Her words make me smile. “When did you become so wise?”
“Well, I’m about to be an old married lady in two days,” she says brightly. “I think wisdom comes with the Vera Wang dress.” At that, we both dissolve into a fit of giggles.
We chat for a little while longer and then my lunch break is over. I give one more tour when I return to work and then my supervisor wants to talk with me about Nicole’s evaluation of me. Then she asks once again how I’m doing after my scary ordeal and wants to know if there’s anything she can do to make things easier for me at work. I tell her that I’m fine and that I’m grateful for this new position and how much I’m enjoying it.
When I finally leave for the day and get into my car, I realize that I’m sort of beat. I guess it’s all the excitement of being back after the attack and giving my first tours. Whatever the reason, I just want to get home and get comfortable and cook Josh a nice dinner. I love cooking for him. He’s got such a big appetite and he’s always so generous with his praise.
I strap into my seat belt and I’m just about to plug my iPod into my car stereo system when my cellphone rings. I sigh and stuff the gadget back into my purse and answer my phone instead. “Hello?”
“Hey, Pita, it’s me.”
“Hi Lucas. What’s going on?” I ask, as I pull out of the parking lot and out into traffic.
“Listen, I know that you don’t really want to go back to your place, especially not by yourself so, I took the liberty of hiring someone to go over and clean up all the debris from the attack. They’ll go over with Martin and he’ll stay and supervise until it’s done.”
“Lucas, you didn’t have to do that.” I am so touched at my brother’s efforts to take care of me. “That was so thoughtful; I appreciate it.”
“I’m just trying to help, Sam,” he says mildly. “When you’re ready to move out of there, just let me know and we’ll get some professional movers to help you, all right? We’ll get you out and into someplace new in no time.”
“Thanks, Lucas.”
“You’re welcome.” He’s silent for a beat, and then, “How are things with Josh?”
“Things are great,” I answer lightly. And then I think of something. “Hey, speaking of Josh…,” I hesitate a little.
“Yeah?”
“I plan on bringing him this weekend,” I say guardedly. I know that Lucas promised he wouldn’t give Josh and me a hard time. And he’s seemed genuinely nice to him the couple of times I’ve seen them interact but, he’s never really said what he thinks of him and that has me a little nervous.
“To the wedding?” he asks, his voice neutral.
“And to the rehearsal dinner.”
“Okay.” His voice is unreadable and it makes me roll my eyes.
“Well, say something,” I prompt him.
“What do you want me to say, Sam? I’m not surprised that you want to bring Josh with you.”
“But do you think it would be all right?”
“Does Meg know?” he asks.
“Of course she knows; she invited him.”
“Well then, I guess it would be all right,” he says. And I can hear his aggravation over the phone. It makes me sigh loudly.
“Come on, Lucas. You know what I’m getting at,” I say with exasperation. “Do you think Mom will be openly hostile or just mildly bitchy when I show up with Josh?”
He chuckles at me and it makes me roll my eyes once more. Then he takes a deep breath and sighs heavily. “You know as well as I do that I can’t answer that, Pita. Dealing with Mom is always a crap shoot.”
His words don’t make me feel any better and I sigh again. “Why does she always have to make my life so difficult?” I ask, not really talking to him.
“Look, Sam,” he says quietly, “I will do what I can this weekend, all right? I can’t control Mom but … I can help make sure Josh doesn’t feel like an outsider.”
“You would do that?” I ask, really loving my brother right now.
“Yes, Pita. For you, I will do that.”
*****
When I get home, I pull carefully into the garage, taking great care to leave ample distance between my car and the Charger. Then I let the door down and lock the side door of the garage the way Josh always does. I head into the house through the front door and make sure to lock it behind me. And I smile as I think about Josh telling me that he wants me to be safe.
I head straight for the bedroom and quickly get out of my heels and my work clothes and put on some comfortable sweatpants and a tank top. Then I go into the kitchen to start dinner. I bought a small roasting chicken at the market the other day and I prepare it and get it into the oven along with some fingerling potatoes and baby carrots. It will take just over an hour to cook and it should be ready by the time Josh gets home.
With dinner in the oven I can finally sit down and relax a little, so I take a bottle of water out of the fridge and go into the living room and sit down on the couch. As I do, my eyes light on the little digital radio that sits next to the TV and I suddenly remember Josh’s playlist! Quickly, I get up from the couch and find my purse in the bedroom. I fish out the iPod and carry it back to the living room with me, putting the ear buds in as I get comfortable on the couch, and pull the new throw I bought yesterday around my shoulders. Then I turn on the iPod and scroll through my playlists looking for the one Josh added. It’s not difficult to spot since he titled it ‘Detective Josh’s Playlist.’ It makes me smile as I highlight it and select it.
I see about ten or so songs on the Detective Josh Playlist; most of them are new to me. There are two songs by Aerosmith, Josh’s favorite band. I recognize the first one, “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing.” The song his band dedicated to me at The Slammer, and I think about him watching me sleep and it makes me smile. The other one is called “Sunshine.” Hmm? I hit play and the first time I listen to it, it makes no sense to me. Alice in Wonderland? What? But then I hit repeat and go back and listen to it again, really focusing on the words. And as I do, it suddenly hits me that he’s talking about himself. The song is all about this man who wasted his time on meaningless one night stands and he feels so mixed up, as if he’s fallen down Alice’s rabbit hole. But then one day he meets her – his Sunshine – the woman who changes everything for him, and he realizes that he needs her.
Oh my God. I think about all the times Josh has called me Sunshine, and his embarrassment over telling me why he calls me that. I thought it was just a sweet term of endearment but … this is what he meant. I’ve spent so much time worrying and wondering about his feelings for me, but he’s been telling me how he feels all along. He’s been telling me that he realizes he needs me. Oh Josh!
And suddenly, I am desperate to listen to every word of every song. Before he left this morning, he said that each of the songs on this playlist remind him of me in some way. I scroll through the list again. “How Do You Talk to an Angel” by The Heights. I hit play and the words melt me! They are so sweet. And they let me know that Josh has been struggling to figure out just how he feels about me. Maybe because he … loves me?
Looking over the list again, I see a few songs played on acoustic guitar. One of them is Beethoven’s “Moonlight Sonata,” and I smile again. That was the first song I ever heard him play, and the moment I learned what an accomplished musician he really is. There are also acoustic guitar versions of “You Are So Beautiful,” and “When a Man Loves a Woman.” Holy cow! Those are two of the most romantic love songs ever written, and he has included them here on this playlist.
And then there is a song that I’ve never heard before by Brian Adams, “Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman.” It has a lovely Spanish acoustic guitar driving it, but the words of the song are a revelation. They take me by surprise because they are so raw and passionate. And they tell me without a doubt that Josh does know what love is and that he understands exactly what a relationship should be.
As I listen to the music, my mind drifts back to our con
versation at The Slammer when I told him that I didn’t know how he felt about me. He said that maybe I just wasn’t listening closely enough. Maybe this playlist is his way of making sure that I’m listening.
“Truly Madly Deeply” and “I Knew I Loved You,” both by Savage Garden. I listen to the words of those two songs and the tears fall unchecked down my cheeks. If they aren’t a declaration of love, I don’t know what is! Oh Joshua!
I scroll to the last song on the playlist. “More Than Words” by Extreme. When I hit play, a sweet acoustic guitar washes over me like a slow wave, and the beautiful voices envelop me in warmth. But the words! They are so sweet and honest. And so Josh. He’s told me why the words ‘I love you’ scare him so much and why he’s so reluctant to say them. But with this song – with this entire playlist – he has found a way to tell me exactly how he feels. And to let me know that, even though he can’t say those words right now, he still feels the emotions behind them, and he shows me, every single minute of each day that he loves me, by his actions.
I am speechless. I am floored. And I am completely emotional, sitting in a puddle of tears as I listen to the playlist over and over and over again. I wondered at The Slammer if music was the key to understanding Josh’s feelings and now I have my answer. Expressing his emotions … saying what’s in his heart … that’s sometimes difficult for him to do with me. Maybe it’s because he’s never been in a relationship before; maybe it’s because of his parents’ horrifying relationship. Or maybe it’s a little of both but, whatever the reason, it’s a fact. But now he’s found a way to communicate with me. To open his heart to me and let the music do the talking for him.
Wiping the tears from my cheeks, I get up from the couch and go into the bedroom. I rummage through my duffle bag and find the docking station for my iPod, and carry it out to the living room with me. Scooting the glass picture frames to the side a bit, I set the docking station up on top of the new bookshelf I bought yesterday and plug the iPod into it, and turn up the volume. Then I set the playlist on repeat, and go about the task of finishing up dinner. I know that Josh will be home any minute and I can’t wait to tell him how much the playlist means to me.
Turning the oven off, I take the roasted chicken out and then carefully remove it from the roasting pan and put it on the new platter I bought yesterday. Then I take great care as I surround it with the perfectly roasted vegetables, making a lovely presentation. It smells as delicious as it looks; I hope Josh likes it. I miss being in my kitchen at my apartment. It would be great to have my state-of-the art oven with its plate warmer that I love so much. But the thought of being back there by myself right now, waiting for Josh to get home … I know that I couldn’t do it. I would be a frightened, skittish mess by now. Being here is so much better.
I hear keys in the door behind me and I know that Josh is home. My heart somersaults into my stomach! I quickly place the platter back into the oven to keep it warm until he’s had time to get out of his work clothes and get ready for dinner. Then I rush to the door just as he steps through it, and I tearfully throw myself into his arms. The surprised look in his eyes is priceless as I shower him with quick, sloppy kisses all over his much too handsome face, and he is laughing at me with a puzzled smile.
“Samantha! What are you doing?” he says, finally grabbing hold of my arms and pulling gently away from me. And I see the concern register in his eyes when he realizes that I’m crying. “Sam? Baby what happened? What’s wrong?”
He caresses my face as he studies me, and I take an unsteady breath as I look at him. “I listened to the playlist,” I say softly, realizing that it’s still playing on repeat in the background. “I have listened to it over and over again, and I love it, Josh! I love every single song. And I get it; I’m listening closely,” I say tearfully. “I may not fully understand why you can’t say those words to me … but it’s okay. Because you’ve just told me everything that’s inside your heart, and I love you too!”
In an instant, his hands are in my hair and his mouth is on mine and he’s kissing me deeply. Passionately. As if he’s pouring the depths of his feelings for me into this one kiss, and my body immediately responds to him. My hands move of their own accord, reaching up to help remove his jacket. It falls to the floor as my fingers move on to the buttons of his shirt and he pulls off his shoulder holster, dropping it to the floor as his arms close tightly around my waist, pulling me to him, before his hands begin to roam over my backside.
He shrugs out of his shirt, pulling the tails of it out of his pants in a huff as he reaches for me. He lifts me into his arms and my legs close around his waist as my fingers tangle in his hair and he walks me slowly over to the couch. He places me gently down on the seat of it as his hands reach for the hem of my tank top, pulling it slowly up and over my head, revealing my bra-less breasts as my hands fly to the clasp of his jeans.
He kisses me deeply once more, his tongue probing and insistent as we descend slowly down onto the couch. His lips move over the sensitive skin of my neck as he works to remove my sweatpants, and I can feel his hand flowing slowly back up the length of my leg, from my calf up to my thigh and on to my hairless mound. He kisses me passionately as he gently slips a finger inside me and I moan into his mouth as my fingernails glide delicately over his back. He stands abruptly and removes his jeans and his briefs, and rejoins me on the couch. And as Savage Garden serenades us, he enters me slowly, his eyes locked onto mine.
He makes love to me slowly and sweetly, our bodies writhing and humming as our passion builds. And as the song comes to an end, we skyrocket together, exploding magnificently as we hold on to one another tightly and I call out his name. We cling to each other as we struggle to catch our breath, drifting endlessly back down to earth as our hearts slow down.
“I have been waiting all my life for you, baby,” he whispers softly, echoing the words of the song as his lips lightly graze my ear. And the tears come without warning, trailing silently down my cheeks. I tighten my arms around him and hold him close to me.
“I love you too, Josh,” I whisper, and he raises up, looking deeply into my eyes.
“Sam.” He caresses my face, wiping away my tears in the process. Then he kisses me tenderly for a moment. Softly, he runs his nose down the length of mine, and we get lost in each other’s eyes for several seconds. And I have never felt so loved and cherished in my life.
We lay like this as we listen to Extreme, our bodies still connected as one, and we study one another’s eyes and explore each other’s faces with timid fingertips. It is the most intimate moment we’ve ever shared and it is beyond moving. I feel as though he’s touched my soul. I love him so deeply. And now I know that he loves me too.
“I am so in love with you, Joshua,” I whisper honestly, looking into his beautiful blue eyes.
“Oh, Sam,” he replies softly, caressing my face once more. He doesn’t seem the least bit uncomfortable with my words now, even though he still can’t repeat them. But he appears affected by them, as if he appreciates what they mean to me. He kisses me deeply once more, and his hands begin to roam over my skin. And to my utter shock, I can feel his erection growing inside of me. Holy cow! Is that even possible? Apparently it is, and he begins to move as he kisses me, thrusting deeply, and I begin to moan.
He makes love to me again and again, and all the while the playlist is running in the background, providing the romantic soundtrack for this most perfect moment. This moment that will be etched on my heart forever. I have no idea how much time passes; I’m much too busy making love to my sweet, beautiful man to care. When I am lying spent and satisfied in his arms, my head resting on his chest as his fingers run rhythmically over my back, I suddenly remember our dinner. I gasp as I jump with a start, and Josh looks at me with a puzzled frown.
“What’s wrong, baby?”
“Dinner is going to be ruined! I bet the chicken is dry as a bone by now,” I say with dismay as I struggle to get up. But he refuses to release his hol
d on me, and he gently pulls me back down to him.
“It’s all right, baby. Don’t worry about it,” he smiles at me. “Stay here with me for a while.”
“But aren’t you hungry?” I ask as I stop struggling against him, and he chuckles slightly at me.
“Yes. I am hungry,” he says softly. “But I just don’t want to let go of you yet.”
God, he says the sweetest things sometimes! I smile as I settle back down on top of him, resting my head on his chest and snuggling in close, and he tightens his arms around me, burying his nose in my hair and inhaling deeply. He kisses the top of my head and we lay this way for a while longer with the new throw I bought yesterday draped over our naked bodies.
Finally, I hear his stomach begin to growl and it makes me giggle. I kiss his chest and raise up to look at him, and he’s smiling at me. “Oh, okay,” he says with a playful roll of his eyes, “I guess we can eat now.” He leans up and kisses me swiftly before letting me go, and we get up then and begin to put ourselves back together. I quickly slip into his gray dress shirt and race to turn off the iPod. Then I hurry off to rescue my chicken as Josh gathers up the rest of our discarded clothing and his gun and heads into the bedroom.
I wash my hands at the kitchen sink and, as I’m taking the chicken out of the oven I glance at the clock and realize that over two hours have flown by while we were making love on the couch. It’s now after eight in the evening! Time flies when you’re professing your love through music.
I carry the platter to the table and by the time I grab our plates and two Coronas with lime, Josh is seated and waiting. He’s wearing his briefs and a plain white t-shirt, and he looks as yummy as our dinner.
“This looks great, Sam,” he says, taking up a fork and the carving knife. I hold my breath as he cuts into the roasted chicken, fearful it will be dry as the Sahara dessert. But to my delight, it still appears juicy and perfect. We chat about the day as we eat and he explains the ins and outs of the new case he and Dave Conner are working on. I tell him all about giving my first few museum tours today, and he smiles as he watches me.
Pierced: Pierced Trilogy Boxed Set Page 59