The Weight of Forever: (Grand Harbor: Book Two)

by Randileigh Kennedy

  We pulled into the pub’s parking lot and it was dead, even for a Tuesday. There were only six or seven cars. No doubt I checked to make sure Garrett’s car wasn’t in the lot – that would just be awkward, on the chance he’d lied to me and still went out tonight. I wouldn’t put it past him.

  Lexi and I slid up to the bar, sitting down on some metal stools. The band playing wasn’t terrible. It definitely wasn’t my kind of music, but it wasn’t awful. We each ordered Vodka Tonics with a splash of grenadine.

  “Who is this?” Lexi asked over the loud music.

  “Some band Garrett wanted to see, I think their name is Whiskey Lips or something.” I couldn’t recall their actual name, other than remembering it sounded stupid.

  “They’re not that bad.”

  “Don’t convince me Garrett has good taste in music. I don’t want to forgive him. How’s Nathan by the way? Was the whole dog thing as bad as I would imagine?”

  “So much worse,” she replied, shaking her head. “He was crying, and I felt so helpless. It was like losing my own dog all over again, watching him go through that heartache. He got Jersey as a birthday present when he was ten. It was really heart wrenching. Even his dad was all choked up. It was awful.”

  Just another reason why I was terrified to own a pet. The ending was too traumatic for me.

  “It was nice to see his sensitive side, though. Guys are usually so tough and unemotional, right? But there he was, a big ball of mush, weeping over the loss of his best friend. I think things are really getting serious between us.” Her face lit up as she spoke.

  “I’m glad you’re happy.” It was true. Sophia was happily engaged to Lance, and Lexi had been dating Nathan for almost a year now. It was heartwarming for me to see my best friends full of such joy, though admittedly it stung a little bit too. They were both set in their careers, and now full of love as well – I couldn’t help my jealousy. Somehow I felt like I was being left behind. I spent most of my nights working the bar at Kilwin’s Pub, and the only guy on my radar was out dancing with some blonde.

  Wait. Why was Garrett in front of the stage dancing with some blonde?

  “I knew it.” I took a deep breath.

  “What? What’s going on?” Lexi scanned the room, no doubt trying to fixate her gaze on the very same image burning through my stare at the moment.

  “He doesn’t look all that sick tonight, right? Lexi, please just tell me I’m an idiot.”

  “You’re not an idiot, Olivia. He’s just not worth your time. You already know that. That doesn’t make you a fool, it makes him one. You have to let him go already. It never stops.”

  “I know.” That was the sad part. I knew things wouldn’t change, yet I continued to put up with it. I couldn’t do it anymore. “This is officially it. This is the end of it. I’m not doing it anymore. You’re right, Lex. I need a break from all of this, I can’t keep going through this week after week. He needs to know I’m not putting up with this anymore. Let’s go.”

  “Olivia, I see that look in your eyes. I know what you want to do.”

  “What?”

  “Are we going to egg his car? Burn phallic shapes into his lawn? If this involves spray paint again, I can’t do it. I had it all over my fingers the next morning. I can’t go into the bank like that.”

  “How do you always know what I’m thinking, Lex?”

  “Because I see revenge in your eyes,” she replied with a laugh. “Are Tuesdays really the busiest weeknight for arrests? Maybe we can do this some other time?”

  “I hate him,” I admitted, completely flustered. Garrett was oblivious to my presence, writhing around on the blonde girl as the music continued to play. “I’m just….I’m done. No more of this ‘casual’ dating crap. I’m not cut out for it. Even when I know the guy is a loser, he somehow stoops even lower. Let’s get out of here.”

  We stepped out of the bar and the cold air felt like a slap on my face, coincidentally the same kind of pain I wanted to inflict on my now-ex. As we turned the corner to the parking lot where Lexi was setting up our Uber home, I bumped into someone in a thick black vest.

  “Sorry, I…” The man paused, narrowing his eyes at me. “Olivia?”

  It took me a second, but the green eyes gave him away. “Miles? What unfortunate timing,” I seethed, further frustrated that he of all people was the one I ran into.

  “It was an accident, I didn’t see you turn the corner,” he said apologetically.

  “What?”

  “You look like you want to murder me. I’m sorry for knocking into you, I had no idea it was you.”

  “That’s not what I… I’m not mad about that… I mean, I am mad at you, but…” I couldn’t get out any clear thoughts.

  Lexi interrupted. “Sorry, she’s having a bad night.” Miles smiled back at her, looking thankful for the distraction. “I’m Lexi. You look familiar for some reason. Do I know you?”

  “I’m Miles Morrison.”

  “Wait, the Miles from Saturday night?” Lexi looked back and forth between us.

  “You told her about me?” His lips curled, and I felt uncomfortable.

  “No. I mean yes, kind of. I mean I didn’t tell her any of the good parts. I mean, there were no good parts, you ran off and left me without a proper explanation. Dammit, never mind, what am I even saying?” I couldn’t stop rambling.

  “She’s had a rough few nights,” Lexi added, trying to diffuse the awkwardness of this interaction. “I suspect now’s not a good time. We’re headed somewhere.”

  “To a different bar? Or…” Miles stared back at me, suggesting he wanted to join us.

  “To go burn something to the ground. You in?” I looked squarely back at him, waiting to see his reaction.

  “I have a lighter in my car.” He had no other expression. He said it so matter-of-factly, without any follow-up questions.

  Who does that? I just insinuated I was headed out to commit arson, and he didn’t even look concerned.

  “Seriously? No explanation needed? No hesitations?” Lexi’s eyes darted back and forth between us.

  “I’m up for anything,” Miles said confidently. His gaze didn’t break from mine.

  “Geez, you guys might be perfect for each other,” she said dramatically. “What are we doing, Olivia? Do you still want my company, or should I leave you two alone with a lighter?”

  I ignored her, unable to take my eyes off Miles. “Don’t you have somewhere to run off to?” I jabbed.

  “About that, I…” He paused, likely because he had no answer for his behavior.

  “It’s fine,” I said dismissively. “You don’t have to answer to me. I’m sure it’s none of my business.”

  “What are we burning down?”

  “That also means I don’t have to answer to you,” I replied back with a sly smile.

  “That’s my Uber,” Lexi interrupted, gesturing toward a blue Toyota Camry pulling up next to the curb. “Olivia, are you coming? Or should I head home on my own…”

  I looked back at Miles, trying to gauge the look on his face. He seemed to be in such a hurry the other night as he walked away from me, but now, standing here in front of me, he looked like he had nowhere else to be. It was confusing.

  “Look, Miles, we don’t have to do this. You’re off the hook.”

  “I’m an ass, I know that. When I bailed the other night without an explanation, I was just…caught off guard. I already felt like I was in over my head when I asked you out, and then when you called me out for crashing the party, I was embarrassed. I didn’t know what else to do. Can we start over? Please? Are you up for an adventure?” Miles grinned as he said it, and I couldn’t help but wonder what he had in mind.

  “And that’s my cue you don’t need me,” Lexi said with a laugh. “Olivia’s never said no to an adventure her entire life. Don’t get into too much trouble tonight, promise?”

  “I don’t think she’s the one you have to worry about,” Miles said with a sly smile.<
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  “All right. Let’s go burn something down, and then I want to take you somewhere fun.”

  Right there, in that one simple statement, I knew this was going to be the start of something interesting.

  Chapter 3

  “So the fire, are we committing a crime? Do we need masks or something?”

  “I’m losing it,” I admitted. “No fires tonight. Maybe that’s extreme. I just need a distraction.”

  “I have an idea.”

  “What do you have in mind?”

  “There’s this place over off Lakeshore,” he replied, leading me over to a black Audi sports car parked in the pub’s lot. “And before you ask, no, this isn’t a rental.”

  The car appeared to be new. It was in flawless condition. The black leather seats were still firm, as if few had spent time in my spot. The dash had no dust, and the floorboards showed no wear – which was unusual for any vehicle in Michigan with all the salt and sand they used on the roads all winter.

  “I wasn’t going to say anything,” I said politely, fastening my seatbelt. “Suits I know about. Cars, not so much. I don’t challenge what I don’t know.”

  “I just thought I’d put that out there. Transparency – is that the word you used the other night?”

  “Yes.” I nodded. “Can you tell that’s a hot button for me when I meet people? I generally find brutal honestly to be more endearing than the usual get-to-know-someone song and dance.”

  “It can’t be that way?”

  “No. It never is. I feel like life is split into this dichotomy of who you can be yourself around and who you have to put on an act for. It’s exhausting.”

  “What do you mean? Why can’t you always be yourself?”

  “There are different groups and situations in life where you have to mold into some other person. You’re not going to be the same person in a job interview as you are around your family, right? When it comes to family, you are who you are, and they either love you for it or they don’t. That’s why so many people have strained relationships with theirs, when they don’t accept your authenticity. Your family should be the people you can be yourself around, but it just doesn’t work that way for everyone. Friendships are the same way. My best friends, Sophia and Lexi, there is literally nothing that can change our bond, right? They know exactly who I am, flaws and all, and it doesn’t change. My shortcomings don’t affect the way they love me. But then you have all these other groups – co-workers you have to impress, or even my parents’ friends – it’s like there’s a different set of expectations to live up to. A façade. Some ‘show’ you have to put on to prove yourself to them.”

  “You get all that from the word transparency?” His lips curled and he clearly found my diatribe amusing, whether or not he really understood what I was saying.

  “Sorry, my point is, relationships tend to fall in that latter category,” I continued. “When you meet someone for the first time, there are immediate expectations and social graces that are supposed to occur before things progress, right? Kind of like what we talked about when we first met. We have to paint ourselves in some flattering, perfect light to someone else before things can go anywhere. Like it’s supposed to be my life’s mission to be like, look Garrett, I am good enough, I’ve checked all the right boxes because instead of being myself, here is the most amazingly polite side of me so you can get your hands off that blonde and pay attention to me, right?” I glanced over at Miles and he had the most bewildered look on his face. “Sorry, I’m really losing it. I just saw my boyfriend in there groping some other girl. I’m a hot mess.”

  “Wow. So many questions.” He backed out of the parking lot. “You have a boyfriend? I feel like that should’ve come up the other night before telling me you had no pets. Instead of an adventure, I think you need a drink.”

  He made a couple turns and within a minute, we were pulled in front of a liquor store.

  “I thought you wanted to go to a bar, or somewhere nicer,” I said with a laugh. “I’ve never had a guy who felt the need to drive me straight to a liquor store after talking to me for five minutes. I feel like we’re off to a bad start.”

  “I have a plan, trust me.”

  “Said every man, before things go sideways,” I said sarcastically.

  “What do you want, wine coolers or something?”

  “What am I, fifteen? No way. Bourbon.”

  “You… you drink bourbon? Oh, no. Oh, this… This is problematic. I think I’m falling in love with you already.”

  I laughed at his playful, animated expression. “Stop. Do you want me to come in, or…”

  “Nope, I’ve got this covered. I can handle bourbon. Give me a minute.”

  I watched him walk into the store, taking note of his frame and athletic stature. His dark hair was perfectly styled, just as it was the night I met him. He was wearing dark jeans and a light grey long sleeved shirt, which looked nice with his black vest.

  What was I doing? I didn’t know anything about this guy, and here I was, climbing into his car, buying alcohol, with no clue where we were headed. It seemed so irresponsible – yet I wasn’t exactly changing my mind.

  Miles came back out, set a bag in the trunk, no doubt because there wasn’t much space in this svelte two-seater, and he climbed back in the car.

  “Ready?”

  “Where are you taking me?”

  “An adventure before the adventure,” he said with a shy grin.

  “What’s your story? You said something the other night about moving around a lot. How long have you been in Grand Harbor?”

  “Full transparency? Even if I say something you don’t like?” He raised an eyebrow at me, wanting confirmation before continuing.

  “You don’t have to impress me, trust me,” I snickered. “I can tell you right now, my life isn’t impressive whatsoever. My career goals are pretty subpar, my apartment is basic without much of a view, and my back story is uneventful. I have pretty minor expectations, so no need to make it sound fancy. It is what it is. You can be honest.”

  “I’ve only been here a couple weeks. I’m really kind of a drifter. Always have been. I don’t stay in one place too long. Maybe six months. A year, tops. Then I get bored and move somewhere else. I like the thrill of new things. I’m not big on permanency.”

  “Somehow I’ve been here my whole life,” I replied, staring out the window across Lake Michigan. “I always thought I’d move someday, but here I am. I’ve traveled a lot with my parents, so I’ve seen a lot of new places - pretty places…but I’m not sure I could ever do it. This is just…home. I don’t think I could leave.”

  “Moving around isn’t for everyone,” he answered with a shrug. “There’s something freeing about it though. The thought of being stuck in the same place your whole life – I don’t know, there’s just no freedom in forever. I think I would feel trapped. Although honestly, I guess I wouldn’t know the difference since I’ve never been in the same place long, so maybe that’s not true. I guess I’ve never had that strong of a feeling about anywhere I’ve been. I’ve never felt that whole idea that a place can feel like home. How do you know you wouldn’t get that same feeling elsewhere?”

  “I guess I don’t know. Maybe it’s possible to feel like that in more than one place? I’m honestly not sure. What about your parents?”

  “Not noteworthy.”

  “What? What kind of an answer is that?” We pulled off the road into a small gravel turnout. There was a small sign labeled Scenic Overlook. I was sure I’d passed this spot before, probably many times, but I’d never stopped. He shut off the engine.

  “I used to tell people all the time that they kicked me out when I was seventeen. I don’t know why I said that. Maybe I liked people’s sympathy. The truth is, I left on my own. I decided I wanted a different life, and I left. They never asked about me, never tried to contact me. I haven’t seen them since. I left and never looked back.”

  “I don’t know if that’s courageou
s or heartbreaking,” I said honestly, sure there was more to it.

  “Both,” he replied quietly. “Eight years later, my dad is probably still too drunk to notice I’d left. My mom is probably still angry at the world for all her problems and maybe had to find someone else to take it out on, but I can’t imagine she’s too upset by that.”

  “Do you have any siblings?”

  “No.”

  For knowing so little about this guy, he certainly had a lot more emotion in his eyes than I expected. I was sure he had so much more to say, but instead he changed the subject.

  “We need alcohol.” He opened his door, retrieved the bag from the trunk, and then slid back into his seat. “Is this one okay?” He pulled out a bottle of Blanton’s.

  “Wow, it didn’t have to be an expensive one. I’m not that picky. We have enough low-end crap at the bar I work at that I’m becoming pretty accustomed to drinking the twenty dollar swill.”

  “You work at a bar?”

  “Kilwin’s Pub. I’ve cut back to just two or three nights a week though, while I work on my “career.” I’m still trying to figure some things out.”

  “The air quotes when you said career gave that away.” He laughed. “What else do you do? Or maybe I should say what are you working on?”

  “I went to school for interior design. I stage houses for a local realty group in town. I’m trying to start up my own design company, but that’s not easy. My friend Sophia owns a lighting store downtown, so she’s actually been my saving grace. She’s gotten me a few clients. I enjoy that kind of work, but I just don’t know if that’s what I’m supposed to be doing forever.”

  “Forever?”

  “Yes. Forty plus years until retirement? That’s essentially forever,” I giggled. “Sometimes I want to just be a bartender the rest of my life instead. What’s wrong with that? It’s fun, there’s always music, and I love the people I work with. The clientele is questionable, but it’s fair to say I meet a lot of interesting people. I’m always amused there, and that suits me.”