Car shopping it is for the evening. I wish I could get as excited as Dina. She loves to negotiate with the sales people. I just see a shark coming in for the kill, to chew me up and spit me out after he has digested all my money.
Maggie
It is the Tuesday that Brayden leaves for rehab. I am at the office with Dina; neither of us able to concentrate. I know this whole situation has affected her. She has been staying over at Ryder’s and they plan to move her stuff soon. She is leaving me the living room furniture and I will move my bed over to the master once she has her stuff out.
The shock of Brayden’s drug use has worn off, now I just wonder how I missed it. Why haven’t I pushed to know more about his past, hell after four years together I have never met his family, not one single person. Maybe if I had known more of his past, maybe if I gave him more of my time and attention, I just can’t help feeling that some of this is my fault. How did I not see it? I know that some of his troubles are my fault. Maybe he felt too much pressure from me about getting engaged. Maybe he really wasn’t ready for us to move in together. I can’t shake the guilt I feel in his drug use.
Harrison has been the amazing big brother that he always is, calling to check on me daily. He seems bitter about something but I know better than to pry. He is planning to visit soon. I don’t think he is happy in South Carolina anymore. I wish I could convince him to move to Charlotte, but he cherishes coastal life and I don’t think he wants to be this far inland. Although, we haven’t discussed it so maybe he is ready to get away from the sand and water.
Brayden
Boy oh boy, Wendy Carmichael is a handful for such a tiny thing. She is short, maybe a little over five feet tall, and that is with heels on. She has luscious curves and medium length natural deep reddish brown hair. She is wearing what Maggie calls a power suit and walking with every ounce of confidence a stern attorney like herself must have. She is attractive, she is pissed off, and well that combination is hot, I must say. Yet with all that I find myself yearning for Maggie even more.
“Mr. Holmes, I am here to go over a few things with you. Let me first begin by saying, if it weren’t for Miss Fowler I would not be anywhere near your case. I have made a plea deal, that if you are a smart man you will accept. You will have 2 years of probation, with mandatory drug screenings; you will lose your driving privileges for 90 days, 56 days of which you will be in Arizona in a rehabilitation facility. You are required to pay the state for the damages to the concrete barrier, however, Miss Fowler already covered these costs. You are required to do three hundred hours of community service. And you are required to complete your full stay at the facility in Arizona. If this is acceptable to you, please sign these papers.” She states pushing the paperwork to me.
As I sign, she continues, “Honestly, Mr. Holmes, thank your lucky stars Miss Fowler wants to see you clean and sober. She has spent quite a bit of money to not only keep you out of jail, but to see to it you have the best possible care. Personally, I have no issue at all with seeing people like you behind bars. I hope you take the next eight weeks to realize how fortunate you are no one else was involved in that accident.”
Before I can respond, she hands me an envelope and walks away. Inside the package is my plane ticket, the check in papers for my rehab, and my copy of my plea agreement.
Ryder takes me to the airport. I have an uneventful flight to Arizona. The car service Dina scheduled is waiting for me in baggage claim and takes me straight to my home for the next 2 months.
I arrive at my treatment facility, to be asked to pee in a cup immediately and have my belongings searched. No, I didn’t pack any contraband people, geez, I came to rehab, why would I bring shit with me if I am trying to get clean. This annoys me and with the time difference I am ready to lay down when these people are just having dinner.
Dina has definitely spared no expense. This place looks and feels like a luxury resort. The room is huge and has a king size bed with a private bath. I heard other people talking about having roommates so I know she has paid extra to allow me my privacy. They took my cell phone otherwise I would call and thank her.
As soft and luxurious as this oversized bed is, I can’t seem to get comfortable. I awake early after only a little sleep. I walk to the bathroom to shower. I look in the mirror and all I see staring back at me is Bianca. I scream, yell, and put my hand right into the center of the glass. Once I start, I can’t stop, feeling no pain from the cuts covering my knuckles and hands I keep pounding the mirror. I don’t stop until security from the facility pulls me out of the bathroom.
Maggie
I have spent the first full two weeks in the house without Dina. I am overwhelmed with so many emotions. Wendy, Dina’s lawyer, has been keeping us updated on Brayden’s day to day progress in rehab. He apparently went into a rage and broke the mirror in his bathroom. The day we found out about that, I felt such fury at him. He goes off to rehab and breaks a mirror because he is trying to deal with his issues. Well, hey asshole, I am left to pick up the pieces of the mess you made of my life and you want to break a mirror and act like an idiot. I wish he still had his precious car I would gladly go run a key up and down the sides of it right now.
Now that it’s been a few days since that, I am not so resentful and angry. Being in this house alone, it’s so quiet and eerie. I thought I would find the quiet to be calming and serene but it’s not. I feel the negativity creeping in deep into my mind and soul. I go to work, come home, and just sit here, letting the silence engulf me.
Who am I without Brayden? What is my future? What do I want out of life? There has to be more to it than this, right? My phone rings as I am sitting here on the couch crying.
“Hello,” I sob, seeing that it was Harrison on the caller id.
“Just wanted to check on you, Mags, doesn’t sound like you are doing so good.” He states, matter of factly.
“Oh, Harrison, I am so lost right now. I don’t know what I want for my future now that Brayden isn’t in it. Dina and Ryder are living together which is good for them, but I am sitting here in silence and I just don’t know what to do with myself.” I sob and sniffle.
“Mags, I wish you weren’t going through this. I have some time off coming up, and I feel the need for a change of scenery. What if I come up and stay with you? We can have some time together. Together we can both take some time to reflect and make some decisions on both of our futures.”
“That would make me so happy, Harrison,” I said and felt the tears drying up. We talk for a little while longer before we end the call. I am feeling some better.
Harrison
South Carolina doesn’t feel much like home for me anymore. Maggie, my baby sister, is going through a lot, I need a change of pace, and I feel Charlotte calling my name. If I am going to stay there awhile, I should tie up my lose ends here and move on.
I decide to call Ryder. He answered right away. “Hey, man, I am coming up to Charlotte to stay with Maggie for a while. I am feeling the need for change. I know Brayden is gone, so do you need help around the shop for a bit?”
He laughed, “Hell, yea, man. Jake will be happy to have you join us. When will you be here?”
“Give me a few days to settle my shit here and I will be there.” I said and hung up.
Time for a fresh start, I am walking away from here and not looking back. Tiffany has made it clear we have no real future. She is ashamed of me so I no longer have any reason to stay work is just that, work. Charlotte could be home for me, who knows.
Brayden
The first couple of days here were brutal. I am not one to discuss my past or emotions. The therapist decided I should write my thoughts down as we go through this process. He wants to know what happened to Bianca. Since, I can’t utter the words I am attempting to write it out for him.
My sister, my beautiful, amazing older sister, Bianca Elaine Holmes, my protector, my very best friend, and at the age of fifteen she was gone. I had a dead beat dad, so my mo
m raised the two of us on her own since he split when I was just a baby. Bianca and I were only sixteen months apart so in school we were only separated by a grade.
My mom and Bianca were super close, whereas my mom and I were not. She used to say, I was the spitting image of my father and she just couldn’t handle looking at me. As I got older, I looked less like my dad and more like my mom’s side of the family. Bianca and I shared the same eyes and facial shape as well as features.
Bianca and Vanessa were the best of friends the most sweet, innocent and nicest of girls. Valerie, Vanessa’s twin was more rebellious like me, so we became fast friends.
Our sperm donor decided to show up out of the blue when I was fourteen and Bianca was fifteen. He claimed he wanted a relationship with us. He took Bianca out to a movie and such one weekend, just the two of them since I refused to go. The following weekend he and my mother made arrangements for me to go to a local baseball game with him. When the time came for me to go, I refused.
Bianca, not wanting to hurt our father’s feelings went in my place. That night, he apparently wasn’t paying attention, I am not sure, no one has ever explained what really happened, but as they were returning they were in an accident and both killed instantly.
It was supposed to be me. I was the one that should have been in that car, not her. My mom lost her very best friend that night and was left with me. From that moment on, nothing has ever been the same.
My mom has never let me forget for even a moment that it should have been me. She kicked me out of the house the week after we buried my sister. Vanessa and Valerie’s mom took me in. She was a single mom, working all the time to provide for her two girls and then me as well, so she was gone more than she was home, working all the time.
Vanessa tried to befriend me, but I was just a reminder of Bianca for her. She still looked out for me like an older sister, but carefree Vanessa was long gone. Valerie started hanging out with the wrong crowd and I quickly fell in with her and her friends.
That first high was amazing. Just those few puffs off the joint and I felt free for the first time since the sperm donor showed up in my life. I loved the escape and couldn’t get enough. Things just escalated from there. I tried anything and everything put before me, even overcoming my fear of needles just for a high.
Valerie and I never discussed our drug use, we just got high together all the time. I don’t know what she was running from, I never asked her, and I honestly, don’t care. I just need that escape from the man staring back at me in the mirror, the one with the same eyes as my precious sister looking back at me. I just need to run away from me, and this is the only way I know how.
So there it is all out on paper, now tell me how do I escape myself, when I should be the one in the ground and my sister living her life, finding love, getting married, having a family.
I know these people mean well here, but there is no hope for me I am a lost cause.
Six Months Later
Maggie
Harrison has been staying with me. It has really been a huge help for me to have him around. I can’t shake the nagging feeling that something serious is going on with him. He has always been a private person and since getting out of the military he has been more closed off.
I know Brayden is back from rehab, he is back to work. Harrison says he is doing okay and really wanting to get back to normal in everything. I have to be honest and admit I have been avoiding him. He has called a few times and text, I have ignored them all even making sure to avoid the garage.
I miss him on one hand, but on the other I am finally feeling stable again. Harrison and I are doing well as roommates and I am hoping he decides to stay long term. I feel like I have been grieving my lost relationship. I am finally over the guilt, anger, and loneliness. The upward turn is before me, and I just don’t want to go backward.
I can’t help but miss his touch. At night, sometimes I lie in bed and remember some of the good memories. I was by no means a virgin when Brayden and I got together, but he brought out the wilder side of me. I love the way he dominates and controls our bedroom activities. I remember the first time I really began to understand the extreme pleasure and pain mix involved in our sexual encounters.
He had me blindfolded, hands tied behind my back, standing naked in his room. He moved slowly around me, gently tickling my skin with something. He would pick random spots to kiss or lick on my body. Since I was blindfolded and instructed to stand with my feet far apart, I was so lost in anticipation I didn’t know where he was at.
I heard the swish in the air before I felt the slight sting across my stomach of what came from the cat o’nine tails. Then he would lean over and gently kiss the area, he then caught under my breasts with the cat, sending shivers through me. He bent me over, rubbing my clit into a fever pitch. Just when I thought I was going to explode standing there right over his hand, he stopped. After a momentary pause, there was another swish, when the cat slapped all its tails across my sensitive area, I was sent flying over the edge in one of the most intense orgasms I have ever had. Between his bodily kisses, the cat, the sensations from my position, not being able to touch anything or see anything, I was completely lost and by far lost count of the many orgasms I had that night before Brayden ever even entered me. That night I realized I loved releasing total control of my body to Brayden.
Brayden introduced so much to our bedroom life. My first experience with nipple clamps came from him. At first, I was intimidated, the thought of pain in such a sensitive area in my head was an immediate turn off, but once he used them the pressure build up through the release sent shivers down deep into my core.
My first fetish ball was intense. I never realized that people trained for what I thought Brayden and I do for fun. The group was so warm hearted and welcoming. Brayden kept me close the entire night, making it clear he was not there to share where as some others were.
I met my now close friend Sophia at that particular ball. She was in hopes of finding a dominate there for a long term sexual relationship. She was not looking for a commitment in any other form, and she found someone who fit what she needed and they had been together, in the bedroom only, for the last three years. They recently broke up because she doesn’t want anything more than a dominate in her bedroom, no man overtaking her life, as she puts it.
My phone rings, taking me out of my walk down memory lane. One look at the caller ID and I smile.
“Hello, brother dear. What’s up?” I answer.
“In my drunkenness last night, I stayed over at Sophia’s so I wouldn’t have to drive home. My car is still there, she gave me a ride to work on her way to her job. Can you pick my ass up from work and drop me off at her place to pick up the Trans Am?” Harrison asked.
“You want me to pick you up from work, like as in the garage work?” I stutter.
With sarcasm rolling off his tongue, “No, Maggie, I want you to pick me up at the strip club. Where the hell else would I need a ride to work at? Mags, I get that you don’t want to see him, but really get it over with. It’s bound to happen sooner or later. So put get yourself in that big ass SUV you now drive and pick me up.”
“Ok, be there in a bit.” I reply shakily. I’m so anxious about Brayden, I let it go that my brother spent the night with one of my close friends.
Brayden
I am under a car when Harrison comes around and kicks my feet to get my attention.
“What’s up, man?” I ask.
“Just a heads up, my sister is coming to pick me up. Be on your best behavior. I know you are clean and trying to get your shit straight. I am still pissed that you messed things up so badly for her, but I do know you love her. She is still trying to get her shit back on track so just stay away from her when she comes, okay. You two can have your time later, now is not it.” Harrison states and then walks away.
Maggie will be here, Maggie will be here in front of me. I just don’t know how to stay away regardless of what her brother has reque
sted. I know he is right and I should let her have all the time and space she needs. I just can’t, my whole being misses everything about her.
Before I even know it, I can hear her voice as she talks to Ryder. I was making my way to the sound of her voice before I could even recognize what I was doing. She is standing before me, looking amazing as always I just stop and stare.
She smiles at me and actually speaks to me, “Hey Brayden, how are you?”
“Perfect now that I have laid my eyes on you, beautiful.” I respond.
She blushes, my Maggie never blushes. I turn to walk away so I can go back to work. She gently grabs my arm.
“No, Brayden, really How. Are. You?” She asks firmly.
“Maggie, in all seriousness, I am good. I am okay. I have a small apartment, money in the bank, and no drugs. I don’t even drink anymore either. I quit smoking cigarettes too. I miss you but I understand that you need time and space. Don’t worry over me, Maggie, just be happy, you deserve the world to be laid at your feet not my mess.” I said.
It hurt to admit but it was the truth, she deserves better than me. I will always love her, she will always be the one for me, but I love her enough to let her go because that is what is best for her. I turn and walk away going back to the car I am working on.
I don’t know how much time went by. I roll out from under the car and standing beside me is Maggie. She is watching me intently. I see the tears pooling in her eyes. It kills me inside to see her cry.
“Maggie, how long have you been standing there?” I ask.
Harrison answers, “Twenty flipping minutes, like I don’t have shit to do and places to be.”
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