Color Blind

by Leigh Lennon

  My hands try to reach over to her. Candace’s smile never fades as my non-answer has actually become an answer in itself. My lips can’t move nor can I shift to her side, embracing her as I’ve played this scene in my mind for the past four months.

  “Liz, it’s okay,” she says, her speech the clearest I’ve heard since waking from her coma. “I always wished you were my mom. I mean, I don’t remember our mama but I know she loved me. But with you, I can’t explain it. I guess part of me always knew, or at least wished it was true.”

  She finds her way to my side, since I can’t physically move. “Liz?” she questions. “Hell, it seems weird calling you Liz now that I know.”

  I watch her as a tear mimics the same tear I sense falling from my own face. “Sweetie…” How do I begin to share with her everything from Neal to how Daddy used Iz’s baby to keep me under his thumb? I’d already decided she never needed to know that the man that raised her purposely killed my and Iz’s baby, but the miscarriage would come up somehow.

  Her lips turn up when she begins, “I’m not mad. I see it so clearly now. I feel stupid I never figured it out before.” Taking my own hand, she kisses it like I had done so many times. “I’m so proud to know you’re my mother.” She embraces me and I decide right then, I’ll never forget how she feels in my arms as I'm now able to admit that she’s my flesh and blood.

  33

  Israel

  After Candy and Lang leave, I find my Buttercup on our back deck, watching the ocean with such conviction, it appears as though the tides and her are having a conversation.

  Nev has been picked up for a sleepover at a friend’s house. Her ability to make friends is a complete turnaround from what her anxiety held her from four months ago. Through all of this, Kendra and Liz have become friends. I won’t lie, it’s weird as fuck—they even hug. Though, all of this continues to give Nev a strong foundation, which she needs.

  I watch Liz from our kitchen, giving her time to compartmentalize the long conversation playing out in her mind. Candy left with a smile on her face so I assume she took the news of Liz’s maternal truth well.

  Liz understood Candy wasn’t well enough, after I’d found out, to share it with her. It weighed on her heavily, but she was finally able to reveal this secret with me. That gave her a release and made it possible for Liz to live her life on her terms again.

  As a matter of fact, life with Liz is more than I could ever imagine. It took me a month to convince her to let me buy her our little piece of paradise on the beach but when I did, everything fell into place.

  I never hired a new lawyer. Liz took on that role, too, as she negotiated the best contract ever for ESPN and I’m now the new anchor and face of Monday Night Football.

  We’re back to the activities in life we love and part of a pick-up league with other athletes who love basketball, Liz’s all-time favorite sport. Sometimes we play two on two and sometimes it’s a full game. Liz never misses one of my games at Thousand Oaks. I’ve even included Doc Jock who’d played college football. He seems to bring Monroe with him often, which gives Liz someone to hang with, as they’ve become friends.

  Gus comes often, too, but he’s still refusing my job offer as private security. More so, he and EZ seem to be at odds and claims working with him would be too difficult. I scratch my head at that since they were once partners on the force and best friends.

  My life is as close to perfect as it can get. I look toward my Buttercup when I stand to close the distance between us. I’ve given her enough time. Placing my arms on Liz’s shoulders, she doesn’t startle at my touch. Leaning around her face, I place a gentle kiss on her cheek. “So, how’d it go?” Candy and Liz were out on the back deck for two hours and during that time I took Lang aside, sharing the new history that was always there. He, too, saw all the pieces as I did and couldn’t believe we never put it together. Now, with my Buttercup near me, she relaxes into my touch.

  “It went surprisingly well. She’s happy I’m her mom.” In her reaction, she’s surprised, but I’m not. The love that I’ve always witnessed in those two carbon copies of one another has transcended that of a normal sisterly relationship.

  “Of course she is, and one day you and I will share a baby together.” We’d talked about this long into the nights as the pain of losing our first child has still been so fresh in my mind. “Your relationship will change for the better, you know that, right?”

  As she twists around, her eyes are puffy. It’s not a surprise but I still grab her, giving her all the comfort my large arms can extend. “Buttercup, I hate seein’ you upset.”

  She stays in my arms but pulls her head back. “I’m not upset, Iz. I’m crying and talking to the ocean because I have everything I want in life.” She pulls her arms from me and I’m not given long to miss them when she plants her hands on my cheeks. “Telling Candace was the missing piece to complete this life we’re planning. I have you, her, and Nevaeh, who I love so much already. A beautiful house and a condo in the city. Your mama is back in my life. Candace has Lang. I have so much, I’m so overcome, and I can’t help but cry.”

  She stands instantly, walking into the house. Before I can question her, she calls behind her, “give me a second.” It’s less than a minute and she’s settling back near me again with her wallet in her hand.

  “What’s this?” I ask, though it’s obvious. Reaching into it, she pulls out an old piece of paper, handing me what looks like an old yellow Post-it note. I unfold it. When I realize what I’m holding in my hands, I’m left breathless.

  Liz takes her hand, caressing my arm. “I kept it, after all these years. I’ve always had it in my wallet, reminding me of the love we’d shared. When it got bad, really bad, I’d pull it out. Besides Candace, this was my other comfort.”

  I continue to look at this piece of our history, reaching far back in my memory although I remember writing it like it was yesterday. Still with my thoughts on the note, I read it out loud.

  Believe me when I say,

  I’d like to get to know

  you better and I promise

  this isn’t some

  cheesy pick-up line.

  -Iz

  Taking the note from me, placing it back in her wallet, she begins, “See, I have everything I need, right here.”

  “And you’ll never be without me again.”

  “Is that a promise?” she asks, holding her breath.

  I only smile when I say, “It’s a guaran-fuckin’-tee. You’ll never be alone again.”

  Epilogue

  One year later

  Israel

  I peer through the glass partition, my eyes peeled on the staff, ready to have someone’s ass if they, for one second, act incompetent. I look to my left and smile, a pride swirling within me. I count—one, two, three, and all the way to ten. Then I turn to the right and my heart is heavy with love and joy and protectiveness. I know what’s in store with this one. I count again—one, two, three, and again, all the way to ten. Each one has the correct number of digits. The one wearing blue will get the girl, throw the ball, and maybe one day follow in his father’s footsteps. The one bundled up in all the pink will worry me, causing me to want to rip the head off of any man that does her harm. Good thing she’ll have her big brother to help me, too. He may only be ten minutes older than her, but he’ll always have his sister’s back, this I know because I’ll teach him.

  A strong arm pats me on the back and I turn to see the smug smile of my best friend as even the cool and collected sports agent and computer whiz has a few tears threatening to spill from his eyes. “So, what’s the verdict, Dad? Are they keepers?” he asks.

  I can’t tear my eyes from them both as their little arms stretch. The one in pink is fussy, already the diva, and my little man is as chill as he can be. “Well, they have the right number of fingers and toes. I think we’ll keep ‘em.” I look around him, thinking Candace would be near, catching the first sight of her siblings. “Where’s Candy
?”

  “Eliza was her first concern. She wanted to make sure she was okay then as she said, she could enjoy meeting her sister and brother for the first time, at peace knowing their mama was okay.” Lang is so in love with that girl, I'm surprised he’s not at her side.

  “So, are you ready to be a godfather again?” I ask Lang.

  “Oh, you know me, I’m the ultimate Godfather.”

  We both chuckle, still watching my babies. I’m so grateful for the second chance I’ve been given after all these years.

  Liz

  “Where the fuck are my babies?!” I scream through the phone.

  “Now, Buttercup. They’re just cleanin’ them up, doing the last couple tests on them. They will be in your arms soon.” His voice is so calm, always my protector, now watching over our babies. They’re our own little rainbows after the loss of our child I said goodbye to so long ago. I’ll never forget that little life I carried, even for the briefest of times, and I know she’s up in the clouds with my mama, keeping her company. This gives me the most peace.

  Our second chance is just down the hallway and I can’t wait to hold them both. Isabella’s heart rate was low and they whisked her off to the ICU. As soon as Isabella was out of the room, the same thing happened to Eli. He knew his sister had left him. In my mind, he only wanted to care for her.

  Iz assured me that both babies were healthy and it was some sort of weird fluke, and he’d have my littles in my arms soon. Candace is sitting on the side of my bed, holding my hand, willing her calmness to float through her into me. It’s not working but having her with me is perfect. “Go see them in the nursery,” I urge but I’m sure after my little melt down, she won’t want to leave me.

  “No, Meems, I’ll stay.” It’s not been hard finding a new normal now that it’s common knowledge I’m her mother and not her sister. After I told her the truth, she’d admitted it was odd to call me Liz but mama was what she called our mama. It was her idea to call me Meems. I’m not sure how that name came about but I’m happy with the shift in our relationship.

  I’m not sure if it was the Israel Laita charm that got my babies to my room in less than five minutes but I didn’t care. And somewhere along this time, Nevaeh has arrived, which touches my heart. She has become so important to me, a true gift, and I love her as Iz loves Candace.

  It’s the first time I have really taken them in. Iz is wheeling one bassinet as Lang has the other. I hear one baby screaming already and somehow, I know it’s Isabella. Out of my womb for an hour and she’s already creating drama. I stifle a laugh when Iz’s large hands reach into the bassinet and gently cradle her. “Give me!” I demand and reach for her; instantly, she calms with my touch. “Welcome to the world, my beautiful Bella,” I say.

  Candace leans in and whispers, “You know, Meems, you’re basically calling her beautiful, beautiful, right?” Of course, I know what Bella means but I don’t care and before I can reply, she takes in the first sight of her little sister and squeals, “Ah, but it’s so true, she is beautiful, beautiful.”

  With her cradled in one arm, I reach my free one to the bassinet Lang is in charge of. “Give me my boy now,” I demand and Lang backs up.

  “Oh, hell no. I don’t handle them when they’re this small.”

  Iz chuckles, retrieving Eli for me. He passes Lang as he teases, “Pussy.”

  His large hands hold our son, but already, it’s in a completely different way than he held his baby girl. Nevaeh will have to give Bella pointers on wearing down her daddy. Iz places him in my free arm and in one second, Eli and Bella are both snuggled in close to me. Iz is at one side, his sweet daughter nestled in close and with my oldest child to the other side, in this very moment, I have never felt more complete than I do now.

  The End

  Another Note From the Author

  From the onset of this story, I decided to write about an interracial love story. As I mentioned in the note before the book, I wrote this story from a personal experience I dealt with when I fell for a boy that didn’t have the same skin color as me. Though I am not Liz at all, this book is near and dear to my heart.

  When I sat down to brainstorm, Iz and Liz were created! Their rhyming names were merely coincidental at first. When I’d penned them down so close together, I said out loud, “Oh, no! I’ll need to change that.” Then as I was about to change Liz’s name, the idea of rhyming names made sense with the personalities each was given.

  It may sound funny to some of you that Liz calls her awful father—daddy. When I planned Liz to be a southern girl, I knew this would be a trait I’d carry into my book. This is a custom as southern as sweet tea. It does not indicate anything more than tradition in Liz’s life. Her life with her father was deep in custom and appearances.

  It has been my desire throughout this book to be respectful of cultures. My main goal was to bring light to love in a raw and real way, transcending what others may feel is acceptable. This story is messy and at times, it’s very uncomfortable to read. Iz and Liz are truly imprinted in my heart and I hope you enjoyed their story as much as I loved writing it.

  ~Leigh

  What I’ve Learned Along The Way

  I love football. Growing up, I played volleyball but I think football may indeed be my favorite sport to watch. When I first started dating the hubs, I realized very quickly, football is a passion of his. If I wanted to have anything to talk about on a Sunday afternoon, I needed to learn this sport.

  First downs were foreign to me but he was patient. After twenty years of football being a main part of our Sundays, I can carry on an intelligible conversation with my hubs and really anyone who understands the sport. Throughout this book, I read every football scene to him along with doing my own research, just to make sure I got it right. I even learned something new along the way. When making Iz a quarterback, I went to the hubs with height and weight.

  That was one readjustment I made after reading it to him.

  After writing Color Blind, it reaffirms what I’ve known all along—I freaking love this sport!

  Don’t worry, this is book one in the Fans of Football Series!

  There’s more to come!

  It Takes a Village!

  First and foremost, to the women who take the very rough draft of my words in the most raw form and treat it with the utmost care and respect. I can’t thank my beta readers enough! Nancy George, Megan Damrow, Megan Harris, Ann Marie Barajas, Melody Hillier, Auden Dar, Annette Brignac, and Michelle Clay. I could not do this without you!

  Auden, you are my person in this writing world! As always, you give me so much confidence and I’m honored to navigate this journey with you.

  Emma, you are my go-to alpha reader who started Justine’s story and have pushed me, having confidence in me that my writing could evolve! Thanks so much for believing in me.

  Erin Toland, who took all my semi-colons and commas in my very rough draft and helped me through this process. I won’t ever forget semi-colons are not confetti! I’ve enjoyed working with you and look forward to more hour long phone calls through the rough draft process.

  Thanks so much, Najla Qamber, you rock! You did it again! My cover is absolutely beautiful!

  Dani Rene’, your teasers for this book are gorgeous. I absolutely love your work!

  I want to thank Chelly Peeler for her dedication during the editing process. I adore working with you. She’s also the last person who gets my book for final formatting and deals with the craziest part of me (if you can imagine) and has been with me from the first book. Thanks for all you do for me.

  I can’t say enough about my proofreader, Julie Deaton. I consider it an honor to be able to work with you! Thank you for all you do for me!

  Annette—I can’t thank you enough for stepping in and running Leigh’s Lovable Arc Team. Not only have you taken this over, you’ve become my friend and I treasure you.

  Michelle—You’ve given me so much confidence in my writing! You are a true gem!

>   Megan D.— Thanks for coming in and helping in Succulent and Sassy Reads! You are a true joy for me and all the sassy readers!

  Thanks to my dear friend, Elizabeth, who listens to my stories over and over again as if she’s heard them for the first time, which she hasn’t! I treasure you!

  Dawn—Who knew after twenty-five plus years ago, we’d still be best friends after all this time. I’m so grateful for you!

  I can’t say enough to my Facebook group page; Succulent and Sassy Reads! You all are so awesome and I am humbled you follow me and encourage me to continue writing.

  Thanks so much to my wonderful beta readers and my incredible arc team and to everyone who read an advance copy and posted a review! You ladies are so valuable to me!

  I want to thank my readers because without you, this would not be possible!

  Of course, none of this would be a possibility without the Hubs and our little ones that call me mom! I love you more than I can express.

  Other Books by Leigh Lennon

  The Spokane Stand Alone Collection:

  Unfiltered (Justine and Nick’s Story)

  Unacquainted (Rose and Brody’s Story)

  Unwanted (Emma and Tyler’s Story)

  Unknown—coming soon (Ryan’s story)

  A Jake Davis Novella Series:

  The Holiday Package

  The Sweetest Package

  The Breathless Series: