Bittersweet Ecstasy

by Taylor, Janelle

  Sun Cloud gazed at her oddly, for it seemed as if she was trying to get rid of him quickly. She looked and sounded as if she was angry with him, and he could not imagine why. After their last meeting, he assumed things would be different, better, between them. Obviously he had misread her behavior, or she had been playing with him. He nodded acceptance of her refusal, then rode away.

  Singing Wind followed Medicine Bear to their tepee, hoping he would say more about Sun Cloud and his visit, and the chief did.

  He handed her a lovely white hide and told her, “Sun Cloud left this gift for you. It is very beautiful and special. You were cold to him.”

  Singing Wind fingered the exquisite hide which would make a prized cape for the next winter. She was surprised by the gift, and questioned its meaning. Immediately she grasped her new error where the appealing warrior was concerned. She sighed in annoyance, knowing she could not go chasing after him to apologize again. To do so would only prove to him that she had been mean intentionally. If she let it pass, perhaps, hopefully, he would think she had been fatigued or distracted. She berated herself for losing the chance to be alone with him on the trail. She promised herself she would never act this foolish way again.

  It was late when the men in Gray Eagle’s tepee finished eating and talking. Shalee told the Blackfeet warriors where to place their bedrolls for the night. No one had questioned Sun Cloud’s absence from the meal, but all had noticed it. When Tashina arose to return to her tepee, Silver Hawk smiled broadly and asked to escort her there, to share some words from Singing Wind.

  Silver Hawk left the tepee with Tashina close behind him. He was glad Sun Cloud was late in returning to camp, for it allowed him time to be alone with this female who resembled Shalee and carried her blood. “We will walk and take fresh air before we sleep.”

  “I am weary, Silver Hawk. The day has been long and busy,” Shalee’s granddaughter softly rejected his suggestion.

  He caught her hand in his and coaxed as he pulled her past Bright Arrow’s tepee. “Come, the air will calm your mind and body.” He would not take a polite “no” for an answer, and knew she would not offend him by blatantly refusing to be friendly. He walked along the stream bank, remaining silent and continuing to hold her hand.

  Tashina felt nervous and timid, for Silver Hawk had been watching her strangely during his last few visits and especially during this one. “What words did Singing Wind send to me?” she finally asked.

  He grinned and confessed, “She sent no words. I wished to be alone with you. You are beautiful, Tashina, and you make Silver Hawk feel good and happy.”

  Tashina did not know how to respond to his words and warm tone. When he halted and lifted her chin to look into her eyes, she trembled.

  “Have you chosen a mate for joining?” he asked unexpectedly.

  Confusion filled her gaze. “I have not,” she replied.

  “It is time to think on such matters, Tashina. Does no warrior stand above others in your eyes and heart?”

  “My father needs me to care for him. I cannot think of such things when there is much work to be done. We leave this place soon.”

  “I must think of such things. Shining Feather can bear no children. I have need of a second wife to give me sons. Tashina is strong and good, the granddaughter of a great chief. She would make a good wife for Silver Hawk,” he concluded aloud, to her astonishment.

  She used the only argument to come to mind. “We are of the same family, Silver Hawk. You must cast your eyes on another.”

  “There is no bloodline between us, Tashina. It will be good for the son of Brave Bear to join with the daughter of his friend Bright Arrow and the granddaughter of Shalee. Do you find Silver Hawk ugly?” he inquired, motioning to his facial scar.

  “I do not,” she quickly replied. “Silver Hawk is a great warrior, and the scar takes nothing from his looks. I am not ready to think of joining or ready to leave my father alone.”

  Silver Hawk clasped her face between his hands and looked deeply into her eyes. “You are a woman, Tashina, and I desire you.” His mouth covered hers and his arms quickly captured her body against his.

  Taken off guard, she could not react. He kissed her skillfully and hungrily until her wits cleared and she pushed away from him. “You are joined to another and should not speak so and do such things.”

  His gaze and voice were seductive as he huskily protested. “It is our way to have more than one wife when a mate cannot care for all of her husband’s needs. I have need of children. I wish you to be the mother of my sons and to give me pleasure on my sleeping mat. As I will give you pleasure, Tashina. Do not fear me or fear joining. You are brave and must face becoming a full woman. I will protect you and provide all you need. I will make you my number one wife, and Shining Feather will do your bidding.”

  “It is wrong to put another in her place because she cannot bear children. She will be sad. She might return to her people,” Tashina warned, for a Cheyenne wife was permitted to leave her mate if she chose.

  “If Tashina enters my life and tepee, I will need no other woman. You bring fires to my heart and body as no woman has before. I have waited many full moons before coming to you and your father. I knew of your sadness over Wahea’s loss. It is time for life to begin anew for Bright Arrow and Tashina. I will give you all a woman desires.” His hands were stroking up and down her arms and he was enslaving her gaze. “I will be all you need in a man and husband. Join me, Tashina,” he urged, sealing their lips once more.

  Tashina was flattered by Silver Hawk’s proposal and confession of desire. His kisses and touches were pleasing, but she did not want him to fill her life and heart. She must not spurn him cruelly. “I am honored you wish Tashina as your mate, but I do not love you, Silver Hawk. Your words and feelings surprise me. I cannot say yes to a man who does not fill my heart as I fill his,” she told him softly. Tashina wondered what would happen to her if Soul-of-Thunder took another woman. He had made no advances to her, and might never do so. She thought of the sufferings her father had endured since her mother’s loss. It was terrible to experience such anguish, such loneliness. Could she love and desire another man? she asked herself. This man? She had to admit that Silver Hawk was wickedly handsome and stimulating. How, she wondered, did a woman know her feelings for a man until she tested them? Silver Hawk was tempting and appealing, and he desired her greatly. No man had kissed her this way or revealed such a potent hunger for her. If Soul-ofThunder had such feelings, surely he could not hide them. The responses Silver Hawk created with his words and actions were exciting, and his heady ache for her caused tingling sensations to travel her body, and mischief to tease her mind.

  Silver Hawk knew he had taken her unaware; yet, he knew he must not be pushy and frightening. A woman liked to be first in a man’s life, as he liked to be first in hers. He would chase her slowly and gently, fora while. He would find a way to possess her, with or without her agreement. He had felt her tremble at his touch, and presumed she desired him. She was too caught up in her father’s life and problems. If Bright Arrow would take another mate, Tashina would feel it was time to leave the tepee of new lovers. He would watch her closely on the new sun to see if any male brightened her eyes.

  Silver Hawk smiled and caressed her cheek. He vowed slyly, “I will give Tashina time to match Silver Hawk’s feelings. Think on me and my words. I will speak them again another moon. Come, it is late and you are weary. I wish you to be happy, Tashina, and it will be so with me. I love you and desire you, and I will not give up on you. You are more special than any other woman. If you had not been a child when it was time for me to take a wife, I would have claimed you four winters ago. Each time I see you or hear your voice, my heart races like the wild stallion. I will not be complete without you.”

  “You are kind and gentle, Silver Hawk. But know, I can join only the man who stands above all others to me alone. Have you spoken of your feelings to my father?” she asked suddenly.

&
nbsp; “It is not right to speak of a mate trade to your father before you know of my thoughts and plans. Many take mates against their wishes; I do not want it this way between Silver Hawk and Tashina.” His hands clasped her face between them again and his thumbs stroked the area beneath her eyes as he said, “When you look at me, I wish you to see and think of no other. When my lips claim yours, I wish you to hunger only for my taste,” he murmured as his mouth brushed over hers and his tongue teased at her parted lips. “When my hands reach for you, I wish your body to respond only to their loving touch,” he whispered into her ear as his palms lightly and sensuously rubbed over her brown peaks which came to life beneath her garment.

  “When I take you to my sleeping mat, I wish you to desire only my body locked with yours.” He pressed her tenderly to the tree behind her, brushing his aroused maleness against her womanhood as his mouth seared over hers in a blaze of rising passion. As his lips drifted over her face, he vowed, “I want no woman but you, Tashina, and I wish you to desire no man but me. It will be so one day,” he stated in confidence, for her taut breasts and lack of resistance had misled him. “We must return to camp before your magic enslaves me and I cannot control my cravings for you. I should fear your powerful hold over me, Tashina, but I am too weakened and inflamed by you to be careful or wise. I will suffer larger than the mountains if I do not win you.”

  “I will think on you and your words,” she promised, slightly breathless and quivering. If she could not have Soul-of-Thunder…

  Sun Cloud reached his tepee before Silver Hawk’s return. He told his parents that, since they had guests and the tepee was full, he would sleep in Bright Arrow’s tepee. He left quickly, wanting to avoid Silver Hawk, and not wanting to explain why he had been late. Too, there was the matter of an unpredictable Singing Wind to study.

  Chapter Five

  The council and warriors were delighted with Powchutu’s and Bright Arrow’s success and safe return. But the news and facts which they delivered home were distressing, for they alluded to more harassment and bloodshed by confirming their scouts’ findings and suspicions. The two had reported how the soldiers were practicing with guns and sabers and were honing their hand-to-hand fighting skills.

  “We must send warnings to our brothers and allies. All must be prepared to confront this new threat. Big Elk,” Gray Eagle addressed the war chief, “choose two warriors to take word to each tribe. They must go and return swiftly. We will change our path to the Plains this season so the soldiers cannot ambush us. They are too eager for the blood of Gray Eagle and the Oglalas. Soon, we must send scouts to track the new white leader and we must destroy his warriors and wagons. We must not allow the whites to become stronger than the Oglalas and our brothers. Their forts have grown many during the winter. When we reach our summer camp, we must send Bright Arrow and Eagle’s Arm to check their strengths and weaknesses, or they will conquer us.”

  From the rear of the crowd of warriors observing the council meeting, Silver Hawk listened intently…

  Gray Eagle continued, “When all tribes have made their summer camps, we must hold a war council before we ride after the buffalo. This is a time when all tribes must think and work as one, or the whites will destroy us by burning our camps and killing our families, as they have tried to do many times in past seasons. We must be alert when the sun glows overhead, and when the moon chases at shadows.”

  Mind-who-Roams, the shaman, lifted his eyes skyward and said, “Evil will soon blanket our land as darkness covers it after each sun. The destinies of many are at hand, and we must yield to them.”

  “Do you say we will be defeated?” Walks Tall asked anxiously.

  “There will be defeat amidst great victory,” the shaman replied, anguish tugging unmercifully at his heart.

  “Your words confuse us, Wise One,” remarked Plenty Coups. “When and how does victory and defeat walk hand in hand?”

  “I can speak only of those things shown to me by the Great Spirit. He does not reveal all to me yet. He sends warnings of great peril.”

  “Does He say how we must confront this evil and peril?” Black Buffalo added his thoughts to the grave discussion.

  “He says we must follow our chief and obey his words.”

  Talking Rock vowed, “We do this each day, Wise One. All tribes look to our chief for leadership. It has been, and will be, this way.”

  The chief smiled and his heart warmed as he heard and witnessed his people’s confidence and pride in his prowess and wisdom. He silently prayed to Wakan-tanka to be worthy of such love, respect, and loyalty.

  With keen perception, Gray Eagle’s best friend White Arrow asked worriedly, “Does He show more than you tell us, Wise One?”

  The shaman glanced at the alert man and grimaced. “Yes, my brother. He showed me a hill covered with death scaffolds, and the grass was green beneath them. Soon, many we love will be taken from us.” He lowered his head for fear of looking at those involved, and for once regretted his undeniable gift of foresight.

  Gray Eagle said comfortingly, “We will not ask their names, Wise One. It is not good to know the time of your death, for it is a part of each man’s Life-circle. All warriors face this reality each day. Those who are called by Wakantanka must join him in honor and courage.”

  “Our chief speaks wisely, and so it must be,” Black Buffalo said.

  Powchutu revealed the error of the Santee Sioux, who had sold most of their lands for the establishment of military forts for a mere two thousand dollars and had agreed to what was being called the first treaty between the Sioux and the American government.

  “First treaty?” scoffed the war chief Big Elk. “They have offered us many and they have signed words on paper which burn easily when they wish to break them. They are not men of truth and honor.”

  “We have many tribes and bands, and no chief or band can speak or sign for another as the White Chief can do for all whites and their lands. When the sun rises after two moons, we will leave this place.”

  The war chief Big Elk announced, “It is time for our brother Eagle’s Arm to join our warrior society and council. He has proven himself worthy of both. We need his wisdom and courage. What say you?”

  Not a vote was cast against Powchutu, and he and Bright Arrow were honored for tricking their enemy. The ceremonial chief handed each a specially notched eagle feather which told of their daring coup. All warriors agreed to the schedule and plans, and the meeting ended. They left the lodge to join their families for the evening meal.

  Sun Cloud furtively observed Silver Hawk as he talked with Bright Arrow. The Blackfeet warriors had rejected the invitation to stay another night in the Oglala camp. He had watched Silver Hawk all morning, and was dismayed by his interest in Tashina. He did not like the way Silver Hawk’s eyes stripped away Tashina’s garments, or the wicked look on the warrior’s face when he mentally mated with his brother’s child. He did not trust or like Silver Hawk, and wondered how his brother could be friends with this particular man. To his relief, Tashina displayed no interest in the offensive warrior.

  Sun Cloud was right. Tashina could not believe what she had thought and how she had behaved last night. She did not know what had come over her. She had been in a dangerously inquisitive mood, and she had felt an enormous need to be comforted and desired. She had wanted to study a man’s words and behavior, masculine emotions where a woman was concerned. She had wanted to learn how, and if, another man affected her. Such conduct was a perilous sport, a wicked use of another person. She loved Soul-ofThunder. She could never take Silver Hawk or any warrior in his place. She must find a way to discourage Silver Hawk and to win Soul-of-Thunder. She prayed no one had observed her wanton behavior last night, which would not be repeated. She was glad Silver Hawk was leaving this very minute, for his stares in the bright sunlight did not have the same effect as they had in the soft moonlight; they made her nervous and panicky.

  When Tashina heard that her father was to ride as the mes
senger to the Cheyenne, her heart leapt with joy and suspense. If she could see her love, she could reveal the truth to him and discover his feelings. Perhaps he would play the flute for her, which was said to convey a lover’s desire for his chosen one. It was known that flute music was used as signals between lovers: certain songs spoke of love, others of caution, and others still of secret meetings to be shared.

  How wonderful it would be if Soul-of-Thunder lived in her camp and could romance her each night. Most men were so timid when it came to revealing their affections. She had seen many an ardent young brave seek ways to meet accidentally with his beloved while she fetched wood or water. How Tashina wished she could share blanket meetings with her love. As privacy was hard to find, in her village and others, when a young brave came to call, the girl would stand before her family’s tepee and cover them with a blanket so they could whisper, and sometimes steal a kiss. As was the custom, everyone would pretend they did not see them. Sometimes, if a girl was highly desired, braves might stand in line to share a blanket with her while she decided which one to select for romancing. So far, Tashina had refused to share a blanket.

  Among her people, a young girl’s purity was guarded carefully by her family and herself, and she was taught she must not give away her future husband’s treasure. Females were reared to become wives and mothers, and usually did so as soon as they came of age around seventeen. Even a girl’s toys were designed to educate her to her role in life: small tepees, travois, dolls, and wooden horses. Joinings were normally arranged by a girl’s father, but usually he tried to respect her wishes and choice. As with the white culture, it was up to the man or his family to broach the joining subject first, so a girl had to let a certain male know of her interest immediately, and hope he felt the same. Even when a proposed union did not suit the girl, she tried to accept her father’s choice and obey his wishes. If the choice was truly bad in the girl’s eyes, she eloped with her true love; they could spend several weeks in hiding, then return and join publicly, and eventually everyone forgave them and accepted their wishes. It was rare for a warrior to pursue a female who made her dislike for him known publicly, just as it was practically unknown for a man to hold on to a wife who wished to leave him for any reason. In some tribes, all a woman had to do for her freedom was to pack her belongings and leave her mate or toss his belongings out of the tepee which was her property. No man with any pride would return to her or beg her to return to him.