by Amy Daws
“Theo, look around…how can this place haunt you?” I ask, looking out the window overlooking the back of the property. A narrow creek runs straight through the wild pasture and a flock of ducks meander near it. It’s like you can see love poured into every facet of this place.
His lips form a hard line of sadness. “I see my sister everywhere here. We were best friends, Leslie. We shared everything with each other. I…I just can’t bear it here anymore.” He scowls broodingly out the window.
“Theo, stop. Look at me.” He turns his eyes to me, glistening with unshed tears. They look pained. Desperate. He’s so clearly aching for all he’s lost. Not just his sister but his home, his family, his upbringing. In his eyes, he’s lost it all. But there’s still so much that he’s refusing see. “You can’t let the ugly win over the beautiful. The beautiful is here Theo, in this house. The memories of your sister. This playroom. That stream. Your family. It’s all beautiful. Can’t you see you that?”
He blinks quickly, attempting to rein in his tears and I hate it. I hate that he’s trying to hide himself from me. When one slips out and down his cheek, I grab his face and kiss the trail of the tear all the way from the hollow of his eye down to his scruffy jawline. When I pull back and look into his eyes again, something shifts. Something in his expression, his demeanor, his stance. All of it. It feels monumental and it makes me nervous as hell.
“You are beautiful, Leslie.” He tucks a stray auburn lock behind my ear tenderly and moves my bangs off to the side, like he always does. “Your light, your smile, your playfulness.” I roll my eyes and look down, feeling horribly uncomfortable with all these compliments. This man is Superman, how does he even see me?
He crooks his finger under my chin forcing me to look him in the eyes. “I mean it. I never stopped chasing you because you are the light to my darkness. The one thing that just shines in my life. You make it all less horrible, Leslie. You…are worth every single millimeter I ran to catch you.” He swallows hard, glancing out the window briefly and then swings his gaze back to me, his expression turns urgent. “I said last night that it was all too much, that I was overwhelmed. I need you to know that I am overwhelmed—but only because I’ve been wanting to tell you something for a while now, but I didn’t want to scare you.”
“Theo…” I start.
“I am in love with you, Leslie,” he says, strongly, and with conviction—halting my words and looking desperately into my terrified eyes. I can’t bear the vulnerability he’s portraying, so I look out the window. This is all just so—again. He turns my chin to look at him. I can no longer hide the tears running freely down my face.
“I love you, Leslie. I would chase you through a romantic cleanse any day to tell you that. To tell you that you are the one thing in my life that came along and made me feel like I wasn’t by myself anymore. You pulled me into your shine—your sparkle.” He smiles sweetly. “I love you. So much.”
I let out a strange puff of a cry and my face screws up with the emotions I’m failing miserably at hiding. “This is so hard for me to hear, Theo,” I cry heavily, casting my gaze down again.
“Why?”
“I don’t deserve it!”
“Of course you do. You deserve it all.”
My heart crumbles beneath his words. He doesn’t even know. He doesn’t know what I’ve come from and I can’t stomach the idea of ruining this moment right now.
“I’ve never felt this before. I’ve never heard anyone say it like you just did. You just put it all out there and I believe you! And it scares me that I believe you.”
“It scares you to believe me?”
“Yes!”
“But why?
“Because it can’t be real! It’s too much. It all can’t possibly be for me. This feels like a dream.”
“Why can’t it be our dream? Together? Why can’t it be our dream coming true? Accept this, Leslie. I need you to. Please. Please…love me.”
“Oh God, are you kidding?” I bark out an unattractive laugh. “Of course I do!” I sniff loudly, batting away my ridiculous tears. “I’ve never loved a single person more. It’s freaking obvious, isn’t it?”
“No,” he laughs happily.
“Welp, I do. I love you, Theo. Dammit anyway. I didn’t want to, but you just barreled in. I didn’t stand a chance.”
The gleam in his eyes is contagious. “God I love you.”
“I love you,” I say, again, getting more of a feel for the words.
He strokes my cheeks with his thumbs. “So much,” he murmurs in a rushed tone as he connects our lips in a hungry, all-consuming kiss. It’s amazing how one word can change the passion behind a kiss and make it so much more. No longer too much, but just enough.
***
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
“Oh stop looking so damn proud of yourself,” I say, shoving his chest playfully as he holds himself over the top of me.
“What do you mean?” he asks in mock indignation.
“You’re all pleased because I screamed I love you during sex. It’s really unattractive to gloat, you know. You could just let us savor the moment or something.”
“Oh, I’m savoring that one forever, Leslie Lincoln,” he says, thrusting his still-situated situation inside of me slightly. It’s definitely lost the shock factor now that we’ve both finished, but it still revs my engines for round two. “And I’m not gloating,” he adds and then chuckles as I stare at him in horror.
“Liar!”
“Okay, I’m totally gloating.”
He slides off of me and lies on his side, languidly dragging his fingers over my flat stomach. When our kiss turned a bit inappropriate for a children’s playroom, we sloppily kissed and stripped all the way down the hallway toward Theo’s bedroom. All the childlike qualities in his room are gone now. His mother has redone it into a beautiful guest bedroom.
I gesture above my head to the long antique mirror hung as a headboard on the bed. “Is your mom a bit of a perv?” I ask in blatant curiosity.
He chuckles, “Yeah, I know. We all gave her crap when she put it up. Marisa actually called Mum a Madame for a whole weekend.” He laughs slightly and then stops, looking uncomfortable.
“It’ll get easier,” I say, stroking his face with my hand. “So what about this tattoo? I have a feeling it means something but you’ve always been a bit cryptic,” I ask, stroking the back of his arm across the Gaelic letters.
“It means sister. I got it the day of the funeral actually. It was impulsive but I was just so angry at everyone being so daft at the funeral. I had to get out and do something that felt real.”
“It’s beautiful. I love it.” I sit up and kiss it softly and he pulls me down to his lips.
“I love you,” he murmurs against my mouth, his eyes twinkling at me. “I’ve been waiting for this for a while now.”
“What? Shagging me in your bedroom with that pervy mirror so you can watch yourself? Don’t let that Superman title I’ve given you go to your head,” I say, smiling indignantly.
“That and the other stuff. I’ve had that word on the tip of my tongue for quite some time.”
“What do you mean? Love? You’ve loved me for a while and haven’t said it?”
“Yeah, I told you I didn’t want to spook you. You spook easily, Leslie.”
“I do not spook easily,” I say, dragging the sheet up over my naked chest and thinking about how I totally spook easily.
“You do, but it’s okay. I think I know how to handle it now.” He kisses me chastely on my stomach over the top of the white sheet and lays his head on my belly. I lightly scratch my fingers through his short buzzed hair.
“So, how long?”
“How long what?”
Oh, he’s going to be cheeky now?
“How long have you been holding that little four-letter word in?”
He straightens his head off my belly and looks at me in challenge. “Since that night you were in your pajamas.”
&nb
sp; “Which night?”
“The cheetah footie ones. The ones you were wearing that night you were going to watch a movie with your roommates. When Liam and I showed up.”
“You didn’t love me then! That was so long ago!” He shrugs. “I was so horrible to you,” I say softly, feeling ashamed.
“Yeah, I saw that night playing out a lot differently.”
“I’m so sorry,” I offer, not sure what else to say.
“It’s okay. This moment right here was worth it all.”
“It was pretty perfect here,” I giggle, cozying deeper into the bed. Then it dawns on me. “Hey! We made a new memory here!” His happy expression morphs into discomfort. “Don’t over think this, Theo. We had sex in this beautiful house, in the room you grew up in. We said I love you to each other for the first time. You cannot take that specialness away from us.”
Just then a rumble shakes the walls slightly, interrupting our moment.
“Oh shite! That’s the garage! My family’s back. Hurry!” he says, jumping out of bed, gloriously naked.
“Theo! My freaking dress is in the playroom!”
“So are my shorts, shite. C’mon, let’s hurry. We can’t get caught in my bedroom.”
“What’s going to happen if we get caught?” I ask, feeling scared shitless.
“My mother is a bit conservative. We called her the Queen of England growing up.”
“Oh, fuuuck!”
Theo cracks open his bedroom door and motions me to follow behind him. We pad down the hallway and he stops to pick up my bra.
“I think this belongs to you.”
“Shut up, you cheeky bastard. Move!”
We walk a few more steps and he grabs his shorts up off the floor. Jesus, we left a fucking breadcrumb of clothes throughout the entire second floor. I hear a creak and my eyes snap up to look over Theo’s shoulder and I collide with Theo’s mother, Winnie.
Oh fuuuuuck.
“Mum!” Theo says, standing up straight, holding his shorts over his front and tucking me in behind him with his free hand.
“Theo! What on earth?”
“Laundry, Mum. Just doing some laundry.”
“Naked? You do laundry naked, do ye? I never! Theo Clarke, this is above and beyond…” she grows eerily silent as Theo trembles under my hands. I peak around him to see what’s happening and he erupts into a full-on belly laugh.
“Laughing! Now you’re laughing?” Theo continues roaring in laughter and I bite my lip and sneak a peek at his mom. “Leslie, is that you behind there?”
My silent laughter that I’ve been doing so good to conceal bursts out of me. “Yes, Mrs. Clarke.”
“Oh! I’m Mrs. Clarke now, am I? You two have been caught with your trousers down, and you think it’s time to be formal. This is so ghastly, Theo. I am just so disappointed.”
Theo continues shaking with laughter and I clamp my hand over my mouth, trying to find some semblance of strength to be respectful while standing butt naked with my bra in one hand, clinging to her naked son with the other.
“I’m really sorry, Winnie!” I cry and laugh even harder.
“I think you might need to call me Mrs. Clarke from now on, Leslie. You two…find your clothes and get your arses downstairs. NOW!” she barks out harshly and swivels on her heels and goes back down the stairs.
“I am mortified,” I say with a horribly unconvincing giggle.
“I am too. But I love it,” Theo says, turning and walking backwards, pulling me down the hallway. The smile on his face is positively infectious. I can’t help but smile back up at him. “And I love you,” he adds, yanking me into him and kissing me deeply, stumbling our naked butts through the doorway.
“Another memory!” I guffaw and he silences my smart mouth with a smacking kiss.
***
CHAPTER FORTY
After a horribly awkward homemade breakfast on the patio with Winnie, Richard, Daphney, and Theo, Winnie is finally looking me in the eyes again. I do my best to answer Richard’s kind questions about my job and my move to London. I successfully dodge questions about my family, but I can feel Winnie’s hard eyes on me the entire time.
Daphney chats animatedly through the majority of the meal. She seems like a different girl than the one I met at the charity ball. She’s lighter—happier in her own environment. Or perhaps she’s just happier having some of her family back home. I can’t tell.
Eventually, Winnie tells Theo that Hayden willingly signed up for a thirty-day treatment facility instead of doing the seventy-two-hour hospital hold. She said it was a great facility that came highly recommended from the counselor they spoke with this morning.
“I’m just grateful for a break from all the worry,” she says with a forlorn look on her face.
Theo’s dad clears his throat. “A break is nice, but I’ll be ready to have him home again…on the mend I hope.” He looks down at his plate awkwardly.
“Take a walk with me, would you, Leslie?” Winnie asks suddenly, taking all of us off guard.
I nod, glancing over to Theo, who looks nervous but smiles at me reassuringly.
“Let me just run these in,” I say, getting up to take my dishes into the house. Daphney follows closely behind and eyes me seriously as I scrape the plate clean into the trash.
“Something on your mind, Daphney?”
“I just can really see it.” Her skinny frame twists slightly as she surveys me skeptically.
“See what?” I ask, tucking my hair nervously behind my ears.
“How you make Theo so happy.”
That stops me in my tracks. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t know,” she says, and shrugs her shoulders. “Something about you, though. I can see it. I’m glad you’re here, Leslie.” She smiles one more time and turns to head back out to the patio.
Well, that was…nice?
***
A moment later, I’m walking with Winnie in a heavily wooded area off to the side of their garage. A small path is carved through it as if they do a lot of walking over here. She leads me into a hidden gazebo that looks like it was plucked out of on an English Cottage magazine.
We both sit and I feel nervous and unsure of what Winnie wants to say to me. I’m sure it has something to do with me saying Marisa’s name at the charity last night.
“Relax, Leslie. I’m not going to scold you. You’re an adult. And you’re actually clothed right now, so it’s not my place.”
I half-smile at her and turn to face her.
“I am sorry about saying Marisa’s name though. I want you to know that.”
“I know, love. And I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think Theo made a grave error in judgment inviting you into his life.”
Her statement slams into me like a dagger to the heart. “I’m so sorry, Mrs. Clarke. I didn’t know. I am horrified at my behavior. Really. I was so stupid.”
“Call me Winnie, dear. I’ve seen you in the buff for goodness’ sake.” I smile awkwardly. “Losing a daughter is the truest tragedy a person can face, Leslie. No parent should have to bury a child. It’s just not right.”
“I know. I know and I’m sorry. Theo only just told me.”
“Please stop saying sorry,” she says, looking forward stoically with her hands clasped behind her back. “After Marisa’s death, I needed something to latch onto. A duty to fulfill. A way to turn a negative into a positive. To try to help someone else. There’s no cause to raise money for what happened to my Marisa.” Her voice catches in her throat and she clears it quickly to continue. “So when Hayden began struggling, my mission became clear.”
“I’ve been so consumed with Hayden that I’ve not noticed how hurt the rest of my family has been. But…seeing Theo laugh like that in the hallway today. It…it…” her voice wobbles and her eyes well with tears. She stops walking to look straight into my eyes. “It made me realize that I haven’t heard that sound in so long. Much, much too long. I’ve buried my head in the sand and cal
led it a cause, and that is so wrong.”
“You were doing the best you could,” I say, rubbing her arm. The affection snaps something inside of her and she pulls me into a hug.
“Thank you. Thank you for finding my boy and loving him when I should have been doing better. You do love him, don’t you, dear?” she asks, pulling away and looking at me with sad watery eyes.
“More than anything,” I say, meaning it with all my heart.
She smiles. “I thought so. While I can tell that you have no respect for people’s house rules, I can definitely see a shift in my son.” She brushes my bangs out of my eyes just as a loving mother would to her daughter. “And that change is for the better.”
“You have a beautiful family. I envy it,” I say, my voice wavering.
“You envy us?”
“I do. It’s not this easy for some families.”
“I don’t know what about all of this is easy.”
“Just that, you have each other. Flaws and all, you still have each other. That love is beautiful to see.”
She stares at me skeptically with a sideways glance. “You seem quite easy to love, my dear.”
I swallow hard, willing the pain away. Now is not the time. As if taking mercy on me, Winnie changes the subject.
“Now, let’s have a quick chat about being appropriate in my house and then I’ll release you back to my brooding son who’s pacing back and forth over there. Do you see him?”
I squint and giggle at the sight of Theo fidgeting by the house, looking nervous and worried. Good Lord, his mother isn’t that bad!
***
“Come back up for dinner sometime soon, Theo. Please?” He nods silently. She looks over to me, “Leslie. Dinner…please?” Winnie asks, hugging us both by Theo’s car in the driveway. Richard and Daphney are standing on either side of her, grinning knowingly.
“Dinner sounds great,” I reply. “Is the dress code casual…or optional, maybe?” I ask cheekily. Theo and his entire family gape at me incredulously. It’s Winnie’s peals of laughter that break the awkward tension.