The Weight of Forever: (Grand Harbor: Book Two)

by Randileigh Kennedy

  “That’s how you see me? Like a bomb, waiting to detonate and ruin everything? What’s left here to ruin, Mom? Not to mention you don’t know any if that will happen. None of it could happen! You’re really willing to live your entire life waiting for an uncertainly like that?”

  “I can’t relive that again. I won’t. Why do you think I never stopped you when you left? Watching you leave – imaging you living out the adventurous life you always dreamed about as a child – that’s all I wanted for you, and I’ve been able to believe that’s happened. I don’t want to ever imagine you any other way. I won’t let my heart be ripped out from my body again like that. Once was enough, Miles. So go. Live out every bit of that life you wanted. That single thought is all that keeps me going, and I never want proof of it not happening. I’d rather not know. So leave me here, imagining you’ll carry on like that forever, and spare me the heartache of ever knowing otherwise.”

  Miles’s face looked full of confusion and disbelief. “That’s why you’ve completely shut me out?”

  “It’s easier to feel nothing than feel everything, Miles. That’s the only way I know to live. Call me callous – call me a fool, I don’t care. After what I’ve gone through, it’s the only way.”

  “Well, I see it all differently,” he replied as tears welled up in his eyes. “There’s an end to all of this, sooner or later. You’re right about that. You can’t pretend there’s no finality to this either way. Your version of forever doesn’t exist. You can’t go through this life waiting for the worst. That’s no life. You should have the opposite reaction to it. You should be living every single second of your life being grateful that you still have one. That’s the point of all of this.”

  “You’re an idealist,” she said with a sad sigh. “I don’t know how you ended up like that, but to each their own. Live in a world where you think everything will work out. You’re still fooling yourself, as much as you think I’m the fool in this scenario, but that’s fine – plenty of people get through life like that. Live in denial and tell yourself it’s all roses. Convince yourself of it if you want to. Just don’t come to see me with the fallout when you inevitably realize through life’s unrelenting cruelty that that’s not how it works.”

  Miles simply shook his head, feeling defeated. I wasn’t sure what to say. They simply had two different outlooks on life. I couldn’t fault her for that. I never experienced what she went through. I’m sure losing a child would break anyone. But I sided with Miles on this – we’re all only given so many days on this earth. Despite the sadness, as unrelenting as it seemed every time I turned on the news or saw another heartbroken townie drinking at my bar, trying to drown out their problems, you had to soak it all in – the darkness…the sunshine.

  “I don’t regret coming,” Miles stated, finally giving up, “but I don’t plan to come back. That’s what you want, right? For me to disappear again into the night, and you can just make up whatever story you want from there?”

  “Now you’re just mocking me,” she said coldly.

  “Well I don’t understand! It doesn’t make sense to me, Mom. Not at all. But I’m tired of the guilt I’ve felt ever since I was sixteen. I’m tired of carrying all of this weight that’s been attached to my heart, whether some of it was deserved or not. I can’t do it anymore. I hope you find real happiness. I really do. Not some feeling that you have to tell yourself is contentment, but real actual joy, in something. Anything. I promise you, life gets better than this – but only if you want it to.”

  She said nothing further.

  “I guess that’s it, V. Let’s go.”

  “It was nice to see you again, Mrs. Jacobs,” I said awkwardly, unsure what else to say.

  Miles reached out and gave her a sincere hug, and I watched as she wiped the tears from her eyes. A moment later, we were walking out of her house, with no further exchange. We made it three blocks before Miles finally turned to face me.

  “I thought I would feel better after seeing her,” he said quietly. “I don’t. Everything still hurts. Is it supposed to feel like that?”

  “I don’t know what it’s supposed to feel like.” I grabbed his hand, lacing his fingers through mine. “I agreed with everything you said though. You were right, about all of it. But her heart, Miles – she’s so broken. She needs to heal somehow. And if she doesn’t want to, well, I don’t think there’s anything you can do, except know you tried.”

  “I want out of this town,” he said with gritted teeth. “This place is everything I hate about the entire world.”

  “So let’s go. Let’s leave.”

  “There are no flights back until tomorrow.”

  “Then let’s rent a car. Forget flying, let’s take a road trip. So what if it takes us a few days? We’re free, Miles. We can do anything we want. Nothing is holding us here. Nothing. We can escape from it right now.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “I would never turn down a road trip, Miles Morrison. Never. When we’re together, there’s no sadness here. Not for us. We’ll crank the music and roll down the windows and feel everything else there is to feel, other than sadness.”

  “You are every point I was trying to make, V.” He pulled me close. “You are everything good. Of all the people I’ve given up on, and all the people who’ve given up on me – I want you to know that I will never give up on you. Never.”

  He kissed me, and I felt every emotion. My heart hurt for him, for the disappointment I knew he just experienced seeing his mom after all this time. But there was also such a genuine fire in him, wanting to be so much more than what anyone ever expected of him, and it lit me up. I loved that about him. He set my heart on fire too, and I wanted to be everything for him – something steady and unwavering that he could always rely on. He’d had enough heartache in his life. I hoped so badly that moving forward he could release all the sadness and let go of his past. He had endless things to look forward to.

  Within an hour, after getting our bags and cancelling the hotel room, we were standing at a tiny rental car counter at the bus station.

  “Hi,” Miles began as the woman behind the counter acknowledged us. “We need a car. Preferably something cool. Maybe a convertible if you have one?” He explained our travel itinerary to her, noting we would drop the vehicle off back in Grand Harbor at one of their locations there.

  She typed into her computer, and within a few minutes, she was handing us a set of keys and our rental agreement. “The car is in the second spot on the east side of the building.”

  “Thanks,” Miles replied, looking down at the key ring in his hands. “It’s a Dodge?”

  “Yes, a Dodge Dart. Enjoy your trip.”

  “I’m sorry, it’s a what? I meant we wanted something flashy, like maybe a two-seater, or…”

  “Well, it’s red,” she cut him off with a sincere smile.

  “Okay,” he snickered, “well, I think we have different ideas of flashy. I don’t care about the color. I want an epic road trip car. You know, like a Camaro or a Mustang or something?”

  “Literally, your only option is the Dodge Dart,” she replied, looking back and forth between us.

  “All right. Epic road trip in the same car my Uncle Earl used to drive,” Miles said with a laugh. “When we retell this story to our kids about our first awesome road trip together, can we lie and say it was a Corvette?”

  “I think this makes the story even better.” I couldn’t stop giggling. “Oh my gosh, it’s so bad,” I added as soon as we stepped out into the lot. Laughter consumed me and I couldn’t catch my breath. It even had a ridiculous spoiler.

  “I’m totally racing the first sports car we pull up next to. I just want you to know that. I’m going to taunt them at a stoplight and everything.”

  We loaded up our stuff into the back, and within a few minutes, Grange Hills was in the review mirror.

  Chapter 23

  The road trip was everything Miles and I needed to reconnect. We sang loud
to all of our favorite songs, drumming on the dashboard and shouting into the wind breezing past us with the windows down. We ate hamburgers on the hood of the car, watching the sun sink below the mountains. We drove through a Midwest summer storm, and had emotional, deep conversations. Spending three days in a car with him was funny and meaningful and silly all at the same time. We talked about trading the car out for something ‘cooler’ along the way, but being trapped in the ridiculous one we already had seemed like more fun for this situation.

  That was my favorite thing about Miles – we didn’t have to try too hard. Conversation came easy, as if we were old friends with the same interests. We found amusement along the way with each stop, trying on ridiculous hats in the rest stop gift shops and challenging each other to eat weird food combinations we’d never tried before. He was simply fun, and my heart missed that so much during our time apart.

  We were only about five hours out from Grand Harbor, but it was nearing nine o’clock.

  “Do you want to power through, or do you want to stop somewhere for the night?” He looked over at me with such a sweet expression, and I appreciated how considerate he was.

  “We’re in the middle of nowhere,” I replied, looking out my side window as the sun began going down. “You really want to stop around here? What town is this?”

  “I saw a sign for a place coming up called Creekville. We can get off the highway there and find a place to crash?”

  “We need milkshakes. Let’s get off here and stop at the first diner we can find.”

  “Deal.” His lips curled and I loved the way he never said no. That seemed like a dangerous quality, as admittedly my ideas weren’t always good ones.

  Within fifteen minutes, we were pulled into a tiny parking lot underneath a sign that said Frank’s Diner. We headed in, ordered milkshakes, and made small talk with the young assistant manager as she made our drinks. She looked to still be in high school.

  “What do people do around here for fun?” Miles asked politely. “Drive-in theater? Karaoke bar? Late-night driving range?”

  “We’re supposed to get a Glow Bowl next year,” she said with excitement in her eyes. “That’s pretty much all we’re looking forward to around here. There are some horse farms too. You can groom them and stuff if you want. During the day, of course. But nothing happens in this town after nine. You’re probably our last customers of the night.”

  “Nothing?” I interjected. “There has to be something. A swimming hole? A water tower?”

  “A water tower?” she repeated. She gave me a strange look as she handed over our drinks. “Well yeah, we have one of those in the middle of town, but there’s no actual water coming out of it or nothin’ – is that what you meant?”

  “That’s all I needed to hear,” I replied, grabbing Miles’s hand. “Thank you. Have a good night.”

  “What do you have in mind?” He smirked at me as we walked out the door, probably suspecting I had a plan.

  “I’ve always wanted to climb one of those. Like a bucket list kind of thing. I’ve never done it.”

  “You’ve been to Europe, you’ve swam with the dolphins in the Pacific, and you even met Beyonce once – and yet ‘climb a water tower’ has eluded you all this time?” He laughed. “Olivia Prescott, who knew you were so sheltered?”

  “You’ve done it before?”

  “Every Friday night after a high school football game, of course,” he shot back. “Welcome to Small Town, USA. It’s like a rite of passage when you live in a town with less than three thousand people. I’m practically a professional.”

  “This is definitely happening, right?” I squealed.

  “The first near-arrest at the hotel pool when we met, that one was on me. I take full responsibility for that. But this – if there’s bail money involved, it’s completely on you.”

  “Deal!” I was more excited about this than he probably realized.

  A few minutes later, Miles shut the headlights off as we neared the tower. He parked across the street, trying not to draw any attention to us.

  “We need to take our milkshakes,” I insisted.

  “What? Are you crazy? That’s insanely irresponsible,” he said with a laugh. “You need your hands to climb. It’s not as easy as it looks, especially when you get up higher.”

  I grabbed a sweatshirt out of my bag in the backseat of the car. I tied it around my waist, looping the sleeves so that they would be able to hold our plastic cups.

  “You are the most inventive, incredible woman I’ve ever met. Were you a Girl Scout or something?”

  “No, just a diehard lover of ice cream. Few things stand in the way between me and a high calorie beverage. You should see what I would do for a tall vanilla latte.”

  “Great, well I’m glad you have your priorities straight. Now let’s go commit a felony.”

  “A felony? Are you sure? It’s that serious?”

  “I don’t know, hopefully just a misdemeanor. We’re tourists, how hard can they be on us? Still, I like to prepare for the worst.”

  I laughed, pulling him in for a kiss. “Thank you for this. You’re wonderful.”

  “For aiding you in a potential crime? I believe the word you’re looking for is accomplice,” he teased.

  “I’m serious. I love the way you jump on any idea I have. I love that about you.”

  “Do you want to head up first or last?”

  “First. That way you can catch me if things go sideways.”

  “I don’t think that’s actually how it works. I think you just fall twenty feet to your death. This isn’t like a superhero movie where I reach out for you and just swing you back up.”

  “Right, imminent death. You’re terrible at pep talks. Let’s go.”

  We headed up the metal ladder, and although I was pretty certain this water tower wasn’t nearly as high as the ones I usually saw from highways and interstates I’d passed, it was still a decent climb.

  Once we made it to the top, we slid over on our knees to face the small town lights. I grabbed our milkshakes from my sweatshirt sleeves, a little surprised they didn’t spill at any point. Maybe I should’ve been a Girl Scout. I was pretty sure that would’ve earned me a pin or a badge or whatever.

  “It’s surprisingly pretty up here, even though it’s kind of dark,” I commented as we settled in together, sitting on the metal ledge. “I really am impressed by you, you know.”

  “For my ladder climbing skills? Or my inability to talk you out of anything once I know you’re excited about it?”

  “You’re always up for anything. That’s a big deal to me. That letter you wrote to me before – you mentioned being afraid, but that’s not how I see you at all. I think you’re brave in everything. You left home on your own to change your situation, and I think there’s so much courage in that. Some people want to do that their entire life, but they never do. That’s a bold thing to do, Miles. You find adventure in everything, and you never turn it down. You faced your mom, as vulnerable as that made you feel… To me, you are fearless, and I’ve never found anything more attractive than that.”

  We sat there on the metal platform, overlooking this small, lifeless town, and I felt alive. Sure, maybe it was the thrill of doing something we shouldn’t, climbing up the tower. Maybe it was the road trip, traipsing across the country with a man who made me smile until my face hurt. But mostly, it was that simple, uncomplicated feeling of being loved, exactly as I am. A love like that could light a fire even in the darkest heart. He was like a spark, and I was oxygen. We needed each other in every way.

  It was there, sitting on top of a city far away from home that I realized it – Miles Morrison was definitely my forever.

  Chapter 24

  “Your father has a hearing tomorrow,” my mom explained as I helped her fold some towels out by the pool.

  “Any idea what to expect?”

  “His attorney is still thinking fines and probation. He should be released after the hearing. Hopeful
ly all of this will blow over and will become a distant memory. John Ford, however, isn’t faring so well. They’ve uncovered quite a bit of dirt on him now that all of this has come out, and it’s pretty heavy. Money laundering, insider trading, tax evasion… Kind of ironic all of this started with him trying to burn your father over something pretty small and trivial, and here Ford is, paying the price. Serves him right, I guess. Thank heavens what your father did pales in comparison to all of the things Ford is being accused of. I think that takes a lot of heat off him.”

  “Was Dad’s crime still serious? I mean obviously it was, he’s still been in jail this whole week for it, so it’s not nothing. I’m still not sure I understand the logistics of it.”

  “They just had to keep him there while going through all of the paper trails so he wouldn’t have had the opportunity to tamper with anything. That’s normal,” she said cautiously. “He’s a prominent business owner in this town. He helps startups. He donates a lot to charity and serves a lot of community projects in this area. He does a lot of good, Olivia. It’s understandable the paperwork can get a little messy with all that money flowing around from business to business, and I’m not saying there were no missteps made, knowingly or unknowingly. He deals with a lot of people, and sometimes he doesn’t even see the paper trail for all of these things. Not to mention, not everyone he deals with is all that ethical, so that complicates things as well. It can muddle things up a bit. But with the knowledge your father had that this was coming, thanks to Miles, he was able to straighten things out ahead of time. You father is smart. Most importantly, he is good,” she repeated, as if this whole thing was skewing my view on that point. “He did what he needed to do for the best results moving forward. There’s nothing to worry about.”