“Maggie, what do you want? Your brother obviously needs to leave.” I say as I gently wipe a tear off her cheek that finally fell.
In a whisper, she says, “Can we go out to dinner tonight? I miss you.”
I pull her into me. Holding her just feels so right.
I whisper in her ear, “I will pick you up at seven at your place. Please don’t cry Mags. I will see you tonight.”
I release her and she smiles as she walks away. Damn, today is the best day in I don’t know when. Maggie wants to have dinner, she misses me. I know I am bad for her, but maybe if I stay clean and keep the ghosts at bay this could work me and her. I can’t help but get my hopes up.
Maggie
As I dress for tonight, I can’t believe I actually am going on a date with Brayden again. I decide to dress in a simple denim skirt that falls just above my knee and a hunter green halter top. Its Brayden, I don’t need to go overboard. I also don’t know what I want from this so best keep it comfortable.
The doorbell rings as I put on my brown Rainbow flip flops, every Carolina girl’s must have. I open the door to Brayden standing there, in khaki cargo shorts, a blue polo shirt not tucked in and flip flops. Apparently he understood tonight needs to be casual.
I get into his new to him car. It is strange to get into a Honda with Brayden. It was a nice enough Civic, definitely modified for street racing, just not at all what Brayden would like. He loves classic American muscle, so I know this is just a result of his drug use and what he can afford. Now me, I would love to drive this car every day, it just isn’t Brayden. He belongs in his 1970 Dodge Charger.
We arrive at the restaurant and order. We spend dinner in casual conversation, like two old friends catching up. I feel at ease it’s just like home. We finish dinner and arrive back at my house. Harrison isn’t home so I invite Brayden in.
I didn’t mean to advance things, but suddenly I find myself needing to kiss him. Before he even has a chance to get all the way into the living room, I take him by the hand to my bedroom. As soon as we get in the door, I kiss him with every ounce of passion that is burning inside of me. This is not planned, this is not my intention, but I don’t want to stop. I just want him, here and now. I push him down on my bed, kissing him with fervor. I grip the hem of his shirt and begin to pull it over his head. I notice his small beer belly is gone. He may not be as tone as my brother or Ryder but there is a definite difference in Brayden’s body and it makes me even hotter. I unhook his belt and shorts, pushing them off of him.
Brayden is here in my bed, now only clothed in his boxers, and he is letting me be in charge. I like this, I like this a lot. I kiss him again, he pulls my shirt off and slides my skirt up, cupping my ass in his hands.
He whispers to me, “Never any panties, ever. Mmmmmmmm…..Oh Maggie.”
I am lost in the sensations of what is purely Brayden. His fingers find their way to my core, rubbing my clit in a teasing motion before he finally inserts one into me. A soft moan escapes my lips. He rolls me over onto my back. Slowly he removes my skirt as I now lay naked in front of him.
“Like what you see, Brayden?” I smirk.
He smiles, “I love what I see Maggie, always have, always will.”
Then he begins to caress, kiss and suck on my breasts. Sensations are washing over me, a passion so consuming I feel as if I am drowning in the emotion radiating off of him. He kisses his way down, reaching my inner thighs. He slowly licks around my intimate lips, spreading me he nuzzles himself down as he then begins to torture me with pleasure using only his tongue. The skills this man has with his mouth are beyond any other I have ever experienced. I feel my orgasm building and I can’t hold back. As he sucks my clit he inserts two fingers inside me slowly stretching and flicking at my insides. This pushes me over the top as I cry out his name.
“Take me, Brayden, now.”
Then he surprises me, “No, Maggie, you are not ready for that from us. I can feel it in you. Right now, you think you want me, but its release you want baby. I will give you that one hundred times over, but I will not take you until you are really ready, love.”
I sit up at his response. “Brayden, I want you enough said. We may have problems, sex has never been one of them, don’t make it one now.” I say with a bitchy tone.
He looks at me with unspoken emotion in his eyes, “So, Maggie, if I ask you to give me another chance and get back together with me, would your answer be yes? The only way I will make love to you is to be with you again all the way. I want to make love to you not have sex with you and I want to do it for the absolute rest of my life.”
I say nothing for a bit, causing him to get up and to dress himself. He looks over at me and just stares for a moment. He tosses me my clothes.
“See, Mags, you don’t know what you want. I will not take advantage of you. I will gladly fool around with you and give you orgasm after orgasm. The next time we have sex, we will be committed to our relationship together, our future together. I will be making love to your entire mind, body, and soul. I love you, Maggie, and I will wait forever if I have to. You still have things to sort through and I understand. As hard as this is, I am going to go. Dinner was great, I would love to take you out again sometime.”
With that he leans over, kisses me gently and walks away.
Brayden
Walking out her door is the hardest thing I have had to do in a very long time. Maggie is confused, unsure, and I will not take advantage of her. Now, I am seriously on edge.
I just wanted to have an evening with Maggie as my friend. When she kissed me I cease in my ability to think, maybe I should have stopped things then. I am trying to do the right thing here but now it will rack my brain all night.
What am I going to do if Maggie decides she really is over me? What if after tonight she never speaks to me again? I have made a mess of things, again.
My phone rings, I cringe as I look at the caller ID.
“Yes, Mom,” I answer.
“Don’t call me that, I am not your mother. I got some letter in the mail for you. I opened it, something about completing rehab. I burned it in the fireplace. You have done it now. Making Bianca go in your place wasn’t enough for you, huh. So you just had to go and waste your life doing drugs. Really you are a true piece of shit. I don’t know why it couldn’t have been you that night. You are the reason your father left us, he didn’t want any more children after we had Bianca. Then he comes back, you decide to be a bastard and your sister ends up the dead one instead.” She states.
“I am sorry, Mom.” I said.
She cut me off screaming, “I am not your mother you bastard.” And with that the line went dead.
Great, the paper I need for court has now been burned. I must have been distracted when I gave them her address instead of Ryder’s.
If I could go back, I would have made sure Bianca was home that night. I may not have said one word to my father, but at least my sister would still be alive, my mother would be happy, and Maggie would be happy and vibrant without a care in the world. I have ruined everything for them all.
There is a knock at my door. I open it to find Valerie standing in front of me with a strange grin.
Brayden
“Aren’t you going to invite me in?” Valerie asks.
“Um, sure come in.” I respond and open the door wider for her to enter.
She sits on my couch, so I take the chair. For the first few moments, we just sit there silently. I haven’t seen Valerie since before rehab and only once before that right after she was home from her time in Colorado getting clean. So when she pulls out the acid I am in shock to say the least.
“Come on Bray, I know you need an escape right now. It’s just acid, neither of us has ever had an issue when it comes to stopping using this, so it won’t hurt your progress.” Valerie says.
This evening is not supposed to be going this way at all. Feeling overwhelmed, my Mom’s voice still echoing in my ears, I take the tiny paper an
d place it under my tongue before I even think twice about what I am doing. As the euphoria of the LSD hits me, I realize how royally I have just messed up.
“Valerie, this is wrong, you need to go. Now!” I say as I am walking to the door.
“Bray, what is wrong? Is it a bad trip? You aren’t seriously going to kick me out, are you?” Valerie stammers.
“Yes, you need to leave. I never should have let you in. I don’t want to use drugs of any kind to escape anymore. You need to go and get your shit straight.” I am now yelling at her. That seems to get through to her and she finally leaves.
As the lights and colors are swirling around me, I curl into myself in my bathroom to wait it out. I don’t know why but I call Maggie, she answers surprisingly.
“Maggie, I need you now. As my friend, I need you. Please will you come over and sit with me?” I plead.
“I will be there in five minutes.” With that she hangs up.
She arrives at my apartment and I immediately tell her I am tripping. At first she is angry, than I ask her to sit down and hear me out.
Three hours later, I have poured my heart out and I have no secrets left inside me. Maggie held me, cried with me and encouraged me as I shared with her my childhood and my sister. Eventually we both fell asleep wrapped in one another on my couch.
I wake up early the next morning to Maggie stirring in my arms. I look down at her and smile.
“Thank you for coming last night. I have decided, I am going to sign up and start meetings today. I am going to get a sponsor. I want to get clean and stay clean. No more slip ups, no more mistakes.”
“That is what you need Bray. I know things are all mixed up between us right now, but I do love you. Get yourself straightened out and I will work on me, then we can figure out what is left for us together.” She says as she leans into cuddle closer. We both fall back asleep.
Maggie
I wake up on Brayden’s couch all tangled up in him. As I lay there I appreciate the honest communication he and I shared the night before. I am upset that it took an acid trip to get him to open up to me.
Looking at the whole picture though, I see the change in him. Once he recognized getting high wasn’t the answer, he called me. Me, he called me. I was the one he ran to for support. Finally, after all of these years, I know his past and things make more sense to me now.
I have found a new sense of myself and my relationship with Brayden. My heart is and has always been his. I want to work through everything with him. I want to salvage what we can from our relationship and build into a stronger future together.
Brayden begins to stir beneath me. I smile down at him, “Good morning, misterman.”
“Good morning beautiful. Thank you, Maggie, for being here for me.” He says.
“Anytime and always baby, always.” I say as I lean down to kiss him.
When I tried to deepen the kiss, he pulls away from me gently.
“Maggie, baby, what is going on?” He asks.
“I want you, I want us, and I want this to work. Last night is proof that together we can reclaim us. We have work to do, but I am yours Brayden, now and always.” I say boldly staring in his eyes.
“Will you go to meetings with me? Maggie, I really want to get clean and stay clean. I brushed off the follow up after rehab not accepting that I need continued treatment. I need to learn coping skills and I think a good program with those meetings will help me.” He says sincerely.
“Yes, Brayden, I think the meetings would be beneficial for both us. I need to learn more. I love you. Let’s do this.” I say.
We get up and go online to find a local drug abuse support group. After a bit, we manage to find one to fit our schedules perfectly. We register and sign up for the next meeting which happens to be in just two days. I am nervous but I know we both need this. I know absolutely nothing about drug addiction and recovery.
Brayden
So the time has come for me to face my ghosts and own my shit. Step one, I, Brayden Eugene Holmes, am a complete and utter asshole. I have been more than selfish having a complete disregard for everyone around me. I have a serious drug issue stemming from my need to escape myself. I have been out of control and completely powerless to my drug addiction. I, Brayden, am a drug addict.
It is easier to face and admit to then I thought it would be. Maggie is beside me all the way. We have spent the last week together only separating for work obligations. It is a different experience to be with her like this. We hold hands cuddle and kiss but neither of us has made a move for anything more physical. My body aches for her but I want to take things slow. I want to have everything with this woman and not just get lost in great sex.
I am learning to release the hold Bianca’s death has on me. No matter what my mother thinks, no matter what even I think of myself, I can’t escape the truth that she is gone and not coming back. Instead of running from the eyes staring back at me in the mirror I need to embrace this life I have been given. I need to live to the fullest for me and my sister.
That means I need to stay clean and sober to take in every breath, every moment, and make every memory I can. The desire in me to escape the world is slowly going away and I want to face my future hand in hand with my Maggie.
Finally, I sit and seriously study the materials from rehab. I have a purpose in this life. There is a God, he loves me, he forgives me, and he understands me when I can’t even understand myself. There is a bigger picture here, I need to embrace this and make the appropriate changes. I have been but a shell of a man, but moving forward I will do right by my God, my Maggie, and myself.
I am boldly facing all of my inner fears and shortcomings. I am going to release my will, my fears, and my life to God. It’s more than time for me to grow up, get some balls and face life head on. I have made a lot of mistakes, hurt a lot of people close to me. Making amends isn’t going to be easy, but nothing worth anything ever is.
We have a big group dinner coming up that Ryder has scheduled. His invites include Dina, Maggie, Jake, Kenna, Harrison, and me so we will all be in one place together. I need to face them, be candid, straightforward and frank with them about everything I have done. This is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done, but it is necessary for my future.
Maggie
I am so happy for Dina. Ryder approached me after our trip to the beach house to help him plan his proposal. Dina is going to be overjoyed especially when she sees that rock he bought. It is just her, a simple round full carat solitaire set in platinum. Dina is not an over the top kind of girl.
I drive Dina and me to the restaurant from work unable to take the grin off my face.
“Maggie, why are you so excited tonight for dinner?” Dina asks.
“It will be like old times to have all of us together again. It’s refreshing to feel like things are how they should be.” I reply still smiling.
I park the car we head back to the party room I have reserved for our group. Everyone arrives and takes a seat, all casually even though each one of us knows what is coming. Our appetizers come, I giggle looking at Ryder. He is one of the most confident people I have ever met. Tonight, however he is fidgety, his nerves showing. I have to look away when Dina notices.
She comments, “Ryder, baby, are you okay? You can’t be still and you haven’t eaten a bite. You always eat babe. Do you want to go home?”
Ryder leans over and kisses her gently but never answers her questions as our dinner arrives. We all eat savoring every delicious bite. Our waitress comes to take our dessert order. Dina says she is too full for any of the sweet course items. Ryder looks panicked, I smile at him and wink as I order what Dina would normally order.
The waitress comes bringing the brownie delight, placing it in front of Dina. She looks at me, gently nudging the plate over to my space. I shake my head no as Ryder gets out of his seat.
He kneels before my closest friend as tears form behind my eyes.
“Dina, you are my sunshine, y
ou are my everything. I had a speech planned around dessert but being as you have decided not to eat it, I am just going to ask.” Ryder begins pulling the box out of his pocket. Dina is looking around taking in every second of what is happening.
“Please, baby, I don’t want to spend one night away from you, I want every morning to start with breakfast together and end with me feeding you dessert in bed. Marry me, Dina?”
She is crying as she nods yes, unable to form words. I am crying so Harrison puts his arm around me. One by one we all take the time to congratulate the happy couple. Dina just shakes her head at me mouthing the words, you knew, at me as I nodded back.
Brayden is quiet when I look over at him. He seems happy for them but lost a little bit himself.
“Brayden, we will still have our time one day. We will get back to what we had and make it even better.” I say as I lean in and kiss him.
Brayden
I am truly happy for Ryder and Dina. The highlight of my evening came when Maggie told me we would one day have our relationship again. I love that woman.
I take a moment after dinner to approach Dina and Ryder.
“Congratulations. Dina, I want to say I am sorry I messed up so bad. I needed to be honest with you all from the beginning and I wasn’t. I took your company credit card and I have almost saved the money back to repay you. I hope one day you can forgive me and we can go back to the ease in our friendship before.” I say.
She smiles up at me, “I am so glad to see you clean Bray. Take care of my bestie, she loves you. I want you both to have this same happiness and moment that Ryder and I are having tonight.” She hugs me and walks away. That went better than I thought it would.
Maggie and I get back to her place. I look forward to just holding her in my arms tonight. The future is looking brighter than ever before.
3 Months Later
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