The Weight of Forever: (Grand Harbor: Book Two)

by Randileigh Kennedy

  “It’s fine, I know him from high school,” I replied with a reassuring tone. “We’ve caused them all enough grief. It probably is best if I just go.”

  “Maybe we should try this again? Kind of a do-over?”

  “Or maybe the universe is telling us this is a bad idea,” I said with a giggle. “When the cops show up before you’ve even had a meal together, that’s pretty telling. It was nice crossing paths with you, Miles.” I gently squeezed his hand, then opened up the passenger door of the squad car.

  “Really? So that’s it?”

  “Just keeping it casual, right? Maybe I’ll see you around.” I smiled at him warmly, and Darrin put the car into gear. Miles narrowed his eyes at me, as if he wanted to say something else, but he didn’t. Within a few seconds, we were pulling out of the motel lot. I gave Darrin my apartment address, and we made small talk for the few minutes it took to arrive back at my place.

  “Thanks for the ride,” I said sincerely, climbing out of his car.

  “Maybe this isn’t the right time to bring this up, but, would you maybe want to, like sometime if you were free, maybe we could…” He couldn’t say it.

  “I’ll see you around, Darrin. Glad to hear everything is going so well for you,” I chimed in, cutting off his awkward effort to ask me out.

  “Right. Okay. Well, you know where to find me.” He gave me a half-smile and then sped away before I even made it up onto the curb. Seconds later, a small black car pulled up behind me. No way.

  “Did you just follow an officer of the law all the way to my apartment?” I asked as Miles shut off the engine and climbed out of his car.

  “Can I take you out tomorrow night? On a real date? Maybe somewhere a step up from the liquor store and a borrowed pool?”

  “You mean, like an actual date? That sounds a little serious, doesn’t it?”

  He stared back at me and the soft glow from the exterior parking lot lights lit up his smile in a way that made saying no feel like a struggle.

  “It doesn’t have to be serious.”

  “Right, you hate romantic dinners. I remember that from the first night we met.”

  “I don’t hate them. I mean, food is food, right? Maybe it was the company. I’d be willing to try it again. You know, for research. Look, I’m not trying to swindle you into going out with me. It doesn’t have to be a thing. But tonight was…fun, despite the interruption. After all, I’m from out of town, you’re local…so maybe you can just show me around? It doesn’t have to be a date.”

  “Right, you’re just passing through. Sneaking into hotels and such. Staying in room 219 which doesn’t exist. This is temporary.”

  “Exactly. Which takes off the pressure, right?”

  “I guess it does. But I have to work tomorrow night at the bar, so unless you want to eat at five pm, or eat at two am…”

  “Yes.”

  “Yes? To which option?”

  “Either. Both?”

  “You want to see me twice tomorrow?” I raised my eyes at him. “That doesn’t sound not-serious.” We walked the twenty feet to my apartment door. I hesitated before putting in the key, unsure of where this was going.

  “Look, I’m not good at this. I never know what the right thing is to do or say. I haven’t even been on a real date in ages. You want transparency, right? I just…I like you. I want to see you again. I want to drink bourbon and laugh under the stars again at midnight without being arrested. Does it have to be more complicated than that? The first night we met, didn’t you say something about hamburgers in your living room?”

  “Yeah. In yoga pants. Oh my gosh, do you have yoga pants?”

  “Wait, what? Do they make them for guys? I’m supposed to wear them too?”

  “I’m kidding you,” I stated with a laugh. I could see the relief wash over his face. “Look, I actually need a date tomorrow for this art exhibit thing downtown. My friend Lexi, you met her earlier, her boyfriend Nathan has a few photographs being showcased tomorrow night. I promised her I’d stop by for a bit before my shift. It’s kind of hoity toity though, hors de oeuvres, champagne, that kind of thing. Do you want to head to that with me for an hour or so? Then if you’re up for it, we can grab a bite when I get off work sometime between one and two, if that’s not too late for you. We can keep it casual.” I had a weird schedule, working two jobs. My night shift at the bar obviously wasn’t conducive to a normal dating routine, but at least that was only a few nights a week. It was manageable.

  “Yes to all of that,” he said warmly. “What time can I pick you up?”

  “Five?”

  “Perfect. Oh, and just to clarify, you called it a date yourself. Just pointing that out. I’m not sure if that officially starts the clock, or…”

  “What clock?”

  “You know, our 1.5 years until we fall apart in a dramatic way, which everyone else will see coming…”

  “Surely the hourglass already started when I got into your car earlier, or when you stripped down to your underwear about thirty minutes later,” I replied suggestively. “I’m in over my head. I already know it.”

  “Then I guess we shouldn’t waste any more time.” He leaned in, pressing his warm lips to mine. I slid my back against the door of the apartment, and he pressed his body against mine. I could feel his strength, but yet his hands moved gently as they touched my waist, sliding up until I felt his fingers in my hair. The kiss intensified, and I loved everything about his body pressed against mine. My hands could feel the firmness of his torso through his grey shirt, and within seconds, I was wanting so much more.

  “Goodnight, Olivia,” he said breathily, slowing pulling away from me.

  “You’re leaving?”

  “I should.” He brushed a piece of hair back from my face. “Otherwise we’ll be buying a fish together in no time.”

  “I’m too irresponsible for pet ownership, remember?”

  “Exactly.”

  *****

  I didn’t wear dresses very often. Sure, I’d wear formal gowns to my parents’ charity functions, but that was the extent of it. My daily wardrobe generally consisted of yoga pants, leggings, and comfy shirts. I wore jeans to the bar most nights because the pockets were helpful for holding bottle openers, but never a dress. My co-workers were going to know something was up.

  I wasn’t necessarily dressing up for Miles. The art show was taking place in some trendy boutique hotel, and Lexi mentioned it was more of an upscale event. She and Sophia were both wearing dresses, so I settled on a dark blue A-line pocket dress with some black tights and heels. I threw a pair of ballet flats in my bag to change into later for my shift.

  Miles arrived right on time. He was dressed in a sport coat and a nice pair of pants. As casual of a person as I was, I had to admit my affinity for a sharply dressed man. He looked sexy as hell, and I knew I was quickly sinking in his quicksand, but I didn’t care.

  “You look exquisite,” he said with a sincere expression. I wanted to say it back as that word summed him up perfectly, but I couldn’t utter those words.

  We headed downtown and found a parking spot right in front of the hotel. There was a chalkboard sign with an arrow leading inside, then another guiding us into the ballroom. Portraits and landscape canvases lined the walls of the room. I found Sophia and Lance first.

  “Hey guys, this is Miles Morrison,” I said politely, introducing them all. They shook hands and exchanged formalities. Lance and Miles immediately started making small talk about some baseball game upset from earlier in the day, and Sophia pulled me aside.

  “Lexi told me he was handsome, but holy…”

  “Shhhh,” I whispered, wanting to make sure Miles couldn’t overhear her. “I know, this is stupid, right? Dating down is so much less stressful. Hence the appeal of Garrett Burg. This is a bad idea. He’s new in town, and not planning to stay very long. Who falls for a guy like that? It’s like falling for someone after they tell you they have a terminal illness.”

 
“That’s dark,” she whispered back, “and also a little dramatic. Moving and dying are a little different. People still make long distance work all the time.”

  “Soph, I can’t keep a guy’s attention who lives eight blocks from me. You really think I can meet a guy, fall in love with him, and then pine over him after he moves two thousand miles away? You know that has ‘disaster’ written all over it. I can’t handle complicated. I can barely handle uncomplicated.”

  “Well, he seems really nice.”

  “Exactly. It feels like a trap.”

  “You could do worse.”

  “I have. And I will, again, forever, because that’s just my life.” I rolled my eyes. “Did I do something really bad? Have I harmed someone in some way? Am I being punished for something? Every time he looks at me and I remember I can’t keep him, it feels like I’m cursed.”

  “It’s new. Just give it some time. Maybe he has some significant character flaws. Maybe he doesn’t kill spiders, or maybe he’s unkind to old people. Or maybe he wears socks with sandals. There are so many things that could be wrong with him.”

  “Yes, thank you for speaking rationally. I just need to find something about him that drives me crazy. You know if he texts in all caps, I’m out. Thank you. I can get over this, I just need to try harder. There has to be a significant flaw in there somewhere.”

  “What are you guys doing after this?”

  “I work at the bar tonight. Thank goodness, right? That at least limits my time with him.” I let out a sigh. “But…I think we’re hanging out after I get off.”

  “In the middle of the night?”

  “It’s as good a time as any with my schedule.”

  “Olivia, your mom used to tell us repeatedly that nothing good happens with a boy after midnight.”

  “Yeah, which I’ve come to realize is false, and she’s been lying to us all these years.” I giggled.

  “Do you guys want to hit the beach with us Saturday for a volleyball game?” Lance said loudly, directed at Miles and me.

  “Oh, um, yeah. Maybe. We haven’t really gotten that far,” I answered awkwardly.

  “It’s just volleyball, Olivia. Not third base,” Miles interjected with a wink. I’m pretty sure I immediately blushed.

  “Champagne,” I squeaked, changing the subject as a waiter came by with a tray.

  “I’m so glad you guys are here!” Lexi rushed up to us, hugging Sophia and I simultaneously. “This means so much to Nathan. Thanks, guys. You’re my favorite people.”

  “Nice to see you again,” Miles said politely. Nathan joined us a few moments later and we stood around for a bit, listening to him talk about the show.

  We walked around, studying all of the photographs for about forty-five minutes. I tried to be unaffected by Miles’s touch every time his hand grazed my lower back, or when his fingers intertwined with mine. It felt impossible not to notice. Please be unkind to old people or write in all caps. It was all I could think about. Temporary. This was all short-term. If I focused on the fact that he was leaving, I could handle it.

  The room began to fill up with other guests, and we didn’t want to take up the needed space. We excused ourselves and headed back outside. I still had a couple hours to kill before I had to show up for my shift.

  “They’re all really nice,” Miles commented as we loaded into his car.

  “They’re the best people I know. Sophia was away at school for awhile, but other than that, we’ve been inseparable since we met as kids. That’s why I can’t imagine ever leaving this place. I love that familiarity. The way we always have each other for support when things like this matter to us – I can’t imagine not having that. I love this whole town. I really do.”

  “Will you take me somewhere?”

  “Um, you’re driving,” I replied with a laugh. “Do you want me to carry you on my back?”

  “Since you love this place so much, take me to your favorite spot in Grand Harbor. I’ll drive, obviously, but tell me where to go.”

  “My favorite spot?”

  “Yeah. There’s a lot to do around here, I can see that. Lots of shops and bars and beaches. Where’s your spot? Some place you love to be.”

  “We’re not really dressed for it,” I explained, even though I wasn’t against the idea. “There’s a little bit of climbing involved. How adventurous do you feel?”

  “I’m game. Show me.”

  I instructed him where to turn and we eventually pulled up to a gated community. I told him which buttons to push, and we entered.

  “Are we going to someone’s house? Am I about to meet your grandma or something?” Miles stared out the window as we passed by giant lakefront mansions. “Are you sure we’re supposed to be here?”

  “I had the gate code, didn’t I?” I smiled back with excited eyes. “Thank heavens the Palowskis haven’t changed it in ten years.

  “Who are they?”

  “Joey Palowski was my boyfriend in eighth grade.”

  “I don’t like where this is going,” he snickered.

  “At the end of this cul-de-sac, there’s a rickety staircase that leads down this cliff to the water’s edge. There’s a little beach area down there. Park here,” I said, pointing to a curbed area. “The path to the stairs is right there. Leave your shoes.”

  He grinned at me as he slid off his shoes and socks. “Maybe I do like where this is going,” he commented as I slipped off my heels and started peeling off my tights.

  “I just don’t want any snags,” I said matter-of-factly, trying to keep his mind clear. “Look at all of those clouds rolling in. It looks like it’s going to rain later. I love the storms around here.”

  “You love storms? Nobody loves storms.”

  “I do,” I said with a shrug. “I love the sound of rain on a window. The waves are huge, and you can hear them crashing against the shoreline. It’s beautiful. Just you wait. You’ll see for yourself. Come on, let’s go.”

  We climbed out of the car and I led him down the hundred or so worn, wooden steps that opened up onto the sand. It was a little cool on my bare feet, but not terrible.

  “So this is your spot? Your favorite place in Grand Harbor?”

  “Nope. See those rocks?” I pointed toward the left side of the cove area. “We slide between those big boulders there, then up and over a few other rocks. That’s the spot.”

  Sure enough, we made the trek and within two minutes we were sitting on a giant boulder that looked out over the lake. You could no longer see the cove area with the steps as it was hidden by the large rocks we slid behind, and on the other side of us was an uninhabited cliff area. That was it; no houses, no beaches, no people. It was just us, on a rock, staring out to the edge of the horizon.

  “How did you find this spot?”

  “We were supposed to be studying, but instead Joey would bring me down the steps to the beach area so we could make out without his parents finding out.” I felt a little nostalgic just talking about it.

  “Your favorite spot in the whole world is your middle school make-out spot?”

  “No, of course, not.” I couldn’t help but laugh. “That’s just what led to finding these rocks. After he dumped me, at a school dance in front of everyone no less, I was heartbroken. You know, because obviously I thought at thirteen years old that we would be in love forever. We used to pass all these notes to each other in study hall, and I shredded them up and I wanted to throw them into the water to rid myself of the heartbreak. Apparently I wasn’t very environmentally conscious back then. Anyway, I rode my bike over here, ran down the steps, and was ready to cast our love into the lake, right? But then I heard giggling voices coming down the path toward the stairs. I look up the hillside and I see his stupid blonde curly hair, and he’s holding some other girl’s hand, bringing her to ‘our’ spot. I was mortified but I couldn’t escape back up the stairs, which is the only exit point. So instead I slipped back behind the rocks so he wouldn’t see me. I found this spot a
nd I just sat here, crying for an hour. Once I finally looked up and wiped my eyes, I realized just how beautiful this place was, like a secret, hidden away from the rest of the world. It changed my perspective a little bit. Ever since then, I made it my spot. I’ve come back out here off and on ever since.”

  “What do you do out here?”

  “It depends on why I’m here. Sometimes it’s out of heartbreak again, and I listen to music and cry and hate the world. Other times I just come out here for solitude when the rest of world feels busy. I write in my journal, or relax in the sunshine, or just stare out into the water, questioning eternity.”

  “It looks like the ocean. You can’t even see where the water ends, it just goes on forever.”

  “Exactly,” I said softly. “That’s what I like about it. Everything in life is temporary, right? Even life itself is finite. Whatever I’m going through, or feeling, it doesn’t last. Things change. But this – it’s constant. Everlasting. Beautiful, stable, unchanging. It comforts me knowing there’s something out here like that. Something infinite. That feeling of home – this is it. Right here.”

  We stared out at the water in silence. It was pure, uncomplicated beauty by anyone’s standards. It never mattered to me whether the skies were clear or gray, or whether the water was calm or rough on any given day. No matter the outside circumstances, the sheer magnitude of this view was never lost on me. I’d traveled around the world with my parents, and still, this would forever be one of the most magnificent scenes my eyes would ever memorize.

  “Have you ever brought anyone else here?”

  “Sophia and Lexi. That’s it.”

  “No guys?”

  “Nope, never. I always swore I never would.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because I never want to associate this exact spot with heartache,” I answered honestly. “That side of the beach,” I pointed through the rocks where we’d come from, “that side of the world – it’s full of heartache. But not here. I want to love this spot forever, and I probably wouldn’t if it hurt me. So I keep all of that far away from here.”