For Honor’s Sake

by Connie Mason

  “Or daughter,” he teased lightly, interrupting.

  “Or daughter,” she acknowledged with a shrug, “is placed in my arms my joy will be complete.”

  “Madre de Dios, Julie, I love you. If anything should happen to you I would die.” His arms closed about her so fiercely, she cried out in protest.

  “Nothing will happen to me, my love, nothing,” Julie assured him.

  At that moment Rod felt invincible, so infused with love that he felt himself capable of making love to Julie all day long despite the fact that he had done just that all night. But prudence won out and he reluctantly released her and arose from bed in one graceful motion. Careful of her condition, Rod was well aware that he had surely exhausted Julie during their long hours of passion and her well being was too important to jeopardize.

  “Don’t get up, mi amor,” he advised, lavishing her with a loving glance. “Go back to sleep. I’m sure I wore you out last night. I’ll be in my office later. If you’d like, I’ll take you for a ride.”

  Julie’s eyes sparkled mischievously but she managed a decorous nod. Within minutes she was sleeping soundly, feeling more at peace than she had in months.

  It was well past noon when Julie dressed, downed a light meal and went in search of Rod for her promised outing. Just as he had predicted earlier, Julie found him in his office, dark head bent over a sheath of papers. When he looked up he bestowed her with a radiant smile that sent her pulses racing. Her own answering smile was as intimate as a kiss.

  “If you continue looking at me like that, querida, we never will have that outing I promised you.” There was a slight tinge of wonder in his voice as if he found it difficult to believe all that had happened between them the night before and the love they shared.

  Julie laughed in sheer joy, thoroughly enchanting Rod with the tinkling sound of happiness. “I think I’d prefer the outing, if you don’t mind.”

  “I’ll only be a minute longer, mi amor,” grinned Rod in response.

  Julie walked absently about the comfortable room while Rod busied himself with his ledgers. Inexplicably, her eyes flew to the bricks surrounding the fireplace and something clicked in her mind. The letter! How could she have forgotten the letter whose hiding place Don Diego entrusted into her keeping months ago? After all that had happened, she had completely forgotten the missive that was so important to Don Diego that his last words were instructions concerning its disposal.

  Rod watched curiously as Julie walked trance-like to the fireplace and began what seemed to him a mindless search of its rough exterior. “What is it, querida?” he asked, perturbed by her strange behavior.

  “I know it’s here, Rod, but I can’t find it,” she wailed, clearly distressed. “It’s been so long that I’ve forgotten.”

  “What have you forgotten? Please, Julie, you musn’t excite yourself, it’s not good for the baby.”

  “The letter, Rod! I don’t remember which brick to remove.”

  “Por Dios, Julie, what are you talking about?” By now Rod was by her side trying without success to lead his resisting wife away from the hearth.

  “Rod, please, you don’t understand. Your father showed me a letter shortly before he died and made me promise to give it to you. He … he said it was very important. In order to insure its safekeeping he hid it in a compartment behind one of these bricks, but I can’t find it.”

  Amazement marched across Rod’s handsome features. “A letter! An important letter!” he repeated as he stared dumbly at the scores of bricks lining the wall. “Caramba! If there is a secret compartment behind one of these bricks, I shall find it.”

  It took nearly an hour of careful probing before Rod discovered one brick protruding perhaps a quarter-of-an-inch beyond the others. Using his knife he painstakingly pried it out, uttering a cry of triumph when he extracted a sealed envelope from inside a hidden compartment.

  Julie stood by breathlessly as Rod broke the seal and silently read his father’s words. His sharp gasp and sudden pallor alarmed Julie and his hand flew to his throat as if he was having difficulty breathing.

  “Madre de Dios! This letter, Julie, it explains much!” He had gone white under his tan and the hand holding the letter shook uncontrollably.

  “Rod, my love, what is it? What did your father say to upset you so?”

  “It’s about Felicia … and Maria.”

  “What has Felicia got to do with Maria?” Suddenly her brow cleared and her hand flew up to clutch at her throat. “Oh, no! Felicia is Maria’s daughter!”

  “Si,” Rod nodded slowly. “Felicia is my—”

  “Your daughter!” breathed Julie, choking on the words.

  “No,” contradicted Rod, an anguished look mottling his features. “I never touched Maria. Felicia is my father’s child! She is my sister!”

  “Oh, Rod, no! How could he when he knew how much you loved Maria! ”

  “According to his letter, Maria became his mistress while I was away at school.” Intense pain filled his eyes. “All the time I was saving her for marriage, mi padre was … Dios! I loved her!”

  “Is that why your father refused your request to marry her?” Julie asked.

  “That plus the fact she was a mestiza. It’s all too clear to me now. When Maria found out she was pregnant by my father, she ran away rather than tell me the truth. She went to the nuns in Sonora.”

  “She didn’t know she would fall in love with you, Rod,” Julie reminded him gently.

  “Perhaps not,” Rod acknowledged. “But then again, she may have been using me.”

  “Did your father know that Maria was carrying his child when she left?”

  “Not according to his letter,” Rod revealed. “He learned it only after Felicia was born and he received a letter from the nuns telling him that Maria had died in childbirth and they could not keep her daughter. It seems that Maria had named her child’s father before she died. Mi padre did the only thing he could think of, he brought the infant back to Rancho Delgado and through Padre Juan put her into Teresa’s keeping. He wanted her about the rancho without having to acknowledge her. He saw to the child’s welfare but little else. I think he came to regret it but by then too many years had passed and his pride got in the way of his duty.”

  “At least Felicia has been well cared for and loved these many years,” Julie mused, thinking of Teresa’s selfless care of her adopted daughter.

  “Thank God for that,” Rod added his heartfelt sentiments. “But I can’t understasnd why he kept this secret for ten years.”

  “He was a proud man, Rod. Too proud to admit to taking a young girl like Maria. Her being a mestiza didn’t help, either. And then, when you fell in love with her, it was far easier to withhold permission to marry than to confess he had corrupted a young, innocent girl. If he had known about the child perhaps he would have married Maria himself.”

  “I doubt it,” laughed Rod harshly. “And Maria knew it! Mi padre would provide for his child but he would never marry a woman of low birth. Bloodlines meant everything to him. If only Maria had told me she was mi padre’s mistress I might have understood.”

  “I’m sorry, Rod,” Julie said softly. “I know how disillusioned you must be.”

  “Just thinking of Maria and my father together, even after all these years, makes my blood boil. How could he!” His head fell to his hands and for a few minutes he gave in to the despair and remorse he had suffered all these years because of Maria.

  Silence reigned as Julie allowed him time to grieve and to come to terms with what had really happened all those years ago. Suddenly Julie’s eyes were drawn back to the secret opening and she saw that though narrow in front the compartment gave way to a larger space further back. Her sharp eyes noted several other items still resting within. Calling Rod’s attention to her discovery, he drew out a packet of documents that upon inspection proved to be the original land grant to the rancho.

  “I wondered where mi padre had hidden these. I assumed they we
re in the safe but did not find them.”

  “Look, Rod! There are several small sacks at the very back!” Julie cried, excited. Carefully she extracted one surprisingly heavy bag, undid the drawstring and watched wide-eyed as a golden stream flowed into her open palm.

  “Gold dust,” Rod shrugged without interest. At that moment he was thinking about Felicia and the fact that she was his sister. “Put everything back, Julie. They’ll be safe there. I … I must find Felicia without delay. Will you come with me, querida?”

  “Oh course, my love, we’ll tell her together. But hadn’t you better speak to Teresa first? Felicia is like a daughter to her.”

  “You’re right, mi amor. Your wisdom far surpasses mine. You go for Teresa while I replace the brick and put things in order.”

  A short time later Rod told Teresa as gently as possible that Felicia was his sister and how he came by that knowledge. At first the housekeeper could only stare at Rod, mouth agape, until Julie assured her it was true; that Don Diego had kept the truth from them all these years but had confessed all in a letter he had written shortly before his death.

  “Don Rodrigo,” Teresa asked fearfully, “you don’t think that I … I mean … I knew nothing! Felicia was given to me by Padre Juan. I don’t believe even he knew the truth. He was told Felicia’s parents were killed by Indians and that’s what I’ve told Felicia. Of course Teresa knew all about Maria but not the reason behind her sudden disappearance. Like everyone else, she supposed Don Diego had taken Maria away to keep her from marrying his son.

  “Rod was quick to put the woman’s fears at rest. “I hold you blameless, Teresa, just as I do Padre Juan. I am grateful to you for taking such good care of my sister all these years.”

  “I … I suppose you’ll want her with you now. In the hacienda, I mean.”

  “Si, Teresa. Felicia belongs here with me and Julie. But do not despair. You are the only madre Felicia has ever known. Her feelings for you will never change.”

  Teresa offered a shy smile. “Will you tell her, señor, or do you wish me to?”

  “I will tell her myself. Where is she?”

  “I believe one of the mares has foaled and she is in the stables inspecting the new addition.”

  “Gracias, Teresa.” Teresa turned to leave but Rod stayed her with a gentle touch. “I would like you and your husband to remain close to Felicia. The two of you are her beloved tia and tio.”

  “We will be grateful, señor,” smiled Teresa gently.

  After Teresa left, Rod took Julie by the hand and started out the door, but Julie hung back. “Rod I’ve been thinking. Perhaps you should see Felicia alone. This is between the two of you. When you’ve had your talk bring her back to the house so I can welcome her home.”

  Rod found Felicia in the stables entranced by a black colt wobbling on floppy legs inside one of the stalls. With a faraway look he watched his sister reach out tentatively to pat the colt’s sleek head while his proud mother looked on. It was still difficult for Rod to believe that this enchanting child was related to him. She was so like Maria he was surprised he hadn’t noticed the resemblance before. As if sensing his presence, Felicia swiveled to face him.

  “Don Rodrigo! Look at Carmencita’s foal. Isn’t he beautiful? So regal. Like a duke … or a prince.”

  “Would you like to name him, niña?”

  “May I?”

  “Si.”

  “Then I should like to think about it a day or two.” She was so serious that Rod was hard put to keep a straight face.

  “Felicia, I have something important to tell you, that is why I came looking for you.”

  Felicia turned her quiet, delicate features in Rod’s direction. Her skin glowed with pale gold undertones and Rod was amazed by her resemblance to her mother. She even had much of Don Diego’s bone structure as well as his own.

  “Do you like stories, niña?”

  “Oh, si, señor!” Felicia exclaimed exuberantly. “Especially if they have a happy ending.”

  “After I tell you the story, you can judge for yourself.” Felicia moved to Rod’s side, resting comfortably against his knee as she waited for him to begin.

  “This is a true story, niña, about a beautiful girl named Maria and a proud Spanish don. The don fell in love with Maria and together they had a child, only Maria never told the don she was to have his child and Maria ran away before the don could marry her.”

  “Would he have? Married Maria, I mean.” Felicia asked, her astute question momentarily stunning him. God forgive him for lying but he hadn’t the heart to disillusion her with the sordid truth. “I … I like to think they would have married.”

  Temporarily appeased, Felicia waited for him to continue, her dark eyes showing intelligence beyond her meager years.

  “Do you know what I’m trying to tell you, niña?” Rod asked, holding his breath.

  “Maria was my mother and Don Diego was my father,” Felicia whispered in a burst of complete understanding, “and … and I am your sister.”

  Rod searched her small, expressive face for signs of rejection but saw nothing but wonder. “Si, Felicia, you are my sister. When you were born, Don Diego took you from the convent where your mother had fled and brought you to the rancho for Teresa to raise. You see, niña, he wanted you near him. Your mother died when you were born. In his own way he loved you.”

  “I always felt I was different from the vaquero’s children,” Felicia mused thoughtfully. “And … and Don Diego was very kind to me. Do you think he would have told me one day, Don Rodrigo?”

  “Had he lived I’m certain of it, Felicia. I’m sure he felt you were too young to understand, else he would have informed you before now. As it was he died before he could tell you the truth.”

  “As much as I love Tia Teresa I knew from the beginning she was not mi madre.” Suddenly she grew thoughtful. “How long have you known that I am your sister?”

  “I didn’t find out until today. It was in a letter that mi padre left for me. In it he explained everything.”

  Being the well-adjusted child she was, Felicia accepted all that Rod had told her with her usual exurberance and strength of character that was inherent in all the Delgados. “The ending is a happy one,” she smiled shyly.

  Never had Julie been so happy. The addition of Felicia to the family was celebrated with a fiesta attended by all the vaqueros and their families, the servants, Padre Juan and Carl and Ramona, followed by a bullfight in their own bullring. Julie had never seen a bullfight before and decided she never wanted to attend another. Rod was one of the matadors and though she was extremely proud of his carriage and ability in the ring she was frightened for him the entire time. But she need not have worried. Rod had learned the art as a young boy and had he chosen, could have made a living in Mexico or Spain fighting bulls.

  So immersed was Julie in Rod and Felicia that the months of her pregnancy literally flew by. Having her father involved in her life again was another cause for her tranquility and happiness. She saw him nearly every day and Ramona just as often. It pleased Julie no end that her father found such joy in his marriage to the comely widow.

  As Julie’s pregnancy advanced, Rod rarely left the hacienda. Nor did he leave her bed. He chose to spend every night with his wife, sleeping in her arms, making love to her most of them. It was with a sense of shock that Rod realized Julie was within four weeks of delivering their child and he was still making love to her, albeit carefully.

  Both Ramona and Teresa assured Rod that either of them were capable of delivering the child when Julie’s time came, but Rod still could not help but worry. Taking Teresa aside one day he discretely began asking questions.

  Teresa was appalled to learn that Rod and Julie were still engaging in marital relations and in no uncertain terms told him he must desist immediately or risk the health of his unborn child. As Rod had no intention of harming either his wife or child he made plans at once to move back into his own room. He knew he could not trus
t himself to remain in the same bed and not make love to his desireable wife, still beautiful to him despite her increasing girth. Thinking Julie more knowledgeable in the ways of women and childbirth than she really was, he did not think to inform her why he had so abruply deserted her bed.

  But Julie had her own theories. Examining herself in the mirror, she knew the reason for Rod’s sudden desire to sleep elsewhere. She was grotesque. Her stomach so huge and her body so ungainly that she felt certain Rod was repulsed by her. Else why would he desert her when she needed him most? She needed, no, craved, the closeness and protection of his presence in her bed, especially now when she looked her worst. She knew he could no longer desire her because of the way she looked but that did not mean he had to withdraw himself completely, did it?

  Rod sensed Julie’s confusion but never once considered it due to his being insensitive to her needs. Advanced as she was in pregnancy he knew she must be uncomfortable, and being unable to completely understand, left it to the women to offer comfort. Never having been around a woman about to give birth, unaware of the moods, their insecurities, their needs, he spent endless hours at hard labor instead of reassuring his wife who felt suddenly neglected and unloved. He threw himself wholeheartedly into roundup, spending long hours in the saddle until he was ready to drop from exhaustion.

  He saw Julie but little, and when he did he was unfailingly tender and solicitous, which made Julie all the more miserable. Knowing well his lusty appetites, she convinced herself that Rod was seeing a woman in the village, which to her troubled mind accounted for his late nights and obvious state of exhaustion. She thought about questioning him outright but her pride would not allow it. If Rod was easing himself with another woman, she told herself irrationally, she did not want to know about it. This inexplicable lack of communication between two people deeply in love was the major cause of what transpired next.

  22

  Julie was not the only one aware of Rod’s late hours nearly every night, or that on some nights he slept with the vaqueros under the stars rather than ride back home from the branding site when he was too tired to stir himself to further effort. Unbeknownst to Rod, his late night comings and goings had been under surveillance for some time.