Death & Other Lies

by Carol L. Ochadleus

  Ben thought it outrageously presumptive to force the issue like this and was on the verge of telling Matt just that when he remembered Elizabeth’s face and her entreaty that Matt be allowed to see Kate. He softened.

  “If and only if, Kate is agreeable to a meeting, I will set it up, and if her answer is no, you will just have to live with that. It is a once only deal. Are we agreed? You will get your answer from Kate and go home.”

  “Yes. That will be enough.” It was a win, sort of. He was finally going to see her, if she agreed, of course. He knew he wouldn’t be able to breathe until he got an answer.

  IT WAS SO UNLIKE BEN. Kate sat, staring at the phone in her hands as if mesmerized. She’d never heard him sound so unsure. Ben was not a person to beat around the bush or mince words. So, it was no wonder she was taken aback by his hemming and hawing on the phone. She only called in to ask his advice on her latest assignment, but mid-conversation she could tell he was not focused on what she was saying. Something was on his mind, and she hoped it didn't have anything to do with Lilly's meddling. Then she got the email.

  The message from Ben was short, but the six words shook her down to her marrow. “Do you want to see Matt?” Crap, what the hell is this all about? Kate didn’t know how it came about, and she wasn’t sure what Ben was doing, but the answer was not all that simple.

  All of her career she followed Ben unquestionably with no hesitation for personal choices. She did everything to be a good agent, to make Ben and her parents proud of her. Kate longed for a normal life, not that she hadn’t been proud of her job and the small contributions she and Lilly made to their country, but lots of agents had families, and she knew her job wasn’t enough anymore. But she also knew Ben Madison well. When they closed a file, they closed the file. This was not like him at all. What could he possibly be thinking? Opening up a door with a past asset was a dangerous business. And, for all her training, experience and bravado, Kate was terrified to face Matt again. Lilly must be behind it, Kate was sure of that, and she must have used a tremendous amount of influence to make Ben flip on his rules.

  She felt squeezed and so empty. The longing to see Matt, to be with him, to have a normal life with him, played war with her heart, especially knowing how repulsed he must have been when he learned the truth. Matt valued truth and trust. Just the opposite of what she gave him. As much as she wished things were different, the reality was what it was; it was best for them both to not look back.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Resting his head against the cold window, Matt could feel the pulse of the rain as it beat against the glass. It reminded him somehow of a song he once heard but couldn't quite catch the tune. Like a lot of things, he thought, it was buried under months of amnesia and was only just beginning to swim to the surface.

  Opening his eyes, he strained to see beyond the blinding stream of water cascading down even though there wasn't much to see; the street was deserted due to the weather. No one in his right mind would be out tonight. Some of the guys from work wanted him to meet up with them for dinner and a couple of beers to renew old relationships, that sort of thing, but he couldn't seem to make his body move in that direction. Besides, he knew part of their invitation was based on curiosity. They wanted the whole scoop about his absence, and he had no intention of adding to the rumors that rolled throughout the labs. He was hungry, but the thought of making small talk over a Coney Dog with a bunch of guys with little more on their minds than sports, cars, or sex, just wasn't enough to make him brave the storm.

  Work was alright. It was different since his return. The change wasn't with his co-workers, he knew that. It was him. He had changed. Oh, sure he could get lost in his lab work as he always did, unraveling the mysteries of science still got him out of bed in the morning, but his heart was no longer so idealistic. He saw the world differently now. As he did a million times before, he wondered how something which was intended to do so much good could have caused something so tragic. It wasn't the research he so painstakingly conducted or the serum which could help cure a terrible disease; it was people. People who hated everything they didn't have, hated what they didn't understand or didn't want someone else to have.

  The Iranians taught him a lot. Ben forced him to see a lot more. A different reality from a different perspective. He could no longer hide in his lab from the ugliness or see the world with his limited, myopic view. The whole experience broadened him and opened his eyes to the world, but in the process what he believed to be the truth, believed to be just, got tarnished and went bad.

  His was a short role in the world of espionage, but long enough to shred the veil of ignorance he hadn't even known he wore. He didn't like what he found, but he couldn't go back to his apathy. Ben was right. There was a lot Matt didn't know about international politics or how money and hatred teamed up to cause terror. But Ben was jaded, pessimistic. His reality was how ugly life could be. That was his job, to watch for and be prepared for evil wherever it was to be found.

  Matt knew there had to be more. Certainly, there was an equal amount of good in people around the world to counter the evil in the likes of Khourmy and Phil. People like Elizabeth, and yes, even Kate. She wasn't a bad person. She too only did her job. It still rankled that he was used and was such a dupe in the process, but the pain was growing duller. He didn't hold it against her anymore.

  As the rain blew sideways and the wind howled in its pursuit, it occurred to him he hadn't thought of Kate all day. Now that was progress of a sort, he figured. Maybe forgetting her wouldn’t be impossible, after all. He didn't believe it, but there was no other choice anyway since the message he received from Ben was the same that Lilly delivered. She rejected him once again. He might as well let go of Kate. Let go of the pain.

  “I FOUND THEM!” KATE yelled over her shoulder to her twin, who was pawing through the closet, checking each item with a pat and a squeeze.

  “Thank God, we didn't have many more places to look,” Lilly threw back. “Where were they?”

  “I must have dropped them in the basement when I took down the laundry. It's funny I didn't hear so many keys hit the floor, but there they were.”

  “Well you've been in such a funk for the past few weeks, it's no wonder you lost your keys again. That's the second time this week, last week it was your phone, the week before that it was your laptop, and you drove off twice with your latte on the roof of the car. Everyone has been wondering where you're at. You don't pick up your messages for days, your reports were late to Ben last week, and basically, you just don't look too well. You need this vacation, Kate.”

  “Don't start on that again, I have told you a gazillion times, I'm fine, I'm tired, but it's nothing more than that. As for my reports, I saw Ben, and he's fine with my work. And I'm not mad anymore. I know you did what you thought was right, even if we will always disagree on that point, but let's just drop the subject, okay? Anyway, thanks for helping me look.”

  “You're welcome, but when did you see Ben. I thought he was out of the country this week?”

  Immediately regretting her comment, Kate answered, “He was. I met with him last Friday while you were in Atlanta.” Kate wished she hadn't mentioned her meeting with Ben. It was a strained and difficult discussion, and she didn't want to explain it to Lilly, but now the cat was out and knowing Lilly, it wasn't going to go back into the sack quietly.

  “Sooo, what was the meeting about?” Lilly pushed the topic, doing exactly what Kate hoped she wouldn't.

  “Nothing much! We needed to go over some details about my next assignment in Houston when we get back from Wales.”

  They might fool other people, but twins could rarely fool each other. Lilly wasn't buying the story, but as to what was wrong with her sister's comment, Lily couldn't nail it down. It didn't vary from protocol all that much, after all, it was perfectly normal to be meeting with Ben about an assignment, but some little niggling bell was going off, and she knew, for some reason, Kate didn't want to dis
cuss the real topic of her and Ben's meeting. It’s not like Kate at all to shut me out like that, Lilly thought, but then Kate hasn't been Kate for some time now. Yep, this vacation was exactly what Kate needed to let down the shield she put up around herself, and what Lilly needed to pry the truth out of her sister.

  THOUSANDS OF MILES across the Atlantic, Elizabeth smiled as she walked along the grey, wave-washed bluffs. It was going to be wonderful to have the girls spend time with her and Franny. It was a great suggestion, and she was thrilled when Ben said they could take time off. She always enjoyed her time in Wales, particularly when the nights were cool and the days were clear. It would be good for the girls to come over, and now that Franny was back at the cottage, she would love the company. Elizabeth constantly worried about her being so isolated and alone out on the bluffs. Still weak from the stroke, and Franny’s hearing was getting worse, it was a miracle she hadn't caught her head on fire over the stove yet. Maybe this time, Franny would agree to go back to the States to live with her. They repeatedly tried to convince her life in the U. S. was not as brutal as the Welsh press liked to report, faster paced to be sure, but with her health deteriorating, she couldn't continue to stay out on the coast by herself. She would just have to adjust for her own good.

  As much as she hated to admit it, Elizabeth was more than a little disappointed Ben wasn't going to make the trip with them. He talked about the possibility of heading over to Wales to join them for a brief vacation but changed his plans without much explanation at all. It was a new feeling, to be so excited about Ben being part of the family trip. It felt natural for him to join them and yet a bit scintillating at the same time. Elizabeth wasn't naive. She knew what the feeling was. Although she’d known him for years, it was hard to say when her feelings started to change. She realized she was becoming attracted to Ben. What set it off she hadn't a clue; she was just surprised she didn’t see it sooner. Elizabeth liked the feeling. It’s time, she thought.

  As the fog slowly lifted, Elizabeth walked amongst the craggy rocks, marveling as they regained their shape out of the mist like objects being viewed through a camera as it became focused. Color returned to the boulders as the last wisps of cloud kissed each one in turn then disappeared, their shapes were worn down by wind, water, and time. The horizon appeared, framing the world.

  Another set of eyes also watched the transformation. Old, cloudy, and watery. “Aye,” Franny spoke quietly, “the babes will be here soon, Laury. It's been many a day since I could wrap me arms around them young lasses. I have missed them turribly. Tis a shame it is then, Elizabeth's new love will not be acoming too. But, maybe that's for the best. They being so new to the feelin’, their time will come, it will.”

  Franny, head tilted to the side, stood as best she could by the small kitchen window with its thick dimpled glass, leaning for support against the cottage’s old stone sink. She watched Elizabeth stroll the bluffs as the sun rose over the sea. “These old walls are much too quiet these days, with just me and Elizabeth left,” she spoke to her friend. “We been too much alone agin,” Her body, bent and misshapen, moved with the speed of age, each day a test of her endurance. She knew Lauren watched her in helpless silence. But she knew the words the younger wanted to say.

  “Aye, what is it ye want with me now, girl? I'm too old to be playin the guessin games with ye. Our young man? Aye, he is gone away to his own life, and with nary a backward glance at the likes of us, he did. Sich a pity, it was, him being so in love with our Kate and him forgetting who she was. Elizabeth says he is a broken lad now since his remembering has returned, but our Kate won't give 'im her heart back. He stopped the turrible thing only he could do, but no happiness did it bring him without his love. What's that ye say? Our Kate loves him too. Aye, I knows that, me girl. But what kin we do? She owns her own heart she does, and we ’ave no right to mess wie that. Aaahh, ye may be right, if our young man was to plead his case, maybe love might take its caurse. Oh, me Laury, you are a wicked one. Wise, but wicked. If we kin git him near her, it could be done. I promise ye, my darlin, I'll think on the idea.”

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  “May I come in?” The look on Matt's face when he opened the door must have given Ben second thoughts on the wisdom of his mission.

  “I guess so ... yeah, of course.” Trying to hide the shocked look, Matt stepped aside to usher in the last person he ever expected to see appear out of the storm, standing at his front door.

  “We have some things to discuss,” Ben started. “Do you think I could borrow a towel? I'm drenched head to toe.” Frozen to the spot, Matt barely registered the request then slowly headed to the bathroom to fetch a towel.

  When he returned, he found Ben stripped of half his clothes. His raincoat was neatly hung by the door on the hook, and his suit coat was draped over a chair. The pelting rain nearly soaked him through, and as he stood shoeless on the entrance rug, the water dripped from his pants and formed a small puddle at his feet. “Sorry about the mess, I'll make sure it is taken care of,” Ben apologized, but Matt put up a hand.

  “It's just water.” Still shaken with Ben's appearance, Matt just held out the towel in awkward silence.

  “I suppose you're wondering why I'm here, but if you can wait a few minutes ... I'd like to dry off a little, so I can sit without ruining your furniture.”

  “I guess,” Matt answered, not at all understanding the circumstances of the visit, or why he was feeling so uncomfortable in his own home, but he tried to achieve some control of the situation.

  “Do you want something, a cup of coffee, or a beer?”

  “Sounds good, whichever you have that won't be too much trouble. Coffee might help get rid of the cold in my old bones, but I could use a beer as well. Haven't seen such a heavy downpour in years, caught me totally off guard. I parked my car nearly a block away, not too many empty spots in the lot.”

  Matt realized Ben was rattling on as he toweled himself off, probably in an attempt to minimize Matt's confusion and fill up the silence, which was quite unlike the Ben he knew, but then what did he know of Mr. Ben Madison, CIA. Doing odd things might be a huge part of his nature. He certainly couldn't even begin to figure out a guy like Ben.

  As he handed a soggy towel back to Matt, a more composed Ben took the proffered beer and said, “Good, now let’s talk.”

  “Contrary to what you may think, I don't make a habit of involving myself in other people’s lives. I’m sure you have a pretty good understanding of who I am.” Ben settled himself firmly on the couch in such a way he gave the impression he wasn't moving any time soon. Caught by the irony of the remark, Matt wondered if Ben could even read minds now.

  “Oh, yeah, I'm sure I do,” Matt almost laughed at himself for voicing the expected, but untruthful answer. Nothing that ever transpired between them before prepared Matt for the lightning bolt Ben was about to throw at him this time.

  “Well, then I'm going to surprise us both about why I'm here. Maybe it's old age, or maybe it's something I won't ever understand, but I want to help you get Kate back.”

  Speechless with disbelief, Matt sat on the edge of the chair, his mouth opened but no words formed. It seemed to him Ben was enjoying Matt's discomfort.

  He was almost self-righteous about the bomb he had just dropped in Matt's lap. Ben threw his arms possessively across the back of the couch and looked extremely pleased.

  Matt's first inclination was to put every ounce of muscle into a flying punch to that smug face before him. “You want to help me?” Matt quizzically mimicked the older man.

  “Yes, that's right. I don't suppose you have any peanuts or chips to go with the beer, do you? I didn’t have time to stop for dinner.”

  “Is this a joke?” A dam, burst in Matt's head. “You come into my home as if we are some kind of friends, expecting to be entertained, then run a knife through my guts again. I'm a simple man, Mr. Madison; I don't play the mind games you seem to enjoy. I have given everything I have to give t
o the government. You don't own my personal life too. Just leave me be. Can you do that? Just walk out of here and forget I exist. I don't know what you're playing at this time, but you aren't going to do it with my life. And, no, I don't have any peanuts. Go find your laughs somewhere else.”

  Matt was steaming. Months of pent-up frustration, hostility, and pain exploded. Running his hands through his hair, he was surprised his head wasn't pounding from his volatile outburst. Instead, for the first time in months, he felt totally in control of his mind, of his life, and the thought gave him new resolve.

  “I loved Kate, you know that I would have gone to any length, done anything to prove to her how I felt, and let her know how much I wanted her in my life forever, but we both know, you told me yourself, how she feels. I was a job to her; I can live with that, I'll have to, I have no other choice. I'm sure as you said the last time we talked; she cared about me too, just not enough. There are no more hoops for me to go through, no more plans or schemes to work any magic and make things change. Our relationship was what it was; there is nothing more. It's my pain we are talking about here, not your decision for whatever warped reason you may have you want to change things. I'm done, done, done. Finish your beer if you want, but please leave. I won't give you the satisfaction of causing me any more grief.”

  Ben sat through the lecture as he usually did, with a placid face devoid of any hint of emotion. A real poker face, Matt thought to himself, even amid this tirade.

  “Well! Maybe I deserved that, and maybe I didn't,” Ben retorted, “but before you kick me out, if I were you, I'd at least listen to the game plan. You know, you have some issues that could use some work.”

  “Issues!” Matt exploded again. “You think I have issues? Well, hell yes, I have issues. With you, with the government, with the whole fucking world at this moment. Didn't you hear anything I just said? Go and take your game plan with you. I'm not—”