by A. E. Murphy
“She’s been asleep all day,” I hear my mum say as footsteps ascend the stairs.
My bedroom door opens and Dillan asks quietly, “Ty? You under there?”
“Mmhmm,” I daren’t open my mouth; I feel way too ill. “Did I kill you?”
The bed dips and his arm wraps around my swaddled body. “I think so.” I shiver sharply and try not to puke up my actual stomach.
“Hey.” His voice switches from amused to concerned and the blanket leaves me. “What’s wrong?”
“Don’t look at me.” I fumble weakly for the blanket and try to cover my head once more. “I’m gross.”
“You’re not gross; you’re just a bit clammy.”
“I’m hanging out my arse.”
“Well,” he chuckles and instead of removing the blanket again, he kicks off his shoes and climbs in with me. “That’s one way to put it.”
“I love you, by the way,” I whisper as he curls his body around mine. His body stills. “I know I never said it back but I wasn’t sure until last night when you were holding my hair back as I vomited on the curb. I’m so embarrassed.”
“Don’t be.” He kisses my ear. “We all have messy nights like that; I’m just glad I was there for yours.”
“Mum will kill you if she finds you like this. She’ll know I’m not a virgin.”
“Pretty sure they already know.”
“My dad would never let you in my bedroom if he knew.
They’re a bit naïve like that.”
“Or you’re naïve for thinking they’re naïve.”
I cringe. “I hope they still think I’m a virgin. I mean… ewww.”
“Yeah, ewww. Let’s just leave that conversation for when we’re married.”
Married? “Oh, god…” I climb out of bed and race back to the bathroom again.
“Shit, Ty.” Dillan kneels beside me and strokes my back as my stomach retches painfully and noisily. “Nothing’s coming up. You need water or something. I’ll be right back.”
He returns with a glass of water. I gulp it down and then rest my forehead against my arm, which crosses over the toilet seat.
“More?” He asks. I shake my head no and close my eyes. “Should I get your mum?”
“Hell no, she’ll smell the alcohol in here a mile off and fucking kill me… and you, seeing as you were looking after me last night. They did nothing but praise you earlier by the way.” I lift my head and hold out my hands for him to pick me up off the ground. “They’re going to talk about Christmas, but you’re invited here.”
“If you can’t come, I’ll still spend the morning and then just leave at the planned time.”
“Toothbrush.” I lean against the sink and hold out my trembling hand.
“You’re really unwell.”
“I’ll be fine. I just need to eat and keep it down.”
“I know just the thing.” He grins and leaves the room, leaving me alone to brush my teeth.
He returns five minutes later with Weetabix made with nothing but boiled water and a squirt of honey.
“You know you go to somebody’s house too much when you feel comfortable helping yourself to their kitchen,” Dillan chuckles and spoon feeds me a bite of the peculiar breakfast concoction. At this point I could eat anything. I’m so hungry, despite the fact I’m so ill.
“I’m just grateful you didn’t bring me a fry up. The smell will kill me.”
“Next time we won’t mix our drinks.” He feeds me another bite and, as bizarre as it is, I kind of like it. I want to be fed more often.
“I’m surprised you’re not banning me from drinking ever again.”
“I’m not going to be a controlling boyfriend, I promise you that. I’d hate it if you started trying to tell me what to do.”
I want to kiss him but I’ve been puking so I’m not going to. “I promise I won’t start trying to control you.” Then I add. “Within reason.”
“Yeah, obviously there are always boundaries when one is in a relationship.”
I take the bowl from him and place it on the table next to the bed. “Exactly.”
“You should rest more. You look like you’re going to pass out.”
“I am.” And I do.
Emily’s face lights up my screen, I haven’t spoken to her in a few days so I answer, despite my ailments. “S’up?”
“Can you do me a favour and leave my brother for long enough to help me pick a dress for my prom?”
Holy crap. “You’re asking me? Really?”
“Yeah, you’re the only lass I like that doesn’t think fishnets are hot and dresses like a total slut.” She inhales sharply and I wonder if she’s smoking. “Also, it’d make my brother happy to see us bonding.”
“Your prom isn’t until July next year though,” I point out, clearing my throat to stop myself from vomiting again. It turns out the alcohol isn’t the only thing screwing up my internal system. I seem to have contracted some kind of bug. Not a good one. It’s been four sleeps since the night in question and I’m still ill. Though I managed to get myself to school today and I felt better by one, unfortunately now I’m home and after a milkshake with the guys, I feel like crap again so I left Dillan with his friends and came home.
Now this surprising call.
“I like to have options.” She inhales sharply again. “If you’re smoking, your parents will kill you.”
“Ew, god no.” She starts laughing maniacally. “I’m doing sit ups. I have to maintain my figure for prom.”
“Right, because prom is what you should be focusing on in your last year of school.”
“You sound just like my mum.”
“Whatever, you know I’m right.” I smile and move to my bedroom window. “I’d love to come dress shopping with you; just name the time and place.”
“Next Saturday at eleven. We’ll get lunch too, so bring my brother’s wallet.”
“I’m not stealing his wallet.”
“Fine, I’ll bring my dad’s, you big pussy.” The line goes dead. That’s how a lot of my conversations with Emily go; they’re short, funny and then end without a goodbye. She doesn’t like goodbyes. I think I might be as much in love with her as I am with her brother, but in a non-weird platonic way. She’s such a character, so genuine and lacking any kind of bullshit. Her filter is non-existent. She just situated herself into my life a few weeks ago and hasn’t shifted since.
Tyler: I’m going prom dress shopping with your sister.
Dillan: I am cringing for you.
Tyler: Don’t, it’ll be fun.
Dillan: If you say so. How are you feeling now?
Tyler: Loads better than I was. It’s probably just because I’ve not been eating much.
Dillan: If you’re not better by Monday, I’m taking you to a doctor myself.
Tyler: Don’t be soft, babe. I’m fine, promise. It’s just a bug. I love you.
Dillan: I’m not kidding. Love you more. Hence the fact I have to be sure you’re okay. You’ve not been right all week.
Tyler: Pick me up some ginger ale on your way in the morning again if you can.
Dillan: Sure, anything else?
Tyler: Just yourself and preferably leave your weird morning energy at home.
Dillan: But you hate grumpy Dillan.
Tyler: I don’t hate any Dillan.
Dillan: I hate grumpy Dillan. He makes you roll your eyes.
I snort and roll my eyes purely for the hell of it.
Tyler: Don’t ever leave me for somebody else. I love you so much I’m not sure I could take it.
Dillan: Mardy Dillan is quite attached to you. Don’t worry, he’s not going anywhere.
Tyler: And happy Dillan?
Dillan: You’re the reason happy Dillan is happy.
What on earth do I do with that other than smile like a girl and squeal into my pillow? I love the sop. The sop is good.
Emily: You still ill?
Tyler: Nah, just a bit weak from lack of eating for so
long. Why?
Emily: Epic. I’m on my way seeing as Dillan has ditched you for the mats.
Tyler: You didn’t mention this two seconds ago.
Emily: I thought he was with you, or at least on his way.
Tyler: Fine, see you soon.
Emily: Don’t seem too eager to see me…my ego will get too heavy for my dainty little body.
Tyler: Too late for that.
Emily: Fuck you. I’ll be there in five.
She gets here in half an hour, not five, and we sit in the comfort of my room, eating beef burritos and watching some teen angst series that I’m ashamed to admit is really good.
At seven her brother comes to pick her up, make out with me on my front porch for a little while and then leave.
It gives me a chance to race to my room and expel the contents of my stomach into the toilet. Beef burrito coming up is not as nice as beef burrito going down.
“Your dad and I have been talking.” Mum sits on the end of my bed. I close my laptop and wait for her to continue. “And we’ve agreed that it’s okay for you to spend half of Christmas at the Westons’.”
I try to stifle my ear-splitting grin but I can’t. “Really?”
“Really.” She grins back and I move to hug her. “Jesus, Tyler…” She holds me at arms-length and forces me to stand. “You’ve lost way too much weight.”
“Yeah, I know.” I tug on my oversized shirt and look away. “I had a really bad bug the other week.”
“Honey…” She presses her fist to her lips and asks quietly, “You’re not… making yourself sick are you? Because if all of this is for a slimmer figure, it’s not worth it. It’ll wreck your teeth, your hair… you’re starting to look a little gaunt.”
“God, no, Mum, honestly. I miss my fuller shape. I don’t feel myself looking like a stick.” I’m over exaggerating but never mind. I’m still not quite a stick, but she’s right. The amount of weight I’ve lost isn’t healthy. “I promise.”
“You sure?” I nod.
“Okay.” She doesn’t look completely convinced. “And you’re better now?”
“Honestly, I’m so much better. I’m just a bit shaky from not eating properly for so long.”
“Maybe it’s the dramatic change to your diet.”
“That’s what Emily said; she brought me a tub full of chocolate to ‘boost my body’s morale’, whatever that means.”
Mum smiles. “She’s a good girl that one, like her brother.”
“I’ll have to let Dillan know you think he’s a good girl.”
She laughs and hugs me again. “I’m always here for you; you know that, right?”
“I know, Mum, now let me finish my coursework. It has to be handed in tomorrow.”
“Since when do you procrastinate?”
“I didn’t; I’m just not happy with it.”
“Perfectionist.” She pinches my cheek, frowning when she doesn’t get as much meaty flesh as she used to. “Do you want a cup of tea?”
“I would love one.”
Tyler: Mum said yes!
Dillan: To Xmas?
Tyler: Yup!
Dillan: Brilliant. How are you feeling?
Tyler: I’ll be a ton better if I had a burrito.
Dillan: Another one? That’s your third this week. Not that I’m judging, just observing.
Tyler: I just love them so much right now.
Dillan: In that case, I’m on my way.
The end of term comes far too soon, yet not soon enough, especially since my brother Dominic is finally on his way home. He’ll be here any moment and we’re all on the edge of our seats, waiting for his car to pull into the driveway.
When it finally does, Mum and I start squealing with glee.
That is until we see that it’s Dillan’s car.
“I’ve never been sorrier to see you,” I grumble playfully when he walks inside and slides his jacket down his arms.
He doesn’t look upset or sorry; he just looks amused. I peck his lips briefly, not wanting to gross out my parents, and then pull him into the living room that overlooks the driveway. The waiting game continues.
“Sorry I’m late,” he whispers. “Shh.” I wave my hand at him.
“Yes, because me being quiet is going to get your brother here faster,” he chuckles and my dad joins in. They both fall immediately silent though when Mum’s and my death glares pierce their very souls and shatter their spirits to oblivion.
“I’ll go and put the kettle on.” Dillan kisses my forehead as his hand discreetly gropes my rear.
“I think I’ll join you.” Dad slaps Dillan on the back. “Too many hormones flapping about in this room.”
Finally, less than a minute after they leave the room, another set of headlights shines across the wet driveway.
“HE’S HERE! MY BOY!” Mum screams and goes flying through the door faster than my eyes can register.
“Move!” I all but shove Dillan out of the way as he comes to see what the fuss is about.
“Dom!” I throw myself onto my mum and brother, who can’t hug us back for the bags in his hands.
“I’ll get those.” Dad yanks one bag from his hand and Dillan squeezes in to take the other. Meanwhile, Mum and I smother Dominic in between us.
“I missed you too,” Dom sighs and finally wraps an arm around us both.
“You’ve gotten taller.” Mum pulls back and cups his face with her hands. “I can hardly reach you.”
“Mum,” he laughs, releasing us both, “it’s cold, can I go inside now? I’d like to see you all in the light.”
“Sorry.” I can’t contain my smile, especially not when we finally move into the warmth and I get to see my brother for the first time since May.
Tears fill my eyes, but his eyes fill with disgust.
“What the hell happened to you, Ty?” Everyone looks at me and my cheeks heat. “You’re so different.”
“Good different or bad different?”
“Both. My baby sister isn’t a baby anymore.” Scowl.
“You’ve lost so much weight.”
“So I’ve been told.” I roll my eyes and let out a breath of frustration. “Can everybody please lay off my weight now?”
“First time I’ve said anything.” Dominic raises his hands defensively, looking so much like our dad.
“They remind me daily while they try to force feed me bacon and toast.”
Dominic frowns at them. “Eating fatty foods isn’t a safe way to gain.”
“Sorry, Doctor.” My dad hugs his son, slapping him on the back loudly with one hand. “Good to see you, lad.”
“You too.” Dominic’s eyes find Dillan and I watch as they narrow. My palms begin to sweat when he approaches him and doesn’t hold out his hand. “You the boyfriend I’ve been hearing so much about?”
“I hope so, or Tyler has some explaining to do,” he jests, taking the hostile tone from my brother without any bitterness. He holds out his hand and my brother takes it. I see him squeeze hard but Dillan doesn’t falter.
“You good to her?”
“As good as I know how to be,” Dillan responds.
“Leave him alone,” I snap, shoving my brother to the side. “It’s not like you can talk anyway; you’re always too busy for me.”
“That’s not true.” He looks genuinely offended and this time it’s Mum I see in his features. “You just never call at a convenient time.”
“And you never call me back at a convenient time.”
We both smile at each other right before he grabs me in a headlock and starts messing with my hair.
“Who’s hungry?” Mum calls over my screams and my brother’s grunts.
“Your brother doesn’t like me.” Dillan rids me of my jacket as his lips explore my neck.
“Don’t talk about my brother when we’re being naughty.” He snorts attractively. “Naughty, huh?”
“It’s a major turn off.”
“But he really does hate me.”
“He glared at me whenever I touched you. Surely that should be what your dad does and not your brother?”
I giggle and shrug. I’m not really sure what to say. I don’t think Dominic does hate him. Trust is earned.
Dillan shakes his hair free of my hand and kisses me deeply. For a moment I forget what we were talking about. That is until he adds, “What can I do to get him to like me?”
“For god’s sake,” I laugh and wrap my legs around his hips. “Just don’t break my heart. He’ll get used to you.”
He holds me by my arse, his fingers digging into my flesh and the door pressing against my back.
“You really have lost weight,” Dillan frowns. “I knew we should have gone to the doctor.”
“Totally pointless.” I’m so tired of hearing about how I look. People are entirely obsessed with my appearance and health. “I’m fine now. No more throwing up, no more dizzy spells. I’m good.”
“Promise me you’ll go back if you get that way again.”
“You have my word.” I fumble between us and release him from the confines of his jeans. He carries me to his desk and sits me on the edge.
With his eyes clenched shut, he sinks into me and both of us shudder together. Me more so than him as my body welcomes him with a desperation it never has before.
“Jesus,” I cry, gripping the desk edge with my fingers so tightly my entire arms ache.
“You okay?”
“Yeah.” My head lolls back, exposing my neck to him. “It’s just really intense.”
“Intense.” He grins arrogantly and starts a steady, slow rhythm.
It’s torture. I moan louder than ever before. My eyes close and my hips buck against his as I try to feel more of whatever this is. It burns. It tingles. It’s like being on the edge of the most powerful orgasm forever. I never want it to end but I’m scared I’ll lose my mind if it doesn’t.
“Harder,” I beg and he complies, but it’s just not enough. “Harder, Dillan!”
“Fuck,” he curses, breathing heavily. Hands wrap around the base of my thighs. His hips slam against them as he holds me tightly in place.
When he finally pushes in as deeply as he can, I lose it. The way he connects with me just rubs me in the right spot and my vision goes black.