Two Days in Biarritz

by Michelle Jackson

  She stood with her back to the front door after closing it. There was no way she could tell her Dad’s friend that she was pregnant and contemplating an abortion. But as each day passed and the longer she stayed in Dublin she knew that she didn’t want to terminate this new life and hope that was growing inside.

  * * *

  Annabel opened the door to Shane with a big smile on her face.

  He leaned forward and kissed her cheek. “Nice pad!”

  “Thanks,” she nodded. “Come in and have a cuppa.”

  She showed him to her shaker kitchen that reminded him of an interior design magazine – the Aga in the corner making the look complete.

  “So how have you been since Biarritz?” she asked.

  “Great, terrible and something in between!” he laughed.

  “Not all at once I hope?”

  “Sometimes,” he grinned. “That’s what happens when Kate comes back into your life I suppose.”

  Annabel felt a twinge of envy but pulled herself together. She had managed fairly well considering and been able to stand up to Melissa and Colin on her own in the few weeks since her return form Biarritz.

  “I was meaning to ask you that on the phone. When did you call her?”

  “Shortly after you gave me her number.”

  “Have you seen much of her?” Annabel asked curiously.

  “Lots,” he nodded. “But not enough– that’s why I’m here. There’s something odd going on and I can’t get through to her and I was wondering if you could help.”

  “We had a falling out in Biarritz and I haven’t spoken to her since so I don’t think I’m much help. Tea or Coffee?”

  Shane pulled one of the solid country kitchen chairs back from the table and sat down.

  “Tea please,” Shane replied. “Actually I was hoping you might be able to throw some light on the situation because she won’t tell me what you fell out about and I was hoping that if it got sorted it would help. She has a lot on her plate with her mum’s illness.”

  “I don’t know if she would want me telling you.” She hesitated before pouring the boiling water into the tea pot.

  “Please, Annabel,” he begged. “I, I, I’m in love with her.”

  Annabel sucked on her lower lip and turned around to face Shane.

  “If I tell you do you promise not to repeat it?”

  Shane made the sign of the cross with his finger on his chest. “Cross my heart and hope to die.”

  Annabel poured the tea into two sturdy Denby mugs and brought them over to the kitchen table. She pulled a chair back for herself and proceeded to add milk to her tea.

  “Okay, when we were teenagers I had a major crush on Kate’s Dad.” She paused.

  “She’s out with you for fancying her Dad when you were kids?” Shane interrupted.

  Annabel raised her hand in the air. “Wait. I didn’t just fancy him I had an affair with him while we were all on holidays in France. I really loved him you know.”

  “Well even I can understand that– he’s a fit looking bloke for his age.”

  “I’ve been carrying this information around with me for years and under the influence of alcohol I told her about us.”

  “I don’t see why she was so freaked out about that though.”

  “Well you’d have to be a Daddy’s girl to understand, I suppose,” she pondered for a second. “What if one of your mates slept with your mum?”

  Shane didn’t reply. He was fiercely protective about his mother right up until the day she died five years ago. He saw it as his role after he lost his own father so young.

  “See?” Annabel continued. “Anyway I’ve tried on numerous occasions to call her and she ignores me so I have to accept that she wants our friendship terminated.”

  “She’s in bits at the moment Annabel and it’s not all Betty’s illness. She wants me one minute then puts the brakes on another.”

  “How is Betty?”

  “Not good at all– deteriorating rapidly.”

  “That must be having a huge effect on Kate.”

  Shane took a gulp of his tea. “Would it help if I got her to talk to you?”

  “I’d love to talk to her but she mightn’t like you going behind her back to see me.”

  “I want her so badly.”

  Annabel stared at the pained expression on his face. There was no way she could help now. Kate would have listened to her before Biarritz but not anymore.

  “What about Natasha?”

  Shane looked down at the flagstone flooring. “I’m in the total dog house. I know I’m not being fair to her, she’s the innocent party in all of this, but I can’t continue this double life that I’m leading. Sooner or later I’m going to have to tell her it’s over.”

  “And what if Kate won’t settle down with you?”

  “I can’t even contemplate that,” he muttered slowly, the fear inside him showing with every syllable.

  Chapter 14

  The house felt emptier than ever with the twins gone back to France. Kate looked in on her mother. The nurse was bathing her face gently while she slept. A dish with balm and cotton wool buds rested beside her locker now as Betty found it difficult to intake fluids orally and her lips were dry and cracking. A drip hung beside the bed where the other locker used to be. The morphine was the main substance running through the clear plastic bag. Kate couldn’t believe that it was a mere ten weeks since she had seen her mother stand upright in the kitchen that day.

  That meant that her baby was twelve weeks growing inside her, fourteen if she were to go by a midwife’s calendar. Her check-up with Tony had been brief. She trusted that he wouldn’t tell Damien under any circumstances but Tony had urged her to tell Damien herself. She agreed that she would but knew that she had no intention of doing such a thing. Tony assured her that every thing was going well and the cramping pains that she got sporadically were perfectly natural. It had been so long since she was pregnant with the twins that she had forgotten all the symptoms that accompanied pregnancy. She was over the most dangerous period now and would be showing soon. She was beginning to feel physically well in herself again and even started to have a glow about her complexion.

  Still no word from Annabel and Kate was starting to miss her sorely, despite her anger. She felt she shouldn’t have let their disagreement fester and grow to the stage that it was at now. But she didn’t know how to stop the rift from deepening. She wondered if Annabel missed her too.

  Shane had been so kind and considerate through it all. He hadn’t pressed too hard looking for a commitment but she could see frustration written over his face, more with each time they met. She had to be fair to him though. Deep down she knew he would accept this baby and do whatever she wished but as the years passed she didn’t want resentment to set in. She didn’t want to be a burden. He was too special to play around with and he would have been happy with Natasha if Annabel hadn’t given him her number on the plane. There was only one thing to do. She lifted the phone beside her bed and rang his number carefully. She loved to hear his phone ring out and relished the anticipation of hearing his voice.

  “Hi, Kate,” his tone was always bright when her number showed up on his phone.

  “Hi Shane, can you come out later? Fancy a walk?”

  “Great, I’ve been twiddling my thumbs waiting for your call.”

  “About four?”

  “Perfect,” maybe her mood would improve in the time it took to get to Greenfield Close. “How’s Betty?”

  “Not good at all today. The Doctor says we’re talking days.”

  “Can I come over earlier?” He was keen to try and soothe her.

  “Four is best, if that’s okay with you.”

  “I’ll see you then.” Her rebuff pierced him.

  Kate went to have another look at her mother who was asleep, the same way as she had spent most of the last few days. She wouldn’t be giving anymore words of advice. Kate had heeded her lecture about her boys and had alre
ady informed the school that they would be leaving when the term was over at the end of the month. The nurse smiled from the chair at her bedside.

  “Can I make you a cup of tea?” Kate asked.

  “That would be lovely thanks – only if you’re making it.”

  “No problem.”

  She carefully negotiated the stairs and noticed that the post had arrived while she had been on the phone. The pile included several white envelopes offering Damien staggering amounts to take out on loan and a postcard from Fabian telling her not to forget him. A large A4 brown envelope was the last item of post that she looked at and it was addressed to her. She had been expecting it all week and now that it was here she was afraid to open it. She put the rest of the mail back onto the hall table and brought the brown envelope into the kitchen. She hit the switch on the kettle and carefully tore the corners of the packet. The gum on the edges made it difficult to rip so she resorted to using a kitchen knife.

  A set of documents in French proclaimed that her marriage of eight years to Stefan Cassaux was now terminated and the settlement as agreed per separation was to be adhered to. Now that she had her freedom in her hands, tears welled in her eyes. She didn’t miss Stefan. A divorce was the best possible option for them both but she realised that she couldn’t face going through this loss again with Shane. He was too important and if she were to marry him and lose him she didn’t think she’d ever get over it. The risk was too great to take. It would be easier to sort it all out now.

  * * *

  Shane raced up to the front door of Greenfield Close but paused to look at his reflection in the window before ringing the doorbell.

  “Hi,” Kate said shortly, as she opened the door. She stepped back quickly – denying him a kiss.

  He knew instantly that something was wrong.

  “Come into the kitchen,” she said as she turned her back to him and walked into the kitchen. Shane shut the hall-door behind him and followed Kate’s steps. His heart was pounding loudly in his ribcage and he was sure that she could hear it too.

  “Tea?” she asked nervously.

  “Not for me thanks. Can we go out?” Shane wanted to change the setting – it might help change whatever Kate was going to say.

  Kate paused for a moment. What she had to say would be better on neutral ground.

  “Want to go to St Anne’s Park?”

  It was another of their old haunts and as she said it Kate realised that it was probably the most appropriate place to go for their conversation.

  He nodded and they walked back out to the hall.

  “We could take the lane and a shortcut over the Howth Road?”

  “Yeah, it’s a nice day.”

  The summer hadn’t got fully under way yet but the long evenings of June put everyone in a good mood and meant that the park was getting a lot of use.

  “We used to go down this lane on my racer,” Shane said, waiting to see if she recalled. “Do you remember?”

  “I am scourged with a photographic memory of everyday we spent together,” she turned to him and for a moment her eyes glistened in the sunshine. “But that was a long time ago Shane.”

  “And haven’t we been making new memories these past few weeks?” he asked hopefully.

  “What about the walk on Burrow Beach the other night?”

  Kate wished he hadn’t brought that up. It was a perfect evening and together they had found a cosy spot nestled between two sand dunes. They had watched the sun set and he had stroked her face to the slow rhythm of the waves lapping off the shore. She couldn’t imagine ever feeling happier in her life than for those few hours. She had to pull herself together and think about the reality of the situation that she was in.

  “Yes, we’ve had a good time,” she paused. “It’s been a bit like living in a time warp though. Don’t you feel eighteen again going around all the old places?”

  “I definitely do,” he agreed.

  “Well does that not worry you?”

  “Should it?” he asked in surprise.

  “Maybe we are enjoying the feeling of being young again. How different would it all be if we were in a proper relationship? Like you and Natasha.”

  “Kate what are you getting at? It’s not like you to beat around the bush.” His face was now sullen and whatever Kate had to say he wanted to hear it sooner rather than later.

  “I don’t think we should see each other again,” she blurted out, staring at the path in front of her– afraid to look at him.

  He stopped in his tracks, turned and grabbed a hold of her shoulders. She bowed her head.

  “Look at me Kate,” he shouted. “Look at me, give me that for God’s sake.”

  She lifted her head slightly until her huge brown eyes were visible under her fringe.

  “What is wrong with you?”

  “It’s what’s wrong with us.”

  He wasn’t convinced.

  “There’s something you are not telling me. I know you too well. What is it?”

  “I just don’t think you should chuck a perfectly good marriage away on the chance that we might be happy.”

  “I don’t believe that’s it Kate. Don’t do this to me, not again,” he pleaded. Tears welled in his eyes and he got flashbacks to a bright summer’s day twenty years ago when she told him that she was going to the states without him.

  “I’m trying to take everybody’s best interest into account.”

  “Is it the boys?” he asked impatiently. “I loved the boys and they loved me, you know they did.”

  “It’s not the boys, but there’s a big difference between taking them to the pictures and being their father.”

  Her words stung. “I don’t know how to please you Kate. I’ve done everything by the book since we started this relationship. It’s been all on your terms, your directions. I didn’t finish with Natasha because you told me not to yet. What do you really want Kate? Did you just want to see if you could have me again? Were you playing with me?”

  Kate gulped hard and shook her head vigorously.

  “Believe me Shane, I wouldn’t do that. I wish we could be together but it’s too late.”

  “Give me a good reason and I’ll leave it.”

  “I ca, ca, can’t,” she stammered.

  He started to shake with a newfound temper. It was so surreal he couldn’t believe that it was Kate in front of him. Not the woman who had brought such fun into his life again. He reached out to her and then suddenly pulled his arms back. He was too hurt to try and make up with her again – he had been through too much.

  “Then you are a sad woman who deserves to be on her own. I can’t take anymore of your heartstring pulling. Goodbye, Kate.”

  He turned on his heels and quickstepped back to Greenfield Close leaving Kate on a road somewhere between her father’s house and the park.

  She watched his tall figure get smaller as he disappeared into the distant, unable to move or think. She could still see the hurt in his eyes as she lied to him. Shane didn’t deserve to be treated in this way. She wished that she had let him down more gently – but there was no easy way to let the love of your life slip through your fingers for the second time. The tears trickled slowly down her cheek and for an instant she felt something move inside. She put her hand to her abdomen and held it tight. The faintest fluttering vibrated inside her and although she was more emotionally in pain than at any other time in her life, she knew she had done the right thing.

  * * *

  Shane was still shaking as his car pulled up to Rosemount Cottage. Natasha’s Mazda MX3 was parked in front of the garage. He didn’t think he could face a confrontation. He was about to start the car up again when the front door opened. She stood in the doorway with a scowl painted across her pretty face. Shane sighed into his steering wheel before getting out of the car. Maybe it was time to face the music.

  “Where have you been?” Natasha frowned as Shane reached the front door.

  “Out with a friend,” he
replied shortly.

  “On the northside, I suppose?”

  “There’s no need to say it like that, Natasha.”

  Natasha hated everything about the other side of the city. She believed it to be full of drug dealers and single mothers. On the few occasions she had to travel there she had clutched her handbag tightly.

  “And is this friend a girl?”

  “As it so happens she is a very old friend but I won’t be seeing her anymore,” his words numbed him as he uttered them. He couldn’t fathom his life without Kate again. A deep hollow feeling engulfed him.

  “Are you having an affair?” She had been avoiding asking him for weeks but felt left with no other option.

  Shane didn’t know how to answer. He hadn’t been having an affair. Kate wouldn’t sleep with him, but what they had shared was more intense than some sordid sexual affair. “No,” he replied quietly and truthfully.

  “Why don’t I believe you then, there’s no other explanation for the way you’ve been behaving.”

  “Natasha it’s nothing to do with you.”

  “I am your wife! It has everything to do with me if you are sleeping in the spare room.” She paused for a breath. “If you’re not having an affair with this friend then what is your relationship with her?”

  Shane had never heard Natasha sound so forthright. She was more angry than upset with him. She deserved the truth and there was only one answer he could give.

  “I love her.”

  Natasha started to shake all over with temper. She would kill this bitch if she could get her hands on her. She hadn’t expected him to be so honest. She had secretly hoped he would continue to deny this other woman’s existence until he got her out of his system and then come back to her repentant.

  “I’m sorry,” he muttered.

  “I’m sorry too,” she shouted – slamming the front door in his face.

  Shane couldn’t go back into the house. He was battered and bruised internally after Kate’s harsh words earlier. He had nothing left to say to Natasha either. He wanted to be on his own. Maybe he should look for a transfer to another country that didn’t have Kate or Natasha living in it. he sat back into the seat of his car and drove and drove until he was in a place that didn’t remind him of either of them.