A Need So Insatiable

by Cecilia Robert

  “And here I thought Rafael had burst from the ground fully grown.”

  She laughs. “One would think so. There’s more to him than meets the eye, though”

  And now, I’m completely hooked.

  “Oh no, Soph. Don’t even think about it. He has too many layers.”

  “I have too much shit on my plate right now to deal with anything else.”

  “Yeah, right.” She smirks. “You know what you need? A change of pace.”

  “I need peace,” I say, looking over my shoulder to Lilli. She’s got her phone pinned to her ear. She looks so pretty and young and vulnerable without make-up. When she catches me looking at her, she stands and walks down the hall to the room we usually sleep in--it’s generally reserved for Hawk, but he always seems to prefer the comfort of a hotel.

  “Hmm. Why has Kravic waited five months to ask for the money?” Jace asks.

  “I didn’t ask. I was too busy trying not to die. God, he was scary!” I say.

  “Let the police take care of this, Soph.”

  I turn to face her. “Been there, done that, remember? The police couldn’t trace them. You think they’ll be able to this time around?”

  “Might be worth a try.”

  I laugh. “They practically lived on our doorstep for days. Kravic’s men never showed up, but I’d see the car everywhere I went. Like Kravic said, they’re untraceable. Now I know why.”

  “You and Lilli can stay here as long as you need to,” Dani says in a low voice.

  “Thank you,” I say, squeezing her hand with mine. “I’m not about to risk you guys, though. Ever. I’m sending her to live with Grandma until I sort this out.”

  “To Colorado? Are you sure?” Dani asks, her eyebrows pulled down. “You know she’ll freak out, right?”

  “I don’t have a choice. I have to keep her away from Kravic.”

  “She just needs patience. Remember when you were around her age?”

  I blow air through my nose “I hope she doesn’t go down that road. God, I caused my parents so much pain back then.”

  “You can’t blame yourself. You were young. It’s understandable. Your parents were hardly ever home,” Dani says. She reaches out to touch my hand, and hesitates. “The important thing is you pulled through. She needs time, Soph. We all do.”

  Time. I have an eternity to offer my sister.

  “So, let’s talk about decor,” I say.

  “Decor?” Jace and Dani say at the same time, seemingly confused by my sudden change of subject.

  “Olivia’s Circle.”

  Jace purses her lips, eyebrows creased together. “What about Kravic and his money?”

  “I’ll figure that out as soon as the bank approves the loan. I have an appointment in two weeks.”

  Slumping back on the stool, I rub my temples with my fingers. All the fighting for survival I’ve done over the last five months is finally catching up with me. Sometimes, I feel hopeless and tired, scared about my future and Lilli’s, heartbroken whenever she rejects me. This is worse than the day the hospital had called to inform me Dad had had a heart attack. Kravic is the last straw. I feel like my life is spinning out of control.

  “I have to revive Olivia’s Circle. For my mom. Lilli. For me.”

  “Don’t restore the restaurant out of guilt. Do it because you want to. What happened with your mom wasn’t your fault. She was driving and crashed into a tree. It wasn’t. Your. Fault,” Jace says.

  I nod, feeling some of the heaviness on my shoulders ease at her words, though I know it’ll return as soon as my head hits the pillow. It always does.

  “They will approve the loan. You’ll see,” Jace says.

  “Sometimes, I wish I could borrow some of your optimism,” I say, sighing. “It’s like nothing fazes you. I’m so tired of letting everything frighten me. Lilli and I grew up running around the restaurant, and it’s the place I saw Mom most happy. I need to keep those memories alive. I can’t lose this.”

  She nods. “Sit. Drink wine. I’ll finish the rest.”

  “Thank you for everything.”

  Jace smiles. “We’ll figure the Kravic stuff out. I’ll empty my funds if I have to. You just need to say yes, and it’s yours. You can pay me back later, when you’re a famous opera singer with suitors licking your elbows.”

  This time I laugh, and it feels so good. I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve such wonderful friends.

  “Mission accomplished,” she says, grinning hard. “I didn’t care for the look on your face before.”

  I can’t remember the last time I was angry with her. She always finds a way to make me smile.

  “Remember what I told you when we went to get these?” Dani points at the words tattooed on her back--Live. Love. Life.--her finger tapping the key entwined with the word “Life”. It was the same day I’d gotten the butterfly on my shoulder and hip. “Remember what I said?”

  I nod, smiling.

  “Live hard. Love harder. Enjoy life,” we say at the same time.

  Her lips lift in a small smile. “Don’t let life beat the crap out of you. There’s nothing you can’t do if you put your mind to it. You were strong enough to clean up your life at fourteen. You’re strong enough to defeat this.”

  I shudder as her words whip up the memory of my messy life at fourteen. Meeting Dani at the rehabilitation center was the best thing that could have happened to me. Mom had always said there were no coincidences in life. That everyone comes into your life for a reason.

  She was right. Dani had helped me through a very rough patch. I can’t even begin to imagine where I’d be without her. And I’d say the same for Jace too.

  I take a deep breath, focusing on the here and now. “How was the fashion show?” I ask her.

  Dani snags an apple from the fruit basket on the counter and twirls it in her hands. “It nearly went from bad to worse. Why is it so difficult to get dedicated models?”

  “Hmm, let me see. Probably because they offered their services for free?” Jace pipes in.

  Dani sighs. “You know, you don’t have to ask, if you need my help.” She leans forward and grasps my hand, her skin slightly darker than mine. “Just let me know what needs to be done about the restaurant, okay?”

  Wow. This is new. Dani rarely touches anyone, let alone allows anyone to touch her. It must have taken a lot of effort to break her rule.

  “Soph, we’re family. Remember?” She squeezes my hand once. “You taught me that.”

  She shocks me further by pulling me into a hug. “Now, tell me what you need.” She says, pulling away and dropping her hands to her sides.

  I retrieve my notepad from my bag. “After what happened today, I want you both to be careful, okay?” They nod.

  “I know Kravic is dangerous and all. But if he hurts you, I will track him down and cut his balls off myself,” Dani says, her jaw hardening. Jace, on the other hand, looks like she’s seen a ghost. Dani is the most docile person I’ve ever met. Her threatening Kravic is completely out of the norm. I wouldn’t have guessed the word “balls” even existed in her vocabulary.

  I clear my throat to hide my shock, shifting the conversation back to Olivia’s Circle. “There are so many repairs to be done. If the bank doesn’t approve my loan, I have to advertise for a partner. If I can find someone to invest half the amount, I won’t have to worry about the costs for repair, and I’ll pay Kravic what Dad owed him. I’m not really qualified to be a chef, so this is where you come in, Jace. You, and Carsten.”

  “Carsten? The orgasm thief?” Jace sputters.

  I laugh. “Yes. He’s one of the most qualified sous chefs around. Plus, he’s freshly graduated from one of those posh culinary schools in France. I’m sure he’s interested in more than just orgasms at the moment.”

  “B--But he stole your orgasm!”

  Dani rolls her eyes and mutters, “Here we go again.”

  “Yes. Yes, he did,” I say. Carsten was my first boyfriend. The first
time we had sex, I was eighteen. He’d finished in a record time of sixty-five seconds, leaving me hot and unfulfilled. I’d given him another chance, but later realized we could never work as a couple.

  I chuckle, patting Jace’s shoulder. “Let’s focus on luring him our way first. I’m meeting him on Thursday to talk about this.”

  “Good. That guy broke rule number two. Orgasms are holy, and not to be tampered with,” Jace says.

  “Can we talk about Olivia’s Circle?” Dani asks. “You mentioned you might need a partner. Any ideas?”

  I shrug. “Not sure how easy that will be, or who I can trust. But--”

  “Hawk would be interested.”

  I turn to face Jace. “He would?”

  She nods. “He’d do anything for you.”

  I groan. “Jace, not that again. Hawk and I don’t click. Not like that.”

  She sighs. “A girl can dream.”

  Dani grabs the notebook and pen on the table, and opens to a fresh page. “So, what do you need for the decor?” And with that, we’re back on track again. I press my lips to stop from laughing as Jace spears Dani with a sour expression. At one point, Jace calls Lilli to eat with us, but she refuses.

  AFTER DINNER, I head to Lilli’s room. I still need to talk her into visiting our Grandma.

  “Hey, Lil.” I walk in and close the door behind me. She gazes up from her MP3 player. I wish she wouldn’t look at me like I torture puppies for a living. “We need to talk.”

  I hand her a plate of food, and sit on the edge of the bed.

  “I love you. I know things aren’t easy right now, and I wish we could go back to . . . Mom and Dad.”

  Time for the truth. Time she grew up and knew that life isn’t all about daisies and rainbows. There are dragons to slay as well.

  “Earlier today, you asked for the truth. Things are bad, and I have to explain to you why I’m about to do this. You saw the men at the house.” I pause, waiting for her to confirm what I’m talking about. “They’ve--”

  “Is it something to do with Dad?” She rolls her eyes. “I’m not stupid, you know. I overheard you talking to Jace and Dani. And I know debt collectors were at our house. You forgot to hide the note.”

  Wow. I’ve been trying to keep her from learning the truth, and she freakin’ knows everything! “I wanted to protect you.”

  “I’m fifteen, Soph.”

  Right. This is so going to hurt. “So, I was thinking that maybe you could visit Grandma for a while, until whatever this is blows over.”

  The hand holding the spoon freezes on the way to her mouth, her blue eyes wide. “Are you sending me away? To Colorado?”

  “Yes, but only because I want you safe,” I say quickly.

  She swipes the tears on her cheek with the back of her hand, glaring at me. “And I suppose you are?” She dumps the plate on the nightstand, and slides off the bed. “You’re in as much danger as I am. Why don’t you come with me, huh?” she yells.

  I grab her hands between mine. “I want to sort out the ledgers and see what we can salvage. That’s the only way we’ll have any semblance of peace. I don’t want us to look over our shoulders for the rest of our lives.” I push a lock of black hair off her face. “You understand that I have to do this, right?”

  She yanks her hands from mine, and dashes out of the room.

  “Lilli--” I race after her, only to have the bathroom door slammed in my face.

  “Didn’t go well, huh?” Jace asks.

  I shake my head and knock on the door. “Lilli, we need to talk.”

  “Go away.”

  “Let her cool down first,” Jace says softly. Dani nods in agreement. I drop my hand and walk into the living room to wait her out. I flop onto the couch and flip through TV channels, not really seeing any of them.

  Sophie

  I SCOWL at the files on the desk, trying not to burst a vein as I look at the jumbled notes and numbers. After dropping Lilli off at school, I’d searched Dad’s home office and found a file with the word “loans” written in red, cursive letters. Inside, there were contracts dated as far back as two years ago. Some are marked as paid, and others, I have no idea. I’ve never heard of a handful of the places he took loans from and I have no experience in that area, so I don’t know if they’re legit or not.

  Ugh. I really hate math.

  I stand, heading to the kitchen to refill my mug of coffee. My phone rings.

  “You home yet?” Jace says as I answer the call.

  “Yes. Why?”

  A knock sounds on the living room door. “Open up, I’m outside.”

  “Use your damn key.”

  “Get your lazy ass up and let me in.”

  I roll my eyes, place my cup on the desk, and leave the study.

  As soon as I open the door, she slaps a brown bag into my hands, slips out of her knee-length boots and struts in, walking toward the kitchen.

  “What’s this?” I ask, kicking the door shut with my foot. I follow her, peeking inside the bag. “Jace?”

  “Hmm?” Her head is already shoved inside the fridge. She ducks around the door, grinning, and waves a bottle of wine at me.

  “You came all the way over here to deliver this and hog my cheap wine?”

  “Yes.” She takes a glass from the cabinet next to the fridge. “Open the envelope first.”

  I quickly do as she asks, pulling out the Lilac envelope edged with silver that’s addressed to me in a childish scrawl. “Holy shit! You got us tickets? The Night of freaking Superstitions concert tickets?”

  “You looked like you needed an opera day out,” Jace says, winking at me. “So I got us some.”

  “They must have cost a fortune.”

  “They didn’t,” she says, her gaze wandering away from mine. “Let’s just say . . . oh hell . . . Rafael gave them to me.”

  I inch closer to her. “Rafael?” Yesterday, I’d thought he was just playing a part to fulfill a girl’s dream. Now, I’m not sure. Why had he agreed to give Jace the tickets? Whatever the reason, I’ll play along. What do I have to lose?

  Jace swings back to look at me, biting her bottom lip. “I might have asked him after we spoke yesterday . . .” She looks away again, her cheeks red. “Please don’t be mad at me. I just wanted--”

  I hug her quickly. “Mad at you? How can I be mad when you’ve given me this?”

  She leans back, grinning. “Of course. If someone gave me Rafael as a gift, I would love them forever too.”

  “I didn’t mean Rafael, silly.” Or maybe I do. I haven’t had time to reevaluate how I feel about my larger-than-life connection with him. My stomach clenches, warmth pooling low in my belly as I remember that kiss. His voice reminds me of Mozart Gold chocolate liqueur--creamy and full-bodied and dark.

  If his kiss undoes me like this, what would a touch from his large, rough hands do? Or his tongue inside my mouth, or him licking the back of my ear, or his teeth nibbling on--

  “Sophie?”

  My gaze jerks to Jace’s narrowed one. “Hmm? Oh, sorry,” I mumble as heat fans my face. I clear my throat. “I--it’s been a while since I attended anything as decent as this, so, thank you.” After Mom passed, I’d spent most of my time dealing with Lilli, school work, and Dad, who’d taken to drinking heavily.

  She coughs. “I might have done it for my own selfish reasons. Since you kind of mentioned Rafael--”

  “Ah, there’s my best friend, looking out for me,” I say, shoving my hand inside the brown bag, and pulling out . . .

  “Oh! I’m very curious about your intentions, young lady.” I hold up the black pantyhose fringed with a little blue, satiny ribbon around the thighs and a bow tie on the front.

  So sexy. Illegally sexy.

  “You haven’t had s--a cuddle-partner since . . . forever. So, I thought, well . . .”

  As if I need a reminder. “So, you thought he’ll see me in these, haul me over his shoulder, and go ravish me in one of the music rooms?”

&nbs
p; That vision brings back yesterday’s kiss in the hallway. I shiver, grabbing the counter to keep myself up.

  “Yes!” She grins. “See, that’s why we’re thicker than thieves, you and I. You read my mind like a pro. Time to take out the broom and sweep away the cobwebs.”

  I roll my eyes as she empties her glass and stands, heading toward the front door. “We’ll pick you up at six-thirty p.m. Wear something that shows off your legs. I didn’t get you those to go to waste. Remember: wear sexy to feel sexy. You’ll be Rafael’s Siren to his Odysseus.”

  “Rafael’s what?”

  “Siren. Men can smell these things, you know.”

  “Yes, coach,” I shout as the door snicks shut behind her. God bless her.

  After texting Lilli to call me when she gets a break, I grab the sheer pantyhose from the counter and race upstairs. I halt in front of my wardrobe and scan my scanty clothing. A few months ago, the cloth rail had sagged, unable to hold my clothes. Most of them had disappeared on eBay, or ended up in secondhand shops.

  I glance at the only three gowns worth wearing, of which, two belonged to my mother. Her wedding gown, and a burgundy dress she’d worn the night of her accident. I’d taken it to the cleaners, then brought it back home. Neither fit me, but there was no way I could part with them. I unhook the black dress I’d worn during my graduation, two years ago. The edges are a little frayed, but it’s shiny enough with the sequins around the bodice. Dani’s taught me a few things about sewing. I’m no Cinderella. No fairy godmother will be coming to my rescue, so it’s time to turn these rags into gowns and get ready before my pumpkin ride arrives in two hours.

  AT EXACTLY six-thirty, Jace stands in the doorway, eyeing me up and down.

  “What are you wearing?” Dani asks, frowning at my dress. She’s dressed in a black, knee-length, 50’s styled gown with polka dots, and black heels. She turns to Jace. “Give me your car keys. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

  Jace hands her the keys without a word, then saunters past me, her legs peeking from the slits in her long, black dress.

  By the time we’re set to leave, I’ve coordinated where we’ll pick Lilli up after the opera, done my make-up, and am dressed in one of Dani’s creations--a floor-length, rich, wine-colored gown with a Mandarin-style collar, and a trail that, if the wind blew just right, would resemble wings. Ethereal and utterly beautiful.