Cross My Heart

by Celeste O. Norfleet

  Chapter 15

  Deliriously, ecstatically happy was an understatement, but it didn’t matter. David had said that he was in love with her—that didn’t matter, either. He had called her ten times a day to tell her that he loved her and missed her. She missed him and that mattered. But loving him and fitting their lives together were two different things.

  He’d been gone for two days and there was a gaping hole in her heart. Natalia dropped down on the sofa with both Brice and Jayden in her arms. She sat Jayden down beside her and helped Brice off with his book bag. Brice talked nonstop about nursery school and everything he’d done that day. Natalia listened, smiling and asking questions to keep him engaged. It was a usual evening. She cooked dinner, they ate, took baths, she read to them and then tucked them in and stayed with them until they fell asleep.

  Then alone, she turned on the fireplace, went into her home office and continued working on finding funding for the center. As soon as she sat down, the phone rang. She answered.

  “Ms. Natalia Coles.”

  “Speaking.”

  “Ms. Coles, my name is Claire Pitts. I’m a senior laboratory director and I’m calling from ABM IVF Clinic in Los Angeles. As you well know, we appreciate your patronage. Our successful services are our utmost concern. We take a multitude of precautions with all security procedures. Our security protocols are beyond measure and we take great pains to keep the chain of custody intact and uncompromised.”

  “Exactly what is this about?” Natalia asked.

  “It has recently come to our attention that your file and information have been illegally compromised.”

  “Excuse me?” she asked.

  “An employee, a laboratory embryologist, has divulged your personal information to someone outside this facility. Please be assured that the most severe and suitable penalty has been levied. The employee no longer works for this company and has been databased and redlined to all nationally working clinics as asserted by the rules of the College of American Pathologists. Effectively blackballed.”

  “You’re saying someone looked through my file from the clinic and gave the information to someone else?”

  “Yes.”

  “Why?”

  “We’re not sure.”

  “How is that possible? How did it happen?” she asked.

  “We don’t know at this point.”

  “Why? Why would someone even care about my file?”

  “We’re not sure.”

  “Are you sure of anything other than the fact that someone out there knows that I have two sons who were conceived via in vitro?”

  “Ms. Coles, I’m afraid it’s more specific than that. It appears that your information and the information of the donor have both been compromised.”

  “The donor, as in the sperm donor?” she asked.

  “Yes, I’m afraid so.”

  Natalia went blank as a noiseless vacuum seemed to surround her. If the lab director continued talking, she had no idea what she said. She’d stopped listening. All she could think about was the safety of her children. She hurried to their bedroom with the phone at her ear. They were both sound asleep in the toddler bed and crib. She walked over and touched each forehead and smiled. They were safe.

  Finally, tuning back in to the woman on the other end of the line, she heard her mention something about the donor’s attorney. “Wait, what are you saying?”

  “Our attorneys are looking into it.”

  “I purchased the sperm outright. It belongs to me.”

  “Yes, but as I just said, there’s a problem since that particular sample wasn’t supposed to be offered to anyone.”

  “So you made the mistake of selling me a sample that wasn’t for sale.”

  “Yes, it appears so. In cases like this, the donor and client usually come to an accord with the assistance of the facility. We’ve contacted the donor and he wishes to have a relationship with his offspring.”

  “What? No! He has no right to my sons. He’s their biological father, but he’s never had a relationship with them.”

  “We understand your feelings, Ms. Coles, but if you could…”

  “What part of no did you not understand?” she asked.

  “We know that this is a very difficult time for you and we are grievously sorry for your inconvenience…”

  “My inconvenience—are you kidding? There’s some man out there who wants to know my two sons for no reason other than that he’s a sperm donor. You call that an inconvenience?”

  “Ma’am…”

  “No, no, it’s not going to happen.”

  “Ma’am, the donor wishes to meet with you. Our clinic will, of course, provide counseling and an arbitrator to facilitate the meeting.”

  “No.”

  “We can…”

  “How can this be happening?” Natalia muttered to herself.

  “We will facilitate everything at your convenience.”

  “No.”

  “Ms. Coles, this situation is extremely rare, and please know that our legal department is all over this. There is no known official legal precedent, but we’re willing to yield to whatever both you and the donor suggest and agree to.”

  “There will be no compliance. The answer is no. I will not meet with this man. I just received a document from an attorney confirming that all paternal ties have been legally relinquished. Not that there should have been any in the first place.”

  “I understand and again, we are extremely sorry for this terrible mix-up.” She continued talking, but again Natalia stopped listening. All she could think about was a strange man being with her sons. The thought physically sickened her. The doorbell rang and she realized that the woman on the other end was still talking and stating her case. “I need to go.”

  “Yes, of course, but please consider my suggestion—just one arbitrated meeting. I’ll give you some time to process this. We’ll contact you again in a few days. Thank you for your time and, again, please know that we are extremely sorry about this situation.” The doorbell rang again. Natalia looked toward the living room, but still didn’t move. “We are willing to do whatever it will take to resolve this amicably for both you and the donor. Good evening.”

  Natalia nodded, remotely hearing the buzzing sound of the disconnected line. She released a breath she seemed to have been holding since she first picked up the phone. Her heart was pounding and her hands were shaking. She couldn’t breathe. Her doorbell rang again. She walked over slowly and opened it. David stood smiling at her. She lurched into his arms. He dropped the small bag he’d been carrying. “David, you’re back.”

  He hugged her tight, smiling at the joy of feeling her in his arms again. He wasn’t sure how long this feeling would last. He closed his eyes and prayed that it would last forever. He’d come to talk, to tell her the truth, the whole truth—everything. He’d talked to his attorneys and to the clinic. “Let’s go inside,” he said softly, still holding her close. “We need to talk.”

  She sighed. “I don’t want to talk. I want to feel.” She kissed him hard, hoping his strength would somehow bolster her own. She wasn’t sure what would happen next, but she knew that she would fight whoever this donor was for the rest of her life. “Make love to me.”

  “Natalia, we need to talk. I need to…” He stopped midsentence, seeing the pain and fear in her eyes. His heart suddenly froze and then galloped like a charging horse. “What is it? What happened? What’s wrong?” he asked. “The boys—Brice, Jayden—are they okay? Where are they?” he stammered. “They’re asleep.”

  “What is it? What happened?”

  “I don’t know. I think I’m in trouble.”

  “I’ll take care of it—whatever it is. Don’t worry,” he said confidently.

  “No, you can’t. If this goes public, I don’t want you anywhere around me.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I was going to end our relationship when you came back anyway. One of us has to stop living
this fantasy. This merely adds to all the reasons why I should. Make love to me now, David,” she repeated.

  “No, Natalia, not like this. You’re upset and vulnerable,” he said, backing away. “I can’t take advantage of you.”

  “Are you saying that you don’t want me?” she asked thickly.

  He almost choked at the absurdity of her statement. His body was instantly hard the second she opened the door. “Sweetheart, right now I want you so badly my body could cut diamonds. But I can’t do this to you, to us.”

  “Why not?” she asked.

  “Because it’s wrong.”

  “No, it’s not,” she said, kissing him repeatedly. He closed his eyes as a deep, wounded groan pulled from his throat. She pressed closer, feeling him already thick, full and hard for her. “You want me?” She pulled the hem of her shirt up and over her head. “Right here, right now.”

  David looked away—she was killing him. He knew he had to tell her the truth, but he couldn’t. How did he tell the woman he loved that everything they’d been to each other since the moment they’d met was a lie? “We need to talk,” he said.

  “No, I need to feel you inside me. Make love to me, David, one last time.” She unzipped her skirt and let it fall to the carpet. His breath caught, leaving him speechless. She reached behind and released the bra’s hooks. It loosened and then fell on top of the shirt and skirt.

  He knew this could very well be the last time they would ever be together. That thought tore him up inside. As soon as she knew the truth, everything he felt and everything he’d grown to love would be gone.

  She pulled at his shirt, ripping the buttons, then tugged at his pants. Unzipping them, she instantly felt what she wanted and needed. He grabbed her hands to hold her still. “Natalia, you know that I want you. I’ve always wanted you. The first moment I saw you in your office I wanted you. Then getting to know you only made me want you more. But I want all of you now and forever. If we make love, you will hate me and hate yourself.”

  “No,” she said weakly.

  “Yes,” he said, nodding. “Believe me, you will, and I can’t do that to you. Hate me, fine, but not yourself and not what we have together. But know that I love you with all my heart. Do you believe that?” he asked. She nodded ardently as her tears continued to fall. “And I love our sons. They are the most precious gift a man could have and you did that for me.” She nodded again, not really listening to his words. “I love you.”

  Natalia’s tears flowed and overflowed. Hearing his words and knowing in the deepest recesses of her heart how much he loved her made her want his love even more. She pulled at his pants again. This time he let her. Seconds later they stood free from restraints, baring everything. He took her into his arms knowing that it was the last time, but praying that it was the beginning of their life together. “I love you,” he whispered as he gently brought her down to the sofa. “I love you.”

  “I love you,” Natalia said, pulling him to lie on top of her. Already wet and ready, she guided him to enter her and the smooth ease of his body instantly filled her with joy. They made slow, patient, enduring love, each already feeling the loss of a lifetime together. He entered her, grinding his hips, pressing exactly where he knew she’d receive the most pleasure. This was for her. It was his gift for everything she’d given him, his life back.

  Natalia refused to close her eyes, no matter how good she was feeling. She wanted to see everything, feel everything. David had shown her how to love and trust again. She knew that she could never hurt him. But being with him after this would do just that. When everything about the clinic came out, as she was sure it would, she wanted him as far away from her as possible. She needed to protect him and his career.

  Their love continued to flow, then in an instant of sheer ecstasy, they released all the tension and pain in orgasmic pleasure. Moments later, they lay in each other’s arms, each in silence and thoughtful of the other. David leaned up, knowing what he had to do. “We need to talk,” he said, staring at her.

  “I don’t want to talk,” she said. “Not now.”

  “I’ve run out of time.”

  “You’re leaving?” she asked as her heart jumped.

  “No, never. I’ll be here in the city for as long as it takes for you to forgive me.”

  “Forgive you for what?” she asked, suddenly nervous.

  “Natalia, it’s me. I’m the donor.”

  “What?”

  “Brice and Jayden are my biological sons.”

  Her heart froze. “You?” she asked. He nodded. “What?”

  “The clinic sold what wasn’t theirs to sell. When I found out, I was livid. I never wanted children. I never wanted anyone to grow up as I did. The only reason I donated sperm was to get the money to go to New York for a career move. I’d forgotten all about it. Then I received a letter of apology from the clinic telling me about the mixup. I needed to know who you were and what your intentions were.”

  “That first day we met,” she began, and he nodded. “You thought I knew about you, didn’t you? That’s why you wanted to give me a check and no publicity. You were paying me off to keep quiet.”

  “I wasn’t sure what you knew or if you’d gotten the same letter and intended to use it as blackmail or something.”

  She nodded. “I didn’t know.”

  “Yes, I realized that later.”

  “When?” she asked.

  “That day at the café, the second time, outside.”

  “We only met at the café once.”

  “Twice. I saw you and your sister, but neither of you noticed me.”

  “The man with the newspaper at the next table,” she said. He nodded. “You were listening to us.” He nodded again. “So you knew when I went to your suite.”

  “Yes.”

  “And you still didn’t say anything?”

  “No.”

  “Why? I don’t get it. Why pretend that you were interested in my center and the kids? Why keep pretending? What, were you—bored and in need of a distraction before your next movie started filming? So everything after that was just you playing, honing your skills?”

  “No. You of all people know better than that.”

  “No, I don’t. How could I? I don’t even know you.”

  “You know me, Natalia.”

  “Yeah, right, sex. I guess that was all just fun and games, too—everything leading up to your taking my boys.”

  “No, never. You’re an incredible mother. I would never…”

  “Save it for the Oscars when it really counts. We’re through here.”

  “Natalia…”

  “What? What could you possibly say to me that would change my mind?” Her eyes blazed with hurt, pain and love. “How could you play with my heart like that?”

  “I never played with your heart. The thing is, I lost my own in loving you. I couldn’t stop seeing you even if I wanted to.”

  “Why are you telling me this now?”

  “There’s a tabloid reporter, Beck. He’s here in Key West. He’s very good at what he does. He will find you and the boys. Say whatever you want, I’ll back you up.”

  “You need to leave,” she said.

  He nodded his understanding. “I had everything a man could want or ask for—fame, money, everything that didn’t really matter. But still I wasn’t happy. Then I came here and found you. Yes, I know I was wrong. But I do care about the center and the kids there. They’re just like I was. And I do love you—that you can’t deny. In the end it all boils down to what’s missing. You, my family, you’re what’s missing in my life, just as much as I’m what’s missing in yours. I came to ask you to be my wife, to marry me.”

  “Is that your solution to all this?” she asked.

  “No, it’s my hope, my dream, my prayer.” He walked over and picked up the bag he’d dropped when she first opened the door. He took out a small ring box. He opened it, got down on his knees and placed it on the coffee table in front of her. �
�Natalia, please, look at me.”

  “I can’t.”

  He nodded. “I cherish you with all my soul, I adore you with all my spirit and I love you with all my heart. Please Natalia, be my wife.” She didn’t respond or turn around.

  He walked to the front door then paused. “I’m not giving up on us, Natalia. I can’t stop loving you. I don’t even know how and I wouldn’t even if I could. I do know that every moment and every second that we were together was worth the pain in my heart right now.” He closed the door behind him.

  She just lowered her head and closed her eyes.

  Chapter 16

  Two days passed, then another two days and another two days. Natalia walked around in a trance, devoid of feeling and emotion. She went about her daily life, but everyone saw that her heart wasn’t in it. The L.A. clinic had called twice. David had called only once after she’d had his ring delivered back to him. He stayed in the suite, walking around just as miserable. The last call from the clinic was from their attorney’s office. They informed her that a place and time had been set up for arbitration. To expedite matters they had set it up almost immediately and in Key West.

  Natalia arrived early. David did, too. He opened the door and walked inside. “Ah, excellent. You’re early, as well. Mr. Montgomery, Ms. Coles, my name is Kirk Claymont. I’ll be arbitrating these proceedings. Please have a seat here, Mr. Montgomery, and we’ll get started.” David took a seat across the table from Natalia, staring intently at the table the whole time. When he sat down, Natalia looked at him as if she didn’t know him. His heart sank. “I’ll assume you both know the particulars of this meeting, so I’ll disregard the usual procedure. This arbitration will not be recorded, in agreement with both parties.”

  Claymont looked from Natalia’s face to David’s. They stared at each other; their expressions were the same. He cleared his throat and opened a folder, preparing to begin.

  “Mr. Claymont, would you please give Ms. Coles and myself a moment alone.”

  Claymont looked at Natalia. She nodded her agreement. He stood and hurried out the door, sparing one last look before leaving.