women’s correctional facility, whatever, we were placed with a movement monitor wrapped around our ankles. If any fights were to break out, we could easily be found by the tracking system.
By the sound of the alarm, thirty guards should be busting through those doors any second now…..any second now. Since the guards will be here any second now, I think I’ll throw in one more jab to raise Mona’s blood pressure.
“I’m sorry I took your cookies, I didn’t know you were going to eat them later when we’ve all gone to bed, and by the way you may want to forget about cookies for a while if you plan on living with me.” I sort of got all that out in one breath, but her grip tightened around my neck. I hoped those guards arrived soon. My brain felt like it was floating on water.
I was feeling a little dizzy now.
“She looking a bit loopy eyed Mo” Tilla assessed, leaning over her bunk. Mona didn’t budge on her grip around me.
“You think you can disrespect me?” she screeched into my ear with her deep masculine voice.
That’s my line! She’s gonna get it now!
“Well why don’t I go eat 100lbs worth of chicken and then we’ll call this a fair fight.” I stammered out in short breaths. It’s kind of hard to bust out sentences while I was being choked out.
Yeah, that didn’t work at all.
Her grip didn’t falter and I had no more strength to fight her off. I wasn’t seeing clearly anymore and I was probably g
oing to pass out. I looked up to see Tilla and Gigi laughing at my demise when I heard multiple loud footsteps running through the hallway towards our room.
THANK THE FUCK…..our heavily locked stainless steel door slammed open and Mona lets go instantly, she knew this game all too well. She quickly got up and went to her bottom bunk under Gigi.
“I didn’t do anything, I was helping her up.” she yelled at the guards who knew who she was, game or not. My vision cleared slowly as I remained still on the ground. I looked up to see Gigi and Tilla who were no longer laughing, being thrown off their bunks by the guards. Mona on the other hand was a bit harder to drag out. She was putting up a good fight in between the doorway, and four more guards later, they successfully dragged her out.
But not without one last sweet goodbye….
“YOU THINK YOU GOT THIS!”
“WAIT AND SEE!”
“WAIT AND SEE!” Mona yelled one last time whilst being dragged to the naughty room.
I champion the Lobotomy method, anyone else?
I got up and went to my bottom bunk. We four girls in this room together were not supposed to fight. We were placed in this room by the faculty so we could bond together and become best friends.
I placed my bruised head on my pillow and smiled.
Why can’t we all just get along and be best friends forever?
Speaking of best friends, I haven’t had one since I was seventeen years old….
The memory of my last month of high school resurfaced, along with that the demise of my relationship with my ex best friend Ronnie, and the reason behind it.
Where the fuck was Ben while all that happened? I thought as I messaged the bruise on my forehead. The only thing that I could remember about that day was going to school drunk and getting into a fight with her outside a Chinese restaurant later…..maybe that’s why mom still had problems with me…all because of that day…the day I got arrested for the first time.
I laughed at the memory….good times.
“Marisa what’s up with the fists?” Ronnie asked me nonchalantly. Then her thin, chapped, cock sucking lips smirked at me. “You were planning on teaching me a lesson or two while we were back here?” She tossed her long dark brown hair behind her shoulder, revealing the real bitch inside of her.
Her head bobbled up and down, an action I was sure she’d perfected over the last week…… repeatedly. But I’ve got room for only one more notch on the belt from her before……..I lose it, so I really should…….hit it…back hard.
“Why don’t you have that head checked out, it’s moving up and down a bit too much if you ask me, it’s bobbing.” I smirked at her. I had a few more insults lined up for her ready and waiting in my head. I took the liberty to come up with some over the last few days since she showed her true colours not so long ago.
“You must be doing this too much.” I bobbed my head up and down rapidly. I think she got what I meant, because her blistered fingers grazed over her chapped lips.
She knew….
“I have a cold sore, what does that have to do with anything?” She shoots back and then tucked her bottom lip in her mouth, then glided her slimy longggggggggg tongue over her upper lip.
“Keeping them moist huh?” I smacked my lips exaggeratingly to her. “For later right, you guys don’t want to buy dessert in the restaurant, because I heard they have excellent range of ice creams.” I unfolded my fists and crossed my arms. The lava resorted slowly back to being idle again. Behind Ronnie, hiding behind the wall I heard someone laugh loudly, it sounded female.
“Called one of your new friends to come and back you up?” I yelled accusingly at her. This was supposed to be one on one. It wasn’t fair if she was going to bring in people to help her against me.
“I don’t need my people to take you out, besides they wouldn’t come three feet to you, you smell like shit.” she yelled at me while insinuating a stink by waving her hand in front of her nose.
“You’re a fucking loser!” She pointed at me. “I’m only sorry that I humoured you for this long, we were never friends.” she yelled at me.
I think I’ve filled the last notch on the Ronnie belt, it was over.
I unfolded my arms and formed fists with my sweaty hands. She thought she could talk to me like that and get away with it. “What you call me……..whore!” I screamed at her, taking two long strides before stopping right in front of her face.
“Oh you know……..” She turned her head to check behind, and then all of sudden her blistered hands grabbed onto my sweater jacket and pushed me back with all their might, grunting at the same time. I tripped backwards from the push and fell to the ground, hitting the concrete hard on my ass.
“Fuck you…..you fucking bitch!” I got up quickly, erupting inside at full blast. Before I got all the way up, Ronnie ran out of the dirty alley. The back door to the restaurant opened as I ran after her.
“You guys……cannot be here……no fighting, I call police….here soon!” he screamed at us. I turned the corner running and I slammed into two arms pushing me back onto the ground. I fell on my ass harder, this time though, it was in front of the restaurant. The wide window in front showcased the entire inside of the restaurant, and if I could see everything inside, then they could see everything that was going on outside.
The window quickly crowded up, customers of the restaurant excited now that there was a show to go along with their dinner.
Among the nosy customers, one looked very familiar. A tall dark haired fat boy, Ronnie’s new boyfriend and part of the reason we had fallen out. He looked out with the rest of the customers and saw that it was her against me.
“Kick her ass!” he yelled through the glass window. He backed up from the crowd and ran out. Before he made it outside, a newly motivated Ronnie swung her leg into the side of my stomach. I rolled over in pain, screaming from the impact on my ribs.
“That’s what you get for not knowing your place!” she yelled at me while I lay on the sidewalk grunting. I looked around and random people had stopped in their tracks to see what was going on.
The fat boy, Ryan finally comes out of the restaurant and grabbed Ronnie, kissing her immediately. “Yeah baby, you showed her.” With her back turned and occupied with his slobbery kisses, I got up quickly and pushed her out of his chunky embrace. I guess he wasn’t holding on to her tightly enough, because she fell onto the concrete sidewalk, her ass making a bigger thud sound then mine did.
“Stay out of this!” I yelled at Ryan. “This is between her and me.” It was my turn to play with her ribs. I swung my left leg and hit her in the exact same spot as she hit me.
An eye for an eye after all.
“You fucking bitch!” she screamed out loud.
This was all happening so fast.
Ryan charged at me, but two guys standing by, obviously enjoying the show, grabbed a hold of him, pulling him back.
“Stay out of it bro, it’s one on one.” One of the guys yelled at Ryan. Ryan didn’t seem to care about the concept of one on one as he desperately tried to get out of their tight hold and come after me. But his strength was no match against two guys.
Ronnie got back up. “Baby, its okay, I can finish this loser on my own.” Her arms rose to eye level and her hands formed fists. She thought she was a boxer now and that she could take me out like Muhammad Ali.
I heard the faint sounds of the police sirens, but I wouldn’t be the one to run away first and look like the pussy in front of everyone. We circled around each other with our fists never leaving our faces.
“Come on bitch, make your move.” Ronnie screeched.
“Speak with your mouth open, it must be hard though, opening and closing it, you’ve worked it out too much.” I yelled at her, making everyone around us laugh. All of a sudden, Ronnie charged at me, grabbing a fist full of my hair, as my arms made contact with her face.
I heard the police sirens getting louder. They were going to be here any second.
“Feel that bitch! I’m going to make your skull bleed.” she screamed into my ear, grabbing my hair tighter.
“I think I’m the one who’s going to make your skull bleed bitch!” I yelled, scratching her face. She let’s go of my hair and punched me in the face, making me taste my own blood.
Fuck, I was bleeding.
The police arrived and the bystanders ran away, leaving me and Ronnie wrestling on the sidewalk.
“Let go, let go right now.” The police officers yelled at us. I felt a pair hands grab my shoulders, pulling me away from Ronnie.
We were pushed down on to the ground and the cops quickly cuffed us.
“Fucking bitch, this is her fault she attacked me.” Ronnie yelled at the police officers. There was no sign of Ryan.
What a coward.
“Hey Ronnie, where’s your tall dark and handsome, where’s your knight and shining prince?” I laughed at her.
“Didn’t take long for him to bow out and leave you stranded. What a loyal boyfriend you have!” I yelled.
“RYAN!” she screamed, and then began crying hysterically.
“Welcome to the betrayed club, I hope you finally and deservingly enjoy your stay with us!” I sang to her as she cried louder.
My eyes snapped open as the memory finished. It’s been awhile since I’d gone over that night. Because I wasn’t eighteen yet, I just got a firm warning not to do it again. That should have calmed my nerves, but after being picked up at the police station by my mom and dad, well let’s just say, things weren’t ‘calm’ when we got home.
Mom had ripped my ass a new one. Ben had almost broken up with me because of it, only getting over it after a few months of making me feel guilty, daily.
And that ladies and gentlemen was why yours truly didn’t have any friends, especially best friends.
CHAPTER 28
“Inmate Gellys? Please report to the visitor’s station immediately.” Security guard Rhodes screeched over the telecom. I got up from my new bunk in the east wing, where the girls were a tiny bit less deadly. I gazed at my fellow inmate’s confused faces as I went to the officer standing at the doorway.