Thou Shalt Not

by Jj Rossum

  “I’m really sorry for having to do this,” he said. “But, April isn’t feeling well and I’m going to have to take her home.”

  “Oh no,” Mark said. “Does she need anything? We’ve got stuff in our medicine cabinet. Come look.”

  “No, thank you,” Marco said. “She’s already in the car. I should just get her home to rest.”

  “Well, tell her we hope she feels better soon.”

  Marco politely wished everyone a good night, turned toward me and Holly, and gave us a nod. Then he was gone.

  Holly didn’t say a word until we got back in the car to leave.

  “So you love me, huh?”

  “Yes, I do.”

  “You aren’t just saying that because of what I said the other night? Because that would seriously piss me the fuck off.”

  “Holly, I love you. I love everything about you. Even your dirty mouth. Other men don’t get to date you anymore. I don’t want other men touching you. You’re mine. I get to kiss you and touch you and be inside you. I get to take you out on dates and bend you over picnic tables and come inside you. Yeah, Holly. I love you.”

  She didn’t say anything for about thirty seconds.

  “Well,” she finally said. “I can’t say that I blame you.”

  I laughed. She raised her eyebrows.

  “And I’m yours,” I said. “ And that means no one gets to have me but you. Only you.”

  I didn’t bother asking Holly if she wanted me to drop her off at her house for the night. Holly was coming home with me.

  Ten minutes later, we pulled into the driveway where April and Holly had met twenty-four hours earlier. It was amazing how much could transpire in a matter of a day. Hell, the last few weeks had more ups and downs than most people experience in a year.

  Albert was standing outside his home when we got out of the car.

  “Hi, Mr. Lang,” Holly said. “I’m going to the grocery store tomorrow morning if you need anything.”

  “Morning for me is four AM,” he said. “I don’t think that’s morning for you.”

  Holly laughed. “Okay then. I’m going to the store tomorrow NIGHT, if you’d like to join me.”

  There was a familiarity between the two of them that I couldn’t help but love.

  “I’ll be ready,” Mr. Lang said.

  I let Holly walk ahead of me to the door, and I turned and nodded in the direction of Mr. Lang. He actually looked like he was smiling.

  When we got inside, I picked Holly up and carried her to the kitchen counter. When she was seated on the counter, her face was just about level with mine. She wrapped her legs around me and I took her face in my hands.

  “Can you pick up some hazelnut creamer when you go to the store tomorrow?”

  She made to slap my face, but I grabbed her wrists. “Never mind,” I said. “You should just move in, then I would never run out of hazelnut.”

  I dared to give her a quick peck on the lips. “All women have a flavor,” I informed her. “Yours is the best.”

  Our kisses were almost exclusively the hot, frenzied kisses of two people who couldn’t wait to rip each other’s clothes off and fuck. Even when the kisses started slowly, they would escalate quickly, lips being bitten, tongues dancing around like swords in a joust.

  This kiss started slowly, lips exploring each other like it was the first time they’d ever touched. Our tongues moved gently, hesitant but playful. Hers would touch mine and then dart back, until my tongue would find hers again, like a back and forth game of hide and seek. My hands stayed interlocked behind her head, not wandering her body yet. They knew they would get their turn soon. Her arms were wrapped around my shoulders, her legs still holding me as close as they could.

  I opened my eyes for a moment, right as hers opened too. I pulled my lips away, and hers pursed like they weren’t ready for the kissing to end. Holly’s eyes glazed over like she was in a daze.

  “Oh my god,” she said. “I’m so wet.

  “I need to be inside you,” I said. “I need to make love to you.”

  Her eyes got big. “Do we even know how to do that?”

  Always the smartass.

  I had been inside Holly so many times over the years. I always wanted to be. She could turn me on more quickly than any woman on the planet. But it had always been based out of want. I wanted to kiss her, I wanted to touch her, I wanted to fuck her.

  This time, I felt the need. I needed to be inside her. I needed to feel our bodies connect, become one.

  I carried Holly to the bedroom. Our clothes weren’t ripped off and thrown in ten different directions. We took our time undressing each other, and when we were both completely naked, I stood back and took her in.

  “My god,” was all I could say.

  I stepped to her and kissed her once again. Slowly, deeply, like before. My hands found her breasts, my fingers tracing ever peak.

  Holly ran her hands gently down both of my shoulders, and my body shuddered at her touch.

  As we continued to kiss, one finger traveled over the top of her breast, and wound its way down her body. Past her belly button, past her hips. When my finger reached its destination, sliding in, she gasped.

  She was more than ready.

  I took both of her hands in mine, lifting them to eye level. Our fingers locked, and I pushed her back softly. We fell together onto the bed.

  I slid into Holly, her warmth welcoming me in.

  Our hands stayed together, arms by our heads as we resumed kissing.

  I thrust softly, slowly. Nothing was rushed.

  I kissed her neck, her ears, her cheek, her nose. Everything my lips could find, they kissed.

  Our bodies began to sparkle with sweat, causing them to slide together in an even better rhythm.

  I rested the side of my head just beneath her shoulder and closed my eyes. My ear was against her, and I could hear her heart beat, feel it beat through her skin.

  Holly stretched her legs out and slid them behind mine, pulling me into her even more tightly.

  I raised my head up and looked down at her. Her eyes were open, and she was looking up at me. They had that glaze, but there was more.

  “I love you, Holly,” I said.

  Our lips met again.

  I could feel the pressure building up in my body. It wouldn’t be long now.

  “I love you, too,” she said, her eyes never wavering.

  The thrusting got more intense, but softer at the same time, our bodies gliding together to the finish.

  “Oh my god,” she began saying. Over and over.

  Her eyes shut, and she turned her head to the side.

  “Oh god,” she said again.

  Her body arching, she let out a cry.

  And I came.

  We came together for the first time.

  As Holly slept peacefully next to me, I couldn’t help but replay all that had happened over the previous few weeks. It seemed like only yesterday that the school year had started and Robin had come down with an illness we all thought would pass in a day or two. April’s arrival had seemed like a godsend, in more ways than one, and I remember wondering where they would move April once Robin returned. I certainly had wanted her to stay.

  April awoke something in me I hadn’t even known was there—a desire to have something serious in my life for the first time in a long time. Whenever Holly and I had ventured into serious territory, one or both of us would get spooked and the momentum would be squashed. Who was I kidding, though? I had probably been the one to squash it every time. And Holly had simply responded accordingly.

  I never had a single complaint with Holly. She was beautiful, sexy, fun, responsible, hardworking, and kind. These were all things I noticed and responded to, but somehow I had still managed to take them for granted. I guess I just saw Holly for who she was in the very beginning—someone I was dating in an attempt to move on from Carrie and try again. I was obviously not ready for anything serious then, but that didn’t mean sh
e wasn’t the right one the whole time. Carrie had always said I was too stubborn to see a good thing even if it was standing right in front of me.

  But, April had stirred those desires for something serious. I felt the need to protect her from Marco, from anything bad that life would throw at her. She had been stunning, and witty, and I was under her spell before I knew there was a spell to be under. But, my gut had tried to warn me. Sometimes you have to learn the hard way.

  Charm is deceiving, and beauty fades. And when it does, all you are left with is who that person is at their core. And, Holly’s core was just as beautiful as the surface. I only wish I had spent more time examining April’s core before ever starting anything. It would have kept me from doing anything stupid.

  Holly had been in front of me the whole time. And I had almost lost her. Now, she was sleeping right next to me, and there was no way I would ever let her go again.

  April didn’t show up to work on Friday. I hadn’t expected her to. The illness she had acquired the night before was apparently still ailing her.

  I wondered if she would ever come back. Marco would have a thing or two to say about it, I was sure.

  Classes slowly crawled by that morning, and by the time lunch came around, I was exhausted and hungry and ready to eat any and every fried food the cafeteria could offer up.

  As I was about to leave my classroom to head downstairs, the intercom buzzed overhead.

  “Mr. Harper?”

  It was our secretary, Carla.

  “Yes, ma’am?”

  “Could you come by the office? Principal West would like to have a word with you.”

  “Sure thing. I’ll be right down.”

  The noises of rowdy teenagers filled the hallway as I headed to the office. Kids were already excited for the weekend, and I knew trying to control the Friday afternoon crowd would be damn near impossible.

  But, when I got into the office, the mood shifted entirely.

  Carla sat at her desk, in a mood much more serious than I had ever remembered seeing.

  “Is he...?” I asked, pointing toward Mark’s office.

  She nodded.

  She looked upset.

  His door was closed, so I knocked.

  “Come in,” he said.

  When I opened the door, he stood up.

  “Luke, shut the door and have a seat,” he said. His mood seemed to match Carla’s. “We need to talk.”

  Since beginning work on Thou Shalt Not in early 2013, there have been a multitude of maddening moments where all I wanted to do was buy thousands and thousands of matches and set fire to every single letter of every single word in the story and call it quits. But, there were people along the way who kept my pyromaniac fingers away from the matchbox, and kept them focused on finishing the book instead of torching it. To say that I wouldn’t be here without them is the understatement of all understatements.

  Luisa Hansen - I had no idea what to expect from a “Beta Reader” when I first entrusted TSN to you. Your support was always overwhelming, and the “WTF I need more!” emails and texts I would get after sending a section that left you hanging kept me going when I felt like being done with it all. You are an absolute gem and I am ridiculously blessed to have you in my corner.

  Tosha Khoury - You were a tremendous support along the way, encouraging me and offering suggestions and giving honest feedback. Even when I knew it was tough for you, you told me the truth. And that helped make TSN a better book. Without you, it might still have that god-awful ending! You were also incredibly patient with me as we tried out a million different cover designs for the book. If I were you, I would have reached through the phone and strangled me. But, you and Matt did a wonderful job on it, and I am in your debt. Thank you a million times over...You’re the best!

  Serena Prather Knautz - You have been Team JJ since the beginning, and were supporting and promoting TSN before you had even read the first word of the first chapter. I’m not sure what I did in a previous life to deserve having you on my side, but hopefully it was enough to keep you around for a long time. See you at Wrigley in the summer!

  Nina Gomez - I’m pretty sure you read TSN faster than anyone else, and your enthusiasm and support for it were just what I needed to finish strong. And, you helped me decide to make a tweak to the ending that wouldn’t have happened without your insight. Thank you. And thank you for being so good to those who have supported me. You have been invaluable to the process, and you probably didn’t even know it.

  My Salty, Nutty Rossumatos - You guys make me laugh every single day. Thank you for being so hardcore about a book you hadn’t even read. I hope I didn’t let y’all down. And thank you to Robin for bringing us all together to share our salty, nutty minds.

  Lori Sabin - You are the best editor a person could ever ask for, but you are an even better friend. Since I didn’t let you edit this section, I’ll try knot too mess up two badleigh. Thanks for putting up with all my punctuation errors and nonsense questions. Your advice and tweaks throughout the process definitely made TSN a lot better read. You have also put up with errors and nonsense in my life outside of TSN, and your advice and tweaks and friendship has made me a better person. Or is it “have made...”? :-) I love you dearly. Even more than Tarryn loves Robert Redford.

  Tarryn Fisher - You pushed me. And pushed me. And cursed at me. And pushed me some more. And never let me quit. Even when I thought I was finished and you said “What is this bullshit?” There would not be a Thou Shalt Not if it weren’t for you and all the time and effort you put in to helping make this a better book and me a better writer. Thank you for letting a little part of my story share space with Olivia and Caleb in Thief. And thank you for bringing them back for TSN. I still can’t believe this book is finally done, but I can’t wait to move on to the next one so that you can push me and encourage me and curse at me some more. I love you dearly too as well.

  “I used to have a girlfriend named Phoebe. She ripped through my bank account. Two plastic surgeries,” Bernie said, holding up two fingers. “Breasts and nose. And then she ran off and married a man.” Bernie was perched on the edge of my desk, looking thoughtfully out the window at the darkening sky.

  I smiled, stacking the last of the files into the cabinet drawer and pushing it closed with my hip.

  “It’ll simmer down,” I predicted. “Turn into a tropical storm.”

  “Yeah,” Bernie nodded. “See you Friday if we’re not all dead.”

  I grabbed my purse and lifted my fingers in a half wave, as I headed for the elevators.

  I’d been in a rush that morning and parked on the street instead of in the garage. The benefit to the shorter walk was the privilege of people watching, and the stand that sold roasted chestnuts. I picked up my pace when the sky started grumbling. Any minute there was going to be a burst and I would get soaked. The real question was if the chestnuts were worth it or not. There was a brief pause as I looked at the chestnut stand and my car just a little ways past it. Why not? I thought.

  I crossed the street right before the music store, five-dollar bill ready in my hand. I’d eat well tonight.

  I was right. Hurricane Phoebe slowed her roll right off the coast of Cuba and came gusting in as a tropical storm instead. I’d eaten my chestnuts in the dark, listening to the wind and the rain. Even if there weren’t a tropical storm I would have eaten my chestnuts in the dark. I’m morbid like that. On Friday morning, my best friend called to check on me. She yodeled as soon as I picked up. I already knew she was going to, so I was holding the phone away from my ear.

  “Must you always?” I asked, slipping on my heels and snatching up my purse.

  “I need to exercise my vocal cords before a show.”

  But, it was all a lie. She yodeled every time she called. It was obnoxious.

  “I’m heading to work,” I said. “I have class tonight.”

  “Fine! I was just calling to see if you were alive. Saw Phoebe on the news…”

  “
Good luck tonight, Seets. Love you.” I hung up just as she was yelling something about “Break a leg.”

  After college, I came home and Seeta went home to London. She was working in the ensemble of a big time musical. We hadn’t seen each other in three years, but we spoke every day. As soon as I finished law school I’d go see her. Or at least that’s what I told myself. My mother’s insurance money was draining quickly. I could have gone to law school in Boston and had a cheaper ride, but I wanted to take my bar and get licensed in my home state of Florida. The school wasn’t as prestigious and the weather wasn’t as nice, but at least I was…home.

  “Olivia,” Bernie said, when I walked in the door. “I need you to do something and you’re not going to like it.”

  “What?” I said suspiciously.

  In the past Bernie had asked me to do a number of distasteful chores, including taking her cat to be spade, and taking her greasy, touchy feeley brother for drinks while she was in a meeting.

  “I need you to go to a toy store. It’s my goddaughter’s birthday, and it’s too late to order something online.”

  I pushed up my bottom lip until it pushed up the top one.

  “Mmmkay,” I said. Because a toy store actually sounded like fun. When was the last time I was in a toy store? I got the logistics of the gift, the age, the interests, and I peeled out of work, glad for the few hours of free time.

  It was eleven o’clock in the middle of the week. The aisles were empty except for a few stragglers here and there. I passed a father and a little girl who were talking animatedly about dolls. She had about five of them lined up on the floor, and she was crouching in turn in front of each one, presumably making her choice.

  He glanced up as I walked by, and for a second, he looked familiar. I didn’t know men like him—with children and camel-colored shoes that cost a month of my salary. I breezed past and found the aisle with the Barbie dolls. Bernie told me to find an ambitious Barbie. A lawyer, but not a doctor…maybe a vet. I scanned the shelves. Most of the Barbies were professional sluts, beach bums or clubbers. I was at a loss when I felt a little tug on my dress.