Just Friends

by Elana Johnson

  “Your dad said to help myself,” she said as she opened the fridge for milk. “He had to go to the store for hair dye.”

  It felt odd that Dad and I weren’t making bread, but Drew needed everything to be perfect today. I spied Dad’s camera on the counter, and it looked like he’d abandoned it in the middle of something. “Pour me some too,” I said, sitting at the table.

  “Am I your maid now?” Holly asked.

  “Is my mom fixing your dress? Are you eating my food?”

  She laughed, poured me some cereal, and joined me at the table. “So you and Jade.”

  I took a mammoth bite so I wouldn’t have to answer her. While I chewed, I shot her a look. After I swallowed, I said, “I thought you weren’t going to, what did you call it? Horn in on my girlfriend.”

  She looked up at me. “So you’re publicly calling her your girlfriend? Wow, that’s kind of fast.”

  “We’ve been dating for six weeks,” I said, waiting for the word molasses to enter the conversation.

  “Have you kissed her yet?”

  I stood up, taking my cereal with me. “See you tonight.”

  “Come on, Mitch,” she said. “Stay. I just know you like to take things slow. I was only wondering.”

  I hesitated at the bottom of the stairs, estimating that Mom had at least half an hour of alterations to do. She hated it when I ate in my room, but thirty minutes was plenty of time to eat and hide the evidence.

  “Well, we don’t all kiss on the first date,” I said as I started upstairs.

  “Well, we used to tell each other everything,” she called.

  “Yep,” I yelled down to her. “We used to.”

  Holly said something in return, but I didn’t hear what. In my room, I paced, the cereal forgotten on my desk. Why didn’t I want to talk to Holly about Jade? She was right; I’d told her when I first kissed Katie—and that had taken three months. Heck, I’d done exactly what Holly told me to do just to get Katie to go out with me.

  Holly and I used to tell each other everything, but now our Post-It conversations were non-existent and we hadn’t gamed in weeks. Holly was upset about something, but she wasn’t talking about that. Why did I have to talk about Jade?

  You can’t take that from me too, Mitch rang in my head. Holly had said it all those weeks ago, when I’d first asked out Jade. I still didn’t know what else I’d taken from Holly. She was the one who pulled away from our friendship as soon as she started kissing Greg. She was the one cuddling up to Lance in the hall—and calling him. She never called me. We had been on a texting-only friendship. She’d even admitted that she was mad at me for letting her ignore me. But what was I supposed to do? Knock on her window and beg her to talk to me?

  I was tired of trying to be the responsible friend. I’d gotten her a date to Homecoming, hadn’t I? I’d rescued her from AP history on Monday, and she was downstairs right now, getting yet another favor from my mom.

  “I don’t owe her anything,” I said out loud to myself. I pulled out my phone and sent a text to Jade, one that would embarrass me if Holly read it. I didn’t like both girls in my thoughts at the same time. As Jade and I continued to text, I realized why I didn’t want to talk with Holly.

  I didn’t need her like I used to.

  I had Jade now.

  The realization hit like a blow to the stomach. Was this how Holly felt when she had a boyfriend? That she didn’t need to talk to me anymore? Or was this because I hated talking in general?

  When my thirty minutes were almost up, I grabbed my soggy cereal and took it downstairs. I stopped short, slopping milk-laden Cheerios over the side of my bowl, at the sight of Holly still sitting at the kitchen table. Her sleeveless shirt showed defined arm muscles, and I wondered what Lance might say that indicated about the rest of her body.

  She looked at me, and I thought for a second that she’d been crying. I moved to the sink, dumped my cereal down the disposal, and turned back to her. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I just—”

  “Don’t care to discuss Jade,” Holly said, standing and moving to wash out her bowl. Her arm brushed mine, and I shifted out of the way. I looked down at her—she hadn’t been crying—and she looked up at me, the silence between us this thick wall I couldn’t break down.

  “Sorry,” I said again. “I don’t know why—”

  I stopped talking when she suddenly leaned forward and pressed her mouth against mine.

  I didn’t know what to do. I knew a strangled sound originated in my throat. I knew I was leaning away, curving my back over the kitchen sink. I knew Holly’s lips tasted like milk and honey, and felt cool and soft.

  I kept my eyes open through the five-second kiss, and when she pulled away, I couldn’t breathe. I wiped my mouth like I’d just bitten something sour. “What the hell was that?” I asked, my voice no louder than a whisper.

  Footsteps came pounding down the stairs. Holly backed up, her panicked eyes never leaving mine. Neither of us looked at Drew when she came into the kitchen. “Where’s Mom?”

  “Downstairs,” I answered automatically, my voice dark and low. Drew either didn’t notice or didn’t care and started for the stairs leading into the basement.

  Without explaining, without a single freaking word, Holly turned and followed Drew.

  20

  Tell Jade, or don’t tell Jade? The question looped through my mind while I showered. Got dressed. Ate lunch. I could send her a text, get everything in the open. But Homecoming was in two hours, and my group included Lance—and Holly. If I told now, Jade wouldn’t want to go out with Holly. If I bailed on the group, Drew wouldn’t be able to go with Omar. I’d ruin Homecoming for everyone.

  What had Holly been thinking? Did she like me? How did that happen? Or was she just freaking out over her break-up with Greg? So many unknowns were now in play, and I didn’t know how to organize them. One question annoyed me the most, and it wouldn’t be stuffed into the back part of my brain no matter how hard I tried.

  Do I like Holly too?

  In the past, I would’ve asked her to bring clarity to my confusion. Now, though, I spent most of my time pissed off at Omar and Lance, ignoring Holly, and spending time with Jade.

  Now, I was on my own.

  That evening, Lance and Omar showed up together, both of them wearing pristine tuxes. We bumped fists and then Lance and I went to sit in Omar’s mom’s van. I’d been given specific instructions from Drew to stay out of the way when Omar arrived. He stood on the front porch, the door closed, and rang the doorbell—again.

  Dad answered, and I saw the guarded look in his eye despite the smile on his face. He waved at me after Omar had stepped past him, and I lifted my hand.

  “You ready for this, man?” Lance asked.

  I wanted to blurt Holly kissed me! Instead, I shrugged. “I guess.”

  Lance looked at me, his serious face on. “You guess? You’re going with a girl you really like.” I heard what he didn’t say: No matter that none of your friends like her.

  “Yeah, well,” I said, unsure of what else he wanted from me.

  “You’ve been in obsessed with her for like, a year.”

  “For a couple of months,” I argued. “And obsessed is such a strong word. Let’s not go crazy.”

  Lance continued to stare at me like he knew it was more like five months, not two. Which he did. Lance might act like nothing ruffles him, that he’s only paying attention to girls, but he had more depth. I could tell him about Holly and he wouldn’t make it into a joke. Still, I didn’t say anything.

  “Okay, whatever,” Lance said. “Should I go get Holly?”

  “Whatever,” I said. “Drew will probably be at least ten minutes. She made my dad dust off the tripod and everything.”

  Lance got out and walked next door. He only disappeared inside Holly’s house for three minutes before he emerged with her on his arm. I stared at her, disbelieving.

  She wasn’t the same person I’d known for eight years. The gi
rl walking toward me had hips—nice ones. A tiny little waist. A chest that I couldn’t rip my eyes away from. Her emerald green dress hugged every curve and ended mid-thigh. I wondered how she had enough money to buy a dress like that. I supposed she had worked all summer just like I had.

  Holly’s legs were tan and long and tight with muscles. Her shoulders were bare, and I wanted to reach through the glass and stroke them to make sure they were real.

  That this Homecoming version of Holly was real.

  She and Lance chatted and laughed as they made their way to the van. I couldn’t hear them behind the glass, and the pane between us acted like a microscope. I saw Holly as a seventeen-year-old girl, maybe for the first time. I’d been friends with her so long, I still imagined her as the skinny ten-year-old who could throw a baseball farther than me or the freshman who ran until she puked and then smiled at me like I’d done her a favor.

  But this girl slinking toward me was no ten-year-old. With every step she took, my heart beat faster.

  Lance made a face at me through the window, drawing my attention from Holly. It looked like a mixture of what the hell is wrong with you? and I’m so getting lucky tonight.

  I moved to the way-back of the van so they could ride in the middle. Trying to swallow away my rapid pulse—and remembering her mouth against mine—I focused my attention out the window.

  Thankfully, I didn’t have to talk while we waited. Lance seemed to have an endless store of questions for Holly—and surprisingly they didn’t involve if she’d sleep with him later. She filled the air with her answers. I willed my silly sister to hurry up and my racing heart to settle down.

  Finally, Drew and Omar emerged from the front door. She clung to Omar for dear life because her heels were so high, but he didn’t seem to mind. He dipped his head toward her ear and whispered something that made her laugh.

  Again, the glass separated us, and I felt like I was living someone else’s life. I saw my little sister in a way I never had before. Sure, she was annoying and showed too much skin, but the way she smiled at Omar forced me to realize that maybe I’d been wrong about them. Maybe.

  Drew’s hair had indeed been colored so that it radiated streaks of red among the brown. Mom had swooshed it up on top of Drew’s head. Large hoops hung from her ears, and when she got in, she bubbled at Holly and Lance, but completely ignored me.

  The mile to Jade’s house felt like ten. When we pulled up, Holly remarked on the immaculate yard, and Lance said he’d been inside this house when it was a feature for the Parade of Homes. I ignored their comments on Jade’s wealth and climbed over Lance to get out.

  As I walked toward the front door, I wiped my palms on the insides of my pockets. I couldn’t help thinking about the first time I’d talked to Jade in the quad, or how she tucked her hair behind her ear as she concentrated on her homework. I relived our first kiss on the sidewalk in front of my house, and the way she ran her hands through my hair and sent vibrations through my body.

  I remembered her telling me she’d taken her expensive LandRover through the car wash where I worked just so she could see me, and how I’d wiped her tears before our first date, and how her laughter lightened my mood.

  At the door, I felt the weight of four sets of eyes on my back. It seemed like forever before her mom opened the door, all smiles and air kisses.

  “Hello, Mrs. Montgomery,” I said once I made it inside and the door had been closed. “Something smells good.” My skin felt like a shell, fragile but efficient at keeping the swirling thoughts inside and only revealing what I wanted people to see.

  “Thank you,” she said to me. “Jade!” she called into the house. I had no idea where Jade’s room was, but she came up from downstairs, wearing the most beautiful purple dress I’d ever seen. The shiny eggplant-colored fabric hugged her curves and left her shoulders untouched. She wore diamond-studded sandals, and navy-colored feathers hung from her ears. Her hair had been braided into a crown on her head, revealing a slender neck that I wanted to touch with my mouth.

  “You look wonderful,” I said, moving toward her and completely forgetting myself. I slid my hands around her waist and leaned down to kiss her. She pulled away quickly, clearing her throat and stepping out of my embrace.

  Heat descended on me despite the chilly temperature in the Montgomery house. Had I just kissed Jade in front of her mom? Freak. Freak, freak, freak.

  Mrs. Montgomery was smiling, a fake sort of grin that looked plastic. She asked Jade a question I didn’t catch, and then snagged my arm. She stretched up to whisper directly into my ear. “Be careful with her, Mitch Houser. I see that look on your face, and I’m not sure I like it.”

  I nodded and said, “Yes, ma’am,” but I didn’t know what she meant. What did my face look like? And why was that unlikeable?

  The return trip to the van felt like an inspection. Everyone was either staring at me (Holly and Lance) or Jade (Drew and Omar). I couldn’t read the expression on Holly’s face, and it annoyed me. Lance looked like he wanted to get me alone and tell me something important. I’d only seen him this serious a handful of times, and the results were usually ground-breaking. The first time had happened over the summer before eighth grade. We’d just finished a long running set and were chilling in his backyard.

  “I’m getting out of here as soon as I can,” he said. “I don’t even care where.”

  “College?” I asked.

  “Don’t care.”

  I remembered feeling like I wanted to tell him that everything would be okay with whatever had happened between him and his dad. Lance hadn’t said anything, but he’d run faster that day than he ever had, and his eyes were bloodshot.

  He sighed into the silence, and I said, “You wanna come over for dinner? I bet we can talk my mom into letting us sleep in the basement too.”

  We’d left his house five minutes later, and Lance slept in my basement the rest of the summer.

  That look was serious back then, just like it was now. I felt him looking past my skin and finding things underneath that needed to be addressed. Maybe he was right, but it wouldn’t be happening tonight.

  I reached for the van door, and as I opened it, the magnifying glass vanished. The girls oohed and aahed over their dresses and their hair and blah blah blah. I sat in the back, holding Jade’s hand and wishing we were alone.

  Before we made it to the restaurant, I got a text from Holly. Only two words, and it left me more confused than ever.

  Thank you. I shoved my phone in my jacket pocket without answering.

  I successfully ignored Holly through dinner. I didn’t know what to say to her, and I wished I hadn’t suggested that Lance bring her. I poured my attention into Jade, as my other option for conversation was my sister. But Jade seemed to like talking with the other girls, and she engaged with Omar. Of course, they’d eaten dinner together at my house several times. He kept his guard up, but answered her politely while I sat there mute. Lance kept his hands on Holly, and they whispered more than spoke aloud. I found it rude, and Jade cast them several disapproving glances as well.

  Finally, we made it to the school. I kept my hand in hers and chatted with Omar and Lance while we waited for pictures. Lance elbowed me several times, all traces of seriousness gone from his face. I ignored him. I knew he’d say something sexual, and I wasn’t in the mood. Getting him to ask Holly had been a bad idea. Very bad.

  I suddenly thought that perhaps he hadn’t needed me to suggest Holly as a possible date. They’d been over-the-top chummy the past several weeks. It was possible that she’d been to his house, and he to hers, and I’d never known. The idea filled my veins with ice and caused my fingers to clench into tight fists.

  With every jab of his elbow, regret filled me, and I didn’t know how to make it drain out. At long last, we entered the darkened gym, and it was just me and Jade on the dance floor.

  “You seem tense,” she said as I fumbled my hands along her waist and started moving my feet to the
music.

  “Do I?” I pulled her closer. “I’m good now.” I couldn’t get that image of Holly in her Homecoming dress out of my mind, and I kept feeling her mouth against mine. I hated her for it. If she hadn’t lunged at me this morning, this dance would’ve felt like magic. I’d be dreaming about kissing Jade in the moonlight and calling her before church tomorrow. Instead, I was preoccupied with a different girl and worried that everyone in the van would be watching as I said goodnight to Jade in a few hours.

  “So my mom freaked out a little this morning,” Jade said, and I pulled myself back to the moment.

  “Yeah? About what?”

  “Sex,” she said, just like that, in the middle of the dance floor.

  “Wow,” I said, my eyebrows rising. “That’s…” I didn’t even know what that was. Heat filtered into my face, unsure what she’d say next. Was she saying she wanted to…?

  Jade was watching me as if I needed to say something. I shrugged, my mind still trying to catch up so I could speak.

  “She gave me a condom,” Jade said, her face coloring. “I don’t even know why I’m telling you this.”

  I didn’t know either. Dad said if I wanted condoms, he’d buy them for me—after I watched a 45-minute birthing video for each one I wanted. I hadn’t dated a girl that made me want to go to my father, admit to him that I wanted to have sex, and then watch the video—in his presence.

  But with Jade…

  I cleared my throat. “Oh, um, isn’t that something the guy usually supplies?”

  “I didn’t take it,” Jade said. She giggled the giggle that made me hot for her, and dropped her head to my shoulder. “Are you saying you have one?”

  My face felt all kinds of flushed. “No, I—” I cleared my throat and decided to make sure she knew how I felt about this. “I’m not Lance. Just because we’re friends doesn’t mean we share the same views on how to treat a girl.”