Beholden

by Lesley Crewe

  My mouth instantly went dry. “What…what are you talking about?”

  “I killed a girl. She was in my car and it went off the road. I shouldn’t have taken her. I should never have let her in the car. It’s my fault.”

  He rushed into the hospital, me at his heels.

  “If it was a car accident, you’re not to blame. The weather’s awful this morning. Anyone could’ve had an accident.”

  “But you don’t understand.” He opened up his coat slightly and I gasped. There was a very small newborn baby clinging to his chest, its tiny fingers entangled in his chest hair.

  “Is it alive?”

  “Just.”

  It was a blur after that. George ran into the emergency room and two doctors and a nurse gathered around. George dropped the coat and tried to pass the baby to the doctor, but the baby wouldn’t let go. He had to pull her tiny fingers from his skin and he let out a sob as he did. One of the doctors took her and George tried to participate, but he was unsteady on his feet, so another nurse took him away and handed him to me. I made him sit down and asked someone for a glass of water. He drank it quickly.

  “I can’t believe this has happened,” he whispered. “It’s a bad dream.”

  “Where’s the girl?”

  “She’s in another ambulance behind us. Just a young girl, and her life is over. I’ll never forgive myself.”

  I took his hands in mine. “You must have done something right, George. Her baby is still alive, thanks to you.”

  Another nurse came towards us. “Some police officers are here. They want to talk to you. You can go in the next room.”

  “Don’t leave me,” George whispered.

  “Never.”

  We went into a small office. The policemen took up most of the space. I made George sit down on the only chair.

  They took out their notepads. “Okay, Dr. Mackenzie, let’s go through the timeline of events.”

  George nodded. “I picked up a girl hitchhiking—”

  “Where were you coming from?”

  “St. Peter’s. I was on a fishing trip and I was driving home to Sydney.”

  “So, you picked her up where?”

  “I’m not sure. Maybe around Middle Cape. She was soaked through.”

  “Did she tell you who she was?”

  “No. It was shortly after that, just before Big Pond…the buck was right in the middle of the road. I didn’t have time to think. We slid across the highway and down into a ditch.”

  “What happened then?”

  “The girl was hurt, and when I put my hands on her to see if she broke anything, I realized she was pregnant. Her contractions started almost immediately, but I was terrified because I could see she was bleeding. It was terrible. I did the best I could. I couldn’t stop the bleeding. I’ll never forget it as long as I live. I couldn’t save her. I couldn’t save her.”

  “So basically we have no idea who this girl was or where she came from?”

  “It seems to me she was running away,” I told the police. “Who else would be hitchhiking in a storm, but a girl half-crazy with fear? I bet her people threw her out. That happens, you know.”

  The police officers looked at me. “And you are?” said one of them.

  “I’m Dr. Mackenzie’s cousin. He called me.”

  The police closed their notebooks. “We’ll be back if we need to ask any more questions. We’ll see if we have any missing persons in the area. If we don’t find her people, I’m afraid we’ll have to bury her in an unmarked grave.”

  “I’ll pay for her burial,” George said.

  “And what about the infant?”

  “Don’t worry,” said George. “I’ll contact social services here at the hospital. There are always people willing to take in a newborn, once she’s recovered her health.”

  The officers left and George held his hands over his face and cried. I rubbed his back and made soothing noises. I didn’t know what else to do. If I’m being truthful, something about the story didn’t seem quite right to me. I know it was a terrible thing, but the depth of George’s despair was deep. There was something personal about it.

  That’s when it hit me. I wondered if this was George’s baby. But how could that be? He’d never be involved with a child, surely. Nothing made much sense. My head hurt just thinking about it.

  He looked up at me. “Eileen. You have to help me.”

  “Of course, George. Anything you ask.”

  “I can’t let this little girl down. I couldn’t save her mother, but I can save her. I want to bring her home and raise her. But I need you. Would you be willing to look after another child? To raise it as your own?”

  I was stunned. A baby of my own? It was something I had always wanted but had tucked away with the rest of the disappointments in my life, and now this amazing opportunity was being handed to me. Was it God’s will? How could I say no, if this was preordained? My brain felt like it was on fire. I could only nod at first, but then I remembered. “What will Mavis say?”

  “I don’t care. Do you think we can make this happen? I need you, Eileen. That baby held on to me as soon as she came out, so trusting, so helpless. I love her. I can’t explain it, but I love her so dearly. I can’t be parted from her.”

  “We’ll make it happen, George. You and me.”

  He grabbed me and held on for dear life. “Thank you, Eileen. I love you.”

  The feeling was mutual.

  We waited to hear about the baby. It was a good hour before the doctor who’d taken her came to fetch us.

  “I think she’ll live. We have to wait and see, but you must have done something right, George. She’s holding her own.”

  We went up to see the baby. She was being closely monitored in an incubator. Her hair, now that her mother’s blood had been washed from it, was a soft fuzz of blond. She was so incredibly tiny, with her wrinkled skin and small fists. George put his hand in the opening and let her grab his finger. “Hush, little one. You’re safe now.”

  “She’s beautiful,” I whispered. “Even as small as she is.”

  “Her name is Bridie. Her mother lasted long enough to tell me that. Bridie.”

  George wanted to be informed when the young girl’s body arrived. I asked him if he was sure and he nodded. We went down to the mortuary together. It was as if he needed to see her again to make sure that it had happened.

  When he pulled back the sheet, he cried. I cried with him, because she looked so young. Too young to be a mother. Too young to be dead. It was such a waste. I vowed then and there that I would love this baby for her with all my heart. I would be the mother I never thought I’d be. God was granting me this gift. I didn’t deserve it, but now that it was happening, I would move heaven and earth to do my duty by them both. This would be my mission in life.

  And so help me, if Mavis raised a stink about it, I’d kill her and bury her in my strawberry patch in the backyard.

  I pointed to the locket around the young girl’s neck. “You should take that and give it to Bridie someday. She’d want a memento of her mother.”

  George wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. “Yes, you’re right.” He took the necklace off her slender neck and looked at it with a mixture of horror and amazement, it seemed to me.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “N-n-nothing. Nothing at all.”

  6

  Mavis did raise a stink. An almighty one.

  She was horrified when she saw me help George out of a cab later that afternoon. She threw open the front door and ran down the front walk.

  “Where were you, Eileen? I was frantic with worry! And what happened to you, George? Where’s the car?”

  “Just let me get him in the house, Mavis.” I marched past her with George leaning against me, with only enough energy left to make it to the
living room. George sat heavily in his armchair, his head hanging down, arms at his sides, looking at nothing.

  “Someone better tell me what’s going on!” Mavis shouted. “Why does George look like he’s been in a fight?”

  “George had a car accident this morning.”

  “What? Is the car wrecked? It’s almost brand new.”

  “Your husband is alive, Mavis. Perhaps you should be thanking God for that.”

  I’d never spoken to Mavis that way before, and I could tell by the expression on her face that she didn’t appreciate it.

  “I can see he’s alive, Eileen. I just want to know what happened. Is there something wrong with that?”

  “No, of course not. I’m sorry. It’s been a long day.”

  Mavis looked puzzled. “Why did George call you and not me?”

  “You didn’t answer the phone,” George said quietly.

  “Well, someone should’ve called me long before this. Why am I the last to know everything?” Mavis reached for her cigarettes and lit one before sitting on the couch, crossing her legs, and looking put-out.

  I took off my coat and sank into the nearest chair. “Where’s Patty?”

  “She’s still next door.”

  “You didn’t go get her?”

  “Why should I? You took her over there. You can bring her back.”

  I was afraid I was going to hit Mavis, so I got up and left the living room. Now I’d have to apologize to poor Doris. When I went next door, both Doris and Patty looked at me with a certain amount of hate.

  “I’m so sorry, Doris. I just got back. I thought Mavis would’ve come for Patty long before this.”

  “You owe me.”

  “I know.”

  Patty wouldn’t take my hand as we walked out the back door. “Don’t leave me there again. She’s mean.”

  “How is she mean?”

  “She makes me eat egg sandwiches.”

  “Oh dear. You’ll have to have two cookies for dessert instead of one.”

  Patty smiled. “Okay.”

  I was hoping George would’ve told Mavis what was going on without me, but he kindly waited for me to come back to the house first.

  “Eileen, I need you,” he called out from the living room.

  I took off Patty’s sweater and held out the cookie jar. “Take two cookies now and go up to your room and play tea, while Mommy and Daddy and I talk.”

  Her eyes lit up. She took the cookies and skipped upstairs. I would’ve happily skipped off in the other direction, but I knew that George needed me, so I slowly made my way back to the front of the house. What seemed like a rational thing to do at the hospital, with the baby in our sights, suddenly became a far-fetched idea now that Mavis was about to hear about it. I prayed for strength.

  George gestured for me to sit on the chesterfield. He looked at Mavis. “I’m going to tell you what happened, and I don’t want you to say anything until I’m finished.”

  Mavis looked at me. “What’s going on?”

  “Mavis! Listen to me. Please.”

  “Okay! There’s no need to shout.”

  George told her what happened, but he had a hard time getting it out without breaking down. I could tell Mavis was very uncomfortable, but she wasn’t completely heartless. Her hands covered her mouth when he told her about the girl dying in his arms.

  “That’s terrible,” she cried. “That poor young girl. How awful.”

  Then he told her the rest and what he wanted to do. Her mouth opened and stayed open. She looked at me and then back at him.

  “Are you insane? A baby? You want to raise a stranger’s child as your own?”

  “It will be my baby, Mavis. If only you could see her. She’s so little and has no one, and I’ve always wanted a child. I think this was meant to be. We need each other.”

  Mavis stood up and didn’t know who to glare at first. She turned her back on us and stared out the living room window for a good two minutes. It gave George a chance to catch his breath. He looked at me and I could tell he needed me to stay strong. All I wanted to do was run into the kitchen and eat the leftover apple pie in the pantry.

  When she turned around again, she had composed herself. “So, you’re telling me that Eileen, who is supposed to be working for us, is suddenly going to have her own family, under our roof, while we pay her for the privilege. I’d say that’s a very cozy arrangement for her. We provide a roof over her head and a wage that is not inconsequential, and she gets to play happy family with a baby that was literally picked up off the streets.”

  “I will look after this child, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to abandon you,” I reassured her. “I love Patty as my own, and I will continue to love her and I will always be here for you. A baby doesn’t stay a baby for long. She won’t be in the way. She’ll stay in my quarters off the kitchen.”

  “That’s a lot of nonsense. This is an outrageous request and I’m putting a stop to it, right this minute. Do you hear me, George?”

  George got up off his armchair and walked over to her. “For once in your life, Mavis, you have no choice in the matter. I need to make amends for—for…killing a young girl. She’s dead…dead…my fault. I—I have to…I couldn’t live with myself if I abandoned this infant. I owe her…Eileen and I will make sure this little girl has a good life. And I know that you’re a good woman, Mavis. You can’t—you can’t possibly be jealous of a baby who has nothing or no one.”

  Good for George.

  Mavis turned bright red. What could she say to that? She marched out of the living room, stomped up the stairs, and slammed her bedroom door. George’s shoulders slumped and he looked like he was going to pass out, so I led him back to the chair.

  “The worst part is over,” I whispered.

  He slowly raised his eyes to look at me. “I don’t think so, Eileen. She’s going to make things difficult for both of us. Worse for you, because you’re with her all day.”

  “I’m a strong person. I’ve put up with Betty my whole life. I can handle Mavis. We’re doing the right thing.”

  He took my hand and kissed it. “What would I do without you?”

  “You’d be screwed.”

  I saw a peek of a smile.

  In a way, it was a godsend that Bridie was in the hospital for three weeks before she came home. It gave Mavis a chance to get some of the anger out of her system. Not just anger but also suspicion.

  Even though I was the villain who was going to raise the child, after five years of bending my ear, the habit was hard to break, and so Mavis would still come to me with her theories.

  She sat at her makeup table while I changed the sheets. “The whole hospital is talking about it, you know. Even Donny thinks it’s odd. I mean, why is he so stuck on this child?” She looked at me over her shoulder. “You don’t think George had an affair, do you? Maybe the baby is his, and that’s why he’s so adamant about it.”

  “Do you honestly think George could have an affair, Mavis? Think about it. Is Mr. Straight-and-Narrow capable of such a thing? Donny, yes, but George?”

  Mavis flinched a little when I said Donny’s name. Good. She sighed. “I suppose you’re right. He’s too boring.”

  That irked me. “George isn’t boring.”

  She waved her hand at me. “George can do no wrong as far as you’re concerned, Eileen. You’re always sticking up for him.”

  “I suppose that’s what cousins do.”

  Now she completely turned around and faced me. “You’re sure you’ll be able to look after this baby? It’s not yours. And you’ve been an old maid for years. Do you even have a maternal instinct?”

  In my mind, I threw a pillow in her face. In reality, I put a pillowcase on it. “I’ve been looking after Patty for years. She’s like a daughter to me.”

  “I’m af
raid it’s not the same thing. Only a mother can love her child completely.”

  “All I can do is my best.”

  “Don’t come crying to me if it gets to be too much. And don’t ever expect me to look after this baby. And don’t you dare take time away from Patty. I don’t want her to suffer.”

  “I promise that won’t happen.”

  She faced the mirror again. “It’s ridiculous that I have to worry about this. Life was just fine, and now George has gone and mucked it all up. I’m probably a laughingstock among my peers. Whose husband comes home with an infant and says ‘We’re keeping it’? No one’s!”

  I let her prattle on. It seemed to help her.

  The nameless girl was buried at the Hardwood Hill Cemetery. Only George and I were there. The police got in touch and said that so far, they hadn’t had any luck finding anything out, but her file wasn’t closed. They’d keep trying.

  George would come home and tell me how Bridie was doing. He checked on her every day. I found it harder to leave the house, because Mavis always wanted to know where I was going and concocted ways to keep me at home with her and Patty. I was desperate to see Bridie again, and one day, while I was out getting groceries, I took a cab to the hospital and met George there. He took me up to the neonatal unit and we both took a peek at our girl, who was now two weeks old.

  She was still very small, but less wrinkly, and her big, bright eyes were open and taking in everything around her. Whenever George put his finger near her, she held on for dear life and settled right down. The first time I did it, she fussed a bit, but soon drifted off to sleep. I loved her so much. The thought of actually holding her in my arms kept me up at night. It seemed as though it would never happen.

  Technically, I couldn’t adopt Bridie because I was single, so George went to court to become Bridie’s legal guardian. When I called home to tell my mother what was happening, she was alarmed.

  “Are you sure this is the right thing to do, Eileen? It’s not like getting a puppy. This child will be your responsibility for the rest of your life.”

  “What a glorious thing,” I answered. “I’ve always wanted to be a mother, and now I will be.”