Lesbian: A Lesbian Life Worth Repairing

by Astrid Seguin

  Lorrine touched Kama wonderingly, stroking down her side, feeling the soft and warm reality. She leaned in close, so close that the scent of Kama's hair made her head spin, and whispered in her ear.

  "Wake up, Kama. Wake up, and talk to me."

  Kama woke quickly, eyes suddenly open, heart pounding. She looked around her, then relaxed back into Lorrine's arms.

  "Lorrine," she said, then rolled over under the blankets to face Lorrine, and kissed her.

  Lorrine had a brief moment of shock before her hormones surged up and took charge. How much would Kama let her get away with? Would the woman just up and disappear?

  Or would she drive Lorrine absolutely out of her mind with passion and love. . .

  "Kama, what are you doing here?"

  "Hush," Kama replied, sliding her hands under clothing. "Don't say anything."

  Am I dreaming?

  But no, a dream wouldn't include birds warming up for their morning chorus, or the way the air stung her face outside the blankets, or that stupid rock that came back every time she moved it. Did the thing have feet and a brain, or what?

  Then Lorrine realized she didn't care if this was real or a dream. She had Kama in her arms, and the world was beautiful, and she would damn well enjoy this moment for all it was worth.

  And what a moment! Lorrine had never experienced such intense pleasure in her life. If she'd actually known how wonderful it would be, laying with a woman, she never would have developed those stupid prejudices. Because a woman knew all the right places to touch, and the importance of kissing, and caused no pain.

  "Are you real, Kama?" Lorrine asked, as she lay contentedly in Kama's embrace.

  "Of course I'm real. Do you think a dream is ever that good?"

  Lorrine chuckled. "Not likely. But I thought you were in Eirian?"

  "Clearly, I'm not," Kama laughed at her. "I'm right where I belong, and I'm not going anywhere. That is, if you'll let me stay?"

  "Let you! Kama, I'm never going to let you go. I'll just hold you forever, keep you here, not let you leave. I don't want to face life alone."

  "I don't, either," Kama said, eyes clouding. "That's why—"

  "No," Lorrine interrupted, laying her fingers over Kama's lips. "No. Don't say it. I don't ever want to know what made you choose to be with me."

  Kama blinked, surprise clearing the clouds from her eyes. "You don't?"

  "Not a bit," Lorrine replied firmly. "Maybe someday, if you stay with me long enough, I'll ask. But not now. If you tell me the reason, that will take away some of the magic."

  Kama laughed.

  "How did you find me, anyway? I'm not exactly traveling slowly along the main road, after all."

  "Magic," Kama replied, with a mysterious smile. "I ran like the wind."

  "Oh, you're pulling my leg. Did you catch a ride with someone?"

  "No." Kama shook her head, then changed the subject. "So where are we going?"

  Lorrine grinned. "I love what you just said. We. Where are we going."

  "Get used to hearing that word. Now, I repeat, where are we going?"

  "I was heading straight for the temple. After all, everybody except me seems to think I'm some kind of paladin. But now, you're here. Want to go investigate those shadows?"

  "Sure," Kama agreed readily. "After all, I've nothing else to do. Why not?"

  "Wow," Lorrine said, eyes widening. "Kama, you're in the same boat I am! Homeless, jobless, just a feckless wanderer without even a Seeker's wagon."

  "Feckless? I must protest your choice of wording, madam!" Kama tweaked Lorrine's nose, grinning, then kissed her and tossed the blankets off. Lorrine yelped and made a grab for the covers as Kama stood up.

  "Kama, what are you doing? Trying to freeze me to death?"

  "Not hardly. But the sun's well up, we should be on the way, now that we've got a destination. How far is this place, anyway?"

  "Not horribly," Lorrine replied, scrambling into her clothing. Which, of course, felt damn near as cold as the air, since it'd gotten shoved out into the open. "Thtock! It's cold. I liked holding you much better than this getting dressed business. You're warm."

  Kama laughed, then slipped into Lorrine's arms, wearing nothing but her tunic. "Poor desert rose, all frozen in the autumn morning."

  "You're better than a fire," Lorrine murmured, kissing Kama's neck. "I love you."

  Kama sighed, melting into Lorrine's arms. "I've waited a long time to hear you say that."

  "No more waiting. I'm done being stupid."

  Slowly, reluctantly, Lorrine let go and resumed the dressing process. She kept a close eye on Kama, though, just in case the woman disappeared. Besides, she was worth watching. Where had she gotten such a thoroughly practical traveling outfit? She even had an outer tunic with a hood, for lousy weather.

  Kama, it seemed, had hit the road with a far larger bankroll than Lorrine. She had brought actual food in her pack, some very carefully protected eggs and a big fat sausage, among other things. Such as rolls. And a small pan.

  "And here I thought you were a city girl," Lorrine said, amazed, as sausage slices began sizzling in the hot cast iron.

  "I am. But I'm no stranger to the road. I may have been in Eirian before you got there, but I certainly wasn't born there."

  "Where were you born, anyway? I know very little of your past."

  "Ha! As I know little of yours. I came from the far north, just shy of the Worldcrest. But you'll not get me talking about my life before I met you anytime soon. Well, the parts before I reached Eirian, anyway."

  "Fair enough, I suppose. Considering I don't want to talk about my family, either."

  By the time they'd eaten, cleaned up, and gotten back on the dirt path that passed for a road out here, the sun rode much higher in the sky than Lorrine had been used to seeing. But she couldn't have cared less. What point in hurrying along? This trip had transformed into a life of pure pleasure, no longer the pointless trekking of the previous days.

  They reached a town midafternoon, one with an inn. Although it seemed rather a small and scruffy inn, Kama still produced some coins from her pack and paid for a room for the night.

  "I think I'm jealous," Lorrine commented, as they found their way to the rented room.

  "Why's that?"

  "You've got everything in that pack of yours! All I've got is the clothes I stand in and some really dry jerky."

  Kama laughed. "Now that's where you're wrong. You don't really think I'm going to keep all the money and food to myself, do you? Silly girl."

  "How'd you get so rich, anyway?"

  "Teaching," Kama shrugged. "The school paid a stipend on top of room and board. I didn't have much to spend it on, so now we've got plenty for inns and such."

  "Good," Lorrine said. "This must be it."

  She opened the door at the end of the hallway. A modest room looked back at her, not much more than a bed, some shelves, and a washstand.

  "Nothing special, but it'll do," Kama judged. "Want to go find that public bathhouse the innkeep mentioned?"

  "Of course. I wish I could find a laundry, too. These clothes are getting pretty rank."

  "So they are," Kama agreed, nose wrinkled. "We'll figure something out. Soon. Before you start attracting wildlife."

  Lorrine laughed.

  The public bathhouse sat next door to the inn. It had the typical configuration of an Ancient site, with plumbing suspended from the ceiling, a drain in the floor, and a fat copper boiler steaming away off to the side. Turn a valve, and warm water came down from above, like a tame rainstorm.

  "Sometimes I wish I was an Ancient," Lorrine confessed, as they cleaned each other up. "It must have been incredible to live when all this stuff was new."

  "Maybe. But as for myself, I'm glad you're alive now."

  They kissed, right there in the middle of the spraying water. "Not here," Kama murmured. "In the room. Too slippery here for what I want to do to you."

  How. . . shocking, Lorrine thoug
ht, releasing her hold reluctantly. She'd just assumed they'd love each other right here, out in the open, with the added excitement of wondering if someone would walk in on them. That was what Derfek would have done. But maybe, just maybe, Lorrine liked the notion of keeping their loving private. Maybe she didn't want anybody else to see her beautiful Kama. In fact, now that she thought of it, what a rat bastard! Derfek had wanted to show other people their most private moments!

  "Let's get moving, then," she said, covering over her inner snarl with a smile. "There's still time before dinner."

  "Lorrine!" Kama laughed as she rinsed soap out of her hair. "You're insatiable! Are you trying to make up for lost time?"

  "Of course! And I know, I've got a lot of making up to do."

  "Yes, you do indeed."

  They finished cleaning up. Lorrine gave her clothes a dirty look.

  "Here."

  Kama tossed a fabric bundle at her that opened out into a loose robe.

  "Kama! Oh, how wonderful! Where'd this come from?"

  "My pack." Kama grinned at her reaction.

  Lorrine slipped into the robe and looked around the bathhouse. If this were like most Ancient sites, there should be a. . . Yes, there it was. A clothes washing sink. She grinned.

  "I'm going to clean these stinking clothes. You want to hang out with me, tell me how you came to be such an experienced traveler?"

  Kama's face clouded. "We've known each other for years, without you asking about that, until today. That's twice now. Suffice it to say I spent a lot of time on the road, journeying from the top of the world to the bottom of it, okay? I don't like talking about that time."

  "Sorry." Lorrine got busy with her shirt and socks. Not much she could do about the leather, because she couldn't see any leather conditioner here, but the other stuff would certainly benefit from a good scrubbing.

  "So, if it's not too taboo a subject, why don't you tell me what you've done the last two years?"

  Lorrine made a face. "Well, most of that time, I was enchanted. Looking back on it now, a lot of it is very blurry, and what I do remember really pisses me off. Because it seems I spent almost that entire time just not thinking."

  "What do you remember?"

  Lorrine blushed. "Erm. . . sex. Lots of it. It seems that was really the only thing worth remembering, although I know there was other stuff as well. Like Derfek conning people out of money. I remember that, a little bit, and I remember thinking it was wrong, but I never did anything about it. Any time I questioned him, or did anything he didn't like, he'd just tug on that amulet of his and I'd go back to basically worshiping him and wanting more sex."

  "Well, that certainly doesn't sound fun. How did you break free of the enchantment?"

  Lorrine's blush cooled instantly. If she'd had a light skin, like Kama, it'd be chalk white after hearing those words. "I killed him," she said, very softly, barely able to get the words out. "It was an accident. He'd given me something to hold, told me it was a boom-rod. And we were running for our lives, chased by angry Dargasi warriors, including my uncle. Because Derfek had used the power of his amulet to seduce Uncle Ranam's wife. And of course Ranam was going to kill him for it. Derfek was riding my horse, I'd gotten up on my uncle's, and they were shooting at us. An arrow grazed Derfek's neck and cut through the amulet's thong. It fell away, and so did the enchantment, and I was suddenly furious. He hadn't treated me all that well, he'd slept with damn near every woman we saw, and he'd made me like it all. Asshole. He'd even made me into a horse thief, because the animal I rode damn sure wasn't mine. So I took out that boom-rod and fired it at him. It should have made a loud noise, scared his horse, got him bucked off or whatever. But. . . it wasn't a boom-rod."

  Lorrine closed her eyes, but it didn't help. She could still see the fireball all too clearly. So she looked at Kama's tunic instead, noting the pretty turquoise color and the fine weave. And of course, delicate floral embroidery around the yoke.

  "It shot a fireball," she continued. Kama made a startled sound. "And he died. Screaming horribly. The horses ran away, although someone caught them and brought them back. And then my uncle told me it was an accident, but a good one, because I'd killed him far quicker and nicer than the men would have."

  She stopped talking, feeling a tiny bit better for getting the secret out into the open. While she'd told the story, she'd scrubbed her shirt and socks into submission, and rinsed them out now, while Kama rubbed her shoulders with one hand.

  "What a horrible thing to happen," she said. "I'm very glad you're free of him and his control over you, but I am quite sorry it happened that way."

  "So am I. But there's not much I can do about it. It shouldn't happen again, I left that damned weapon with my people. I left the horse, too, because too many memories were attached to it. Not good ones, either. I do kind of miss the horse, though. His legs didn't get as tired as mine do."

  "Or if they did, you couldn't feel it," Kama chuckled. "If you really want a horse, we can probably get some. I'm not sure how much they cost, and you'll have to show me how to ride, but I've got a good bit of money with us."

  "Nah, not just yet. Maybe someday. But now, we're likely to get to that underground place by tomorrow night. The Shrouded One—"

  "Mother," Kama interrupted firmly. "Call her the Mother. No one is to know of her involvement with the school."

  "The Mother, then. She said your people came from that place. What did she mean?"

  "Ancestors. Not my real people. I guess I'm a descendant of some really unpleasant folk that used to live in the place you found. Can we talk about something else now?"

  Lorrine chuckled. "Neither one of us has a great pride in our ancestry, it seems. Fine. Um. . . How about the weather?"

  Kama laughed loudly, the kind of purely happy sound she hadn't made in nearly two annums. She laughed so hard, in fact, that her eyes watered a bit.

  Lorrine watched her lover having a ridiculously strong overload of amusement at a silly comment, wondering why, as she wrung her clothing out and hung it up to dry.

  "You," Kama said, getting herself back under control, "you are just too much. I always knew there was a reason I loved you."

  "Oh? And what reason is that?" Hands free of clothing, Lorrine slipped her hand into Kama's and they walked out of the bathhouse.

  "You can always manage to make me laugh."

  "I'll take that as a good thing."

  "It is. Believe me, it is. I'd rather laugh than cry any day. Although, you did make me do more of that than anyone should ever have to. . . "

  "Sorry. Weren't we going to switch to a less miserable topic, not a more uncomfortable one?"

  "Yes, indeed we were."

  But Kama stayed quiet as they walked together back to the inn. Lorrine let her, content simply to hold Kama's hand and enjoy the westering sun.

  "I wonder what they're serving for dinner?" Kama asked, as they entered the inn.

  "Let's find out."

  Roasted bird of some sort, as it turned out. They had a pleasant meal, then sought out the small room they'd rented. Then, in privacy, then Kama let Lorrine undress her and pull her right into the bed.

  Underground

  "So this is it?"

  Kama gave the green iron door a dubious look.

  "Yes, this is it," Lorrine confirmed. The door loomed larger than she remembered. But then, she'd not really seen it in daylight. It stood easily tall enough to get a horse and rider through. "I was barely able to get it closed before the geas grabbed me. Are you ready to go in?"

  Kama looked at the sun, riding high overhead. "Well, I can't protest that it's too close to night. Sure. Might as well get this over with."

  She dug into her pack and removed two lightsticks, handing one to Lorrine.

  "Is there anything you don't carry in there?"

  "My courage." She gave the door another look, then transferred her apprehensive gaze to Lorrine. "Will you keep me safe in there?"

  Lorrine smiled. "Of c
ourse. To the best of my ability, limited though it is."

  Then she opened the bolt, wondering about the bar mentioned by the Mother. There it lay, with a scraggly weed covering a good part of it, cast off to the side. But why would the thing be needed at all, if the bolt were shot?

  Kama stepped very close to her, lightstick outstretched, and they moved together into the murky darkness.

  Lorrine left the door open this time, because the sun shone bright in a perfect blue autumn sky. No miserable rainstorm to keep out today. The sunlight extended into the tunnel for maybe two horselengths before it faded into nothingness. Their little lightsticks didn't do much to combat the dark, but they did produce a little bubble of light, allowing the two women to move into the dark corridor with some confidence.

  "I'm surprised the shadows aren't here yet," Lorrine said. She felt really nervous, complete with sweating palms and roiling guts, but she wasn't about to show it. Not with Kama so clearly on edge.

  "Maybe they're nocturnal?"

  "Maybe. It was early morning when they spoke to me before, very early morning. Maybe they like the dawn?"

  They crept forward, following the wide tunnel, clinging to each other. The tunnel widened a bit, then a bit more.

  "I smell water," Lorrine said.

  "The Mother said there was a lake down here."

  "You sound scared. Don't be. It's not that bad here."

  "Easy for you to say. You can't hear the chattering, can you?"

  "The what?" Lorrine started to question Kama, then got distracted by the abrupt end of the tunnel. The glow from their little lightsticks vanished into empty space, showing a sudden dropoff. "Kama, hold up."

  She stopped, keeping Kama safe beside her. Then she moved cautiously to the edge, kneeling, looking for any kind of pathway. Her crystal flared.

  "Um. . . Lorra, why's your shirt glowing?"

  "It's my crystal. I guess Biao Tanu's trying to tell me something. But what in hell it is, I don't know."

  "She's probably telling you this is a really dumb idea."