by Sue Behnke
“I have prayed intensely into this matter these few days. I know I should be more proactive in this matter. I would like to teach the men and intervene if need be when issues of this sort are brought to my attention. I would like to partner with a lady who would be able to speak to women and teach them too. I would be uncomfortable asking ladies to act more proper sometimes. In some occasions, I have seen ladies manipulating men to get attention.”
Carl brightened up considerably. “This is truly remarkable, Finn, and very exciting. I do believe Geena has shown amazing insight and leadership in this area. She would be a powerful ally addressing the ladies.”
Finn continued, “Carl, I would like to make sure kids are safe in our church. I have a thought nagging at me. I’m not sure if I’m being overprotective or if it is a valid concern. We cover our babies and keep them out of harm’s reach, but are our teens protected? They meet on their own, sometimes alone. Are they protected from predators, from false doctrines that may be spread in their midst? I would like to pray more into this and be a watchman in the church in that respect. I would also like to see Geena, if she is keen, watching over women, teaching them to be strong and vocal about issues that make them uncomfortable. Maria, maybe you can help there too. I don’t understand for the life of me why women put up with abuse and manipulation. I also need help understanding how to be effective in this matter.”
Maria nodded thoughtfully and then promised to pray and ponder the matter before coming back to him.
Bob seemed a bit hesitant to speak, feeling out of place in a family gathering.
“I feel so privileged to be in this meeting. Even though I attend my own church, I do believe I’m called to serve in this one for a time. The call on my heart is prayer. I believe that we’re currently laying the foundations of the new house the angel mentioned to Benjamin and Maria’s vision. I’m convinced that the issues raised here are the pillars for this particular house. I’m sure other pillars will be revealed as we listen and obey.
“I’m consumed with the need to keep prayer alive as a fire in the hearth. I would like to be a part of a team of prayer warriors who hold the torch lit before the altar.
“James Duff had called me earlier when the problem exploded in the church, which is what got me calling you in the first place, Carl. He stood up for you then and prayed eagerly for the matter to resolve properly. He is a gentleman who had been partnering with me, praying for this church for years now. I would like, with your permission, to ask him to lead an evening prayer group, maybe Friday evenings if that is possible. The man is a faithful lion.”
Carl smiled at the mention of “old James Duff,” as everyone affectionately called him. Bob continued, “I’m hoping to enlist Benjamin and Jane Weiss too. Benjamin realizes he had been called to this. He has to learn, and praise God he is willing. If allowed, I would like to attend and support the old guy. He will appreciate that.”
Maria was deeply touched. “I will mention it in the newsletter regularly, inviting the others to join. I’m sure Carl and I would love to serve, maybe taking turns. We have our son to mind.”
“Guys”, Carl spoke, “I’m so humbled and so profoundly grateful for each of you. I realize that we’re in the process of building a house for God, according to his divine instructions. I also know that my role needs to be defined too. I’m deeply concerned with the three issues remaining—idolatry, witchcraft, and occult. They will get my undivided attention in prayer and in teaching. We need to look back, and see if we have been derailed at any point, and if there are any wrongs to correct.
“We will need to get the other two elders acquainted with this and see how they are called to move as well. There is another fire that my sweetheart wife ignited in my heart. I’m passionately curious to discover what other visions are buried in the hearts of the congregation. I’m starting to firmly believe that each of us has a spark to keep the fire burning.”
Finally Maria spoke, a bit shyly at first, “When I heard Benjamin speak, I was disappointed. I did not think there was anything in what he said for my vision, but since then, I realized that Bob was right. There needs to be a strong foundation dug for any house to stand. I’m grateful to be part of this. I would like to see more women involved and more visions explored. I realize that the newsletter is going to be a powerful first step to unite the church and bring an accord. I will endeavor to answer questions and address concerns. I will also direct specific inquiries to the people who can solve them. I intend to be there if any of you need my support.”
There was a silence in the room that resembled the calm before a storm. Bob perceived they were witnessing the onset of a move, a vision being ignited among them. The sense of awe was great.
Chapter 47
Understanding Jane
Benjamin was trying his hand at prayer. Jane was not in, so he sat in her prayer corner, wondering what to do. His mind was racing, which made it very hard to focus on anything in particular. His life was becoming erratic, almost dysfunctional. He wanted to pray for that inner peace he could see on Jane’s face, for that glow that would rest on her features after prayer.
He tried to speak to God, but his eyes were wandering in the room. They rested on the carpet, looking at the small intricate design. He tried to see messages, things a mighty God would want to tell him, but it was not the same. It somehow lacked that powerful peace that commanded his attention.
His eye noticed a piece of paper under the desk. It was crumpled. It had missed the lovely little bin by the desk. Benjamin picked it up. It was a letter Jane had written to her ex-husband.
Jealousy and anger gripped him. Was Jane trying to go back to this guy? Why was she connecting with him? He started reading, trying to master the fury tugging at his heart.
Dear Jordan,
Another Christmas is coming, and that familiar sense of loneliness hovers in the air that I breathe. I have shed much of the bitterness, and I’m no longer shaking my fist at the heavens. My heart has settled, and my memory hangs on to a few positive deeds you left behind in a desperate effort to release you peaceably.
I have been fiercely angry, Jordan. Your departure was quite spectacular, and I took it quite personal. I used to feel like you engraved a tattoo on my forehead, a neon sign that hollered to the world. “Rejected.”
I have seethed and roared at you for so long, wagging a finger at your mistakes and at your weaknesses. I have declared myself righteous, and I have howled for revenge—that is, until a gentle breeze started blowing, washing my heart with a thought. I don’t suppose I have been there for you either. We have lived our separate lives under one roof. I’m starting to see so much more possibilities in a home.
It took some effort to pen my heart to this paper. Truth be told, I made mistakes being Benjamin’s wife too. I saw him hurt and angry. For a time we wrestled with the sweet temptations of bitterness too. But you know something? As I have forgiven you, Jordan, Benjamin keeps choosing to release me as well, and the cycle of blame and accusations is broken daily. We are finally at peace. Hope and faith are back in the family, so we’re finally happy.
I’m convinced that God has forgiven me for breaking the vows I made to love you forever. I just know in my heart that my past is clean and my earlier sins washed and forgotten.
I forgive you too and let you go. I embrace my new life, and I’m so looking forward to dedicate to God a new life with Benjamin.
I ask my God to bless you, Jordan, with your new wife. May you be as happy as I’m with Benjamin.
Jane
Benjamin just stared at that letter for a long time, trying to master his emotions. The gratitude washing over him was flooding his heart.
He finally found it in him to put the letter on the desk, and just thank God for his wife. He was overflowing with love. He wanted to honor the God she honored. He wanted to love the God she loved. He opened his heart to the heavens, just repeating over and over, “Thank you, God.”
He felt the heavens o
pen. He saw himself standing as if in front of a throne, receiving a mighty gift that was his wife from the hand of her Creator. He just wanted to do something, to say something that described the indebtedness he felt at receiving her heart in his hands. He just bowed his head and kept praising God with all his heart.
The presence he felt on the throne was infinitely more powerful somehow than the one he had witnessed with the angel of grace, yet he was unafraid, his heart humbled and mind clearer, watching scenes from heaven unfold to his finite mind.
Chapter 48
Confronting Lust
This particular Sunday, Maria asked to address the congregation. She prayed quietly before the service, noticing the elders and prayer warriors looking at her with curiosity.
She stood in front of the microphone and looked at the assembly of men and women staring back at her.
For a minute she did not speak. She took stock of the faces, some friendly, some uninterested. She had sacrificed so much of her life and time to help create this sanctuary, this haven where people could come and worship, socialize, and heal. She had given them her time, her heart, and her husband. They weekly applauded her husband, the pastor. They competed fiercely for his approval, yet most of them barely knew her name.
“Beloved friends and family,” the microphone screeched. She smiled. She tried to hold it better.
“I think it is important that I share with you my perspective on the event that rocked our church a short while back.”
The silence was deafening. They all held their breath. They had forgiven the pastor. They did not want to talk about it anymore. What was she doing?
Maria smiled sadly. It was like she was a burden, an unwanted entity that caused them discomfort and shame.
“The reason why I want to address this issue is because of an important subject that has not been addressed yet. Lust is alive and well in the church, and we still hide it under a cloak of darkness in order to keep a facade of respectability.”
Maria looked briefly at Carl. She could see the concern on his face. She nearly chuckled. He was sitting on the edge of his seat, probably wondering where she was going with this speech. She turned to the audience again and continued, “Let us look a bit at the difference between lust and love. Lust takes, uses, acquires, and then discards without much concern about the feelings of others. Lusting after a woman cheapens her and reduces her to the same level as a piece of furniture.
“I guess a question you might ask here is this: If that was the case, why do women walk around wearing next to nothing, exhibiting themselves? Are they not asking men to run and lust after them? They manipulate and scheme. They use makeup and outrageously skimpy clothes to get a man in bed with them.
“Beloved brothers, I could stand here and explain that women are human beings, that we’re broken people, sometimes desperate for love and approval. I could mention that we have been conditioned to believe that the best way to get attention is by exhibiting ourselves, that in our thirst for kindness and applause, we do the things that get us noticed. I could try to ask you to understand how we mistake this attention for approval and love. If I did that though, I would be asking you to develop self-control for the wrong reasons.
“I have described lust. In contrast, love gives. Love looks to serve and help. Love looks to edify, for it is selfless. Love heals. In the presence of unconditional love, people can trust and cast away their fears.
“We need fathers and brothers who can give pure, unconditional love. It is in this atmosphere that women can heal. Otherwise, we live in fear, watching for predators, hiding our hearts from the world yet exhibiting our skin so that we’re not completely cast away.”
Maria made eye contact with men row by row, hoping to drive the revelation deeper into their spirits. She made her plea to each and every one of them.
“Let me ask you this, my brothers. If we’re broken, would you take advantage of us? Would you take advantage of our nudity to gratify a lustful need that would further shatter us? Would you use us and discard us like a dirty napkin?
“Won’t you help us heal instead? Would you be the champions who become fathers and brothers to ladies in distress? Or would you act like the mob outside, eager to grab us at the least sign of weakness on our part?
“If we get naked, would you clothe us? If we uncover ourselves, would you turn your eyes away out of respect for God, whose heart is broken watching us?”
Maria took a deep breath and looked around the sanctuary. There was a solemn hush in the room, a weighty judgement of hearts and motives.
“There has been an incident here a short while ago. There has been a bit of a concern that our pastor had fallen and that he dropped God and turned away from his faith.”
She could hear a few people gasp. She hesitated a bit, fighting a sense of shame.
“I want you first to know why I did not panic. I want to share with you the basis of my trust in my husband. Carl is a man of God. I don’t mean he is a pastor. No, I mean he is a man concerned about the will of God for his life.
“Men who put God first in their lives strive to see the earth from the throne room of the Almighty. If Carl and I had based our marriage on our feelings for each other, then we would be opened to temptation whenever we got upset with each other, whenever we did not feel good about each other.
“What I trust is that Carl understands that lusting after the daughters of God is repugnant to God, their Father, who adores them. It would defile Carl first and defile them. You cannot properly preach the love of God to people when you defile them in your mind and in your heart. You would not be a good ambassador of the character of the Lord. This is not only for pastors, but for everyone who proclaims a love for God.”
She quickly wiped a tear, upset with herself for allowing the emotion to the surface. She regained her composure quickly and kept on. “You have got to see, my dear friends, that your life is the sum of the daily decisions you make. My husband’s walk in this life is not for me. He should not be looking to me for approval. At the end, he needs to make his peace with his maker. His life needs to be a reflection of his beliefs and his love for God.
“I did not fret because this issue was never about me. It did not shame me. I had to sit with God and release my husband again to walk with him, according to the Bible, and the relationship they have built together over the years.
“I’m at peace knowing that my husband loves God and wants to make him proud. Everything else stems from that. I love that Carl and I are working hard in this short life so that in the eternal life, we will not be the least of the least, so that we will not hang our heads ashamed when we meet our Creator.”
Maria looked at them, wondering if they understood the power of a life on the altar of Jesus.
“Yes, we make mistakes. I cannot point a finger at him because I make mistakes too. I cannot expect perfection. I’m not perfect either. We forgive each other as we’re working our salvation every day, doing our best to please God.
“We don’t want to live to only do the Lord’s will. We want to seek his pleasure. We want to make him proud.
“This is why we wholeheartedly develop self-control and why you should have it too. Thank you.”
Maria felt vindicated. She was emerging as a fearless leader, a mother and a teacher who would not succumb to self-pity or accept it. She did not react to circumstances but addressed them and stood in victory.
She looked at Carl. The pride in his eyes said it all.
Chapter 49
Here Comes the Media
Carl was parking his car, a sense of excitement filling him, ready for a new week at church. He turned his phone on. Three messages were blinking. All had come from Geena. He frowned with concern, and he hurried into the building, wondering what could possibly be happening now.
He stopped in his track at the circus that seemed to be unfolding before his eyes. As soon as he was spotted, a cameraman jumped to his feet and started filming. Another young man with a m
icrophone ran up to meet him excitedly.
The first thought running through Carl’s head was that they had heard of the center, but he shook it immediately out of his mind. This was not really a newsworthy story, secularly speaking. The reporter did not give him much time to think anyway. He nodded at the cameraman to make sure he was on the air and shot his first question. “Excuse me, Pastor Carl. Is that right? Can you please answer a few questions?”
“What kind of questions?”
“Did you know you were harboring in this church a known criminal?”
“What? What is this about? What are you talking about?” Carl was confused, but he was feeling a deep anger rising within him. He had a strong sensation he was being played, but he had no idea yet what the game was about.
The reporter continued relentlessly, “Do you deny that a man named Brendan Lafaye is a member of this church? Did you know that this man has been found responsible in several drug-related thefts and was even charged with assault? Do you deny that this man is a member of this church?”
Carl relaxed. He looked at the reporter warily.
“Are these new charges, or if I’m correct, are they old ones he already cleared up with the court years ago?”
The reporter did not bother to answer Carl. “Are you antigay? Are gay couples allowed to be members in your church?”
The pastor simply looked at the young man. He was angry now. Carl chose not to lash out at the stranger. He had been counseling broken people for some twenty years. He had seen all kinds of people try to manipulate him, lie to him, try to convince him that they were justified in their sins. This young man’s manipulation and bullying tactics were those of a rookie. Carl was not impressed.
“Tell me, son. Are you gay?”
“What? No. That was not the question I asked, sir. Let me please repeat. Are gay couples welcome in this church?”
“I tell you what. Since you are not gay and it seems you are not coming here to get counseling, you need to leave. You have five minutes to vacate the building. Otherwise, my assistant will call the police. Do you understand?” He looked at Geena for confirmation. She nodded. Carl started heading toward his office.