by Sue Behnke
Carl spoke a blessing over them with all his heart, pouring all the peace he had been receiving while praying and fasting this week. He stepped down from the pulpit to extend as much love as he could on these dear friends alongside Maria and the elders.
Chapter 54
An Advertisement
Bob decided to act quickly. He had pastored before and knew that if he asked for approval, they would be stuck in endless debates. He knew the Lord was guiding him, so he called the local newspapers and put the following ad in.
You are cordially invited
to the screening of the documentary premiere
A Gay Life: New Discoveries and New Views.
On hand to discuss the subject and answer questions
Dr. Johannan Bridleman, MD, and Mr. Benson Craig, attorney.
We especially invite members of the gay, lesbian, and transgender community to join us in viewing and sharing in the conversation following the screening.
Refreshment will be offered.
This is a free event.
Venue: The Community Center, 567 Drummond Ave., room 105
Date: December 20
Time : 6:00 p.m.
Chapter 55
A Meeting of Elders
Finn had invited the other three elders for a barbecue, and they gladly came, carrying salads, specialty breads, and desserts.
Finn’s wife was out of town, and he enjoyed the company of the men as they enjoyed his. He did not invite Carl. He knew the pastor was still fasting. It would not be easy for him to sit at the feast table.
Finn, Jamie, Ted, and Paul were having a merry time, eating juicy steaks and chatting about the news and events in the world of sports.
Jamie had a great old war movie titled The Battle of the Bulge that they viewed together, and they had a great time discussing it afterward.
An uncomfortable silence set in after, leaving the men struggling a bit to find a subject to tackle. Someone steered the conversation toward the recent charges of hatred leveled against the church. The atmosphere changed immediately, an angry heaviness hung in the air.
Ted muttered, “Maybe Carl should have answered the reporter. He sure knows enough about the subject to bury him!”
“I don’t know that they would even have shown it if he did. They tend to cut what does not fit their theory and show people in the most unpleasant light,” Finn replied with a sigh.
“I still think Carl should have addressed it differently. He could at least have sat with the man and invited us in on the conversation. After all, we’re all being tried by the media now,” Ted retorted defiantly.
Jamie looked at the elders with great kindness. He gently interjected, “Brother, did you speak to Carl about this?”
“No, I haven’t had a chance to yet. I’m fuming over this man. I feel like we’re in a desperate situation, and we’ve done nothing wrong. We don’t even yet know where this is all going to lead.”
“Brother, I understand your feelings, but I’ll stand with Carl on this one. He did not create this situation. He’s as hurt by it as all of us, and he stands to lose the most. If you shared your fears with him, you can hear his heart on the matter. He needs our support more than ever.”
Paul turned to Jamie. “I don’t think I can handle it that way, Jamie. If Carl does not have a plan for the near future, I think I will be stepping down. This is too much pressure, and it’s going in a direction I don’t agree with. I wanted you guys to be the first to know.”
Shock waves ran through the small group. Finn looked at him, almost upset.
“You are deserting us in our hour of need, man. Why?”
“I don’t want to face the whole world and its hatred. This is more than I can handle. It’s making me wonder, Why is God allowing this? If God was with us, he would have given Carl the wisdom to deal with this. I’m wondering if we’re not sinning by letting Carl lead the church.”
Jamie stood up, a stern and determined look on his face. “This has gone too far, guys. Carl is the anointed one to lead. God did not engineer this situation. The world did. God will deliver us if we stand together and seek his face. But we’ll watch our hearts and our tongues. This is turning into slander. We’ll not speak of this anymore unless Carl is present.”
The awkwardness of the moment was weighing in the air. The elders rose, gloomily thanked Finn for the evening, and disappeared into the night.
Chapter 56
Preparing for the Storm
“We need prayer cover, Carl!”
Carl and Maria had been summoned to a meeting with Bob and the leadership of his church. Three other local pastors were sitting across the room, friends Bob had also invited.
“Bob, you know I trust you completely brother, but I sure wish you let me in on this before you put the ad in the papers!” Carl was a bit frustrated. He felt overlooked.
Bob was apologetic.
“Carl, we went ahead as soon as the doctor and the lawyer agreed to help. We did not want to waste time so that we could guarantee as much exposure in the media as possible. I was concerned about delays and time to think. I know I heard from the Lord, Carl. You need to trust me on this.”
Maria’s eyes were bright. She seemed desirous to leap into some action. “Bob, please let us know how we can support this endeavor! This is so exciting!”
Carl forced himself not to look at Maria at this very moment. He was feeling out of the loop, pushed around from every corner. It seemed like his life at this point was like a runaway train, uncontrollable, going altogether too fast in the wrong direction.
Bob looked at the pastors in the room and said, “Friends, I’m asking for your support in this project. We need discreet prayer warriors covering the event until it unfolds. We have less than a month to finalize all the preparations. We will also need some finances. Can I count on you?”
Pastor Margaret Brown spoke first. “Bob, when I first felt a call to pastor a church, I could not find another soul in town to support me. You were the first friend who stood by me, and you kept repeating the Scriptures ‘I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me’ and ‘There is no longer Jew or Gentile, slave or free, male and female’ until I started hearing them in my dreams!”
“My dear friend, it is my turn to support you. I will create a small group of intercessors. We will make a group call every evening and carry this project in prayer. Moreover, as a church, we would like to help with the cost of the event.”
Maria looked at Carl. He could see her twitching for some action, but he knew she was waiting for his lead out of love and respect for him. Carl sighed. “We will also pitch in financially, Bob. I’m glad you gave us to view the documentary you intend to show at the event. I’m just hoping the media is not going to slaughter us over this. But we will support you too, brother. Also, since you are part of the prayer thrust in our church, you can handle that. I will be there every Friday evening to stand with you in prayer. Meanwhile, Maria and I are fasting and interceding.”
Maria immediately added, “I would love to help serve refreshments, Bob, if you would give me that privilege.”
The other pastors pledged their support. The floor was open then for them to ask all kind of questions and get a slightly clearer picture of Bob’s plans. Carl swallowed hard once or twice, wondering if this was not going to get him in hotter water, but he chose to trust Bob based on the old man’s trust and faith in God.
As a pastor, he was learning new ways God did business, and he was not sure he was quite comfortable following. He silently opened his heart to the heaven and prayed quickly for mercy and grace.
He found himself telling God, “Lord, if you don’t come through for us, this will not look too good on you. The entire town is watching us!”
He felt a tinge of guilt though, and he reproached himself for not having more faith in the loving kindness of the Lord. He smiled slightly, wondering if God was having fun watching him twitch, and he
resolved to watch the levels of fear and doubts in his heart and fight them at their onset, so they don’t creep up on him again.
Chapter 57
Facing Jamie the Elder
Jamie was sitting on the edge of his seat, looking gravely at Carl.
“Carl, are you sure you know what you are doing? This might divide the church! We already have a quitting elder on our hands! Are you sure you are following God in this? I mean, I respect Bob, but do we have any confirmation to face the congregation with? This is dynamite! And it might explode in our faces! Moreover, Carl, you embarked on this wagon without us.”
“Jamie, we’ve been playing church the exact same way ever since we started this ministry. I believe we lost track of what God wants to do. He’s a creative God. He’s a powerful God! We’ve made him so small by playing it safe.”
Carl stood up from behind his desk and sat on a chair close to Jamie, hoping to instill some confidence in his friend. He looked at him gently, hiding the concern he felt, and continued, “I’m wondering how many other experiences we’ve we been blind to because we’re looking at life through religious glasses, running around like scared little kids, weighing issues according to our abilities instead of his.
“Jamie, can you forgive me for not having been able to involve you before, and would you help me discern? I tell you what. Come to the prayer meeting this Friday night, and let’s seek the Lord with open hearts. We can reconvene and look at the matter with a fresh outlook. What say you?”
“Carl, I won’t lie to you. I feel deeply unsettled and frustrated. You seem to be throwing away everything we ever believed and all that we labored for. I’m not sure I agree with this newfound theology you have embraced overnight. This adventure may prove too much for me. Since you asked me to attend the prayer meeting, I will. I will also inform the other elders.”
Carl sighed deeply after Jamie left. He wondered if he would even have a church after this wild affair concluded.
Chapter 58
Facing Finn the Elder
Maria almost never created waves. She was a gentle creature, a little girl who still went to God like an innocent child. She did not have great ambitions. It would not have occurred to her to pray or dream of big things. This turn of events took her breath away daily, but boy was she ever glad she was not in charge of the operation!
When Finn called to speak to her, she was cautious. She had known him many years, and she had not forgotten how they turned against Carl over unfounded rumors. She graciously listened, determined not to betray Carl in her heart or words.
“Maria, we’re deeply concerned. You and Carl have embarked on this bandwagon without even consulting with us. We’re confronted with a fait accompli that might divide the church and destroy all the work we’ve sacrificed for. We’re trying to rally around Carl, but we need more clarity. I’m personally upset. I want to know if Bob is running the church now.”
Maria sighed.
“Finn, I’m listening, and I hear your concern. This project is more or less spearheaded by Bob. Carl and I have decided to back him up because we believe it is what God would want us to do. We were not privy to its details from the onset, but Bob had good cause. We decided to trust. This Friday, if you join us for the prayer meeting, we’ll be praying for the project, and you can ask the Lord for guidance. I’m fasting and praying meanwhile. I believe that as we seek God’s face and listen, he’ll somehow reveal his will.
“Finn, this is not about the church. This is about obeying God as opposed to agreeing together and implementing. None of us feels in control. We’re all scared. We’re all desperately seeking God for guidance and confirmation. We are earnestly asking God in prayer for wisdom and understanding. But please know this. Neither Bob nor Carl is leading this project. They believe they’re receiving divine guidance. No one feels in control, and no one is keeping anyone out of the loop. We’re scrambling to understand and obey. That’s all.”
Finn was quiet for a bit. He then promised to come to the meeting. She was not sure he was convinced. She resolved to pray for him and the other elders.
Chapter 59
Redeemed Hearts
Carl decided it was prudent to lead the prayer meeting with wisdom. He waited for the elders to show up. Maria had been active. She had personally called the prayer warriors in the church and invited them to the meeting. She fasted and prayed sweetly to an awesome God to help them, to make the hearts tender to his will, and to give them eyes to see his ways so that they can follow him wholeheartedly.
Carl headed the meeting. It was wisdom not to encourage fear and suspicion. Bob seemed perfectly content to listen.
“Friends, we’re gathering today to break the box we have put God into for a very long time. This project is not this church’s brainchild. But it was birthed here last week in this very room. That is why we don’t want to disregard it. Bob received a revelation, and we would like to support what we believe is God’s guidance. Bob has stood by us and supported us. Now we would like to return the favor. Also, I’m convinced that every church in town should stand with us. We have been asked a question by the media, and I believe we need to be involved in the answer. Now let us pray.”
He sat down and allowed a few minutes for the emotions to settle. He knew his elders were uncomfortable, being on the outside looking in on the action in the church. He could see them sitting by themselves, looking at one another from time to time, slightly shaking their heads.
The prayer warriors rose to their feet despite the silence of the elders and started a wave of praise. The joy hit the room as they wholeheartedly thanked God for his intervention and his love. They did not seem understand the situation either, and Carl could feel the tension in the room. But this was God’s time, and Carl was so grateful that they were not going to waste their time with worries and fear. In this place and at this hour, it was time for their King to reign.
Carl listened in tears. If that kind of praise was flowing from his church family, he must have been doing something right. He went on his knees, head bowed, drinking from the joy and the love in the room. For a short time, he forgot everything, his heart seeking the heavens, calling to enter the throne room, asking the God of the universe for an audience. He forgot about the agenda he came with, the worries, and the pain. He just wanted to honor the King and properly invite him into his life.
As he felt the air thickening around him, tears started flowing, but not for himself. His soul was churning for Brendan. He cried out until he could no longer find anything to say. He pleaded with the almighty God, charging him with the well-being of a broken man, praying for guidance and guardian angels. His heart was breaking on the altar of the Most High, pleading for a miracle.
Carl prayed in agony until he felt a comforting hand on his shoulder. He stole a quick look. It was Bob. He wiped his tears furtively, hoping nobody noticed. He took a deep breath and returned to the meeting at hand.
Carl looked at the elders. He felt his heart sink. He could see Ted and Paul seething. Carl had always felt he could lean more on Jamie and Finn. Tonight he felt justified. He stood straighter and asked Bob to lead the prayer for the coming event.
He knew he had to brace himself in the next few days. Another storm was probably going to rock the church.
Chapter 60
A Fiery Trial
“Brendan, my sweetheart, I wish you could simmer down a bit,” his wife, Amber, pleaded. She knew he was in a state of deep anxiety. It was obvious he could no longer concentrate well, and his moods were becoming unmanageable. His wife had respected his wishes and relocated with him, but his lack of stability was starting to frighten her.
She had followed him because she did not want to lose him and destroy the home they had built together. She knew their daughter adored him, and he adored her right back. She told herself all would be well in new surroundings. She was starting to realize that there may not be a home left after all. Her husband was scaring her.
That night
was not very different. Angry, he was having a beer. She just sat in the far end of the room, watching him sulk in front of the TV. She just had enough. She decided to confront him.
“Brendan, I can’t take this anymore.”
“I wish you’d just quit whining! I’m just trying to relax. I’m not drinking more than one beer, so just leave me alone!”
“It’s not that, Brendan. I just don’t know how to be around you anymore. You’re always angry and moody. Your daughter is no longer happy. You’re scaring us.”
Brendan put the bottle down, sobered by a thought, and looked at his wife. “I don’t know what to do anymore. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to be like my father.”
“Why not call Pastor Carl? He was such a good friend. Why not chat with him? Maybe he can help.”
“I wish I could, pet. I can’t stop thinking about contacting him. I would hate the idea of the pastor thinking I was a coward for running away.”
He then felt secure enough and confided in her. That morning his boss had called him to the office to ask him if all was well. Brendan told her that he could no longer escape the fact that he was on the edge of something ugly.
Chapter 61
Getting Real
Jane looked at the mirror with sadness. She did not like the face staring back at her. She could almost picture herself at the head of a long table and people sitting on her right and left, family members and friends, each criticizing her and mocking her. Her throat tightened as she imagined her father sitting at the other end of the table, wagging an angry finger at her. She felt such loneliness and grief. She turned to her diary.
To the one I love,