At least now I know why she wanted to stay at my place more than she wanted to go home.
“You’re quiet,” she says as we make the drive out of Old Town. The road is deserted except for the occasional raccoon.
I don’t bother to respond. I’m not sure what to say anyway. All I can think about is getting home and getting a shower. I can smell her cheap perfume all over me and it’s kind of making me sick.
“You were Mr. Chatty when you were trying to get me into bed. Now you won’t say a word to me.”
“I’m not sure what you want me to say.”
“It’s that girl, isn’t it?” It’s not a question.
“What girl?” I fire back.
“The blonde waitress from the bar. I saw the way you looked at her. You couldn’t keep your eyes off of her. And you stopped and looked at her before we left the bar. It was almost like you wanted her to see us leave together.”
The girl is a lot smarter than I gave her credit for. “It’s nothing.”
“Whatever you say.”
As soon as I pull into Green Meadows, the girl has the passenger door open. I barely stop the truck before she hops out.
“Have a nice life,” she shouts as she slams the door behind her.
If only I knew how to make that happen without Harley in it.
When I pull into my driveway I can’t help but notice that Harley’s bedroom light is still on. I sit in my truck and just stare at her window.
I want so badly to have her in my arms. I’d knock on her front door right now, if her scary biker father wouldn’t kill me. And if I didn’t still smell like sex and cheap perfume.
I’m also not sure I can face her right now. I don’t know what to say, or how to act, now that I know I’m the only guy she’s ever been with.
She totally blew my mind with the revelation, and it completely threw me into a tailspin. I feel like my axis has been completely shifted.
But I have a better understanding now of why it’s been so difficult for her to leave me. And I also know now more than ever that she has to go.
I’m surprised to see Tucker in the kitchen when I enter. “What are you doing up?”
He glares at me and grunts something unintelligible. I’m not sure whether I should even ask him to repeat what he said. I have a feeling I won’t like it very much.
“I’m just getting a drink of water before I go to bed.” I grab a glass from the cabinet and fill it with water from the refrigerator.
“Just make sure you’re ready to open in the morning.”
“Don’t I always open?” I fire back.
He looks me up and down. “I don’t like the way you’re acting.”
I frown. “How am I acting?”
“Weird.”
“That says a lot coming from you.” My brother’s brain got a little fried in Iraq and it’s taken a long time for him to even be somewhat normal again. Being with Gracie has helped a lot. He’s actually more like a human being again.
Like me he’s got a glass of water in his hands, but he hasn’t taken a sip of it. “Getting some water for Gracie?”
“Some of us actually care about the women in our lives,” he snaps.
“Whoa, wait a minute. Who said I didn’t care about the women in my life?”
“I like how you used the plural. Women. Isn’t that a big part of the problem? I have one woman in my life and she’s the person I care about most in this world. I would never do anything to hurt her. You seem to go out of your way to hurt Harley.”
As much as I don’t want to hurt her I know her staying in Old Town just to be with me would hurt her even worse in the long run. Settling for me when she can have someone a lot better would also hurt her.
“She knows the drill,” I fire back. It’s my standard line. Women know exactly what they’re getting into when they’re with me. I don’t lie and I don’t make promises I can’t keep. Although I may have a lie or two of omission when it comes to Harley Davis. She has no idea how crazy I am about her, and always have been, and probably always will be. But she’s never going to find out if I can help it.
“You need to stop screwing around with her, Bro. You’re going to do some serious damage to her.”
“She’s a big girl. She can handle it.” Even as the words that I’ve uttered so many times before come out of my mouth I’m not even sure I believe them anymore. But for some reason I say them anyway.
He shakes his head. “It’s your life. I just hope you know what you’re doing.”
Before I even have a chance to respond Tucker is already heading out of the kitchen.
Know what I’m doing? That’s a laugh. I have no idea what I’m doing anymore. I try to remember the first time Harley and I were together. To see if there was any clue that she was a virgin. I remember she was wearing a little black mini skirt that was so short and so tight it could have probably doubled as a belt. She also had on a little black halter top that was so tight I could see the outline of her nipples peeking out from her bra. I already knew she was drop-dead gorgeous and it was the main reason I hired her, but the day she wore that little number I realized she was also sexy as hell. I also realized that I had to have her. I couldn’t take my eyes off her all night. All I could think about was getting my hands under that little halter and then hiking that little shirt up just enough to get inside of her.
Just thinking about it now I’m already rock hard again.
I guess I just assumed that a girl who dressed like that had already been taken out for more than a few rides. I have no idea why it never occurred to me that I was her first rodeo ride.
I remember so clearly how she responded to my every touch. I had never been with a woman who seemed so in tune with her own body and with mine. It was almost like we were made for each other, we just fit together so perfectly in every way. Our lips, our bodies, every touch, every kiss seemed to be perfectly synchronized.
Being with a girl for the first time is often awkward and clumsy, especially when it’s her first time. But being with Harley was like being in a perfectly choreographed performance. Maybe that’s why I thought she was a lot more experienced than she was.
How could I have been so wrong? And what could possibly explain how perfect we were together that very first time, and every time we’ve been together ever since?
Just thinking about it is making my head ache. I don’t want Harley to be so perfect and perfect for me in every way. I’ll want to keep her when I know I have to let her go.
Five
Harley
I’m awakened by the smell of bacon and coffee. Mom must not have gotten up early to go antiquing, which is her favorite pastime.
I throw on some yoga pants and a t-shirt before I go downstairs to see what’s cooking in the kitchen.
Scrambled eggs, muffins, bacon, juice, coffee. “A special occasion?” I ask my mom when she turns around to greet me.
She gives me a warm smile, but doesn’t reply. Something must be up. My mom rarely cooks, and she almost never cooks breakfast.
“Where’s Dad?” I ask.
“He’ll be down in a few minutes. He needed to use the bath-room.”
I roll my eyes. “You’re delusional if you think that’s only going to take a few minutes.”
My dad usually takes a stack of motorcycle magazines into the bathroom with him. I’m not sure how he sits on the toilet so long without his legs falling asleep, but somehow he manages it.
“What’s cooking?” My dad asks as he waltzes into the kitchen. He’s a large man, tattooed, scary looking. But he’s got a heart of gold.
“How was work?” he continues as he reaches above me to grab some plates from the cupboard.
My dad absolutely hates the fact that I didn’t go to college and chose to work at Haymakers instead. He barely made it through high school so college was out of the question. He really wanted his only child to be the first in the family to earn a degree.
What he always fails to menti
on whenever we argue about college is the fact that he probably did better in life without a college degree. He worked hard and built a successful and extremely lucrative Harley dealership.
“Work is the same as the last time you asked. Nothing has changed. Haymakers has been the same for generations.”
“There’s still time to sign up for the fall semester at the county college. I’ll even pay for you to take a few classes.”
I roll my eyes. We’ve had this conversation for what seems like a million times. “I’m not going to college.”
My dad heaves a dramatic sigh. “Who gives up a scholarship to Columbia?”
“Me, Dad. I gave up full rides to Columbia and Harvard, remember? I also got partial scholarships to Princeton and NYU.”
I see the disappointment fill my dad’s eyes whenever we have this conversation.
“Have a seat,” he offers.
My dad is usually a happy-go-lucky kind of guy, but this morning he seems tense. Between the look on his face and the fact that my mom is making breakfast, something unusual is going on.
My mom brings a pan filled with bacon and eggs over to the table and places food on the three plates my dad has set on the table.
He places forks and napkins next to each plate and then sits down opposite me at the small breakfast table.
A plate with muffins, butter and jelly is added to the feast before my mom takes the seat next to me.
“So what’s up?” I look between my mom and dad and try to gage their reactions to my question.
They both look like cats that ate canaries.
“Your mom and I have decided to retire. We got a fantastic offer on the dealership. We’ve decided that we’re going to take the money and travel around Europe for a few years.”
I nearly choke. My mom and dad think traveling the ninety minutes into New York City is an ordeal. “What?”
“We’re going to travel around Europe,” my mom repeats.
“How did this come about?” I know I haven’t been around much. I spend a lot of time working at Haymakers. But I feel like this has come out of left field.
“We’re not getting any younger,” my mom replies.
She and my dad are in their fifties, a little younger than Jake’s parents were when they died. I know my parents took their deaths hard. They had been best friends for years.
“What about the house?” I manage to mumble.
“That’s what we wanted to talk to you about.” My dad’s face is completely serious.
“Are you selling it?” I can’t help the hurt in my voice.
He shakes his head. “Not if you’re planning on staying here.”
My heaping plate of food no longer looks appetizing. I push it away. “I wasn’t planning on going anywhere.”
Of course that was before my big revelation to Jake and his virtual non-response that hit me like a ton of bricks.
“The house is paid for,” my dad says. “But if we sign it over to you, you’ll have to pay the taxes and also pay to maintain it.”
“And you’ll have to stay in Old Town,” my mom adds.
My head feels like it’s spinning out of control. I’m not sure what to think about any of it. Staying in Old Town was much more appealing when I still thought I meant something to Jake.
“Can I have some time to think about it?” I ask.
My dad nods. “It’ll be three or four weeks before all the paperwork on the dealership goes through.”
I have a knot in my stomach the size of a baseball and it’s tightening by the minute.
My dad pats my arm. “Whatever you decide will be fine. We just need you to make some kind of decision.”
I nod.
“But please don’t completely dismiss the idea of going to college,” my mom says. “If we sell the house you can use some of the money to go away to school. Any place in the world. We don’t want you to give up on your dreams because of your crush on that boy.”
“It’s not a crush. And you can say his name. You’ve known Jake his whole life.”
“Don’t get mad,” my dad says.
When someone uses that as a precursor there’s usually a big reason to get mad so I brace myself for the worst.
“Princeton says they’ll still honor your admission for this year’s class. As will NYU and Rutgers. You’ll just have to pay full tuition. But we’ll cover it if you decide to go.”
My father looks so hopeful there’s no way I can get mad at him. Even though he completely overstepped my boundaries I know he only did it because he cares about me.
“I know college was always your dream for me, Dad. I also know how important it is to you. But it’s never been that important to me.”
He nods, but I can see the disappointment in his eyes. Not that we haven’t had this same conversation a number of times, but for some reason he keeps expecting a different outcome.
“Okay. But give it some thought. Do you really want to work at Haymakers the rest of your life?”
That’s exactly what I’ve always wanted. For as long as I can remember I’ve had a vision of marrying Jake and the two of us running the bar together. But I tell my parents I’ll give it some thought anyway.
***
I’m surprised when I meet Tucker and Gracie in the parking lot of Haymakers. They usually don’t open the mornings after they close. Jake is usually the one to open the bar.
They both look exhausted. I have a feeling I look just as tired as they do.
“Where’s Jake?” I ask as casually as I can.
Tucker unlocks the front door and we all head inside. I like Haymakers when it’s quiet like this. I like Haymakers when it’s noisy and filled with patrons too, but there’s something special about the place this time of day, before the first of the regulars arrives for lunch. It’s almost like I can feel its history. There’s always a hint of pride in his voice whenever Jake talks about Haymakers. He once told me that the place has been in his family for generations and he wants to be the Wilde brother who makes sure it stays in their family for generations to come.
He’s great at making people feel welcome and creating a fun-filled atmosphere that’s attractive to customers. But truth be told he’s not organized and he’s terrible with the bookkeeping. So bad in fact that he almost lost the bar. Luckily Cooper was able to sort the finances out and save Haymakers.
I always thought that would be my contribution. Before she got sick Jake’s mom ran the day-to-day operations and kept all of the books. Jake’s dad would bartend and play host to all of the patrons. The arrangement worked well for his parents for years. I always imagined Jake and I playing similar roles. He could be like the face of Haymakers and I could be the supportive neck.
Tucker doesn’t seem to be in a very good mood so I don’t ask him again about Jake. He’s too busy getting the bar ready anyway.
But I do approach Gracie, who is putting condiments on the bar for me to take to all of the tables. “What’s up?”
She looks nervous, but that’s not usual for her. She’s one of the most anxious people I’ve ever met in my life. “Jake took a sick day,” she whispers. “Tucker isn’t very happy about it.”
“I can see that.” I glance over at Tucker who is banging stuff around. “Is Jake really sick?”
Jake has never been sick a day in his life. And he’s never taken a day off from Haymakers, at least not since I’ve worked here.
Gracie shrugs. “I don’t know.”
Jake still hasn’t hired anyone to replace Hunter when he left for California. Not that he worked very much since he became a cop. But he did fill in when needed. And Jake hasn’t really been able to depend on Cooper and Riley as much since they’re preoccupied with their wedding.
Without Jake here it’ll be a struggle to run the place with just the three of us. Especially with Gracie not at full capacity.
I’m not sure if I should say anything to Tucker because I don’t want him to bite my head off, but I know the twins, Maz
zy and Suzie, have the night off from the Tawnee Mountain Resort. They’d probably be willing to help out. They worked at Haymakers before they got hired at the resort.
For no other reason than I’m tired and don’t feel like completely busting my ass, I approach Tucker.
When I clear my throat he looks up at me. “What’s up?”
“Jake’s not coming in?”
He rolls his eyes at me. “Apparently not. I guess he has better things to do than manage his own bar.”
“Mazzy and Suzie have the night off…” I don’t even finish my sentence when Tucker replies.
“Call them.”
The twins are young and ambitious and like making money just as much as I do. They don’t hesitate to jump at the offer to work for the night.
“They’re on their way,” I tell Tucker as soon as I get off the phone.
“That’s one problem solved.” When he glares at me I know there’s more on his mind.
“Whatever it is just say it,” I urge.
“Whatever is going on between you and Jake is starting to interfere with Haymakers and that’s not going to work.”
I shake my head. “You’re wrong. Jake being out today has nothing to do with me.”
He narrows his eyes at me. Tucker can be a scary badass when he wants to be and he definitely wants to be right now.
He points a finger in my face. “This has everything to do with you. I don’t know what happened yesterday, or what you said to him, but he’s gone completely nuts.”
“We went into the back room like we always do,” I assure Tucker. “Nothing happened that doesn’t happen on a regular basis.”
His finger is still directly in my face. “Something else happened.”
There’s no way in hell I’m going to tell Tucker that I finally let Jake know he took my virginity. And that he’s the only man I’ve ever been with.
The only person who needs to know that is Jake, and he acted like he didn’t even care.
I shake my head. “Nothing else happened. Are you sure this doesn’t have something to do with that little blonde he took home last night?”
Tucker actually laughs in my face. “She didn’t even make it until morning. He kicked her to the curb hours before the sun even rose. I heard his truck start up around three and he was back by three thirty.” When his gaze bores into me I feel like all the air is being sucked out of my chest. He really is one scary dude when he wants to be.
Wilde Times Page 5