Bittersweet Ecstasy

by Taylor, Janelle

  Rebecca placed her hands on her hips and refuted his claim. “You’re Lisa’s top man; he would refuse you nothing. You don’t have to tell him anything. Or tell him I’m going to St. Louis with you.”

  “Just how do you propose to look for your husband along the way?” he inquired skeptically, knowing he could not allow her to leave him.

  She read his stubborn look as she told him, “When we reach the area where your men wounded me and took me prisoner, I’ll slip away. I know where to find him; he always… works in the same area. You can’t hold me captive forever.”

  “Damnation, woman! You aren’t my captive,” he protested.

  “I might as well be,” she retorted. To keep the other men away from her, she had been forced to live in this cabin with Jeremy Comstock. At times, she had doubted her reunion with her true love, her lost love. At times, she had feared he had married again, thinking her dead and wanting to ease his sufferings. But she loved Bright Arrow, and somehow she would return to him and her daughters. Long ago, Alisha had been taken from Gray Eagle’s side, then miraculously returned to him. Surely the same could be true for her! Each passing day her loneliness, fears, and desperation mounted. She felt if she did not get back to him soon all would be lost between them.

  Jeremy watched that faraway and sad look in her compelling eyes, and it tormented him. How could he say no to her? But if he said yes, he could lose her. Maybe he should let her return to look for Clay Rivera; maybe that would prove to her that he had gone on with his life. What man, after knowing and having Rebecca Kenny, could carry on without her, unless he replaced her with another female? An idea came to his keen mind. “If I let you go with me,” he began, then scowled at the look of joy and excitement which flooded her lovely features. “If he’s got another woman now, promise you won’t intrude on his new life and promise you’ll return here… and marry me.”

  “That’s deceit, Jeremy,” she accused softly.

  “Those are my terms, Becca. I have to think about you and me. I know you’ll keep your word, so make the promise, or you don’t go.”

  Rebecca apprehensively paced the small cabin as she deliberated his “terms.” In a way, he was right, and generous and kind. There was no way of imagining what she might find in the Oglala camp. If her life there was lost to her, could she turn to Jeremy Comstock?

  “Well?” he hinted anxiously. “Do we have a bargain?”

  Rebecca faced him and replied, “We do, Jeremy Comstock. How long will it take to reach the area where I was stolen?”

  “A month or two, depending on how many stops Lisa wants to make and how long we stay at each one. Tell me, Becca, how will you explain this last year to him?”

  “I’ll tell him the truth, Jeremy,” she responded with a shudder.

  Singing Wind gaped at Medicine Bear as he revealed her brother’s vision and the one he had shared recently with Bright Arrow, and his acceptance of both “messages” from the Great Spirit. She listened intently and incredulously as he related her destiny and theirs. But what stunned her the most was the fact that these matters had been announced publicly that morning. Her thoughts and worries flew to Sun Cloud, and she was troubled by what he must be thinking and feeling.

  “Silver Hawk has gone to the Oglala camp to accept his claim on Tashina and to carry gifts to Bright Arrow to prove his worth and courage. He will join the feast for their new chief, his friend and brother, and plan his joining with Tashina. Soon, Bright Arrow will come to prove his claim and worth, to make plans for his joining with my daughter Singing Wind,” he disclosed happily.

  In a tone which held all of the respect and poise she could muster, the disquieted girl softly chided, “You are not my blood father, Medicine Bear; it was not your place to accept his joining offer before he approached me or you spoke with me. What if I love another? What if I do not wish to join with Bright Arrow? What if I have accepted the offer of another warrior? What if I refuse?” she questioned anxiously.

  Medicine Bear stared at her in consternation. He challenged hoarsely, “You would not refuse this high honor. If you loved another, you would be joined this sun, for Singing Wind would not be calm or satisfied until she possessed her desire. All know you have rejected any warrior who approached you, and you cast eyes on no man. I have given my word as your chief and as your father since Brave Bear was slain. It was my right and duty to follow the will of Napi and to do what is good for my daughter and her people. It will unite our two tribes once more, for the daughter of Black Cloud and sister of Brave Bear has left Mother Earth. It is good to have a blood bond to our Oglala brothers, for they are powerful; they are feared by whites and Indians. We need this bond, Singing Wind, for our band is not large or powerful and this is an evil season. You must not shame me, your people, or yourself. It is decided. The words have been spoken. Only Bright Arrow can break them. Or Singing Wind must be banished forever.”

  That mild threat did not sit well with the agitated female, but she wisely, though resentfully, prevented a harsh reply. “A joining should be a happy time, Medicine Bear. I feel I am a sacrifice to help my people. What of me, my father? I do not love Bright Arrow.”

  “There is no higher honor or coup than to help your family and people survive, daughter. You must not be selfish or stubborn. Love will come after you are joined. He is a great warrior, a chief. Many females desire this high rank you have been given,” he reasoned.

  Singing Wind placed her back to him. Her mind echoed his words. Selfish? Why was it selfish to capture her own dreams, instead of being forced to fulfill those of others? Love will come… Love was not something to be learned, or something which came to you in time like age or gray hair! Many females desire this high rank… Then, let one of them have it, she decided peevishly. Given? She was not being given anything! Since the joining had been spoken aloud before the Oglalas, it was accept her new fate or betray her people’s laws and faith in her. Yet, to go along with this unwanted union, she must betray herself and Sun Cloud. Napi help her, for she had been tossed into a pit which she feared she could not escape.

  Her mind roamed sadly to the Oglala camp, envisioning the feast in progress. She could not imagine Sun Cloud’s true feelings and thoughts, for he had lost so much recently. Even if he did not feel the same as she did, he had lost his parents and his destiny. And surely he had lost his brother, for how could any man accept such a betrayal? Where would he live now, for he had burned his father’s tepee? He could not stay with Bright Arrow, not after his brother’s treachery; stealing the chiefs bonnet and his destiny was treachery in the highest. She wondered if Bright Arrow knew he had also claimed the woman his brother had taken first by a lovely pond. She brooded over Sun Cloud’s reaction to the news of their joining and over what he must view as another betrayal; this time, on her part.

  Singing Wind dropped heavily to her sitting mat. As she squinted her eyes in pensive thought, lines creased her forehead and teased at the corners of her expressive eyes. She absently nibbled on the inside of her lower lip, and she breathed erratically. She could not reveal the truth to either brother, for it would do harm in both situations. She was Blackfeet first, a person and a woman second. She had to fulfill her duty; she had to honor their laws and customs; she had to ignore her own desires. After the way Bright Arrow had treated her during their last meeting, he would not break his word or remove his offer for her. She fumed over the fact that he had not even hinted at his intentions, but his mood and tone should have spoken loudly to her. If only Sun Cloud had not angered her with his grim accusations against her brother and if he had declared his, or any, strong feelings for her after they made love… There was no denying he was attracted to her, but did he love her? Did he want her as his mate? Did he realize such things himself? No matter, it was too late for them.

  Medicine Bear looked down at the apprehensive female. “Will you obey our law, daughter?” he asked simply as his wrinkled hands quivered.

  She inhaled deeply and met his implo
ring gaze. “I am a Blackfeet, daughter of two chiefs and granddaughter of another. I will do my duty.”

  The feast continued with singing, chanting, dancing, talking, and eating. Most seemed in high spirits, and the rival brothers put on skilled fronts to conceal their emotions and concerns. It was a pleasant truce between those who had sided openly with different choices, for all felt this matter would be resolved peacefully in the best interests of Grandfather’s children.

  Little Feet sat with Thunder Spirit and his family, but there was a slight strain between the reunited lovers. She had been unable to convince him to switch his selection and loyalty to her father, and he had pleaded for her understanding, then softly scolded her for intruding on his decision and duty. He had not been pleased when she had postponed their joining for a few days, telling him they could not share a happy first night together at this time. When she had suggested a new joining date in four moons, he had replied sadly, “If you change our joining sun again, Little Feet, we should think more on your feelings. If a warrior cannot do what he feels is his duty without his love turning her face from him, something is wrong.”

  Little Feet was vexed with herself for causing this rift between them. They had waited so long to be together. She wished she was sitting beside her new husband tonight, eagerly looking forward to sharing his mat later. She had been foolish, and wrong. Thunder Spirit was more than Sun Cloud’s friend, he was a superior warrior and he had to obey his conscience. It was too late today to change her mind again, for his mood and disappointment would spoil their first union.

  Little Feet locked her gaze on Thunder Spirit’s handsome profile, causing him to sense her attention and look at her. She placed her quivering hand on his arm and whispered, “I am sorry, my love; I spoke unwisely and selfishly and falsely. If you did not follow your head and heart, you would not be the man I have loved since I was a child. We will join in four moons, for I want you above all things.”

  Thunder Spirit observed her contrite expression and tone. He smiled tenderly. “It is good, Little Feet, for I would not give you up without a fierce battle,” he teased. “I have waited many winters for your return, but these next four moons’will seem longer than them.”

  She squeezed his arm and smiled radiantly. “It has seemed forever since we parted long ago. But it is good we have four moons to prepare for our new life together. I must make a tepee for us, to be alone. Our fathers’ tepees are full,” she hinted provocatively.

  He laughed and agreed, “It is good, but hard.”

  Silver Hawk sat between Bright Arrow and Tashina. His grin was smug to the girl beside him. She prayed they would not be left alone that night, for she could not bear the thought of him touching her again. How ever would she endure a life with him? she wondered frantically. She looked at her sister who was beaming with happiness, and she was glad Little Feet and Thunder Spirit had overcome their brief conflict, which their smiles and closeness revealed to her. Duty, she fumed the offensive word. Her dreams would be destroyed if she did not find a way to save them, and she did not know how.

  Sun Cloud furtively observed his family and friends. He knew one of Bright Arrow’s daughters was happy and one was miserable. He was delighted by his friend Thunder Spirit’s joy and victory. It did not trouble Sun Cloud that Little Feet and Tashina were loyal to their father; that was expected and natural. He loved them like sisters and he understood their emotions and behaviors. For Tashina’s and Soul-of-Thunder’s sakes, he must speak privately with his brother about their feelings. Silver Hawk had a wife, and Tashina loved another. Since Bright Arrow was a friend to Soul-ofThunder’s father and to Silver Hawk, perhaps he could solve this predicament.

  Watching Silver Hawk, Sun Cloud admitted the Blackfeet warrior would never relinquish that beautiful treasure, and it pained him. He had been close to Tashina since her arrival at two winters; he hated to see her lose her hopes and dreams, and go to that wicked man. Only by exposing Silver Hawk’s treachery could he free her, and that would be difficult, if not impossible.

  Soul-of-Thunder could not challenge for Tashina, for the Cheyenne warrior had not spoken for her in the past. Long ago, Gray Eagle had challenged Silver Hawk’s father Chief Brave Bear for Shalee’s hand in joining, but only because Gray Eagle had already mated with her while she had lived as his white captive, which had given his father the right to call for ki-ci-econape, the death challenge. If his father had not spared Brave Bear’s life after his victory, Silver Hawk would not exist! But neither would Singing Wind and her two sisters.

  A flurry of cold thoughts fell over Sun Cloud’s mind, forcing him to shove the frigid ideas from his path. He could use that same challenge to fight for his lost love, but the other man would be his own brother. He could not commit such a shameful offense, not even to obtain Singing Wind, especially when his brother was unaware of the bond he had severed. Too, others would learn of their passionate mating by the pond, and a female’s purity was her highest coup. Singing Wind’s face would be stained, and he could not allow that disgrace. He was as tightly ensnared as a helpless animal in the white man’s steel traps!

  The following morning, Sun Cloud and several men went to hunt fresh game for their families and for those in need, including his brother’s family, as Bright Arrow and a small band of warriors were leaving camp for a few days to scout for cavalry details on the move and to spy on the fort once more, to see if the new white commander had arrived with his soldiers and wagons, for that would signal the beginning of the next conflict. When Sun Cloud’s band returned, it was to guard the women while they gathered wild vegetables in the area which surrounded their camp, then keep guards posted.

  Sun Cloud had thought of going to visit Singing Wind to try to resolve their personal dilemma. He ruled against that impulse, for he was needed at home, and following it would change nothing. He worked hard on not appearing overly quiet that morning, but only half succeeded.

  Thunder Spirit hated to see his friend so low and so on guard with his words and behavior. As they tracked game, he remarked, “I wish it did not have to be this way, my friend. Be patient and do not lose hope. Grandfather will make things right soon, as He did for me.”

  A haunted look made Sun Cloud’s eyes a shade darker. “It was five winters before Grandfather answered your prayers, my friend. I cannot wait that long to be happy again. Tashina is caught in the same trap as Sun Cloud, but we must both do our duties,” he stated bitterly.

  “It will be as your father saw it in his vision, Sun Cloud. The same evil which shadows our lands shadows our camp and your brother’s heart. Grandfather will remove them when the season is right. You did not tell Bright Arrow of your love for Singing Wind or Tashina’s love for Soul-of-Thunder?” his friend inquired knowingly.

  “I will not speak to him of my feelings, but I must reveal his daughter’s to him. He did not know of Little Feet’s love and he gave her to another to suffer for many years. The same must not happen to Tashina; she is very special to me. Grandfather has a large plan for her life, but only at the side of Soul-of-Thunder.”

  “Then, it will be,” Thunder Spirit reasoned.

  “Evil also lives and breeds on the face of Mother Earth, my friend. Sometimes evil is stronger and defeats good. If this was not true, our war with the evil whites would have been won long ago, and my parents would not be dead. Grandfather tries to work His will, but sometimes He cannot,” Sun Cloud replied dejectedly.

  Thunder Spirit encouraged, “Do not lose all heart and spirit.”

  “I have already lost my heart, and my spirit is battling to survive. I fear for the evil of Silver Hawk, for others are blind to it. Tashina cannot escape his snare unless I defeat him, and I cannot defeat him with instincts alone. She cannot even run away to the tall grass and return as Soul-of-Thunder’s mate, for Windrider’s son would never break the bond between his people and mine by taking another chief’s promised.”

  “But Silver Hawk is not chief yet,” his friend reasoned. />
  “He will be chief soon, Thunder Spirit; he will make certain. I fear for Medicine Bear’s life, but I can do nothing to save him. To approach him with such a warning would defeat all I work and live for. My father told me many times, ‘The lives of many are more important than the life of one or a few.’ Medicine Bear is a walking dead man, and I curse my helplessness.” Before his friend could respond, Sun Cloud lifted his hand to signal for silence as a large buck appeared.

  During the afternoon trouble struck. Sun Cloud was too restless to remain inside Mind-who-Roams’ and White Calf’s tepee. When movement caught his attention, he was sitting near the edge of the forest and leaning his back against a tree, almost concealed by leafy bushes. His gaze widened, then narrowed and chilled as he observed two Crow warriors sneaking toward the burial scaffolds on their stomachs. He knew what they wanted, and rage consumed him.

  He stealthily made his way to the ceremonial lodge and seized his sacred bow from its resting staff; there was no time to seek help from others. He slipped into the forest once more and moved as closely as possible to the scaffold ground, which was located in a cleared area. He laid two arrows beside him and placed the third’s nock against his bowstring, then drew it taut, and aimed carefully. As the first Crow reached Gray Eagle’s scaffold and stood up beside it, on the side away from their camp, Sun Cloud released his fatal arrow.

  The foe screamed in pain and was thrown backward, falling against his mother’s scaffold and causing it to shake precariously. The other foe made a wild dash for the forest to his left, but Sun Cloud was swift and accurate and lethal. He knew it was the Crow’s way to leave a scout with their horses, so he had a third enemy to find and slay.

  War chief Big Elk had heard the commotion and witnessed part of Sun Cloud’s new coup. He saw the younger warrior sneaking into the woods to seek the last Crow. He quickly summoned others to help and to warn the guards, for there could be more than one Crow remaining.