The Weight of Forever: (Grand Harbor: Book Two)

by Randileigh Kennedy

  “You’re probably right,” she replied, wiping away more tears from her cheeks. “She’s so stubborn. But where would we…”

  “My backyard. Maybe it’s not what you’ve always dreamed of, but it would be beautiful. You guys can get married on the beach, and everything will be perfect.”

  “She’s right, Soph,” Lexi agreed. “You know her mom can throw a party. It would be amazing, and you can have everything else you want except the venue. Grandma Eve is as stubborn as they come, which means she’s not done. You need to tell her to fight through this so she can get better to be there for your big day. If there was ever a reason for her to will herself through this, you know that would be it. Tell her. This isn’t it, Soph. She’s going to get better.”

  “You really think your mom would be okay with that? Even if it had to happen really soon?” Sophia looked back at me with sincere eyes, and I loved how hopeful her face finally looked.

  “Come on, she could pull this off for you if it was on Thursday. Of course she could do it. I know you had your heart set on that venue, because that’s where she married Grandpa Harold. I understand why that means so much to you. But it’s just a place. That’s not at all the point of what’s happening that day. I’m telling you, this is every bit of the reason she needs to overcome this. All this stress of waiting – it’s not a weight you have to carry, just because you think it matters where it happens. Let’s just make it happen so you’ll know she’ll be there. That’s the most important thing.”

  That was the complete truth at the moment. Yeah, just an hour ago I was sad and I felt like I was at my breaking point, but now that all seemed pretty trivial compared to the magnitude of what was happening around me. Maybe I would get my own happy-ever-after down the road, or, you know what? Maybe I wouldn’t get one at all. Not everyone did, and I knew that. I was a realistic person. What ultimately mattered to me now was the fact that my very best friend was getting her happy-ever-after, one that she completely deserved, so I knew that would be my focus for the time being.

  *****

  As optimistic as we all were about Grandma Eve’s health, I think we were also a little shocked to hear that the doctors were able to get rid of the fluid from her lungs within twenty-four hours. She was still pretty frail and weak, and required an extra four days in the hospital, and her overall prognosis was still far from a clean bill of health, but she was able to return to her assisted living facility with some additional nursing care. Lance and Sophia agreed to move the wedding to my parents’ house, and it was set less than two weeks away.

  Lexi and I were up late one night making some ribbon-wrapped candles to use as part of the centerpieces when my cell phone rang for the third time in a row.

  “Is it him?”

  I nodded. “Yes. He keeps calling. I have too much going on to deal with it right now. Or maybe I want to be too distracted with all of this wedding stuff to deal with it.”

  “You have to talk about it at some point.” She slid the glue gun over to me.

  “Do I?” I shrugged. “Maybe it’s just not supposed to happen. You know how I feel about lying, Lexi. That’s a firm relationship crime. Have I ever lied to you?”

  “Yes.”

  “What?” I didn’t believe her.

  “You pushed Chad Hazen’s car down the hill our senior year, didn’t you?”

  “You asked me not to do anything, right? So respectfully, I didn’t. But for the record, after catching him cheating on you with Lindsey Beck, he deserved what happened to his Mustang.”

  “You said you didn’t do it!” She laughed.

  “And I didn’t. That wasn’t a lie. That weird guy I was seeing then, he was already out of school, Kevin something? Geez, I can’t even remember his last name. It’s possible I commissioned him to do it. Possibly. Either way, it wasn’t my hands on his bumper.”

  “Sophia told me you helped leverage it with your foot.”

  “Well now we know who sucks at keeping secrets! Geez. Well, that wasn’t really a lie. I couldn’t push a car myself. He would’ve driven over to your house the next day begging for your forgiveness, so honestly I did it to protect you.”

  “Is it at all possible that Miles lied to you for the same reason?”

  “No way, have you seen his muscles? He could push a car by himself,” I teased, trying to lighten the mood in an effort to keep myself from over thinking it. “Look, whatever his reasons are, he still lied to me. It was straight-up dishonest. I hate that.”

  “Omitting a traumatic experience from his past isn’t the worst crime, that’s all I’m saying.” Tears welled up in her eyes, and I couldn’t figure out why she was so emotional all of a sudden. “There’s always a worse offense.”

  “What are you getting at?”

  “I think Nathan is cheating on me.”

  “What? No. Are you sure?”

  “His phone was sitting on a table next to me last night while he was in the shower. It kept buzzing, and I shouldn’t have looked. Honestly I never looked through his phone before, I’m not that girl. I didn’t think I would ever have to be that girl, although clearly I learned nothing from the Chad Hazen incident.” She giggled as a tear slid down her cheek.

  “What did you see? Are you sure there’s no other explanation?”

  “The texts were from someone named Ash, and they didn’t sound all that platonic. I’m guessing the abbreviated name as the contact was deliberate, but in the texts he clearly called her Ashley so there’s no mistaking it was a female, not to mention their conversation.”

  “Oh, Lexi…no.”

  “Yeah. As if that one text on the screen wasn’t alarming enough, I read back through three months worth of texts. It got worse from there – there were even pictures, and their conversation was just…” She couldn’t finish her sentence.

  “This is horrible. How could he do that to you?”

  “I feel so stupid, especially realizing this has been going on for awhile. I mean, technically I don’t know if anything happened between them, but their conversation was still way over the line either way.”

  “Did you say something”

  “I couldn’t. I just felt frozen, like I was in denial or disbelief at first. I was stunned. He left for his basketball league, and well, I haven’t returned his call from earlier today. That’s where I’m at – avoiding it, I guess. I feel like such an idiot.”

  “No. This is not your fault!” Now I was just angry, seeing her hurt like this. “We have to do something.”

  “I need to talk to him, I know.”

  “No, that’s not what I meant. He deserves so much worse, Lex. Who’s the girl? Do we know her? Ashley what?”

  “She’s from Detroit. I don’t think we know her, because from what I gathered she still lives there. He goes there for work sometimes, so maybe that’s how it started? The worst part of all the texts I read – he doesn’t even mention me. I don’t think she knows I exist. I can’t blame her for not knowing.”

  “I want to cut the brake lines to his car.” I was seething by this point.

  “For once, I want to join you in revenge,” she said with a lighthearted laugh, brushing a tear from her eye. “We’re supposed to go to that radio station concert tomorrow night down by Fremont Pier. I guess I’ll have it out with him then when he comes to pick me up? I think doing it in person will be better than doing it over the phone. Plus waiting until tomorrow will give me more time to think about what I’m going to say.”

  “Can we at least leave a passive-aggressive note on his car windshield? I can’t let this go tonight. He’s done such a terrible thing, Lex.” My phone rang for the fourth time in a row, interrupting me.

  “Why don’t you deal with your own fires first?” She pointed toward my phone, clearly suggesting that I answer it, but I didn’t. “I have the opening shift at the bank in the morning, so I should head home. I’ll call you tomorrow afternoon for a pep talk before he comes.”

  “I’ll make his voodoo d
oll tonight,” I teased, walking her to the front door. I opened it to let Lexi out, startled to see the shadow standing there in front of us.

  Chapter 15

  “Holy sh…”

  “I was just about to knock,” Miles cut me off, picking up on how scared I was. “Sorry, your front light is burnt out.”

  “I’ll call you tomorrow, Livi,” Lexi said as she slid her way past Miles.

  “Are you sure you’re okay?”

  “Yeah, I just need to sleep on it. I’ll deal with it tomorrow. Good luck.” She winked back at me, and I wasn’t sure I liked her leaving. I wasn’t prepared to have this conversation with Miles right now.

  He stepped inside without an invite.

  “I thought you couldn’t come back to Grand Harbor?”

  “You haven’t been answering my calls.”

  “That’s because I’ve had more important things going on here. Things that are bigger and more worthy of my time than your lies.”

  “That’s not fair, V.”

  “Stop calling me that! I told you, you lost the right to give me a nickname when you lied to me about your entire past.”

  “Can’t we move beyond that? I told you about Maycie…”

  “There is so much more we haven’t even touched on yet, Miles.” I crossed my arms, feeling defensive. It was late, I was tired, and I didn’t feel well-rehearsed for this. I still felt hurt. “My best friend is losing her person – the one she’s closest to – the one she’ll never get another adventure with. It’s breaking her heart, and I’m trying my best to keep everything together. And now Lexi, she’s breaking too, and it…it sucks. I hate watching everyone around me being let down, Miles. It’s awful. But I don’t have the luxury of breaking too. Not right now. I have to fix all of these things. We’re trying desperately to make Sophia’s wedding happen before it’s too late, which means we’re having it here in less than two weeks, and I just have so much to do to save this one thing for her before her entire world crashes down around her.”

  “I’m sorry you’re stressed out. I just want it to be about other things, not me.”

  “How thoughtful,” I replied sarcastically.

  “That’s not how I meant it.” He shoved his hands in his jeans pockets, looking defeated. “I’m trying to fix things too. All of this. While you’re out saving the world for the people you care about, you have to know that’s what I’m trying to do too, V. You’re the person I care about, and I want to fix all of this.”

  “Have you figured out how we got here to begin with? It’s not exactly hard to hash out. I feel like you have more secrets than truths, Miles. Doesn’t that seem like a problem? Didn’t you realize that would catch up to you eventually?”

  “No, because it never has before,” he began. “That sounds wrong too, it’s not like I do this all the time. But for eight solid years, I’ve been able to avoid her memory, V. That’s all I was trying to do.”

  “Living out the spontaneous, wild, reckless life she would’ve wanted is avoiding her memory?”

  ‘That’s just it. I’m not living up to anything she would’ve wanted. I tried. That’s what I thought I was doing when I left Grange Hills for something new. But like I have at everything before this, I’ve failed her. I’ve failed filling any purpose in her passing. You think I don’t realize that? You think I don’t look at myself and realize that virtually everything I’ve done up until now is a wasted life? Other than leaving that awful shitty town, there isn’t a single thing about my life that she would be proud of. I know that, and it eats at me every single day, V. Up til now, there’s been no purpose in anything I’ve done. That’s why I’ve been so reckless in my choices. I have done so many wrong things. I’ve had so many missteps. And you know what? Every single time I feel guilty about that, I realize – I can just disappear. I know that because I’ve done it. Many times. I always had the luxury of just starting over anywhere I wanted, with a clear slate. I’ve done that, over and over. But this is different now.”

  “How so?”

  “Because of you, Olivia. All these risks I’ve taken – before now, I’ve never had anything to lose. All the money, the cars, the boat – I came from absolutely nothing. I’ve never been scared of going back to nothing, because that’s not new for me. But you – you are everything I’m losing. And I can’t breathe all over again. All of a sudden I’m back to being sixteen again, feeling like my entire world is caving in around me. But the difference? I can do something about this. I can fix this. I’m not powerless in this. I know that. That’s why I’m here.”

  “It’s not just your past, Miles. All of those secrets were one thing, but the way you keep me in the dark about what’s presently happening to you – that matters even more. We can’t just carry on forever like that. It’s not sustainable. You have to be honest. About everything.”

  “What if I can’t?” He stared back at me, and I hated the way I couldn’t read his eyes.

  “Then what are you even doing here? What was the point of coming back here if you still can’t be honest with me?”

  “Because I’m protecting you.”

  That sounded absurd. “From what?”

  “From the worst thing imaginable happening to you.”

  “Miles, now you’re just scaring me.”

  “Which is the exact opposite of why I’m here.” He sighed, sounding frustrated. “What I’m caught up in now, it affects you. I thought I could keep it far enough away from ever touching you, but the real truth about all of this – it could affect you in ways I hadn’t even thought of when all of this began.”

  “I don’t know what any of that means.”

  “You have to trust me that it’s better that way.”

  “Trust you? Miles, that’s what people do without having to be asked when they care about someone. You already had that from me long before this moment. But so far all you’ve done is break down all the faith I had in you.”

  “It doesn’t have to be that way.”

  “You’re missing the point! It’s too late. You’ve thrown all my trust out to sea, and nothing comes back the same way it left once it’s sustained that kind of damage, Miles. We will never be the same if you’re keeping things from me. You have to tell me what’s going on, otherwise I just don’t see how we can do this.”

  “It would break you, V. I can’t do that to you.”

  “We’re already broken, Miles.”

  “That’s what I’m trying to say. The mess I’m caught up in, it won’t break me. I’ve been through this before and I know how it works. This isn’t about me as much as you think it is. It would break you to know the truth. I won’t do that.”

  “Then you should leave.” I opened up the front door, motioning toward the parking lot. I hated the way my heart fluttered when I first saw him tonight, hopeful things would be different. Instead, I felt more distant from him than I did before. I didn’t even know that was possible.

  “I can fix this. I know I can. And when I do, I’m coming back for you, Olivia.”

  “I suspect that’s the biggest lie you’ve told so far.” A slow tear slid down my cheek and I quickly brushed it away. “You told me if I asked you to stay, you would. I asked that of you. Yet somehow there I was, alone on Highway 42 when you refused to stay with me when I needed you most. You can pretend all day that the idea of permanency scares you, but you’re missing the point. Forever is just a succession of days in which you choose to stay. That’s how it happens. That’s it – the big secret few people in life ever figure out. There is freedom in forever, Miles, because each and every passing day you get the choice to stay. You could choose us. You could choose me. But the kicker is you have to keep making that choice, day after day, not just when it suits you. Not when it’s convenient, or dependent upon what you think might hurt my feelings. So I’m asking you, Miles – stay. Tell me what’s going on, and we can fix it together.”

  “I can’t, V. If I stay, it will destroy you.”

  “Good
bye, Miles.” I motioned toward the door again, and this time he walked through it.

  Chapter 16

  The Sunday before the wedding, I went to another family dinner at my parents’ house. My mom seemed way too cool and collected to be having two hundred people over just six short days for Sophia and Lance’s wedding.

  “Are you sure there’s nothing else you need help with? I’m at the bar two nights this week and I only have two stages to complete by Thursday. Can I help you do anything else?”

  “You and Lexi already did the centerpieces,” my mom replied calmly. “They’re beautiful. Everything else is taken care of. Lance’s family has the rehearsal dinner all planned at the Carlisle. We’re good. Just relax.”

  When she mentioned the Carlisle, I couldn’t help but think of Miles. That first night I knew I was truly falling for him up in the penthouse suite – it felt like a lifetime ago now. I missed all of it – the way my heart fluttered every time I knew I was going to see him, every time he was too joyful in the morning after we woke up together, the way he whispered my name… V. I missed every part of it.

  He’d called and texted quite a few times in the past week, but I didn’t reply. He’d even left me a note on my apartment door one night while I was at work, explaining he was still fixing everything and that he missed me. I appreciated the thought that perhaps he was still trying to piece us back together, but I still wasn’t sure I could ever truly let my guard down enough to trust that things could ever go back to how they were.

  “Seth, do you have any normal, preferably gorgeous guys from school that you can bring to Sophia’s wedding?”

  “You want me to hook you up with one of my friends? I can’t think of anything more repulsive than imaging you…”

  “It’s not for me, dimwit,” I said with a snide tone. “It’s for Lexi. She found out Nathan was cheating on her, and she’s a mess. I want to cheer her up.”

  “Didn’t your boyfriend dump you too?”