I Need You Too: Stand Alone Novel, Contemporary-Erotic-Suspenseful Romance, Psychological Thriller

by Cynthia P. O'Neill

  Carol ran her hand up and down my back, reassuringly. “You’ll feel better if you get this out and he knows.”

  I looked up, seeing Ethan’s face full of hurt and rage, but I continued on. “On numerous occasions my threats to leave James were met with his promise of changing, of trying to be better, proclaiming a willingness to go talk with Kent. Only it never happened. I finally got up enough nerve to pack a suitcase, when he came home early with a couple of friends and found me. He elicited their help to keep me still while he stripped me, blindfolded me, and bound me to the bed.

  He didn’t hit me right away, instead, tried to force me to orgasm, to give him an excuse to hurt me. I’ve never been able to orgasm in front of anyone other than him, so it didn’t work. This angered him and he spanked me until my ass was throbbing. When I still wouldn’t give in or agree to stay with him, he took out a belt and laid into me with everything he had. I could hear his perverted friends egging him on. He kept hitting me until I went unconscious.”

  I shook fiercely, but felt the warmth of Ethan’s arms pulling me into his side. “I’m humiliated that I ever bought into his line of bull crap. I woke up screaming in pain because he’d poured peroxide on a couple of my open wounds. My blindfold had been removed. We were alone and he was apologetic, but it was too little too late for me.

  I needed to see a doctor but he refused, instead, promising he’d take care of me. I couldn’t walk due to the pain, so he had to carry me to and from the bathroom. I couldn’t sit up in bed because my backside was completely raw, with open wounds that he attempted to bandage.”

  I stopped wondering why Ethan hadn’t said anything yet, but felt his tears dripping down onto my face and knew why – he was as emotional as I was. “He only took a couple days off from work. To ensure I didn’t call anyone while he was gone, he hid the phone from me. I couldn’t move, so he didn’t have to bind me to the bed, at least I’d earned that freedom. It was during that time that Derrick and Rick showed up regarding the scare against the family. They had a key to our place and found me in disarray. Restoring some portion of my dignity, they covered me up, and then called my uncle for instructions on how to proceed.”

  I felt myself completely break down at that point, my voice gone and the tears pouring out. Ethan just held on to me tighter. “I wish we’d met sooner so you’d never have met that bastard.” I could only nod in agreement.

  Kent took over. “James was a poser, a wannabe Dom. He was a sadist, plain and simple. He flew in under everyone’s radar and nearly destroyed her. Alexander called us when she refused to go to a hospital. She was embarrassed and didn’t want people knowing what happened, so we met them over at his place. I was the private doctor he was referring to.”

  “But you couldn’t treat her wounds - you can only treat the mind. I’m not sure I follow.” Ethan admitted.

  Kent leaned forward. “We’re psychiatrists, Ethan. We know how to treat the mind, but we trained as medical doctors first before going into this specialty so we’d know how the whole body works and could to treat people without having to rely on drugs to medicate problems away.”

  He picked up where he left off. “Derrick and Rick helped transport her to Alexander and Celia’s house before going back to confront James. She had a couple of nasty lacerations across her upper back and her backside, each of which were infected from lack of treatment. We were able to put her into a kind of twilight slumber where the pain wasn’t as intense as it could’ve been.

  We had to debride the wound and stitch it up to get it to heal. We injected her with some antibiotics, gave her some fluids through an IV, and each of us took turns staying with her until she got better.”

  I was able to voice, “That’s why I needed medical attention.”

  I looked up between Carol and Kent. “I guess since I’m coming clean, you might as well know that Derrick and Rick discovered my phone, car, and purse were bugged with GPS tracking devices. And a substantial life insurance policy had been taken out on me, forged with my signature and without my knowledge, with James as the sole beneficiary”

  I looked up to them to gauge their responses. The vein in Kent’s forehead was pulsating, “He wanted you dead?”

  I could only nod. “It doesn’t make sense that he’d punish me and then take care of me if he wanted to collect my life insurance policy. Why didn’t he just go ahead and let me die?”

  I KNEW THE WHOLE purpose of us talking today was to get things out on the table. In some ways, I was glad to know that my perceptions of everyone’s BDSM lifestyle was entirely warped. Granted, I wasn’t going to run out and jump right into it, but it did give me something to think about. I did have to admit that I liked making decisions where Marjorie was concerned, wanting to keep her safe.

  This poisoning really scared the shit out of me. I’d almost lost her, without her even knowing how I truly felt about her. I’d tried numerous times at the hospital to talk with her, and again at the condo, but people kept showing up.

  I was still reeling about everything Marjorie had just admitted regarding James. I knew she hated her ex-husband and had nightmares from time to time. Who wouldn’t, though, given the hell she’d gone through? I had more admiration for her strength and character than before. How she could put on a happy face and act as though life was just perfect was beyond me.

  My mind was lost in thought when Kent finally asked, “How does everything make you feel, Ethan?”

  I held Marjorie tight in my arms. I wanted to know she was safe. She was still crying; I could feel my shirt getting drenched from her tears, but I didn’t care as long as this helped her heal.

  I couldn’t keep my voice calm any longer. I yelled out, “I want to find the bastard, string him up by his toes, and kill him with a slow death. I know it’s wrong for me to feel that way, but I don’t like knowing what my girl has been through. It infuriates me, makes me feel a bit…”

  Kent piped up, “Out of control?”

  I nodded, “Yes!”

  Marjorie pulled away from me for a moment, “You’re girl?”

  Oh hell, I just stepped in that one. Way to play your cards right and do this in a slow manner, asshole. I looked down into her eyes that were full of hope, dazzling with their emerald depths. “Damn it, Marjorie. You and I have been skirting around one another for over a year now. We know we care for each other as friends, but there’s an attraction there that I can no longer deny. I know you feel it, too. It was obvious at the hospital with the way you clung to me, like you’re doing now.”

  She held my gaze as she admitted, “Yes, there’s definitely something there. I just didn’t want to ruin our friendship if it ended up being nothing. But at this point, I’d be willing to try and see what this is. I can’t promise I’m much good right now, given everything that’s happened, but I’m here, getting couples therapy with you, trying to work out both of our problems so that..”

  “A future can possibly exist for us?” I questioned. “I’m not sure how your family will feel about me dating you, especially Jackson, but I’d like to try. I have my demons that I need to slay, but I promise you I’ll never intentionally hurt you. I just don’t know if I can be the dominant you want me to be.”

  She hugged me tight. “I’m willing to try if you are. I know I have some hang-ups, thanks to James, in regards to the lifestyle. I’ve been working with Carol to try and overcome them and to compartmentalize them so they don’t control me. I don’t need domination, I just need guidance, but more importantly, I need you, Ethan.” She reached up giving me a chaste kiss on the lips, which I deepened just a bit.

  “I need you too, love.”

  I looked over to Kent. “Did I understand correctly that through this lifestyle I can get a sense of control back into my life, make it feel whole again? I don’t want to be domineering, I’ll state that outright. I just want a healthy way to get rid of some of the anger and rage I’ve been harboring. I want to know that I can beat my nightmares, taking control over
them instead of them ruling my life.”

  I’d never seen Kent smile before, but he had a big one plastered across his face. “I think it’s time we have our next session at the club so you can have a long talk with Master Marshall and Dane.”

  “Did I hear my name called?” Dane’s voice boomed from behind us, giving us all a fright.

  I quickly looked back and complained, “Damn it, Dane! Does your family have no boundaries when it comes to my privacy?”

  He shrugged, holding the key up so I could see it. “I’d be happy to hand it over to you. I only know of myself, Nate, and Marjorie that have copies. Rafe surrendered his copy over to you when he moved.”

  I thought about it for a moment and realized, “As long as there’s a threat against Marjorie, I don’t mind you having access to the place, just knock first.”

  He shook his head and took a seat close to Kent. “I knocked a couple times. I can’t help it if you were all absorbed in a deep discussion.” He looked around, noting the tears in Marjorie’s eyes. “Is everything okay?”

  “We’re getting there. We were just having a session with Kent and Carol. We’re trying couples therapy to see if together we can face our demons and move on with our lives. According to Kent, you can help me find some form of control at the club?”

  Dane turned to Kent, having a quiet look pass between them. Dane asked, “Bull?” in which Kent nodded.

  I didn’t know what it meant or why. “What are you two talking about? Some kind of kink code?”

  Dane looked over at Marjorie with a show of love and concern. “Is this your idea?”

  She shook her head. “No. He knows he needs to find an outlet for his aggression and re-establish some sense of control. Kent suggested he might find this through you and Master Marshall.”

  “So you didn’t tell him about me?” Dane asked.

  “No. It wasn’t my story to tell.” She replied, smiling for the first time in over two hours. I looked at the clock again and realized we’d talked most of the afternoon away.

  Dane leaned back in his chair placing his ankle across his leg, and getting comfortable. “I’ll give you the brief summary. I was one of those gangly kids that grew tall, but didn’t fill out right away. The girls in high school were all over me, but not for who I was or how I looked, they only wanted what I could buy them and to have my name attached to them. I was furious when I found out I was being used. I had all these hormones running through me, aggression for how I was being treated, and no outlet in which to purge.

  “My father and Kent hooked me up with a trainer to lift weights and bulk up. I even joined the cross country team to run out some of my aggression, but it wasn’t enough. I started getting into fights with some of the other guys in my class and came close to getting suspended a few times. So I started training to be a Dom.”

  I looked at him like he was crazy. “Before you go thinking I was too young, you’re right, I was. I only trained on the issues of controlling my own needs. I started training with Master Marshall and Kent using the single tail bull whip. If I could focus enough to control it, I could find my focus and become an extension of it, letting out my anger, with the practice course they set up. Initially I destroyed everything in sight. But over time, with practice and being able to control my feelings and my mind, I was able to provide everything from a strong to a light touch. I can destroy a Styrofoam cooler with a few flicks of the wrist, or I can limit the damage to one piece of tissue paper in the stack.”

  He breathed in deeply, enjoying the vision he had going in his mind. “I never used the whip on anyone; it was all a means of focus and control for me. Any time I had big meetings coming up or had issues going on in my life, I used the whip as a means to focus my energy and center myself so I was fully in control. I knew when I finally found the right woman, I’d want to be able to show her the caress of the whip and have her complete trust when I decided to use it, which isn’t often. I never use it as punishment, only as pleasure.” He wiggled his eyebrows.

  I quickly raised my hands toward him, “TMI, dude. Eww…I don’t need a visual of you and Marissa. I can’t believe she’d let you use that on her. She does have a say, right?”

  He nodded, “Of course. If she tells me no, we don’t play with the whip. She kept begging me during her pregnancy, but I refused until after the baby was born.”

  “Dude…I don’t need to know this.” I argued.

  Carol laughed, placing her hand on my knee in a reassuring manner. “Ethan, you have to get over your aversion to talking about things we might do in the club. Hanging around our families, it sometimes slips out. We don’t mean to, trying to mostly keep our preferences private, but the whip would be ideal for you to let go of some of your aggressions, casting them out into the universe. Without saying too much, it helped Marissa let go of her hang-ups with Tom.”

  I looked at her like she was crazy. “Don’t give me that look!” She mocked. “Kent uses it as a means for self-control. I’ve been on the receiving end to help get out of my head and find subspace where I can feel removed from my problems. To equate the feeling to something you might know…have you ever turned on the massage feature of your shower so it kisses your skin with sharp pulses of water?”

  I nodded, but how could this relate to a whip?

  “When the person yielding the whip has total control of the implement and himself, it feels just like that massage feature, kissing and caressing your skin. The sub plays to it, feeling relaxed and letting go of their anxiety.” She elaborated further and made the whip sound more fascinating than offensive. Maybe the preconceived ideas I’d had regarding such items was all a product of my imagination.

  I was lost in thought when Dane piped up. “It takes years of practice to use the whip, so don’t go thinking you’ll get to use it on Marjorie any time soon. Plus, you’d have to go through training to know what things feel like before we released you to do anything on a submissive. The whip is nice, but in the wrong hands – it can permanently disfigure a person. That’s why I won’t touch it unless I have complete control over my mind.”

  I held up my hands to him. “Whoa, dude! Don’t go putting the cart before the horse. I’m not interested in using anything on Marjorie, though happy to hear you’re not against the idea of us hooking up, given how our lives came to interact with one another.”

  I thought about it for a minute and started to laugh. Everyone looked at me like I’d lost my marbles. “Sorry. I’m just thinking I must have a death wish or something. I came into your lives having almost died, played with fire with the computers, angering another hacker, then helped to anger a member of a crime syndicate, and now almost dying thanks to poison.”

  Marjorie’s hand came up to caress the side of my face as she pulled my line of sight to hers. “You could look at it that way, or you could say that fate wanted you in our lives. You’ve been a wonderful asset to this family. You’ve saved a number of us many times, never asking for anything in return. I know without you I would’ve never managed to get through this past year. You saw through my crumbling foundation when no one else did.”

  Dane spoke up, looking confused. “Am I missing something?”

  Kent filled him in, and to say Dane was furious was an understatement. I could now see why Marissa fell for him. He had determination and drive, while she had patience and reasoning; they perfectly complemented one another.

  We talked for a bit about what had happened, our theories about things, and what we were trying to do. Dane gave Marjorie a hug before he left and told me, “You keep a good watch on her, bro. I know you’re an honorable man and understand that she needs you. Just keep her safe. She’s like a sister to me.”

  I nodded in agreement.

  Kent and Carol left shortly afterwards, telling us to call them at home if we had any issues. They praised us for our progress. “It’s obvious that you both rely heavily on one another. In a way, you’re already practicing a bit of dominance and submission. Don’
t stress about it, just do what comes naturally.”

  What comes naturally? What the heck? We said goodbye to everyone and were finally alone for the first time in days. We were both exhausted, wanting only a shower, dinner, and then sleep, not necessarily in that order.

  I’D FELT COMFORTABLE WITH Ethan, as long as everyone else was around, but after he declared his interest in me, I didn’t know how to act any more. I knew he wasn’t anything like James – I just didn’t know how in control he was over his demons. I’d seen firsthand what his nightmares were like. We’d both managed to escape our dreams in the hospital, but I couldn’t tell if it was because of the amount of activity on the hospital floor or because we were a comfort to each other. Where was I supposed to sleep tonight? How did I broach the subject with him?

  I stood at the edge of the kitchen, debating whether I wanted food or a bath, knowing I still smelled like the hospital. I was lost in thought when I felt his warm hands surround my waist from behind and pull me into his chest. His nose nuzzled my hair as his lips nibbled on my neck. “I don’t know about you, but I’m a starving man, and I don’t just mean for food. You want to grab a bite to eat and then maybe a shower before bed?”

  I leaned back into him, my hands going down to feel his thighs, giving them a squeeze. “I really want a shower, but I guess it can wait until after we eat. Where are we sleeping tonight?”

  His head came to rest atop of my shoulder. “I’ll leave that up to you. I don’t want to rush you. We can play everything by ear, or as Kent said, ‘do what comes naturally.’ I’ve never been in the kind of relationship you’re used to. I’ll need you to express your wants and desires to me so I’ll know what you like until I become used to your cues.”

  I laughed, feeling peace for the first time in days. He’d accepted me for who I was, for what I’d been through, without judgment. I turned in his arms, going up on tiptoe and kissing him lightly on the nose. “You don’t think you’re a dominant, but you’re already talking like one by asking me what I want, by putting my needs first, and by ensuring my happiness. You’re treating me as a Dom would treat his sub.”