The Weight of Forever: (Grand Harbor: Book Two)

by Randileigh Kennedy

  “This is home,” Miles said, gesturing around the boat.

  “You bought it?”

  “I’m leasing it for now. Pretty sweet, right? There’s a full bedroom downstairs, along with a kitchen, a sitting room…”

  “You’re actually staying on it?” I ran my hands along the white seats on the deck where we were standing. It was an exquisite boat, no doubt a lot more expensive than the forty-six thousand he won at poker the other night, and certainly a lot pricier than just renting an apartment.

  “We are staying on it. Tonight at least. I guess after that you can decide if you want to stay longer.”

  “Miles, this is crazy.”

  “Right? That’s the point. Everyone needs a little more crazy in their life, V. You said it yourself the first night I met you – you don’t do boring. Clearly neither do I. So let’s be the most interesting people we know. People miss out on so much in life, every day. They go through the motions, but nothing is really happening. That’s not us, V. Let’s live big - with purpose and excitement and wonder at all there is to do in this life.” He had the most mischievous, boyish grin on his face and it pulled at me. I hated how fun and spontaneous he was. He was right. People miss out on the world around them by not taking chances and saying yes to new experiences. I appreciated that Miles was not one of those people, and truthfully I didn’t want to be one of those people either. Life was too short for that. His mindset was everything I wanted in someone, despite that gnawing feeling inside of me that all of this was somehow reckless at the same time.

  “Don’t make me ever regret you,” I whispered back as he wrapped a firm arm around my waist.

  “This adventure will be nothing to regret, V. You are meant to experience all this world has to offer. Together we can have whatever life we want.” He brushed the hair back from my face.

  I wondered if that was really true. Sure, I believed in forging my own path – controlling my own destiny, all of that. But simply saying something out loud didn’t make it true. If such a life were that easy to come by – if a love like that was so attainable – the whole world would’ve caught on by now.

  The problem with Miles and me: despite our similarities, it seemed as though we ultimately wanted different things. On the surface, now, we simply wanted each other, entangling ourselves in one another under an endless night sky with infinite possibilities. However, the lives we envisioned for ourselves down the road seemed to look so different. My life included an anchor, while it seemed like his did not.

  “So this is the boat you’re going to drift away on?” I didn’t necessarily mean to say it out loud, but the thought was weighing heavily on me.

  “What?”

  “Your life aspirations, remember? The whole appeal of the boat is so that you can move around, easily, right? So you won’t feel stuck?”

  “Is that what this is about? All the questions? That terrified uncertain look on your face?” Miles put his other hand around my waist, pulling me down next to him on one of the vinyl seats. “Olivia, what I’m suggesting is the exact opposite of that. I know what I said when I met you. All of it was true – for the man I was before you. But now? I told you, I’m all in. You asked me to stay, and I said I would. I’m a man of my word, V, I swear it. I will stay until the day comes when you’re no longer asking me to. I promise you that.”

  “We still have so much to learn about each other, Miles. Doesn’t that scare you?”

  “Of course. It scares the hell out of me. But it’s worth the risk, V. I believe that down to my core. The best decisions you’ll ever make in life are the ones that frighten you the most, and you – you absolutely terrify me. Every time I’m about to see you again, I think please, God, don’t let this be the day she changes her mind... But that’s the point – the best love stories are those ascended upon with complete, reckless courage. I’m certain about that. I may not have all the answers for you, but this – you and me – it’s all yours if you want it, but you have to be all in too. There’s no middle ground. You asked me to stay, so I am. We can have whatever life you want.”

  “It can’t be that easy.”

  “I never said it was going to be easy. You’re right, the odds are completely against us. Forever. But making a choice like this – falling for you in spite of those odds, that’s what makes it all worth it. No one ever regrets that. You know what? I have no idea whether or not this will work out as I see it in my head, but that’s not the point. You choose that path anyway, because not doing so is the only thing you would have to regret. Courage is never easy. Keeping your word isn’t always easy, but what people fail to realize is that the most extraordinary moments always happen in the middle of ordinary ones. All I need is the chance to make this extraordinary, V. Stop questioning everything. Choose us. I promise I will make it all worth it.”

  He was right about so many things. It did feel reckless, falling for a spontaneous, crazy guy like this who took chances and lived each day for what it was – but I believed him. Choosing to love someone was always a risk. The odds really were against us, and neither of us knew the future. But Miles terrified me and amazed me all at once, and I realized that was every ounce of adventure I needed, and worth every risk.

  “I’m all in.”

  *****

  After he gave me a tour of the boat, which was more impressive than I gathered from the outside, he fired it up and led us over to an inlet area about twenty minutes away. The cove was lined with docks and restaurants covered with dazzling string lights everywhere and soft music. We picked an outdoor table by one of the piers, and the atmosphere was quaint and charming. We ate sushi, laughed, and talked a bit more about our childhoods. I was surprised to learn instead of playing sports growing up, he was more of a bookworm. Although we preferred different genres, he’d read all the classics and we had plenty to talk about.

  The sun sank low beneath the horizon as Miles maneuvered the boat to another more private cove area he’d found earlier. He anchored the vessel and pulled out some wine. The air on the deck was cool, but comfortable nestled back closer to the shoreline. The coves around Lake Michigan were the best, because the water was much more calm and the wind wasn’t as intense. He brought up a few blankets just in case we needed them.

  “I feel like I’ve never seen this many stars all at once,” I commented, looking up into the night sky, far away from the city lights. It looked like I was some place new, far away from the familiarity of Grand Harbor. “It’s absolutely beautiful out here. So many people don’t realize just how many stars there are until you’re out here on the water without any other lights around.”

  “See? I know you love home, but sometimes escaping the Harb isn’t the worst idea ever.”

  “What did you just say? The Harb?”

  “Yeah. Doesn’t anyone call it that? Everyone shortens up their town’s nickname, right?”

  “No,” I giggled. “In fact up til now, my father is the only person who has ever called it the Harb, and I tease him mercilessly for it. It doesn’t sound any cooler when you say it either, so we should put a stop to that right now.”

  He pulled me into his chest and we laid out on the back seating area of the boat for what felt like an hour. He’d folded down some of the cushions and turned on a few rope lights for ambience, and it felt pretty cozy. He pulled a blanket around us and handed me a refilled wine glass.

  “Tell me this is a good life,” he said softly into my ear.

  “It is. I thought you were a little crazy at first, but now I get it. This cove is the perfect spot to park it overnight. It blocks most of the waves, so there isn’t even much motion.”

  “All part of my master plan.”

  “Yeah?” He nodded back at me and I slid forward, setting down my wine glass. “Is this part of your plan?” I peeled my sweatshirt off, then reached out to slide off my leggings.

  “I think this is any guy’s plan. What’s happening?”

  “Midnight swim.” I waved my arms a
round in a dramatic fashion, kicking off the rest of my clothes, keeping on only my bra and underwear.

  “The water will be freezing.”

  “What did you say earlier? Everyone needs a little more crazy in their life?”

  “Yes, the word was crazy, not hypothermia.”

  “I know you aren’t going to leave me in that water all alone.” I smiled, standing up on the back ledge of the boat.

  “How do you know?”

  “Because you love adventure as much as I do.” I jumped off the back, plunging into the freezing water. I expected it to be chilly, but it was so much worse. As I surfaced, I wiped the water from my eyes, watching Miles as he stripped off his jeans down to his boxers. He stood up on the back of the boat.

  “Remind me again why I’m doing this?” he snickered, resting his hands on his hips.

  “Because I asked you nicely.”

  “Did you?”

  “Get in the water, Miles Morrison.”

  “That’s not asking, that’s telling.”

  “Get in the lake.” I splashed some water at him, and he let out a dramatic scream as it splattered across his skin.

  “It feels like you’re ruining my life, Olivia Prescott.”

  “Perfect. You’re already changing mine. Get in.”

  He took a giant leap, sailing over my head into the dark abyss. The splash from his body hitting the water engulfed me, and I let out a squeal. He swam up to me as I held onto the side of the metal boat ladder. He put his hand on the small of my back, pulling himself into me.

  “That was a terrible idea, yet you are still somehow becoming my favorite person,” he said quietly, kissing the side of my face. “I will jump into any freezing lake with you anytime you want.”

  “That’s because you know the best part is coming up next.”

  “What’s that?”

  I smiled back at him through the glow of the dim boat lights.

  “Warming back up.”

  Chapter 10

  That night on the boat wasn’t the last time we jumped into cold water underneath midnight skies. The next few weeks were full of late nights and cozy mornings. Occasionally we went out for a drink or a bite to eat, or we’d find ourselves heading to music festivals in the area, or back out to the piers before a storm rolled in. But mostly we staying wrapped up in each other at my apartment, or on his boat, or even once again in the penthouse suite of the Carlisle Hotel after he won another fairly large poker hand.

  Our schedules were still somewhat erratic. I had yet to take him to my parents’ house for a Sunday night family dinner because those evenings didn’t seem to work out, but we had plenty of time for that down the road. He met my brother a few times while we were out, and they got along well. I still made it to girls’ nights and he worked late hours, but we spent the rest of our time together, continuing to get to know one another. One weekend we went to Ohio to a huge amusement park. We rode rides from opening until closing, laughing like little kids the entire day. Another weekend, we went to Chicago for a three-day music festival. We sang, we danced, we ate good food, and we explored the city. Everything felt perfect.

  One night after a late shift at the bar, I came back to my apartment, feeling exhausted. Miles mentioned he had to work late, so I didn’t expect to see him until the following evening, yet at three in the morning, there was a knock on my door.

  I realized my phone was simultaneously lighting up as a rhythmic fist pounded on the old wood. The call was from Miles.

  “Open the door. Please,” he urged on the other end. I was so groggy and tired, and very confused. I set my phone down on the white nightstand next to my bed and threw on a light robe. I pulled open the front door, and Miles stepped quickly inside.

  “Hi. Are you up for an adventure?”

  “Miles, it’s so late. You know I always say yes, but I’m exhausted. Can the adventure be brunch in about eight hours? That could be fun.”

  “Pack a bag, I want to take you somewhere.” He had an eager look on his face.

  I flicked on a small lamp in the living room, trying to figure out his mood. He appeared to be a bit disheveled. I couldn’t read him very well, but that probably had to do with being woken up so abruptly after only an hour of sleep.

  “I worked a double at the bar. I’m so tired. Stay with me tonight, and we can talk about it in the morning.” I reached out for his hand, but instead he pulled it away from me, running it through his thick dark hair.

  “We have to leave tonight. You can sleep in the car, and by the time you wake up we’ll be in a new place.”

  “Miles, what’s going on?” I finally felt more alert, given his urgency to leave now. “Is something wrong?”

  “I just think we should get away for a few days. Maybe a week? Maybe even longer, we can do anything we want. Just the two of us. Let’s just hit the road and find a new place with new experiences…”

  “We’ve been out of town the past two weekends in a row. I have real responsibilities, you know. I have three shifts at the bar and two houses to stage this week,” I replied with a slight laugh, trying to lighten up the tension coming out of him. “I would love to get away with you, that sounds amazing. But I need a little more notice. I can’t just leave my life for a week in the middle of the night without telling anyone.”

  “I have to go tonight, V. Come with me.” His eyes looked serious.

  “Miles…”

  “You just need a bag,” he cut me off. “Please, just grab a bag. We need to go.” He reached out his hand for me, but this time I was the one who pulled away.

  “You know I’m always up for an adventure with you, but you’re scaring me right now. You have to go tonight? What does that mean?”

  “I just need to leave town.”

  “For good?”

  “No.” He paused, looking down at the ground. “Just…for awhile.”

  “What aren’t you telling me?”

  “I have to go. Please come with me, V. It’s important. We can still have all of this,” he continued, gesturing around the room with his arms, “but somewhere else. Just for a little while. But we really have to leave now.”

  “You’re not telling me anything!” I didn’t mean to raise my voice, but I was getting frustrated. “Are you in some kind of trouble?”

  He checked his phone, looking further agitated. “I just…I…” He couldn’t say it.

  “Tell me what it is. Let’s figure it out. If you’re in trouble, let’s fix it. Maybe I can help. I can call my dad, and…”

  “No,” he interrupted. “Whatever you do, promise me you won’t involve him. I can handle this. I just need to go - fairly immediately, before anyone finds out I’m still in town. But I can wait a few minutes for you to get your stuff.”

  “Stay, Miles.” I stared back at him with pleading eyes, wanting so badly to fix whatever was wrong. “You told me if I asked you to stay, you would. So I’m asking you. Stay.”

  “I wish I could.”

  “Don’t do this.”

  “You won’t come with me? We could get away from all of this, V, you and me. We could wake up in a new spot and have even better adventures in a new place… I know this place is home for you, but just think of the fun we could have in a new place, exploring new…”

  “This is my home, Miles. What are you suggesting? Moving away for good? My life is here. Everything I love is here. People don’t just run away from that in the middle of the night for no good reason. I know you’re used to running, but maybe that’s not always the answer.”

  “You wouldn’t know anything about running away,” he said with a cutting tone.

  “No, I wouldn’t, because that’s not what I do when things suck.” I stared squarely back at him, crossing my arms. “Just because you’ve done it so many times before, it doesn’t mean that’s your only option.”

  “What if it is?” His eyes looked sad and apologetic, and I hated everything that was happening right now between us.

 
; “Stay,” I said again quietly, hoping that was enough, but fearful it wasn’t. “Stay tonight, and we can figure it all out in the morning. If you really need to leave, I’ll go with you, if you tell me what’s going on.”

  He reached his arms out and pulled me in, resting his face on my hair. “I screwed up, V. I made a mistake. I know it’s not fair of me to ask you to leave. That was never part of the deal, and I know that. I’m probably overreacting, and maybe if I just take a step back I can fix all of this and I only need to be gone a few days. I can make this right. But I don’t have a lot of time before I have to be gone. I can’t be found before I can make it right.”

  “Why don’t you leave tonight then, and let me know where you’re going. Can we do that? I can meet you somewhere, once I sort out my shifts and everything.”

  “You’d be willing to do that for me?”

  “Yes.” Relief washed over me, thankful that we at least found some middle ground, though the outcome of all of this still concerned me.

  “I love you, V.” It was the first time he’d said it, and although I’m sure the circumstances prompted it, I felt the same way, despite what was happening. The last month and a half or so that we’d been dating had been pure bliss. “I promise I’m not abandoning you. This is just temporary.”

  “I love you too.” He leaned down and kissed me, lingering for a moment, then kissed me again. I so badly wanted him to stay, but for whatever reason it didn’t seem like an option. I had to believe he was doing what he thought was best for whatever he was dealing with.

  “I’ll figure out where I’m going and I’ll give you a call tomorrow. See you soon.”

  He kissed me again, and just like that, Miles Morrison was walking away from me – and I wasn’t completely confident I would see him again.

  *****

  “He left town with no idea where he was going?” Lexi stared back at me from across the pool chairs we had spread out along the beach behind my parents’ house.